Kappa Mikey:
Kappa Mikey:
Hit In The USA
"Just A Roundabout Way"
By Emerald
"Alright, we're here!" Grandma Racer yelled triumphantly, as if driving twenty miles was such an accomplishment. The cast quickly exited the car and breathed the fresh air; the inside of the T-bird had smelled of burnt lottery tickets and decaying skin.
"Thank God." Lily said as she dragged out her suitcase and carry-on, which were both impressively small for a female.
"Don't thank God; thank me!" Racer said, pointing at her wrinkled, smiling face. The group took a collective step back from the unsettling sight. Guano almost threw up.
"Uh, yeah sure. Goodbye now." Lily said, waving as fast as she could in the hopes that it would make their driver leave faster. All that did was hurt her wrist, unfortunately.
"Actually, I don't have anywhere to be for the next two hours, so I thought I'd escort you to your flight." Grandma said, and started to unlock her car door. Lily needed to think of a plan to get the old coot away from them, and fast.
"Oh, uh… you don't have time to follow us. You're… car is being stolen!" Lily lied through her teeth. The cast gave the anime heroine a quizzical glance.
"I'm in the car right now. I don't see anyone trying to bust in." she replied, turning around and looking at all of the doors just to make sure. Besides a random raccoon, the T-bird was clean. Lily jabbed Gonard in the chest, and the blue haired man jumped into action.
"I AM STEALING YOUR CAR!" Gonard yelled as he violently slammed into the door. Grandma Racer screamed bloody murder, and the race car took off.
"Hooray!" Mikey and Guano shouted in unison, and Lily laughed evilly. Gonard waved at the disappearing car as if nothing had happened. Mitsuki tried not to look as happy as the rest off them, though she was secretly delighted as well. That stray animal had been making inappropriate passes at her throughout the entire car ride.
"That wasn't very nice you guys. In Japan, you're supposed to respect your elders." Mitsuki said hypocritically. Mikey scoffed, but only because he was choking on an acorn that the raccoon had given him.
"Okay, it's time to get to our flight so let's pick up the pace." Guano said, limping across the parking lot with his walking stick. He collapsed after walking ten feet. "Please carry me."
--
"It's been awhile since I've been in this airport. Seems like I was just arrived in Japan yesterday." Mikey said as he gazed at the inside of the airport, Guano held in his arms like a baby.
"It seems like the longest three years of my life." Lily crossed her arms angrily. Indeed, three seasons had already gone by with the 'spazz' in the group. She hated to admit it, but the show had been getting better ratings ever since. Now the show was a hit in America, all thanks to that showboating Mikey Simon.
"You must be excited, huh Mikey?" Mitsuki asked from behind the stack of suitcases they had given her to carry.
"Yeah. Florida and all those other places will be nice, but I can't wait to go to Cleveland and see my parents again. I haven't talked to them in years!" Mikey said as he led the group towards the line for their flight. They had their tickets out and ready, and handed them to the employee monitoring the line.
"Okay, now before I let you come into America, I need to ask you a few questions." The American security guard said as he looked at their tickets and handed them back. "Are any of you now, or have been, Muslims?"
"Well, I never!" a random Shiite man said from the next line over, taking offense at the insult.
"Sorry, sorry. I meant Muslim extremists." The racist American said with a disarming smile.
"Damn straight." The indignant man bobbed his head and continued to move forward in the line. The security guard took out a walkie-talkie and flipped a switch.
"Suspected Muslim in sector 12. Take him out." The man whispered into the device.
"Screw off, you racist flea-bag." came the reply from the sniper on the other end.
"Damn it, Carl!" the guard said yelled. He quickly put away his communiqué, looked at the group in front of him, and laughed as if he hadn't said anything. When the LilyMu crew continued to look at him suspiciously, he grew nervous.
"Uh, you're all free to go along. Have a nice flight." He said as opened the gate to let them pass. The group continued their trek through to the airplane.
"Aren't American's nice? He didn't even make us answer any questions." The oblivious Mikey Simon said. Behind them, they could still hear the racist man arguing with Carl the sniper.
"Uh, yeah. Whatever you say." Mitsuki said as tension line crossed her face.
"Look, there's our flight!" Gonard said, pointing off to the right. The cast turned their heads to look.
"Uhmm, Gonard? That's the restroom." Guano sweat-dropped. He had healed enough to walk now, but he felt secure in Mikey's arms.
"And besides, we still haven't even gotten our bags checked in yet." Mitsuki replied, her arms about ready to give out from the strain. As if on queue, they reached the bag check lane. The blue haired woman dumped the luggage on the conveyor belt and wheezed loudly.
"Welcome to the bag-scanning checkpoint!" the same security guard from immediately before said. They all looked back at the ticket line they had just come from, and he was still there. When they turned around, the guard was in the bag check lane again. The American smiled innocently. "I was all-American in track and field during high school."
The X-ray machine scanned the bags, and the guard watched as the insides of the cases were disclosed. Mikey's bag was full of clothes and his own Kappa Mikey memorabilia, which he had brought to show his folks. The bag belonging to Gonard was next, and the inside was coated with so much ketchup, mustard, and cheese that even the machine could not see anything. Mitsuki's bag followed, and contained her clothes as well as Mr. Featherbottom.
"Oh my God, the purple kid's brother is stuffed in there!" The security guard yelled, to Guano's embarrassment.
"No, that one is just a stuffed animal." Mitsuki said as Guano flicked off the stupid American. The guard gave a sigh of relief, and then he started up the conveyer belt again. Lily's suitcase and carry-on bag were last. The suitcase was filled with clothes, beauty products, and semi-automatic weapons. The carry-on contained a rocket-launcher and assorted ammo.
"Are you sure you're not a Muslim?" the guard asked suspiciously. Lily growled in reply. "Okay then, everything seems to be in order here. Have a nice flight!"
"Thank you, my good sir." Mikey said as he saluted his fellow American. Lily picked up her carry-on/weapons of mass destruction, and the crew was off again, now with nothing to in the way of them reaching their flight. Guano's cell-phone started to ring, and he pulled it out of his pocket. It was Ozu.
"Guano, my son! Where are you?" he asked. Guano didn't understand the question.
"We're still in the airport, about to board our flight." The director replied as Mikey and Gonard snuck off to a bookstore store to look at dirty magazine covers.
"You mean you are not yet on the airplane? But it will be leaving in five minutes!" Ozu said in astonishment as the two boys were kicked out of the store for attempted theft.
"Ha ha, Ozu. I'm not going to fall for that joke again. You said yourself that the flight didn't leave for one hour." Guano replied confidently.
"No. That was a lie too. The flight was actually set to leave in fifty-five minutes." Ozu said, stifling his laughter. His son was about to reply when an intercom announcement shouted out the last boarding call for their flight.
"Ozu!" Guano shouted at his father. In reply, Ozu giggled like a school girl and hung up.
"Why is Ozu acting so weird today?" Mikey asked as Guano dropped his cell-phone in panic and ran around the airport looking for the docking bay. The dropped mobile phone rang once again, and the American answered it this time.
"I BLAME ALL THE CRACK-COCAINE!" Yes-man's voice blared from speaker with enough intensity to make Mikey go temporarily deaf in his right ear.
"How did he-?" Mitsuki began to ask, but she was cut off as Guano ran back to the group and began tugging on Gonard's shirt.
"We have to hurry!" their director huffed and puffed. "Our airplane is over there. Let's go!"
The LilyMu cast raced across the shiny linoleum floor, body-checking anyone in their way. A pair of security guards began to chase them, but Lily took care of them with a few bullets to the shoulders while the others weren't looking. Eventually, after having shot or immobilized half of the airport attendee's, they reached their flight.
"I'm sorry, but we don't allow animals on this flight." A female American flight attendant said as they tried to board their plane.
"But he's not an animal, he's a person!" Mitsuki pleaded. The airplane would leave any second.
"You animal loving hippies make me sick. 'He's not an animal, he's just a tiny person'!" the rude woman mocked. Before Guano could open his mouth and confirm what she had just said, the lady opened her mouth again. "That thing either needs to be put in a crate or hidden in your carry-on luggage."
"He's not going in my bag. All of my… hair drying equipment is in there!" Lily said, holding her carry-on of death behind her.
"But no one else has a small bag but you, Lily!" Mitsuki pleaded, but the evil blonde wouldn't have let Guano in her carrier even if it weren't full of instruments of destruction.
"Alright then; the plane is leaving. See ya." The flight attendant said as she walked through the door and closed it behind her. Guano screamed and began to beat against the door relentlessly until his fists turned purple. Which they already were.
"Hey, I have a carry-on too!" Gonard announced, reaching into his pocket. Everyone looked at him as if he were their savior. Their expressions changed when he held up a Lily-cube.
"You let me keep it as a memento of that botched episode, remember?" he continued, opening up the box. "C'mon, get in."
"There is no way in hell that I will ever get back in one of those containers ever again!" Guano berated the idea. The voice on the intercom came back on.
"The flight to America is now leaving. If you are still outside the airplane door and are arguing over whether or not to put your friend in a small plastic container, please stuff him in the thing already so we can all get on with our lives. Thank you." The voice concluded.
"Alright, alright! I'll get in!" Guano said, scared by the oddly specific pre-recorded message. He hopped into the cube and made himself as tiny as possible before Gonard slammed the lid shut on him.
"We've got him in our carry-on! Let us in!" Lily shouted, her voice penetrating the solid steel door. It opened three seconds later as the discourteous woman frowned at them. They ran passed her and into the plane, Lily stopping only for a second to tazer the bitch and throw her out the hatch.
"Yes! We made it!" the Mitsuki celebrated, and Guano could be heard crying tears of joy from within the Lily-cube. The captain's voice came on over the plane's intercom.
"Thank you for boarding the flight to lovely Canada, eh? We'll be sure and get'cha right where you wanna go." The pilot said cheerily, and he could be heard sipping cocoa.
"Noooo!" Guano shouted, breaking out of his container with super-human strength. His cell-phone rang once again, and he answered it as the rest of the group went to bust down the airplane door.
"Oh Guano. I almost forgot to mention something." Ozu said, "I lied again. Your flight was supposed to leave in one hour. And it was flight number 152, not 154."
"I'm going to kill you!" Guano roared as his father fell apart with laughter. The director slammed his cell-phone shut as the rest of the cast succeeded in ramming Gonard's head into the door until it fell down. "We've got to get out of here, now!"
The LilyMu crew followed their leader out the broken hatch, the plane taking off down the runway seconds after they stepped off. They raced across the building until they found flight 152, and quickly boarded it.
As they took their seats in the correct plane, they watched as the flight to Canada took off, and all of the people fell out the gaping whole in the side. The plane itself crashed twelve seconds later, sending up a fireball explosion.
"I'd like to say we've made the airport a happier place today." Gonard said innocently, and his cast mates nodded their heads in agreement.
--
Author Notes: Yeah boy; I told you it'd be on time! I actually wrote this chapter the same day as the first, but kept you all waiting just so you'd stay interested. And now, off to the discussion points.
Obviously, I was making fun of the racist American, not the Muslim. Don't send me angry letters; I respect all religions and peoples. Also, from this point on there will be a lot of jokes at America's expense. I've lived in the country all of my life, so I've earned the right to make fun of it, ha ha!
Long live America! Read and review!
