Chapter Two
Sam wasn't used to such a short skirt, although it was vaguely reminiscent of a few she'd owned that her father would never let her out of the house in as a teenager. So she figured if she could sneak out a window and climb down a tree in it, she could certainly sit at a bar in it. As soon as she talked herself into a relative level of comfort with the skirt, Diane peeled the cardigan half of her sweater set off, leaving Sam to find a new equilibrium with a short skirt and spaghetti straps.
As if the outfit hadn't done enough damage to her psyche, Diane brandished a bright red lipstick at her. Sam found the strength to refuse that because of her overwhelming desire not to look like she was a working girl. She explained her reasons to Diane, who surprisingly took the refusal well. Janet, on the other hand, was quite dismayed that she hadn't been able to talk her way out of the lipstick and suggested to Diane that Sam needed eyeliner. The fact that Sam was already wearing eyeliner, granted in a respectable brown and a reasonable quantity, didn't deter Diane from attacking Sam with black eyeliner and mascara which she applied excessively. When she was done, Sam's eyes felt heavy from the unfamiliar makeup. Janet was staring at her, seeming to file away the image, as thought it might somehow come up in casual conversation with Jack or Daniel or Teal'c or anyone, really, who took her seriously.
It was a very disgruntled Sam who trailed her friends to the car. Christopher was evidently quite pleased with the change in Sam and couldn't pull his eyes off her exposed legs. Sam glowered at him, sending him scrambling back to his own seat without even closing the door behind her. She was proud of herself for still being able to appear commanding despite her attire. She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face - she looked good and she was still in charge. Thankfully, Diane handed her a drink immediately, so the smile didn't even get a chance to fade.
By the time they got to their next stop, Sam had finished two drinks and was giggling right along with her friends. The length of the skirt wasn't bothering her either because she had decided that she worked hard for her figure and she might as well show it off for once. Besides, it wasn't like anyone else ever got to see it. She hadn't been joking when said she didn't have that many dates. She didn't bother because the only man she really wanted to date was absolutely off limits and when it came down to it, no one else could hold a candle to Jack.
Diane had made them reservations for dinner, which thankfully was at a restaurant where the price of the food was purposely obscured by extremely dim lighting. It was a bonus for Sam because while her get-up was marginally acceptable in a bar, it wasn't for anywhere else and the dim lighting helped hide the outfit and the overdone makeup.
They each had a drink during dinner, and at one point, Sam remembered something critical she'd learned during her days of partying until the wee hours with Diane. It was very important that she not be allowed near a telephone. She handed her cell to Janet. "Under no circumstances are you to give that back to me, ok?" Janet nodded, but Sam got the distinct impression Janet wouldn't even try to stop her. And Sam knew, based on previous experience, there was a very good chance she would decide, after several more martinis, that Jack needed to see her in ridiculously flirtatious ensemble and that it would be a great idea to call him and tell him as much.
Diane watched with a smile. "So who is it you don't want to call when you're drunk?"
"No one." Sam figured the less info Diane got, the better. Diane was an officer too and at times the Air Force could be an exceedingly small universe.
"But how can I stop you from calling him if I don't know his name?" Diane grinned. "Let me guess, if you call your boss in the middle of the night, you'll wake the wife and the kids, right?"
Sam sighed and picked at the plate of pasta meant to keep her from making herself sick. "Here's an idea. Don't let me call anyone when I'm drunk."
Diane agreed, but Sam knew that Diane would be drunk too and letting Sam call Jack would seem as brilliant an idea to Diane as calling Jack would seem to Sam. Within seconds, Sam was back to rethinking the whole premise - in the interest of keeping her job and the respect of her friends.
But then the very attractive business men across the room bought their desserts and a round of drinks for them and Sam couldn't help but feel the thrill of Diane's plan. The guys wanted to accompany them, but Diane's goal was to flirt with untold numbers of guys and so she insisted the guys stay behind. Sam agreed with her because one of them kind of looked like Jack and, if she squinted or had a few more drinks, she knew she would see the man she wanted to see.
They climbed in the limo more amused and less coordinated than they normally would have been. Christopher didn't seem to mind and took it upon himself to help them back in. Sam didn't appreciate where his hands wound up helping her, but she knew the alcohol was affecting her judgment and she realized he didn't mean any harm.
As soon as they were settled with another round of drinks and the limo was on the way to the club, Diane pulled a small bag out of her purse. "I have presents!" Diane fished in the bag and pulled out a small jar about the size of a film canister. "Oh, the first one is mine!"
For one nervous, sobering moment, Sam and Janet exchanged glances, fearing that Diane's gifts weren't exactly legal.
Diane held up the bright orange container. "Financial Security Potion." She turned it around in her hand and read the label. "For financial security in the form of a rich husband." Diane giggled and poured the powdered contents into her glass.
Sam and Janet exchanged another glance, wondering which was scarier - that Diane was drinking it or that she thought it might work.
Diane pulled out another jar, purple that time, and grinned. "This one's for you, Janet. It's Popularity Potion for the affection of many lovers."
Sam started to giggle. "I think your skirt already has that market cornered."
Janet giggled as Diane handed her the jar. She was inspecting the ingredient list while Diane brought out Sam's gift.
Diane waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "True Love Potion." Sam rolled her eyes. "No man will be able to resist you."
"Yeah, that's just what I need."
Diane kept reading. "Only your true love will be unaffected because he already loves you." Diane handed it to Sam. "You'll find out if it's really the married guy from the PTA after all."
Sam accepted it, but made no attempt to look at the red bottle. "You don't actually expect me to ingest this, do you?"
Janet dumped hers into her drink. "It's just sugar and food coloring, Sam. It can't hurt you."
"It can hurt my credibility."
Diane pointed out that by refusing it, Sam was hurting her own credibility by revealing her fear that it might really work. Reluctantly, Sam poured it into her drink, watching the clear liquid turn a bright red color.
"I'm only doing this to prove how stupid you both are acting." She took several sips of her drink. It didn't taste any different, but it made her friends smile, which in turn made her smile, which was the point, after all.
