Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, Kagome, or the messed up Kikyo. As much as I have tried to bribe with pocky.. they still belong to Rumiko Takahashi
Taking a shot at looking at his life events through Inuyasha's from severflame's "Longing" prompt.
Reviews welcome, please... flames not.
Character: Inyasha
Pairings: Inu/Kik- Inu/Kag
Rating: Mild T for language
Frozen Longing
I remember the good times. The walks down by the streams, the long evenings on the river. How we would sit on the bank and watch the sun kiss the hills as it went down. I remember how your hair shone black ebony in the dying light. You looked like an escaped goddess, banished to earth.
I remember our battles, fighting the demons who attacked your village. The slash and tear of flesh as my claws saw-asunder the mangy beast who dared to mar your skin. The satisfaction I felt in killing with a purpose was so different from the senseless bloodshed I had done in my pup days. I remember watching you, the holy fire flowing from your body into your arrows as they flew through the air, splitting your foes in two. The way your eyes lit up with a righteous anger that only those of your calling could feel.
I remember the night you fell into my arms. The feel of your body when it pressed to mine, your softness against my hard muscles. You blushed, bringing a sweet color to your usually pale cheeks. I couldn't help myself, and so I kissed you there on the dock, bathed in the sunset of gold. Our lips made promises with the press of them that our words dare not.
I remember the day I promised my life to you, renouncing the goal I had sought after for so long. I gave up the idea of being whole demon so that I could be a whole mortal with you. It felt right and I had no doubts about it. To show you I meant it, I gave you my mother's shell, a treasure I had held close to my heart for years. You understood what I meant and accepted me, imperfections and all. We made plans to meet. I couldn't sleep that night, anticipation rippling through my being.
I remember the love that swelled up in my heart, the day dreams that filled my mind. We would have a future together, a life filled with peace. No more fighting demons. With the jewel obliterated by the wish I was to make, they would no longer have a reason to search for it. For the first time in my wretched existence, I felt at peace.
I remember the smell of you as you hunted me down, the fury that coursed through my veins because of your betrayal. The cruel words you spoke that drove me into madness, making me break my own promise and claim the jewel as my own, not for the sake of becoming mortal, but to fulfill my original desire. The calls from the villagers filled the air, as did their weapons and nets. Finally, you came, the smell of your blood hitting my nose, turning my stomach over. Blood had never bugged me before. But the sight of yours, the heavy smell of it churned bile in my throat.
I remember the cold feel of the jewel as I clutched it in my hand, the feeling of pure evil radiating from the purple gem. I leaped from house to house, out distancing the men from your village who sought to capture me. It was easy with my half demon blood. I never meant to hurt anyone, it was not my intention to deliver damage to those you held dear. I loved you after all, even though you now hated me.
I remember the confusion I felt when you called out my name in anger, watching with stunned eyes as you let your cursed arrow fly through the air. Did you know I dropped the jewel on purpose, trying to get you to see I meant no harm? I don't think you could see the remorse in my eyes, the pain I felt as my heart shattered when your arrow pierced it. If you had, would things have turned out differently?
I still don't know. I guess I never will.
I remember the feel of your name as it crossed my lips before I fell into that cursed sleep. It tasted bittersweet, damning you and I to an eternity of hell. My eyes grew blurry and so I did not see you fall. I thought you walked away, satisfied with the job you had just completed. I was just another kill, a notch on your belt, wasn't I?
I remember the coldness that swam over my body, the loss of feeling in my limbs as death took me. How heavy my eyes had gotten. I couldn't keep them open, looking out at you through blurry sight. I think it was from my tears, although I would never own up to it. As the blackness claimed me, I cried silently.
I remember hearing the sounds of the passing times. The horrible screams of men, women and children who were killed by rampaging demons. The sobs of mourning families who buried their dead. But not your voice. No, never did your voice grace my place of slumber. I listened for it, sure you would at least come back to hurl curses at me. Instead, I heard the voice of your little sister, her voice deepening with age, growing old and crackly. It was comforting in some degrees, something familiar. Still, I longed for yours.
I remember the sound of a squeaky old toad, mumbling to himself about the great Lord Sesshomaru, and how a battle was being waged against the panther demons. I didn't even know there were panther demons. I thought myself a smart ass, a know it all. My world was infinitely small in reality. There was so much I had no clue about. I longed for simpler days.
I remember the night she came to me. I thought she was you when I first heard her voice, and then looked upon her lovely face. I told her as much, watching as the confusion in her brown eyes melted to anger. She stood up to me, like you never did. The tilt of her chin, her tiny hands fisted on her hips, she had your spirit. It's true, she is your incarnation. And yet, she is so different from you. Black and white, night and day. Heaven… and well, hell.
I remember laughing when she spelled out her name for me, thinking me a simpleton. I know I'm not the smarted guy by any means. But it didn't take me long to see she was no you. It hurt at first. I wanted to take all my anger out on her. I tried to kill her even. You would laugh at that, I'm sure. I guess it is kind of funny in some ways. And yet, I could never do the damage you have done to her. I misunderstood the ruthlessness you possessed. You knew who, what she is, and still tried your damnedest to murder her. Did you feel anything when you knocked her into that pit?
I remember the night I realized you were no longer you, not the woman I had loved, longer for all those years. It hit me hard, inflicting more pain than Sesshomaru's poisonous claws ever could. But I still tried to hang on to what we had, lying to myself. Trying to believe that you would be human once again, that your love for me would return. Do you know how long I searched for you after Naraku 'killed' you? Did you know I left Kagome to look for you? She was so hurt, enough that it almost killed her. But you would have liked that, wouldn't you? It's ironic. She saved you, bring you up out of the deadly water, at risk of her own life, because she couldn't bear to see you die, knowing how much it would hurt me. You never felt such feelings.
I remember the day you finally got to rest in peace. It had been a long road to travel. In the end, you did have something of your old spirit left in you, some emotion that resembled caring. And for that I can now thank you. I no longer long for your touch, or your voice. I have hers. I hope you know we are happy together. But in all our happiness, she still mentions your name, the look of compassionate pain filling those beautiful brown eyes. She carries a burden I do not understand, and probably never will. She longs to know you are alright, that you are at peace.
I long to see her smile without tears. So here I kneel before your grave, offering this bit of remembrance. I pray your days are filled, not with longing, or wondering what we could have had, but blessed with the knowledge that we did have something once upon a time, and that your memory will live on. I pray that you will let her go now, and finally be free.
