Dusk Before Dawn
By Lady Callista
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, much to my disappointment. Although if I did it's target audience might have been slightly different, as almost every story I've written over the past five years ends up with lemons in it. Any quotations used from the book are purely for reference, after all it's difficult to retell the story from another perspective without putting in the parts that are already in the book, and no copywrite infringement is intended. I also do not own any of the songs I've quoted.
AN: Thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter, I'm glad you like it.
Chapter 2: Waiting
15 hours, 56 min, 11 sec
As I landed lightly on the hood of Emmett's jeep, I chuckled, both at his objection to my choice of landing spots and at the question I heard Bella hesitantly ask Jasper.
"Don't tell her anything," Emmett called up to our brother, and I heard his amusement at the idea of Bella picturing me at a strip club.
I bounced on the hood of his car, laughing as I heard Jasper answer that we were only going hunting. I bounced down from the hood and climbed into the front seat as Jasper dropped beside me and got in behind me.
I wish I could read minds. I'd love to see what she'd think if I ordered him a stripper, or even if she just thought I did…
Emmett laughed suddenly as he pulled onto the road, and I turned to glare at him. "No, you should not order a stripper, and you are not going to tease Bella tomorrow by telling her that you did."
"It would be a test of your control through," Jasper said with a grin in his voice. "If you can deal with a naked girl crawling all over you…"
"There is only one girl I want crawling all over me," I said dryly, "And I'm not even sure about that. Plus I think your stripper might wonder why I was as cold and hard as the pole she normally dances around."
Not sure you want her, come on. Unless…
Emmett latched onto the part of my sentence that I'd feared he would the instant I let it slip. "What do you mean you're not sure?"
I sighed as we sped up the road towards our chosen hunting ground. So far I'd only had this discussion with Carlisle, but I had been meaning to ask my brothers about it, and I was almost out of time.
"She wants a real honeymoon," I replied. "Of all the human experiences she could want, she chooses the one most dangerous for her and most difficult for me."
"She wants…" Emmett choked on the sentence.
"It's how I got her to agree to the wedding, sort-of," I muttered, "We each finally found something we wouldn't compromise on." I briefly explained the arrangement.
I know your control is good, but I can feel your desire even when she's just standing clothed beside you…
I'm used to smelling her now, that's fine, but to be that close… To have those desires running though me…
They were both silent for a moment, although their thoughts were running down similar tracks. I waited to see who would ask the question first, and was unsurprised when it was Emmett.
"Can you do that without killing her?"
"She believes I can," I replied darkly. "In fact she trusts me completely."
"But she doesn't know. I mean, she can't know what it's like for us." Now it was Jasper who spoke. "She's never felt anything close to the fervor of the hunt, of drinking human blood, and sex is such a close second to that…especially when it's with someone you truly love. I can't imagine if Alice was human…."
Alice would be dead. I couldn't do it. How can he even think that…
"What does Alice say?" Emmett cut in.
"She says I will succeed, but she's really no help here," I said, annoyance coloring my voice. "I have no plan or desire to kill Bella, and every fiber of my being wants to succeed at giving her what she wants. So Alice sees me being successful. But if I loose control…"
Jasper cut me off. "She wouldn't see you killing Bella until the instant you lost control, and by then it would be too late."
I turned to glare at him.
"Sorry," He said at once. "I didn't mean I thought you would, but…"
But this isn't something Alice can be sure of. The future is colored by…
"You stopped yourself when you were drinking from her," Emmett offered. "If you could do that, you can do anything."
"I'm not worried about killing her, not precisely," I replied. "But she's so fragile. I'm worried about breaking something. Like her pelvis. Or her back."
"So put her on top," Jasper replied, and I looked back quickly enough to catch his grin even as I glared at him.
Need to lighten the mood. He's supposed to be having fun tonight. It's not like Emmett and I can help him with this, I wish I could, but I've never imagined…with a human…
"If I lose control, you know damn well it won't matter where she is." I hissed.
"You have better control than any of us, well, except Carlisle."
I turned back to Emmett as he spoke, hearing his unasked question. He didn't understand my level of worry.
If anyone can do this bro, you can.
"But I've never done this before," I hissed at him. "I can control myself through anger, frustration, jealousy, more emotions that I can name. But when I touch her… When she touches me… Well, it's the most intense thing I've ever felt. Both physically and emotionally. And I want more. Sex is supposed to be about losing control, and I can't."
"So forget the stripper," Emmett laughed, looking over at me as the jeep continued to race down the road, headlights off, at about 160mph. "We need to get you a hooker."
That probably isn't the best thing to say, I can't imagine anyone replacing Ali…oh, shit.
The flash of red-hot rage that seared through me was channeled into a growl, then suddenly washed away on a wave of calmness.
Emmett, you idiot. The last thing we need tonight is…
"Not now, Jazz," Emmett protested calmly. "You're killing all my fun."
"He'd be trying to kill you otherwise," Jasper replied as he placed a hand on my shoulder.
I simply sat perfectly still, waiting for Jasper to stop making me calm so that I could kill Emmett.
If you're worried about loosing control during sex that would be the perfect trial run, I mean, you'll feel bad if you kill the hooker, but then you'll know more what it's like, and you can keep Bella safe, and…
If it hadn't been for Jasper, Emmett would already be dead.
Emmett didn't understand why his comment had set me off, and he was obviously waiting for me to answer his unspoken question. When I only looked out the window, he spoke, directing his question back at Jasper. "What'd I say?"
"Well, he's the mind reader, but I think I know." Jasper said, his hand still cautiously remaining on my shoulder. He warned me with his thoughts to keep control, and then he stopped making us calm. "Remember your first few years with Rosalie, once you'd tamed your thirst. Think of how Alice and I were when we first came to you. Did you want sex? Or did you want her? How would you have reacted if Edward had said you should replace Rose with some nameless whore?"
I felt Emmett's rage explode for an instant before Jasper calmed him. And once calm, Emmett's thoughts moved remarkably fast, even for a vampire. "It's not the same," He said to Jasper even as I listened to all his reasons.
I was never a danger to Rose. There was no way I could hurt her. We were equal. She was strong enough to survive anything I could accidentally do. I didn't have to worry about hurting her. She didn't have…
"You're right, it's not," I replied quietly. "You were no danger to Rose. But I wouldn't be a danger to your random hooker either. Not really. It's not like I've never had an orgasm; I know I can maintain control through that." I left the fact that I'd been practicing unvoiced. "It's Bella. I don't want her blood anymore; thinking I'd lost her cured me of that. I don't want her as a vampire. I want her as a man. I want her more than I've ever wanted anything. But I'm not a man, and I could kill her by accident, in less than a second."
Alice wouldn't see it if it was an accident…
I don't know how he can even consider this…
If he truly doesn't want her blood anymore, it might be possible to…
I remember someone smelling like that to me, I don't see how he can control…
Alice will be devastated if she loses her newest sister…
But he loves her. Like I love Rose. I would do anything possible to not hurt Rose…
Neither of them had anything to say to that, although both were thinking furiously. Less than a minute later, as Emmett pulled off the main road to hide the jeep before we went hunting, they were both down to no helpful suggestions and the same question.
How did you get yourself into this mess?
I answered it as we got out of the jeep, before either of them could ask me. "If either of your ladies asked you for something, saying that it was the only thing they wanted, and they wanted it so much, and if in return you got something you really wanted; could you refuse?"
Neither of them had to think about it.
"No." Emmett said at once.
"Not even if I didn't get anything in return." Jasper replied on top of him.
And on that note, we stared at each other for a long second, and then, as one, my brothers and I turned and vanished into the woods.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
2 hours, 1 min, 41 sec
We arrived home at almost exactly 2pm. Plenty of time for us to get ready, and late enough that hopefully we wouldn't get pulled into more decorating jobs.
As Emmett parked the jeep in the garage, I noticed an envelope on the hood of my Volvo and sighed. I was unsurprised to find a letter from Alice.
'Please try to stay out of my mind today. Rosalie's as well. It's hard to do her hair, make-up and dress without thinking about them. Her parents will also see her before you do, so once they go upstairs stay out of their minds as well. I know it's not easy to block us out, but please try. We've made it this long without the bad luck of you seeing her in her dress before the wedding; let's see if we can make it the entire way. You should have enough time to help Esme finish the backyard before you need to change. Love you all.'
I sighed. More decorating.
I could almost wish Alice hadn't taken our wedding over, although for the most part I was grateful she had. Although marriage was all I really wanted, and I'd been telling the truth that the drive-through window in Vegas was okay, Alice was correct that I wanted a traditional wedding. I just didn't want to push Bella that far out of her comfort zone.
I wanted to watch her blush as she walked down the aisle towards me. I wanted to see the happy tears that would overcome her, as they did every bride. I wanted to kiss her in front of all her friends and our families after we'd pledged to love each other for as long as we both would live. I wanted to be able to smirk that over a dozen people present would understand what that really meant. And I wanted to dance with her, and see her father's face as he gave her into my care. I wanted to feed her a piece of the insanely complex layer cake Alice has ordered, and I wanted to see which of her friends caught her bouquet.
Normally the wedding was supposed to be all about the bride. What she wanted. How she wanted her fairy tale to play out. But this one was really all about me, although only eight of us knew that.
It was also about Alice not pouting for the next decade, and about the lovely friendship Esme and Renee had developed as they planned the wedding. It was about giving Charlie the opportunity for Bella to see his face as he prepared to give her away, because he could never find the words to tell her of his love. It was about Carlisle and Esme seeing the son they'd worried over for decades finally joined with the love of his existence. It was about my brothers and sisters, acknowledging as they stood witness that they accepted Bella into our family and all too soon into our way of existence. It was about Billy Black, who had added on his RSVP that he was bringing Seth Clearwater with him. It was about acknowledging that both sides knew the treaty would be broken soon, yet for the only time in all our long memories neither side really wished to fight. It was about being able to overcome all of Bella's objections because nothing mattered to her more than I did.
But mostly it was about me.
This was what I wanted, more than anything besides Bella herself, and the miracle of compromise had allowed it to happen. The miracle of Bella loving someone like me was the only thing more incredible.
As we headed into the house, I heard Rose upstairs, obviously telling Bella that I was back. I refrained from picking up either of my sister's thoughts by concentrating on my brothers instead.
Wow, wonder what this smells like to humans…
Alice goes so crazy, I wonder if Bella's really ready for this…
Did Rose really just offer to help? To do her hair…
Rosalie's outloud comment that I feared Alice too much to annoy her today made me chuckle. Although it would be difficult to block Alice and Rose for the next two hours, Alice's note, with the phrase 'bad luck,' was fresh in my mind. Bella attracted enough danger as it was, we didn't want to add bad luck to all of that.
"Backyard." I said to Emmett and Jasper as they turned to head up the stairs. I waved Alice's note at them. "More decorating."
Of all the…
I can't wait till Edward has been with her long enough to not want things like this…
I just wanted to spend the afternoon with Rose…
Although I can understand wanting the experience…
It's not like Bella will notice the decorations anyway. She'll only see Edward…
All he'll be looking at is her…
They both moaned and followed me into the backyard.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
8 min, 32 sec
Esme's first reaction when I walked down the stairs and into the living room was to hug me. She told me in a human conversational tone how much she loved me, and how handsome I looked. Her second reaction was to pretend to straighten my bowtie, which we both knew was perfect.
I can't believe you're finally getting married. I've waited so long for you to have this, to have what the rest of us have.
But our guests were already here, so she was acting like a nervous mother. And it wasn't entirely an act. Emotionally, she was my mother. She'd spent decades worrying about me, loving me, being there for me.
I used the time she spent fiddling with my tie to glance subtly around the room.
He doesn't look nervous at all. I've never seen him look happier.
Carlisle, putting on the show of the proud father, which like with Esme wasn't too far from the truth, came up behind me to wrap an arm around my shoulder.
"It's almost time," He said unnecessarily, as if I didn't know it was exactly seven minutes before four o'clock.
All of the guests were here; I reviewed my scan of the room as I told Esme how beautiful the decorations looked.
Most of the humans already sat in their chairs, although some stood together, and all were talking quietly amongst themselves. Tanya and her family sat inconspicuously in the back row, having been introduced to the few people brave enough to ask as old friends of my family. Charlie and Mr. Webber, the minister, stood talking under Alice's floral arch, as they'd been doing since they got here. Rosalie sat at the piano, playing human by pretending to study music she could have played blindfolded. Emmett hovered over her. Jasper stood next to Bella's stepfather, Phil, discussing major-league baseball stats. He was careful to casually avoid the male-bonding slaps and high-fives Phil tried to send his way. Renee had skipped upstairs the moment she'd entered the house. And Esme and Carlisle stood with me at the foot of the stairs.
Everyone, with one exception that I knew was painful to Bella, that we loved was here. And they were all here for us.
Even as I wondered how to get through the next few minutes, my head turned as Alice mentally yelled my name.
Edward. Her mind was carefully blank. It's showtime.
I smiled, nodded to my parents, and headed over to Charlie. "Would you mind seeing if my bride is ready?" I asked in a careful, human tone.
He glanced at his watch, surprised that it was time already. His thoughts, already clouded to me as they always here, hitched at the word 'bride,' just as they had every time I'd called Bella my fiancée in his presence. But it wasn't personal.
At least not much.
He just wasn't ready to give his baby girl away.
Still he nodded to me, almost politely, and walked quietly towards the stairs. I stayed out of his mind as he headed up, just as I'd stayed out of Renee's mind even since she'd headed upstairs. Although it was difficult to stay out of their minds when I could hear every word being spoken.
Are we ready to start this insanity?
Emmett moved towards us quietly as I resumed my place with Esme and Carlisle at the foot of the stairs. I glared at him slightly, but he only started laughing. I nodded to Jasper, and he effortlessly paused the conversation between him and Phil, directing Bella's step-father towards his seat in the front row.
Renee joined our group at the foot of the stairs, her body immediately turning towards me. "You take care of my girl," She said, even as her eyes took in my appearance appreciatively. I really wanted to know what she was thinking, but managed to keep myself out of her head.
"Yes, ma'am." I gave her a beaming smile, wishing that I could give in to my instincts to kiss her hand. Yet we'd been very careful over the past few days to not let Bella's mother touch us unless absolutely necessary, and I wanted to keep with the illusion that my family was normal. She didn't suspect anything yet.
Yet finally I could not resist, and I leaned in to kiss Renee very lightly on the cheek, knowing if she noticed in that brief instant that I was colder than normal she would just think I was nervous. "Do you object if I call you mom?'
She was still staring into my eyes, unable to answer me, and now I doubly wished I could read her thoughts. I knew they wouldn't be lustful as most women's were; Bella's mother had never had a single improper thought about me as far as I knew. Although she considered me very attractive, I was Bella's, and in her mind that was all that mattered. Yet if it wasn't that, what was she thinking? She had on an expression very similar to Bella's whenever she said she was dazzled by me. I was about to try to peak into her mind when Carlisle touched my elbow. I nodded to him, and the two of us moved to the front of the room, to stand with Mr. Webber.
Rosalie started playing Pachelbel's Cannon, and all the guests quickly stopped talking and took their seats. I almost chuckled as my ears picked up Charlie's voice from upstairs, wondering if Bella looked a little sick.
I watched Emmett escort Esme to her seat in my front row and sit beside her; I smiled at both of them. Jasper came next with Renee on his arm, he'd been careful that only her fingertips rested on his suit-covered arm, lessening her contact with something she couldn't be expected to understand. He seated her in Bella's front row before sitting on Esme's available side and taking her hand in his.
"Focus, Bella. Edward is waiting for you down there." Alice's voice drifted down the stairs, quietly enough that only the immortals would hear. All of us grinned slightly at hearing Alice reassuring Bella.
Rosalie shifted into an arrangement of Wagner's Wedding March that would have given a concert pianist difficulty, and I scowled at her trying to steal the spotlight. Yet all my thoughts froze as I heard Bella speak upstairs, speaking my name as if it was the only thing keeping her from trying to jump out the window and run away. Her heart-beat was so rapid I feared she was about to pass out.
"Don't let me fall, dad." Bella's voice was a whisper. I saw Emmett chuckle as he heard her.
I chuckled slightly myself as Alice started down the stairs, and glanced at Carlisle, who had heard Bella's plea to her father as clearly as I had.
It would be like her to trip going down the stairs.
I glared at my father even as I glanced towards Alice, who was busily translating Elizabeth Barrett Browning's 'How Do I Love Thee" into Portuguese as she walked down the aisle.
A tiny smile playing over her face, she quickly shook her head. She hadn't seen Bella falling. I carefully kept my eyes on Alice as I heard Bella and her father heading down the stairs. I listened to the poem she was reciting.
'I shall but love thee better after death.' I spoke the last line with her, too low and fast for the minister to hear, but knowing my entire family did. Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder, and Alice quickly placed a kiss on my cheek before going to stand in her spot. She'd timed it perfectly so that Bella hit the bottom of the stairs at the instant she kissed me, and I looked towards the love of my existence.
I'd known she wouldn't look up until she cleared the treacherous stairs, and wanted to see her in the same instant that she saw me. I wanted her to see herself in my eyes as I finally beheld her in her wedding gown. The dress that thanks to my control and Alice's scheming I had not seen before this instant.
I slowly breathed in the scent of her as it flowed up the aisle, and positioned my eyes on her face.
TBC…
