Hey, here I am, back with another oneshot!

So, first of all, thanks to my first reviewer. It was a guest review, but it's better than no review at all!

Anyway, in response to this mysterious guest reviewer: In all honesty, I was kind of imagining it happening when they're in central, sometime after they find out about Hughes's death, but before Winry goes back to Rush Valley. But then again, I think he also had his own room at that point, but... well, I guess I shouldn't dwell on that too much, because then it wouldn't work, and then I really couldn't have written it... Lol let's just say it could have happened.

Anyway, this next fic was also too good to pass up, though maybe this is something that is unlikely to happen as well. I mean, I'm not sure how old you have to be in Amestsris to legally drink alcohol, but the idea of a drunk Ed was just too hilarious.

Anyway, here's my next piece:


Ling supposed that he should not have let his friend consume that much alcohol, but there was something very amusing about watching Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, getting totally and utterly wasted.

It was an attempt to appease Ed, who was still pretty pissed about the hefty room service bill. Of course, this was also a part of the room service bill—but Ed didn't need to know that right now. Granted, he should have realized that things could have gotten like this, and if his head were clearer, he would have probably done something about it—but Ling was pretty plastered himself, and was currently laughing his ass off as he watched Ed doing a rather hilarious, mocking, and very much drunken impression of Colonel Roy Mustang.

"Hurr hurr hurr! Look at me, I'm the Flame Alchemist, and I think I'm sooo awesome!" Ed was saying, slurring his words more than just a little bit. "But I'm really totally useless most of the time. I'm Colonel-Fucking-Useless!"

Ling snickered, taking another swig as he watched Ed waving around a matchstick while continuing to make fun of Roy, calling him things like "a fucking wet matchstick" and what not. At some point, he must have accidentally lit it, because Ed felt it burn his skin, causing him to let out a yelp of pain and send himself crashing down onto the coffee table, which, of course, led to a full minute of slurred expletives while he attempted to get up.

"Well, that's what you get for playing with fire," Ling chortled, barely able to breathe at this point, he was laughing so hard. "Hasn't anyone told you that little boys shouldn't be doing that?"

"Who the fuck are you calling little?" Ed demanded, his temper flaring up as it always did when someone brought up his height, or rather, lack of it. He staggered drunkenly towards Ling, intending to give the so-called prince of Xing a piece of his mind. "I'll show you little, you thin-eyed jackass!"

But before he could do so, Ed tripped and fell on something, landing flat on his face, something Ling found even more amusing. His guffaws made Ed's head snap up in response, and the Fullmetal Alchemist gave Ling his world-famous death glare.

"S'not funny!" he insisted, pissed in more ways than one. He shook his fist at Ling, saying, "Just you wait! One of these days, I'll make myself… not short! Then you won't be able to call me short anymore!"

"How're you gonna do that?"

"S'called alchemy, dumbass!"

"All the alchemy in the world couldn't make you any taller." Ling picked up the bottle, about to take yet another gulp.

"Take that back! Take it back and shove it up your—HEY! Don't drink all of it! Save me some!" Ed lurched forward, attempting to snatch the bottle from Ling, but Ling just held it away from him, refusing to give it up.

"I'm not done," he said. "And anyway, you don't need any more. You're drunker than I am." Even with his clouded judgment, it was clear that statement was true. Out of all of Ed's talents (which included the ability to fly off the handle faster than anyone Ling had ever met), it was blatantly obvious that holding his liquor simply wasn't one of them.

As he finished the last of the bottle, Ed huffed and folded his arms. "Bastard," he muttered.

"There is more over there." As a matter of fact, there were two full bottles still left. Ed turned around and, upon seeing the two remaining bottles, practically flew over there, opened up one of them and started guzzling its contents.

This time it was Ling who tried to snatch it away, but Ed held it closer to him, looking rather possessive of the bottle. "Mine!" he growled.

"You're mean," Ling whined, but took the second bottle anyway. "You're such a meanie."

"You were the one who didn't wanna share." Ed stuck his tongue out at the Xingese prince, who, in turn, replied, "S'not my fault you can't hold your liquor."

Things only got worse as the night progressed. It was clear that, under the influence of alcohol, Ed had lost all sense of dexterity, as he fell several more times after that—but then again, it might've also been because he was far too shitfaced to really see straight. He was also, of course, the first to pass out from all that alcohol, not even getting halfway through the bottle before he was out like a light. Ling followed soon after, though not before reveling in the fact that he didn't have to share anymore. He really wanted to do something to Ed while he was unconscious—like draw on his face, perhaps—but before he could really come up with something, he passed out as well, succumbing to the liquor several mouthfuls short of finishing off the rest of the alcohol.


Alphonse had just gotten back to the hotel room that he and his brother had been staying at when it happened.

Al had, just as he had done often after losing his human body and gaining a body that didn't need to eat or rest, gone on a nightly adventure for the sake of amusing himself. He had explored the surrounding area, thinking about anything and everything in order to prevent his mind from going numb with boredom. At one point, he had come across a cat lurking outside its house, and spent a good while petting and playing with the little kitty. He would have taken it with him if he could, but the cat had an owner already, as it turned out, judging by the little tag on its collar.

Anyway, he hadn't expected to come back to what he was coming back to right now, although perhaps he should have expected it, especially considering the way his brother tended to be. So he continued to the hotel room, stopping in his tracks when he heard his brother's voice, so loud that Al could swear it caused an earthquake.

"LING YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

After a moment, Ling's voice replied, "Ugghh, did you have to wake me up? I was sleeping."

"YEAH, AT MY EXPENSE! HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE TO MOOCH OFF OF ME?! IF YOU'RE SOME FUCKING PRINCE LIKE YOU SAY YOU ARE, THEN DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DAMN MONEY?!"

"Wait… is this about the alcohol from last night?"

"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT IS!"

"Do you have to yell so loud? I have a headache."

"WELL, I DO TOO, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP! I COULD MAKE YOURS A HELL OF A LOT WORSE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!"

At that point, Al had enough of listening. He backed away from the door slowly, eying the door as if it were a bomb ready to go off at any second. Which was, in all honesty, fairly accurate. He still wasn't entirely sure what had incurred his brother's wrath this time, but he was sure he didn't want anything to do with it, especially considering the mood that Ed was obviously in. He turned and left, deciding to come later, hoping that his brother would be in a better mood by then.


... I actually made the parts where Ed is yelling three font sizes bigger in addition to putting them in all caps. Too bad it doesn't stay that way for the site...

Anyway, review! Please?