Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy or it's characters only the slightly insane Finnish OC and a few other random characters that pop up. Sons of Anarchy was created by the amazing Kurt Sutter therefore I make no money of this piece of writing that sprouted forth from the depths of my depraved mind.

Didn't make it into the actual story but takes place just after Chap 13 Race Day Wins and Losses. Enjoy, more or less an insight into Taru and why she can't bare horses being put down. Taken from Chibs' P.O.V as he tries his best to comfort her.


The Aftermath

=Chibs' P.O.V=

I pulled up to a halt outside Taru's house before sliding off my Harley and quickly unbuckled my helmet, the Finn had failed to answer any of my calls which had worried me and by the sounds of it she was upset; her music up loud, curtains pulled across, the dull light of the TV penetrating the odd crack in the curtains to spill out casting light across the dark exterior of the modest 3 bedroom brick and tile house.

What the hell's upset her now? I furrowed my brow leaving my helmet on the edge of my handlebars and headed to the window, I knelt slightly trying to peer through the crack in the curtain, the house was dark, Taru was settled on the couch, Xbox controller in her hands, tear stained face watching the screen intently before she grabbed the bottle of Jack from the coffee table and took a large gulp. Jesus fucking Christ Taru, what happened to you? I straightened up and knocked on the door hoping she would hear me over her music.

I took her in silently as she opened the door. "What?" She brushed back a few loose strands of hair and moved back from the doorway allowing me to step through.

"What 'appened?"

She looked up wide eyed before shaking her head. "Just a shitty day at the track" She murmured shutting the door and slid the three locks into place like she always did, she's always said it was a safety thing, something she'd always had since she'd lived in a shitty area as a teen.

I kicked my boots off nudging them to one side before pulling her into a hug which she gladly accepted. "Want ta tell me what 'appened?"

She pulled away silently before collapsing on the couch with a heavy sigh. "It's been one big shitty fucking afternoon," She stated taking a long drink from the glass bottle before placing it back on the table. "We lost one of the horses at the track," A haunting fear entered her eyes as her body stilled before she shook her head. "His hoof got caught in the starting gates"

"'ow'd that 'appen?" I asked sitting down next to her, the music playing through the speakers I'd come to know was her favorite band, H.I.M.

"He reared up and wouldn't go in," She looked to the controller clutched in her hands. "They tried to force him into his box but he wouldn't go," Tears slowly traced the paths of the previous set of tears. "He freaked out and got his hoof caught and once his hoof got caught it all went downhill, he was thrashing about making it worse and eventually his cannonbone just shattered" She exhaled slowly, tears slowly sliding down her cheeks, knuckles white from gripping the controller, I could see behind her liquid silver eyes she was struggling to cope with what had happened.

"It'll be alrigh' love"

"No it won't" She snapped lightly. "It'll never be alright, Butch was a god damn good racer, he would have made an amazing sport horse once he'd retired" She spat, hands shaking as she reached for the bottle again.

What the hell am I missing? It's not like… oh… "Taru…"

She looked up, pain in her eyes as she placed the empty bottle down. "What?"

"There's more to it than just Butch isn't there?"

Her jaw clenched as she tensed up. "It scares me" She confessed.

I almost missed what she said as she spoke, her voice sounded so soft, so vulnerable, almost inaudible as she whispered her words. "Darlin' it shouldn't scare ya, death is a natural part of life, ya know that"

"I know I know that, it just scares the shit out of me that one day I might have to do it to one of my horses, that one day I'll have to make that choice for Duke, he's sure as hell not getting any younger," I shifted closer before pulling her against me, she gratefully curled into me, body shuddering as she cried. "It gives me fucking nightmares for days Filip, I hate watching a horse be euthanized…" She trailed off giving a shudder before another set of tears rolled down her cheeks soaking the front of my shirt.

"It'll be alrigh' lass, Duke's a strong horse, 'e's not goin' anywhere just yet"

She shuddered lightly tracing the patches on my Cut. "I just don't know what I'd do kulta, those three horses of mine are part of my lifeline," She struggled to put a voice to her words. "Duke has been with me since I was a kid, he's been everywhere with me, Dev might have been a right shit head to begin with but he helped me through one of the worst times of my life and Jess, Jess is one of the cruizest mares I've ever worked with, she takes everything in a stride and puts her all into too," She let out a strangled sigh. "If I ever lost one of them it would be like part of myself dying, I don't know if I'd recover from it"

I stroked her hair gently trying to comfort her the best I could. I knew what it was like to have an animal that close to your heart, I'd had my own dog, black and white Border Collie that had been the smartest bitch in the world until she'd contracted rabies from tainted meat. "I used ta own a collie," I suddenly felt stupid blurting it out like I had but I'd just wanted her to know I'd gone through the same shit she had years before. "Black and white, the smartest little bitch on four legs this side of the emerald isle. Used ta accompany me everywhere"

Taru pulled back and glanced up drying her eyes roughly with the heel of her hand. "I really don't like where this is going," She murmured softly. "What happened to her?"

"She got rabies from bad meat" I explained, anger and pain racing through my veins. Fucking Jimmy O, god damn Irish McPrick.

The look in her eyes broke my heart; she was nearly in tears again. Shit! I shouldn't have mentioned Blaine to her. "I'm sorry love I shouldn't 'ave mentioned Blaine, I didn't know it was goin' ta send ya inta tears again," I circled my arms around her pulling her into a tight hug. "I just wanted ya ta know I've been through all this before, I know it ain't easy when it comes ta a pet that's become family ta ya"

She pulled back and shook her head. "It's alright" She blinked slightly before curling back up against me, her body slumping, she was tired from the day and it was slowly beginning to show.

"Get some sleep love, ya look like need it" I looked down when she didn't respond to find her already asleep against my chest, fingers clutched around the edge of my Cut, raw bloodshot eyes safely tucked away behind her pale reddened eyelids. I sighed softly curling my arm around her shoulder's and pulled her closer before shutting my own eyes. This is getting ridiculous, I need to make a choice and soon before I drive myself insane.


As I was writing this I could seriously see Chibs owning a dog and Jimmy O doing something to it before he fucked him over. As for the dog being a Border Collie, it seemed like the type of dog to fit him.