Internal Darkness
Chapter Two
Warnings: Mentions of Self Harm, Abuse, Alcohol Abuse
It has been two weeks since the night when the mayor found her usually cocky sheriff girlfriend laying in the foyer, covered in blood and looking broken beyond repair. She still does not know what had happened. She just could not bring herself to ask Emma in case it destroyed her further. Regina noticed the change in the blonde's behaviour; she had started to drink heavily, skip meals, slack on her duties, and reject any social invitations. The brunette's concerns grew for her girlfriend, and she had absolutely no idea what to do for the best. She cooked one of Emma's favourite meals in the attempt of enticing her to at least try and eat something. As she laid the table, the blonde came into the dining room and leaned against the doorway. Regina cast her eyes up at hearing Emma's voice. Her heart sank to the very bottom of her stomach as she saw the state her Emma was in. Her golden hair was a mass of knots and tangles and more brown than golden yellow, her cheeks were a deathly shade of white, and she noticed that her usual choice of tank tops had been replaced by long sleeved shirts which made Regina's mind go into overdrive.
"What's for dinner?" Emma asked faintly as she toyed with the bottoms of her sleeves and shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
"I've cooked some home made chilli and cheese burgers. I know how much you like them." Regina smiled softly in the hopes that the younger woman would find tonight's dinner choice more appealing.
Emma grinned and entered the room taking her place at the dining table, "Well you do make the best burgers around, just don't tell Granny I said that"
Regina was just so glad to have Emma sitting at the table willingly. She had grown to dislike meal times as she would have to spend hours trying to get the stubborn blonde to even sit at the table, let alone eat anything. She was concerned, and she knew that she had to do something. The brunette hurried back into the kitchen, gathered some sauces and relishes along with the burgers and buns, and laid them all out on the table.
Emma licked her dry lips and reached for a burger, placing it in a bun and adding burger sauce and extra cheese. She took a slow, tentative bite, and when she was sure she was not going to vomit the food back up, she practically stuffed the rest of the burger in her mouth and swallowed thickly. Regina would have usually chastised the blonde for such poor dinner manners, but she did not care. She smiled warmly at the blonde,
"Would you like another burger, Emma?"
Emma paused to think for a moment before nodding. Her eyes glazed over as she made eye contact with the brunette seeking permission to take another burger. Regina looked confused for a split moment. Emma had never stopped to ask permission especially after being offered one but she thought back to everything that had happened over the last two weeks and she put two and two together. Emma was back in that place she was in as a child and teenager. Regina reached forward and gently took hold of a shaking pale hand,
"Emma, it's okay. You can have however many you like. The only thing I ask is that you eat this one a little slower than you did the last. I would hate for you to get an upset stomach."
The mayor smiled softly as a faint smile ghosted across Emma's lips and the blonde nodded her agreement to Regina's question before getting herself another burger and taking a slower and more manageable bite. She savoured every mouthful. Regina really did make the best chilli and cheese burgers around.
When they both had enough, Emma helped her girlfriend clear away the plates and helped to do the dishes. She washed and Regina dried. She needed to do something to distract herself and to help out. Emma knew that she needed to get her act together. She was not blind. She could see what she was doing to Regina and she knew that the brunette was sleeping in fear of not being there for her if she had yet another nightmare. The sheriff has not been to the station since the night she went out with Ruby and Belle, and she knew that she needed to sort someone to temporarily replace her, and Regina would have to approve of the new Deputy. When they were done with the dishes, she planned on having a conversation with Regina to try and work a few things out, together.
Emma checked that all the dishes were washed, dried, and put away before getting a drink and following the brunette back into the lounge where a comforting fire was happily burning away. It made the blonde feel warm, safe, and at home. She sat on the sofa carefully and turned side ways on so she could face the mayor,
"Regina, we need to talk..."
Regina's heart started thumping along in her chest. Was this where Emma was going to tell her everything that's happened, or was it the end of their relationship, or...? The former Queen told her inner self to shut up as she turned her full attention to the blonde. She cleared her throat and placed her glass down on a coaster,
"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"
Emma nervously chewed her bottom lip she tried to think of the best way to say what was on her mind. Tact was never a strong point, so she just threw caution to the wind and inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly,
"I'm not sure when I can go back to work, so we need to get a Deputy in place to cover me. We can't really have a town and no sheriff."
Regina nodded and played with her fingers nervously,
"Okay. Do you have anyone in mind?"
"I was thinking maybe Ruby or Belle? I trust them both completely. They are both reliable and sensitive, and the townsfolk love them. Oh, and they're active in the community. What's not to love?"
Regina quirked her brow up in surprise. She had expected David, Mary Margaret, Graham or even the dwarves, she was not prepared to hear Ruby and Belle. She could see Emma's logic; the community did love them both, but one thing played on Regina's mind,
"How experienced are they in fighting crime and protecting the people of Storybrooke?"
Emma raised a brow pointedly at Regina,
"Seriously? How experienced was I when the town selected me as their sheriff? You learn along the way on these kinds of things. A lot of common sense and knowledge helps get you by, which I'm sure Belle will provide."
Regina's lips turned upwards at Emma's remark. She knew better than anybody that if it involved common sense and knowledge, then Belle was the best person in town to look for and ask, not some wolf who tied her boyfriend up to a tree thinking he was the wolf and then killing him. The brunette considered her options, but ultimately she knew that Emma was right and nodded softly,
"Someone does have to take over until you're feeling up to the job again. How come you have not mentioned your Father?"
Emma screwed up her nose and shook her head,
"David won't want to step in. He is too wrapped up in Mary Margaret since Neal was born. I know he's stepped in once before, but truth be told, I would rather leave work life and personal life separate where they are concerned."
Regina nodded in agreement. So that was that, Storybrooke's new Sheriff and Deputy now came in the form of Belle French and Ruby Lucas. The mayor played out the image in her mind a few times. She did not really like the idea of Ruby being the one to respond to crimes, but at least she would be under the watchful eye of Belle. She reached forward for her glass and raised it to her lips, allowing the warm liquid to flow down her throat.
Emma decided that was enough for tonight and reached for her glass and drained the rest of the liquid, then going in search for something stronger. When she re-entered the lounge empty handed, she glanced quickly at the clock above the mantle piece, and realised that it was actually a lot earlier than she had first thought. The sheriff rushed back out of the room and up the stairs in a blur of blonde hair and denim. Regina placed her glass down once again and made her way up the stairs and into the master bedroom seeing Emma getting all dressed up.
"Where are you going?"
"I need to get out. I'm going to go to the Rabbit Hole."
Emma quickly dragged a brush through her mane of hair whilst Regina stood in the middle of the bedroom, wide eyed and slack jawed,
"You are NOT going there! Not after what happened two weeks ago, Emma...! I don't even know what happened to you, but I never want to see you that fragile and vulnerable again. It was heartbreaking."
Emma stopped what she was doing and slowly turned her head towards Regina. There were a lot of things she was described as but "fragile" was one that she did not like. She was not some doll that would crack under so much pressure. Emma slammed down her hairbrush and applied some make up then headed towards the door,
"I am going to go out and try and unwind. I can't just sit inside day in day out, Regina. It's turning me crazy. I cannot avoid places because I have had a bad experience. That's part of life. You can come with me if you so wish but just let me have some fun."
Regina's eyes looked as though they were going to bulge out of her head and that vein on her forehead sure as hell looked like it may pop any second.
"All I want to do is to keep you safe and protect you from any more harm, Emma. I cannot bare the thought of someone hurting you. I know what you are saying about needing to face people and not avoid a certain place, but..."
Emma lifted her hand swiftly to silence Regina's ramblings. She did not need this, especially not now. She walked back over towards her brunette lover, feeling guilty for snapping at her. She placed a gentle soft peck on her lips before smiling gently at her,
"I know you are trying to protect me, Regina, but I am an adult. I can take care of myself and if I get hurt then that is my problem. I have dealt with worse when I was a child. I'm sure I can manage this. I am just going to go out for a few drinks and unwind, okay?"
The mayor considered Emma's words. Emma was an adult, and she was starting to suffocate her. She did not want to turn into one of those crazy, overprotective partners who stop their better halves from having fun, all for the sake of a possibility of something going wrong. They would never live. She knew that she would have to let Emma go, regardless of her better judgement.
"Okay. Go. Have some fun, but please, Emma, be safe. I love you so much, and if you need me you call, yeah?"
Emma's eyes glistened as she nodded and placed another loving kiss upon full plump lips. She was so lucky to have somebody as considerate and loving as Regina, somebody who was willing to protect her no matter the cost.
The blonde finished getting herself read. If she was going to the Rabbit Hole she was going to do it properly.
Once she was ready, Emma checked her make up in the floor length mirror and walked over to Regina, giving her a kiss,
"I love you. I won't be too late tonight, babe."
Regina smiled lovingly at the blond. She really looked stunning out of that awful denim she tended to hide herself behind,
"Okay. I'll be waiting for you."
The blonde gave her one last kiss and then headed downstairs and out of the front door. Regina watched her from their bedroom window as her tummy started to do somersaults with worry. She did not want Emma to go out, but at the same time, she knew she couldn't stop her. The mayor decided to busy herself, starting with doing all the laundry then the dusting.
Emma entered the Rabbit Hole, and sure enough, heads turned. She could feel eyes on her as she made her way over to the bar. She set up a tab and took three shots then headed onto the dance floor with her bottle of beer. The blonde let the alcohol flow through her blood, and the music took over her body. She moved fluidly in time to the beat, finding herself in her own little world where nothing else mattered. All too soon the beer had gone, so she danced back over to the bar and got another, thinking it would be easier to stick around the area. Emma perched on the only vacant stool and knocked back the beer. Tonight she was going to have a good time, and there was nothing or no one that could stop her.
Three hours and ten beers later, the sheriff was now stumbling more than dancing. She felt hands on her hips and spun around a little too quickly, almost toppling over. She noticed an slightly younger female, which took her by surprise. She had expected to see some overweight dirty guy looking to get lucky, but this woman was beautiful. Emma did not remove the hands from her hips. Instead she danced close to the taller woman and drained the rest of her beer.
The last orders bell screamed out over the pounding beat causing the blonde to glance at the time. She saw that it was almost one am and decided that she had had enough. She placed her empty bottle on the bar and paid her tab then beelined out of the club onto the cool street. A voice called out into the otherwise quite street causing Emma to spin around. She was greeted by the female from the club,
"Going so soon? I would have thought someone like you would be partying all night"
Emma closed the gap between the two and gave a small shrug,
"I told my girlfriend I would not be too late, she'll worry about me and the Rabbit Hole gets boring after a while."
The slightly older woman's face fell slightly at the mention of Emma having a girlfriend and took a small step back,
"You have a girlfriend? That's too bad"
"Not for me it isn't. She's my world."
"Then how come was she not here with you?" the other woman asked with curiosity,
"Well, she's the mayor and she has a lot of work to catch up on"
The taller woman's eyes widened at the knowledge of who the blonde was dating and she took another step back in fear of making a pass at the mayor's girlfriend,
"You're with Regina Mills?! I am so sorry!"
Emma looked concerned at how scared the other woman became she shook her head softly and smiled brightly at her,
"Hey, don't worry about it. I take it you knew her more from when she was the Evil Queen? She is nothing like that any more. It was lovely meeting you...?"
"Aurora"
"Emma" the blonde smiled gently as Aurora turned back around and disappeared back inside the bar.
The cold air nipped at her warm exposed skin. She wished she had brought a jacket, but old habits die hard. Emma made her way towards Mifflin Street, and sure enough, walking started to prove a problem, and not just because of her high heel shoes.
Regina could not bear waiting for Emma any longer. She blew out her candles and grabbed her car keys. She knew that the Rabbit Hole was not that far away, but it was a lot safer to drive at this time of night. The brunette pulled out of her driveway and slowly drove down the route Emma was more than likely going to take. Five minutes later, Regina spotted a very drunk looking Emma stumbling along the pavement, and the mayor's heart sank. Why had Emma drunk so much? Why had she not called her to come and pick her up? Why was she taking these risks?
Emma lost her balance and almost fell off the curb. She was grateful for a hard surface to break her fall. The blonde stared wide eyed as the black car and the Mercedes came clearer in her mind. The sheriff regained her balance as Regina stepped out of the driving seat and walked around to the passenger side, opening the door for Emma.
"Get in. There is no way you are walking home like this, Emma."
The blonde knew better than to argue. She climbed into the car and clicked her seatbelt in place, turning to face Regina when she got back in,
"Thank you," Emma smiled softly at the semi confused looking brunette, "for coming to get me."
"You don't need to thank me, dear. You should have called before you left the bar, though."
Emma knew Regina was right. She was always right.
They both sat in silence for the rest of the short journey back to the mansion on Mifflin Street. Emma gazed out of the window, looking for any signs of one of the men who ruined her life as a child. There was no sign of him. Perhaps he had done the right thing and left town, leaving her to get on with her life? That was wishful thinking.
Regina pulled up into their driveway, cutting the engine and moving around to the passenger side to help Emma out of the car. She made sure to lock up before helping Emma into the warm house. The sheriff flopped down on the sofa and kicked off her heels, eliciting a moan of relief. Regina waved her hand, putting the shoes in their closest upstairs so neither of them would trip over them.
"Are you hungry?"
Emma's stomach churned at the possibility of food. True, she had two chilli and cheese burgers before she went out, but that was three shots and ten beers ago,
"Mmm."
"I'll take that as a yes. Stay there. Put your feet up if you want. I'll be back shortly."
Regina headed into the kitchen, brewed some fresh coffee, and cooked some scrambled eggs on toast before taking them into the lounge where the younger woman was waiting. She would never allow anyone to eat unless it was in the dining room, but she knew it would be a lot easier to magic away any crumbs and mess than get Emma to the table. She placed the coffee down on a coaster and handed Emma the plate, taking a seat on the sofa next to her with a mug of coffee.
"Ooh, thank you, 'Gina." Emma inhaled the aroma of the coffee and scrambled eggs before delving into her supper.
"You're welcome, dear."
Regina watched as Emma happily ate the eggs and drank the coffee. She was glad that she accepted the food and drink; she had expected to have to force it down the blonde.
Emma placed her empty plate on the coffee table, closely followed by the empty mug. She leaned back, her tummy fully satisfied. The brunette took the dirty dishes into the kitchen, deciding she would wash them tomorrow after breakfast. Right now, she wanted to be with Emma.
She made her way back in the living room and smiled lovingly at the now sleeping blonde who sprawled all over the sofa. The mayor giggled softly and shook her head. This was not an opportunity she would get often. Reaching for her camera, Regina snapped a few photos of the sleeping beauty then waved her hand once again, causing Emma's body to levitate and follow her up to their room. The mayor pulled back the covers and guided Emma under them and tucked her in. As she pulled the covers up over Emma's arms, she noticed some fresh cuts on her arms. The mayor could feel her heart sink and a lump form in her throat as tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. Regina sat on the edge of the bed and watched the blonde sleeping for a few moments before getting herself changed in the bathroom.
The older woman stared at her reflection in the mirror and finally gave in to her emotions. Her tears rolled in a constant stream down her face, and she was sure she heard her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. All she ever wanted was to protect Emma, to make her feel happy, safe, secure, and able to talk to her about anything and everything, and she had failed. Emma had harmed herself, and she had not even noticed. Guilt began to overwhelm her, and thoughts spilled into her mind. You should have noticed! You should have paid closer attention. She has started to wear long sleeved shirts for fuck's sake, Regina! There was no way sleep was going to happen tonight. The brunette made her way back to the bedroom and climbed into bed next to her Swan.
Tomorrow there will be discussions. Tomorrow there will be answers.
