From: "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?"
"I'm Trying To" – Anna was trying to overcome her abandonment issues. Elsa was trying to overcome her panic attacks. They were both trying, but it was still so hard.
It had been a long day for Elsa. The day after the thaw had been full of reparations for ice damage, meeting the council members, and all sorts of diplomatic issues to resolve. Elsa was exhausted. She was finally retiring to her room, ready for some well-deserved sleep. She thought Anna was already in bed, so she was surprised to hear an odd sound in the hallway just as she began to close her door. It was a soft, strangled whimper and, alarmed, she whirled around to find Anna standing there in a nightgown with her hand outstretched. Tears were starting in the girl's eyes as she stared pleadingly at Elsa through the barely-open door.
"P-please don't… Elsa… please don't s-shut me out…" Anna choked through her tears.
The fear on her little sister's face broke Elsa's heart. Elsa knew the girl wasn't trying to be manipulative – the genuine terror on her features made sure of that. No, she was simply afraid. Elsa's expression softened immediately. She threw the door open and pulled the smaller girl into her arms.
"Oh Anna," she murmured, rubbing the girl's back.
"I'm s-sorry," came the soft whisper into her shoulder, and Elsa shook her head vehemently.
"Don't apologize, my love. It's okay. Come in," Elsa invited softly and pulled her sister into the room.
"I… I didn't mean to make you do this," Anna whimpered as Elsa led her to sit on the bed. "I just… it looked so much like when… the first time you… s-shut me out." Elsa wrapped her arms tighter around the trembling redhead in a silent response and rocked her back and forth.
"Never again, Anna. I promise. Never again."
"I… I know. I'm t-trying to believe you, Elsa. But I'm… I'm still scared."
"It's okay," Elsa soothed, shoving her own guilt aside in favor of calming the distraught girl. "Here, stay with me tonight. I want you to feel better. I can't shut you out when you're already in, now can I?" Anna smiled a little and shook her head in response, but she gladly settled into the queen's soft bed as Elsa quickly changed into a nightgown. When she returned, Anna was wide-awake and waiting for her. Elsa noticed with regret that there was still fear lingering in teal eyes.
"Hey, it's all right," Elsa murmured as she slid under the covers beside her sister. She moved close and smiled when Anna willingly curled into her side. She gently stroked her sister's head as a few relieved tears slid down Anna's cheeks. "I've got you, my dear. Listen," she urged and pressed Anna's ear to her chest.
"As long as this heart is beating, my door will always be open to you, Anna. I love you."
"I love you too, Elsa," the sleepy voice mumbled into Elsa's chest, and the heart within beat faster at the beautiful quiet words. Sleep came quickly to them both.
It was the lightest touch to Elsa's arm that set her off. She had been slowly walking to the library, lost in thought, when fingers wrapped around her wrist. She was so startled ice leapt from her hands and shattered on the floor. She tore away from the unexpected grasp and found herself backed into a corner. She pulled her arms in close and shut her eyes tight.
"No! Please don't come any closer! It's not safe!" She dared to open her eyes and somehow her face became even paler at the sight of her sister reaching apologetically toward her.
"Anna! No, you can't be here! I… I'll hurt you!" She backed into the corner in a panic. "Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel!" Elsa repeated the familiar mantra. Her voice quickly became choked with sobs as the phrase proved once again ineffective at controlling her powers. She let herself slide to the ground, which was rapidly icing over.
"Elsa!" Anna exclaimed. Elsa's hands were emitting ice, but instead of directing it outward toward Anna, Elsa stubbornly kept her palms pointed to her own chest. The rampant shards of ice, propelled by sheer terror, were tearing up Elsa's dress and piercing her skin. She was crying helplessly and still struggling to get away, but Anna would have none of it. She may have accidently sent her sister into a panic attack, but there was no way she'd leave her in that state. Anna knelt and spoke calmly despite her mounting concern.
"Elsa? Elsa, can you hear me?" There was no reply beyond continued sobbing and the cracking of ice. "Listen, it's okay - all of that is behind us now. Everything is good. We're together again, and you are not dangerous to me. Don't conceal, Elsa. Please, just feel. Please let yourself feel. It's all right!" Elsa buried her face in her knees and made herself as small as possible. Anna sat down a few paces in front of her sister.
"Don't worry, Elsa. I'm not going to try to touch you right now. You don't have to be afraid. But I'm not going to leave you like this, either. I'm right here, and you won't hurt me. I promise." Elsa's trembling lessened just a bit. Her hands had stopped producing ice, but what Anna could see of her torso was stained red with blood.
"Elsa, I'm still here and nothing bad is happening. Will you please let me come a little bit closer?" she asked softly after a few minutes. After some hesitation, Elsa nodded into her knees. Anna scooted forward to where she could almost reach out and touch Elsa, but she didn't.
"I'm still not going to touch you if you don't want me to," she reassured her sister. "But I'm even closer and everything is still okay. You're safe, Elsa. I'm here and you're safe." Anna was surprised when her sister's head rose up and two tearful bloodshot eyes bored into hers. Elsa's eyes were dull with fear and pain, but she wasn't visibly trembling any more. Anna gave her an encouraging, worried smile and spoke again very softly.
"Hey, Elsa. It's all right – I'm here for you. Will you let me touch you? You don't have to move." Elsa stared at her in terror and almost descended back into her panic, but Anna's calm voice made her stop. "See how close I am right now? If something bad were going to happen, it already would have. But everything is okay. You won't hurt me if I touch you, and I promise I would never hurt you. You can keep your hands close. I just want to touch your knee. Is that okay?"
Elsa finally nodded, so Anna very slowly raised one arm. She kept her hand in Elsa's full view as she carefully reached out and laid gentle fingers on her sister's freezing kneecap. The older woman shuddered at the contact, but quickly stilled. She was staring wide-eyed at the lightly freckled hand warming her knee.
"Anna?" a choked whisper came from the tormented queen.
"Yes, Elsa. It's okay – I'm right here and you're not hurting me. Can I come closer, please?" Elsa looked up with that haunted expression and nodded. Anna was pleased to see some recognition returning to Elsa's once-vacant eyes; the panic attack was weakening. Still holding one hand to Elsa's knee, Anna scooted closer so that she was sitting right beside Elsa. They weren't quite touching, but it was only a matter of time.
"All right?" Anna asked, and Elsa nodded. "Can I touch your shoulders, Elsa?" Still unable to speak, the woman nodded again. Anna smiled at the progress they were making and slowly moved her free hand to Elsa's shoulder, then gently slid it across her back to the other. Held in this surprisingly comforting half-embrace, Elsa let herself feel the warmth radiating from her sister's skin. It was melting the ice shards that had fragmented onto her clothes. Anna was gently stroking Elsa's shoulder with her thumb. She made no further requests, and was content to wait for Elsa to calm down on her own for a while.
To Anna's surprise, Elsa made the next move. Timidly and haltingly, the young queen leaned closer and closer to Anna, until her body was resting lightly against the princess's. Anna carefully squeezed Elsa against her side and tucked her sister's head under her chin. She smiled as the frigid form melted against her, relaxing more and more. Tears started in Anna's eyes when Elsa laid her head trustingly against Anna's chest.
"There you go," Anna murmured. "I've got you, Elsa. It's okay." She moved her hand from Elsa's knee to gently stroke through the woman's hair. Elsa sighed in contentment and relaxed further, allowing her knees to drop away. This revealed an expanse of tattered, bloodied fabric where her hands had wrecked icy havoc in her panic. Anna frowned at the sight.
"Will you let me hold your hands, Elsa?" The figure in her grasp stiffened, but relaxed again trustingly. Letting out a breath of relief, Anna brought a hand to one of Elsa's clenched fists. It seemed almost frozen shut, but as she held the frigid appendage and played with frost-covered digits the ice melted away.
"Love will thaw," she whispered to the awestruck queen. Under Anna's patient attention, Elsa's fingers came free. They were covered in blood, but Anna powered through her queasiness to examine Elsa's injuries. None of the cuts were particularly deep, but there were dozens of them across Elsa's fingers and palm. The other hand proved to be much the same. They would have to be bandaged soon, as well as Elsa's upper chest. It was riddled with slashes from the ice as well.
"Does it hurt?" Anna asked softly as she probed the injuries. Elsa nodded and curled closer to Anna's chest, in pain and exhausted from the energy she expended in the panic attack.
"I didn't mean for that to happen, Anna," a weary voice murmured.
"I know you didn't," Anna replied gently, holding Elsa securely with both arms. "And I didn't mean to startle you like that. I'm so sorry that I did."
"It was an accident," Elsa yawned. "And it shouldn't have set me off. I am getting better about it, though. I'm trying to."
