Here's the next chapter, folks! Enjoy!

Also, before I forget, here's the disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN RED VS BLUE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM! IT IS THE RIGHTFUL PROPERTY OF ROOSTER TEETH! MAY THEY KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Anyway, LET THE SHOW BEGIN!


Chapter 2: The Problem with Rookies


Well, it's another boring day here in Blood Gulch. Both teams are just going about, doing their usual thing.

Little did they know, however, that their lives were about to change.

Forever.

You see, in a way, the story truly began when both Red Team and Blue Team received their rookies: Private Franklin Delano Donut of Red Team, and Private Michael J. Caboose of Blue Team. Without them, none of their adventures would've taken place, and some asshole parties would've gotten away with their evil plans.

But that's in the future. For now, we'll focus on the present, when the rookies have just arrived.

Let's first take a look at what's happening at Red Base.


Sully Verser's POV:


"Hey, that's not exactly what happened," Simmons said.

It's been a couple of days since Sarge left for Red Command to receive new orders, and left me in charge. My first order of business: for us to keep doing what we usually do until Sarge gets back.

Which pretty much equates to standing around and talking amongst ourselves. Simmons and Grif had managed to get into another argument (big surprise there), which left them oblivious to the figure in standard red armor walking up the ramp behind us. Realizing what was going to happen soon, I prepared myself for the upcoming insanity.

"Yes, it is," Grif argued. "You said 'I'm not going to the Vegas Quadrant,' and then the next thing I know, you're on an escape pod to-"

"Hate to break up your pillow talk," I quipped, "but we have a guest."

"Hello, sirs," the soldier said.

"Sirs?" Grif soon realized who this was and said "Aw crap."

Saluting, Donut continued "I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1 and speak to whoever's in charge."

"Sorry, man," Grif said with a shrug. "Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't no one in charge today."

"Actually, Private, he left Private First Class Sully in charge while he's gone," Simmons corrected.

"Kiss ass."

"Also, he told me that if I had any trouble with you I should..." Clearing his throat, he continued "'Git in the Puma, and crush yer head like a tomato-can.'"

"...That is the worst impression I've ever heard," Grif commented.

"Of all time," I added offhandedly. Realizing what I said, I muttered "Geez, David must've rubbed off on me a bit."

Turning to face Donut, Simmons asked "Okay, rookie, what's your story?"

"Private Donut, reporting for duty, sir," the rookie eagerly replied. "I'm ready to fight some aliens."

Grif held up a hand before saying "Couple of things here, rookie. First off: Private Donut? I think someone needs a new nickname."

"Actually, Grif," I interjected, "Donut is his last name. Private Franklin Delano Donut."

"Okay, that's worse than having Donut as a nickname." Turning to the rookie, Grif continued "My advice, is change your last name."

"What's wrong with my n-"

"Secondly," the overweight orange soldier interrupted, "what's with the armor color?"

Showing off his armor, Donut said "This is the standard issue red."

"Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two types of people wear the standard issue red: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish-"

"Like our possibly senile CO," I added.

"Thank you," Grif said. "-Like our senile CO, you're probably not an officer."

Donut looked at Simmons for a moment. "Well, he's wearing red armor."

"No, my armor's maroon," Simmons clarified, "your's is red."

"Well, how do I get a different armor color?"

"I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap," Simmons said wearily.

"Don't be too sure, Simmons," I said while looking in the direction of Blue Base. "Don't be too sure."


Michael Verser's POV:


So, here we are. Looking at one of the most wonderful land vehicles ever created by man. A vehicle that is, in the immortal words of Sergeant Johnson,"66-tons of H-E spewing divine intervention."

A tank.

A mother. Fucking. Tank.

It's...It's beautiful. *sniff*

And this blue armored idiot is totally ruining the moment.

"So, I say to the guy, 'how're you going to get the tank down to the planet?' And he goes, 'I'll just put it on the ship,' and I go, 'If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, then why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?'"

Private Michael J. Caboose. The rookie of Blue Team, expert team-killer, self-proclaimed best friend of Church, and quite possibly the stupidest person in the universe. No joke, this guy literally becomes so stupid later on, I could get an aneurysm from the amount of stupid he gives off.

"Hey, kid?" Tucker said.

"Yeah?"

You're ruining the moment," he said, quite visibly annoyed. Turning to look at the tank again, he added "Shut up."

"Oh. Okay. You got it man!"

"You know what?" Church asked in awe. "I could blow up the whole god damn world in this thing."

Putting my arm around his shoulder, I said "Yeah. It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Church looked at me with a puzzled expression before asking "Dude...are you crying?"

"*sniff* These are tears of happiness, Church. From looking at the greatest land vehicle of this universe."

"...You have a tank fetish or something?" Tucker asked awkwardly.

"Not at all, Tucker. I'm just appreciating the beauty of a well crafted piece of art."

"You are not driving the tank," Church deadpanned.

*SHING*

"You take that back," I ordered evenly, my blade right at Church's throat.

Waving his hands in surrender, the cobalt leader hastily said "Okayokayokay, you can drive the tank." Placing Masamune back in my sheath, he added "Psycho."

*SHING*

"Jesus Christ, calm down!"


Sully Verser's POV:


By this point, the three of us agreed to get rid of Donut for a while (though I only did it to continue the plot, as Church's "death" was needed to move things along). So we all agreed to send him on an "important mission" for us.

"Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal," Simmons started.

"I just refuse to call him Private Donut!" Grif protested.

"You don't have to, Grif," I whispered. "Now shut up so we can send him out."

"We've got a very important mission for you. Think you can handle it?"

"Absolutely!" Donut stated.

With barely contained giggling, I said "We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease."

"Yeah, and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma," Grif added.

"The what?"

"Our assault vehicle," Simmons clarified.

"You do know where the store is, right rookie?" Grif asked.

"What?" asked Donut. He then tried to cover up his lack of knowledge of the prank by quickly saying "Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem."

"Then get going," said Simmons.

Donut then started to run away from the base. After reaching a good enough distance, I yelled out "Other way."

He quickly turned around and said "I knew that. Just got turned around that's all."

And so, the three of us stood at the top of the base, watching Donut run off into the distance. He'd find his way to Blue Base soon enough, thanks to the help of Future Church (and all that time travel bullshit).

"How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?" Simmons asked.

Assuming a thinking pose, Grif answered "I say...at least a week."

"I bet you all the money in our wallets he gets back to our base before the day is out," I said, taking out my wallet to emphasize my point.

The two soldiers stared at me for a moment before fishing out their wallets. "Deal," they both said.

'/You know, sometimes I love it when you cheat./'

'Yeah, Akima, I know.'


Michael Verser's POV:


Looking at the tank a bit, Tucker said "You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece."

Church groaned in annoyance (again). "Oh man, listen to you. What are you gonna do with two chicks?"

"Church, women are like Voltron," Tucker said plainly. "The more you can hook up, the better it gets-"

*SHING*

With Masamune pressed up on Tucker's throat, I calmly said "Now Tucker. I would appreciate it if you stopped talking for now. Okay?"

"O-O-O-O-O-Okay," he shakily replied.

Smiling underneath my helmet, I happily said "Good," as I returned my blade to its sheath. Even though I was pretty much a hypocrite in the fact that I seemed to keep getting girls in every universe I go to, I honestly had no control over that stuff. Tucker though? Idiots like him give men a bad name, and need to be put in their place every now and then.

Plus, I like seeing people sweat bullets whenever I pulled out Masamune.

'...Oh God, I really am becoming more and more like Duncan!'

"Wow," Caboose said. "He is a scary person."

"And yet, I managed to get myself into a romantic relationship. (Several, actually)"

"Wait, you're in a relationship?" Church asked in surprise.

"Yeah," I said. "They're a bit rough to be with at first, but once you get to know them, they're an-"

"'They?'" Tucker asked. "You're dating more than one girl?!"

"That's right, Private Tucker," I said with fake cheerfulness. "I'm in a relationship with more than one girl, and the others are okay with it. And unlike me, you'll never even get one girl."

Dropping to his knees, Tucker begged "Please, oh great one. Please teach me your secret ways."

"Nope," I said with a smile.

"Asshole."

"What about you Church?" I asked, ignoring the perverted idiot. "You got anyone?"

Coughing nervously, he said "Yeah, I've, uh...I've actually got a girl back home."

"Oh yeah?" Tucker asked, suddenly interested in the topic. "Girlfriend or wife?"

"No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but then I got shipped out...ah, you know how it works."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm still with the girls, but...it's kind of a long distance thing. At least until I can get shipped back."

"I'm never getting married," Caboose said. "My dad always said, 'Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?'"

I resisted the urge to take Masamune out again, while Church was glaring angrily as he walked up to the idiotic rookie. "Hey rookie," he growled out, "did you just call my girlfriend a cow?"

"No, I think he called her a slut!" Tucker said.

Fighting down his anger, Church said "Tell you what, n00b. I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long. But as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do."

"Great," Caboose said, slightly downcast.

"See," Church started, "we've got this General-"

"Right, the General guy."

Glaring at Tucker for interrupting him, Church continued "...who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm going to have you do, is have you go in the base, and have you stand right next to the flag at attention. Just in case he decides to drop by."

"When is he coming by?" Caboose asked.

"Who knows?" I replied. "Could be today, could be a week from now. He likes to keep us on our toes with this kind of stuff."

The rookie became exasperated upon hearing that. "You want me to stand at attention for a whole week?!"

"You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag."

"What's so important about the flag?" the blue rookie asked.

"Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys anything in training?" Church asked sarcastically.

"They didn't tell us anything about a flag," Caboose defended. "Why is it so important?"

"Because it's the flag, man," Church said, "you know, it's the...it's the flag, it's...Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important."

"Yeah, Tuck," I added, "explain to the rookie why the flag is so important. I'm sure a veteran such as yourself can explain why."

Tucker glared at me before turning to Caboose. "Well...it's...it's complicated," Tucker tried to explain. "Uh...It's blue, we're blue."

And for many a fan, that is when they realized Red vs. Blue boiled down to nothing more than a game of Capture the fucking Flag. While heavily armed. And are capable of dying in these exercises.

It was times like these that I seriously questioned the intelligence of the human race.

"It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag."

"Right," I said. "Because inspecting a flag is the most important thing he lives for. He even gave up his chance to be with his family in order to inspect flags."

"...I think he's kind of a sad person," Caboose said, feeling sorry for the "general."

Pointing at the base, Church continued "So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him."

Caboose started heading toward the base, but then turned around and asked "Uh, how will I know when I see him?"

"There's only four of us out here, rookie," Tucker answered. "He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us."

"Now get in there and don't come out!" Church yelled. As soon as Caboose was gone, Church looked at Tucker and said "Man, that guy is even dumber than you are."

"I think you mean he's dumber than you are," Tucker said.

I clapped slowly. "Wow. You are a shining example to all who strive to make awesome comebacks, Private Tucker. Truly you are."

"Um, Mr. Church, sir?" Caboose called out from inside the base.

Shaking in anger, Church said "Oh my God, WHAT?!" He looked at us and added "Guys, I swear, I'm going to kill him!"

'If by that you mean you're going to be continuously team killed by Caboose, then yes. Yes you will.'

Poking his head out of the base, Caboose said "Sorry for calling your girlfriend a slut..."

Church reached his boiling point and screamed "ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!" He ran back to guard the flag, while Tucker turned around to laugh at the scene. Church noticed this and asked "Tucker, are you laughing at me?"

At that moment, I was frozen in place as I saw Donut show up behind Church. "Uh, excuse me, sir, can I ask you a question?"

Church didn't even bother to try and turn around. "Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around, and you're not inside-"

"Uh, Church?" I tried to say.

"Shut up," the cobalt "sniper" cut me off. He then went back to threatening the red rookie. "If I turn around, and you're not inside, I...I can't be held responsible for what I'm about to do to you!"

"What did I do?" Donut asked in exasperation.

"One."

"Seriously, Church-"

"TWO!"

"Fine!" Donut cried out, running into the base while I simply watched. Completely dumbfounded at my so-called leader.

'Why didn't I try to take over as leader when I had the chance?!'


Third-Person's POV:


Donut walked into the base, and found himself standing in front of Caboose and the blue flag. "Wow, you sure got here fast!"

"Why is everyone so freaking rude in this canyon?" Donut asked.

"I'm not, sir," Caboose defended. "What can I do for you?"

Throwing his arms up, Donut cried out "Finally, someone with a little respect around here!"

Turning toward the flag, Caboose said "Yes, sir! I assume you're here because of this..."

Donut looked at the flag, then back to Caboose. "Wait, is this all you have?"

"Uh, yes, sir. That's it!"

Donut face palmed his helmet. "Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about elbow grease?"

Caboose nervously shifted his feet. "Uhhh..."

"Headlight fluid?" Donut asked hopefully.

"No," Caboose said. "All we have is this flag."

Sighing, Donut said "Well, I can't go back empty handed. I guess I'll take that."

Caboose shrugged, though was a bit confused. "Sure, that makes sense. I guess."

Leaving the base with the flag, Donut said to himself "Oh man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag."


Michael Verser's POV:


I shook my head as I watched Donut leave with the flag. "Honestly, I can't believe there are actually people this stupid," I said to myself.

"Well, enough gabbing out of us," Church said. "Let's take this bad boy out for a spin. Go ahead and hop in, Tucker."

"Me? I can't drive that thing."

"You're telling me you're not Armor Certified?" Church asked.

Tucker held up his hands as he defended himself. "I ca- I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle. Don't you know how to drive that?"

"No!" Rubbing his temples through the helmet, Church exclaimed "Holy Crap! Who is running this army!?"

I sighed. Although I could drive Sheila-

'/Bow Chicka Bow Wow!/'

'Not now, Akima!'

As I was saying, although I was able to drive Sheila, I decided to keep quiet about it so Caboose could move the plot forward. I really didn't want to risk changing things so much that they went beyond my control. Crazy shit happens when things go out of my control.

Less said, the better. Though I still have nightmares about Duncan's so-called "training." And Guatemala.

God damned Guatemala.

Emerging from the base, Caboose called out "Hey! Just wanted to let you know the General stopped by and picked up the flag!

"Yeah! Okay! Whatever, moron!" Looking at Tucker, Church said "Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing?" He took a moment to let what the rookie said sink in before asking "...Wait a second...what did he just say?"

I face palmed. 'Seriously, why am I not in charge?!'


After a few minutes of chewing out our rookie, we managed to find Donut. Who managed to get lost. In the middle of a box canyon. With only two bases.

Idiot.

"Oh, shit," Church said as he got a look at the guy. "Hey, Tucker, look at his armor. It's red."

"Oh, man," Tucker groaned. "That means its their Sergeant."

"That makes sense. At least now we know how he got past our defenses."

I turned to look at Church. "Yeah, that's how," I said sarcastically. "It's not like he managed to get in while you two had your backs turned, while you were thinking it was Caboose," I said to Church, "or while you were laughing your ass off like the complete IDIOT THAT YOU ARE!" I roared at Tucker.

"Well if you knew, why didn't you stop him?" Caboose asked.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Shut the fuck up, Caboose," I growled out.

"You know what?" Church asked. "It doesn't matter. We're about to nip this problem at the bud. Say good night, Sarge." He then raised his sniper rifle, aimed it at Donut, and fired.

Four times.

And missed.

Every.

Single.

Shot.


"Son of a bitch!" Donut cried out as he ducked for cover.


That's Red vs. Blue for you, I suppose. They do the physically impossible all the time.

"Aw, crap!" Church exclaimed. Tucker and I simply stared at our leader in silent disbelief. Turning to face us, he asked "What?"

"You're really not very good with that thing, are you?" the aqua/teal/shamrock/mint armored future swordsman asked.

Donut then called out to us from the distance, saying "Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember?!" All while waving the flag back and forth at us. Not a very smart move to do when you're being shot at by the enemy team.

"Oh great, now he's taunting us," Tucker complained. "That's just embarrassing."

"Not as embarrassing as the fact that you've never gotten laid," I muttered.

"What was that?!" he exclaimed, aiming a gun at me.

"You heard me, virgin," I replied.

"I think he just burned you," Caboose said.

"Yes, Caboose," I said to him. "Yes I did."

"Alright, that's it, I've had it," Church said angrily. "Rookie, you stay here with Michael. Tucker and I will go through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass."

"Right," Caboose said.

"Actually, Church, I think I'll be better help if I go with you," I suggested. "No telling what that guy is capable of."

"Yeah, good idea. Come one, Tucker, let's go."

Tucker backed away from the teleporter, saying "There is no way I'm going through that thing."

"Tucker, we don't have time for this," Church said. "Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?"

"I don't know, why would they give us a tank if nobody knows how to drive it?" Tucker countered.

"You know, he's got a point," I said. "Command isn't exactly made up of geniuses, you know."

"But we already tested the teleporter, and it works."

"We threw rocks at it!" Tucker cried out.

"Yeah, and your point is?" Church asked, his patience beginning to wear thin. "The rocks came out of the other side, didn't they?"

"Yeah, but they were covered in black stuff."

"Soot," I threw in.

"Oh, so I guess this is what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff."

"Yes," Tucker confirmed. "I am. I am afraid of black stuff."

"Racist." Yeah, that was just to easy.

Sighing, Church said "Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you." He then raised his gun at Tucker.

"I'm not really sorry about it," I said as I aimed Avalon at Tucker.

Eyes narrowing at us, Tucker said "You wouldn't..."

"You know, there's two ways this can go, Tuck," I said. "Either A, we go through the teleporter and get the flag back, or B, we can stay here and shoot you to death."

"Either way," Church added, "we win."

Tucker reluctantly turned to face the teleporter. "For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people."

"Duly noted," Church said. "Now get in there."

"Crap," Tucker muttered. "Alright. One, two..."

With that, Tucker charged through the teleporter.

And did not appear on the other side.

"...That's not good, is it?" I asked.

Church nervously backed away from the teleporter. "Yeeeeaaaahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter." As Church and I ran off to catch Donut, the former yelled "Okay, rookie! Stay here! We'll be back with the flag!"


Sully Verser's POV:


"I still have no idea what you're talking about," Simmons said. "I didn't hear any shots."

Sighing, Grif said "I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam."

"Grif," I said, "that was three shots."

"Bam." With that, Grif looked through the sniper rifle's scope to see what was going on. "Wait a second, we've got a blue guy on the move out there."

"Which color?" I asked.

"Cobalt, so it must be their boss, if you're intel is right."

'/Is he doubting my skill?/'

'You realize that I only told them because of what I know about Red vs. Blue, right?'

'/Still, though. A woman has her pride to think about./'

Rolling my eyes, I heard Simmons ask "Where's he headed?"

"Somewhere to the left," Grif answered. "What could be...oh, crap. It's Donut! And he's got something. It looks like..." Turning slowly around, Grif said with complete seriousness "Guys, get the Puma."

"Before that, I just want to say something." When they both had their attention on me, I held out my hand and said "Cough it up, suckers."

The two soldiers were confused at that, before realization dawned on them. Grumbling, they both muttered "Son of a bitch," as they forked over the money in their wallets. Just like that, I had made an easy $68.

Smirking behind my helmet, I said "Okay, now let's get in the Puma."

As we headed to the Puma, I knew that we were heading headlong into a chain of events that we'd never be able to come back from.

I made a mental note to stock up on headache medicine.


And that ends the second chapter of Red vs. Blue with Multiverser: The Blood Gulch Chronicles.

Sorry for not updating this (or my other Multiverser fics sooner, but I was dealing with life at the time. Plus, I'm planning on starting a couple other Multiverser stories soon, so I hope you'll enjoy them when they come out.

Also, I have to say, I'm glad I'm able to do this fic, as RvB is one of my favorite series to watch (I'm especially liking the current arc of the show), and I'm even more excited that I can be a part of the action, even if it is only in fanfiction.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't know when I'll be able to update this again, but I hope its soon enough. In the meantime, feel free to read my other stories at your leisure, as well as wait in anticipation for the next chapter. Here's a bit of a spoiler alert: there will be swordsmanship, as Michael and Sully go head to head.

Please leave a comment or review. But there will be no flames, or I will have Caboose team kill you.

Hero of the Multiverse, signing out!