Thank you all for the lovely reviews! I'm so glad this story is well received. I feel better about this chapter. I think I'm getting my groove back! Just an fyi: you might find the beginning of this chapter to be a little intense, so be warned.
It is dark outside. Rain is lashing at the windows. The little girl is hiding behind a couch as the adults in her life are screaming at each other. She hears the smash of a beer bottle as it hits the wall. Then she hears the woman begging and pleading for her life. When the gunshot goes off, the girl cringes, forcing her fingers into her ears as far as they could go. The next gunshot goes off within moments, and all is quiet. Lights are soon flashing and people are in her face saying things she can't seem to understand. Then she's gone from there, and everything changes.
...
The girl is watching as the man, her new daddy, approaches her as she sleeps. He doesn't know she's awake, watching through slitted eyes. He has a look on his face that makes her tummy feel sick. She's not sure what's going to happen next. Then suddenly, her new mommy comes crashing into the room, screaming and crying and hurling accusations. Something about not again, not this time, and not with her. The daddy is defending himself, holding his hands up to show her that he's not doing anything wrong. The mommy doesn't believe him. She plunges the knife into his chest, and blood seeps all over her hands. The girl screams and screams while the mommy stares in shock at what she has done. The police are soon there to take the mommy away. The daddy is no longer moving and makes no sound. The girl knows he is dead.
...
There are other children at her new home this time. The girl connects with the other girl, and they play for hours all the time. The girl doesn't really notice that their mommy and daddy don't interact with them. One day, police come and take the mommy and daddy away, saying something about a grow op. The girl is very sad to leave. She was really going to miss her new sister friend.
...
The girl likes this home. The daddy and mommy seem to really care for her. She waves goodbye one night as they set off together, leaving her with a babysitter. When it comes to the time they're supposed to return for her, they don't. Instead, more police. Something about an accident and both died on scene. The girl feels anger, fear, and sadness grip her. She had really liked these new parents.
...
The girl feels a little more afraid when she is given to a new mommy and daddy again. The daddy bends down to her level and tells her that he'll never hurt her or leave her, that's she's finally home. Something in his voice makes her trust him, and she takes his hand. The mommy smiles and picks her up into her arms and spins her around and around and around...
...
Tara remembers it all as her father speaks. Steve looked pained as he reminded her of her early trauma.
"How did I forget?" Tara asked.
"The doctors said at your age, such trauma could be buried and suppressed. You were only four when we finally got you. You went through a lot in those few years with foster parents. We worried you'd be scarred from it, but..." Steve trailed off. He gestured to her to indicate she was fine.
"I can see it all so vividly now," Tara murmured. "So my real parents are both dead?" Bobby was sitting in the corner, listening. He was furious at all those people for hurting her. He hated that she endured so much pain. Steve cleared his throat uncomfortably at her question.
"Well? Aren't they?" she asked.
"Not exactly, no," Steve said. "Your mother was very young when she had you...very young. She gave you up for adoption when you were a baby." Tara sat up straighter.
"And my dad?"
"We don't know. We suspected maybe he wasn't in the picture or that she had gotten pregnant in a rather...nasty way," Steve finished. Tara understood what he meant. She hugged herself. Why was everything in her past so violent? Was that why she spent her life and career chasing after bad guys? To end the violence?
"Do you know where she is now?" Bobby asked Steve.
"No. I suspect you might be able to contact the adoption agency and request for your file, but I don't know if they'll give you her name," Steve sighed. "They certainly wouldn't give it to us. It was pulling teeth just to get them to say anything about her."
"You tried to find her?" Tara asked, surprised.
"Yes. Believe it or not, it was always our intention to tell you, but you seemed so happy with us that we decided to let it go. Why bother bringing up all that hurt and trauma again," Steve explained. "I do regret keeping it from you. I hope you believe that."
"I think I can," Tara said, nodding slowly. She truly believed Steve had her best interests at heart. She wondered what she would do herself in this type of situation.
"What is my real name?" she asked, thinking about it.
"As far as I know, it's always been Tara," Steve said. "She gave it to you."
"Oh," Tara said, feeling sad somehow.
"I'm so sorry, Bun," Steve said. "I never meant to hurt you."
"You've been more of a father to me than anyone," Tara said. "I couldn't have asked for better." Steve's eyes became wet at this. Tara got up and went over to hug him tightly. Bobby felt a little awkward just watching, but he was glad she had reconnected with Steve before it was too late.
"So, when are they letting you out of here?" Tara asked. "I've got set up for you to come stay with me."
"I'm not getting out of here, Tara," Steve said, using her actual name. He looked at her seriously until she finally understood.
"You mean...?"
"Yes," he nodded.
"No way," Tara said. "This can't be the end."
"Where there's a beginning, there's always an end," Steve said sadly. "The fall didn't help. We knew it could be any day, remember?"
"I'm not leaving you," Tara said, sitting down and grasping his hand tightly. "I'm staying here with you."
"You don't have to," Steve told her.
"I want to," she confirmed.
"I'll leave you guys to talk," Bobby said. He squeezed her shoulder as he passed. She gave him a grateful look. He knew she'd call him later. He left feeling a type of sadness that he didn't usually feel. There was just something so heartbreaking about watching a daughter lose her father like that.
Sue
Billy was laughing with such abandon, head thrown back and eyes all scrunched up. She was looking around for the source, and she saw nothing. Was it something she had said? She tried to get to him, but he kept getting farther away the more she tried to reach him.
"Billy!" she called. He turned away from her, walking away. "Billy, wait!" Why wouldn't he wait? Then suddenly he was right in front of her, hands on her shoulders.
"I'm never truly gone," he said. "Remember that."
...
Sue awoke with a gasp. Billy's face burned in her mind when she closed her eyes. It had seemed so real. Levi whined and nuzzled her hand. She glanced over at the clock, and it said 3:02 in the morning. She fell backwards, pressing her hands against her face. The familiar burning sensation of tears began as always. It seemed every night she was having some kind of dream with Billy in it. This was the first time he had spoken, and it was unnerving. Sleep was impossible now, so she got up and headed to the kitchen. She tried to be quiet so as not to wake up Lucy, but as always, that failed.
"Another dream?" Lucy asked, sliding into the kitchen on her tired legs. She had worked out a little too hard the night before.
"I don't know why I keep dreaming about him," Sue admitted. "It's been a long time."
"You loved him. He's your brother. Of course he's going to be on your mind, and when he's on your mind, your subconscious makes you dream about him. Is it because your wedding is getting closer?" Lucy asked.
"Maybe. I wish I knew," Sue sighed. Lucy reached for her hand and squeezed it gently.
"I know you miss him," she said.
"I do. A lot," Sue said, becoming teary.
"I believe you will see him again," Lucy reassured her. "Just like I believe he will be watching you get married from where he is."
"I'm sure he will. He'll be nudging God and telling Him stories about me that he thinks are funny," Sue said, laughing a little.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Lucy asked.
"No. Thanks, Luce, but I think I'm just going to sit here for a bit," Sue said. Lucy patted her hand before standing up and going back to bed. Sue sat there with her chin resting on her hand, thinking about memories of her and her brothers. She smiled at the funny ones and choked up over the sad ones. She remembered when their grandmother died and Billy had never left her side the entire time. He had always been the one that understood her best. She wished she could have one more day with him, but she knew wishing that would be futile. She'd only be left wishing for one more day with him again. Eventually she grew very tired, and she went back to bed and slept without any further dreams. It was kind of a relief.
Bobby
"You look rough," Jack said, setting a cup of coffee down in front of Bobby, who was sitting there staring at his screen. Tara's chair was glaringly empty, and he couldn't stop thinking about where she was right now and what she was experiencing.
"Yea well, things aren't so great, mate," Bobby sighed. Jack sat on the edge of his desk looking concerned.
"What do you mean? Are you and Tara...?" Jack couldn't finish.
"We're still together. Look, she wanted to keep this private, but I trust you. Her dad is dying. She's over there with him now at the hospital," Bobby explained.
"Oh, wow," Jack said. "I'm so sorry. That must be so hard." His mind flashed back to when Sue discovered her brother had died there.
"It is. I want to be there with her, but I feel like she needs to be alone with him, you know? It's a hard call," Bobby finished.
"Just let her know you're there to support her when she needs you. You're probably right in that she needs this time with her dad," Jack agreed.
"I liked him," Bobby said. "I really did."
"I know," Jack said, patting Bobby's shoulder.
"Okay, gang," D said, entering the bullpen. "We've got a case."
Somewhere in D.C.
She spent her life dedicated to helping others the way others had helped her. Today, she was at the local soup kitchen dishing out food to the homeless. She didn't make much money, but she felt she didn't need it. She was humbled. This was her life, and she fully accepted it. Not too important for those to take notice, and not too un-important that she disappeared off the radar. She was a happy medium.
"Hello, beautiful," a man said to her. He grinned at her with his bright teeth. She always wondered how he kept them so nice looking.
"Hello, Jonah," she smiled back. "How are you today?"
"Just dandy," Jonah winked. "What's the special today?"
"French Onion with pork roast," she told him.
"Load me up," he said, gesturing. She obliged, and he flashed her another smile before going to sit down. She loved Jonah. He seemed different from the other homeless people. In fact, she almost believed he didn't have to be homeless, that he chose to be for some reason she'd never know of. It was fine with her. She wasn't here to get too close to these people. Getting close to people ended up in getting hurt because they either died or disappeared, leaving a hole in her heart where they had taken root. She smiled as she watched Jonah talk and laugh with the other men. He was special. She just wished she could know why.
Tara
"Hey." Tara opened her eyes to see Bobby standing there. He was holding flowers.
"Hi," she said. "What are those?"
"These are what they call flowers. I've been told they can sometimes brighten a dull hospital room," Bobby explained, smiling a little. Tara gave a small laugh.
"Set them over there," she gestured. No one else had sent any, but then again, Steve didn't have much family left or around that cared.
"How are you?" Bobby asked. She stood and embraced him, burying her face into his shoulder. Steve was sleeping, and he spent most of his days doing just that. She knew the end was nearing. It was killing her.
"I just hate seeing him waste away," she whispered. Bobby smoothed her hair with his hand.
"I know," he said. "I know."
Tara just let him hold her. There wasn't much else to say. What could you say when your father was slowly slipping away in front of your eyes? She dreaded what was to come. She wished she hadn't wasted the last month avoiding him. She could wish it all she wanted, but it wouldn't change, she knew that. She was there now, that was all that mattered.
John
The adrenaline was rushing through his veins. He ran with all his might, chasing after their suspect. Charlie was right behind them. He could hear Jane in his ear giving directions of where the punk was running. John made a gesture to Charlie to indicate he was going to cut the kid off. Charlie shot into the other direction, seeing the signal. Within moments, John had thrust his arm out, stopping the kid in his tracks and flipping him right over. The kid was lying on the ground coughing and choking from John's arm catching his throat. John stooped down to haul the kid up to handcuff him.
"Running only makes me madder," John told him. Charlie finally got there, huffing and puffing.
"Good job, bro," John said, grinning. Charlie just shook his head. John was always the fastest out of them all. He knew that. When they arrived back at the office, John received high fives all around. The kid had been on their list for months. He was a well known drug dealer and pimp. He was borderline into things that he shouldn't have dabbled in, but now he would spend a long time behind bars. John briefly thought about Jessie since the kid was roughly around the same age, but he let it go quickly.
"Good job, babe," Jane said, hugging him.
"Couldn't do it without you," he winked. He glanced over at Sue, who was at her desk looking frazzled and tired. He went over to her and got her attention.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I was going to ask you the same question," John said.
"I'm just tired. I'm all right," she replied. She went back to her work. John knew she was lying. If she was like him, she'd be having dreams and nightmares with Billy in them. There were some nights he was afraid to sleep because he knew he'd see Billy on the ground covered in blood again. At least she hadn't seen that and remembered it every single day of her life.
"Charlie, my man," John said. "Better luck next time."
"I run at the gym every day for forty minutes," Charlie said. "How the hell do you keep beating me?"
"Who knows?" John shrugged. He had always been fast. It had irked Billy to no end. He sat at his desk, looking at the last photo of the four of them their mother had taken around Christmastime. She had made them wear silly Christmas sweaters and other paraphernalia. One of Billy's reindeer antlers were bent down in his face because they were broken. He was laughing about that in the photo. John forced himself to look away.
"Maddy wants to know if you're going to teach her to drive tonight," Jane said to him. Maddy had just turned 16 and had received her learner's permit. John hoped she didn't inherit his driving skills, not that that was possible since she wasn't biologically his. She was very observant though, and he believed she picked up on his bad habits through observation.
"I can do that," he agreed. Father-daughter time. He couldn't wait.
Jack
Jack found Sue at their diner, and he sat down across from her. She looked up and smiled at him. He noticed immediately that she was tired.
"More dreams?" he asked.
"Yea. I'm fine," she added.
"I know," he nodded. "What do you want to do tonight?"
"I just want to be with you," she said.
"Okay," he smiled. That was something he could do. He loved spending time with her. They had a quick dinner together before setting off for a walk. He wished he could take her mind off of her brother, but he knew it was still fresh in her mind. He only hoped that eventually it would not be as sharp for her. He didn't like to see her upset or unhappy.
"I love you, Jack," she said suddenly. He stopped and kissed her soundly.
"I love you too," he said after. She smiled at him. It was something she never tired of reading on his lips.
Bobby
His phone wailed in the darkness. He scrabbled for it, dropping it once before finally answering it.
"Hello?" he said in a croaky voice.
"Bobby?" Tara said. He sat up straight. He knew.
"Yea?"
"He's gone. Dad's gone," she cried.
"I'll be right there," he said. They hung up and he leaped out of bed, getting dressed. He wasn't sure what to say to her, but he knew he could at least be there for her. He loved Tara, and he was going to dedicate the rest of his life to make sure she never got hurt again.
I wonder how many of you are referring back to my last story right now ;) As always, let me know your thoughts!
