"Dean," Cas said, appearing before me, just inches away from my face. His blue eyes searched mine for any sign of the tears that peppered them just moments before.

"Damnit Cas, we've been over this. Personal Space." I said, lowering my face to the ground, so not to look at him and his childish, puppy dog eyes.

Sorry," he said, taking a step back. "Listen, I've been… working on Sam and I noticed something-something odd." His voice was measured, calculated. I could tell he was choosing every word carefully.

"Well?"

"I-I don't know how to explain it. He's not…dead." He paused to see how I would react.

"What do you mean he's not dead? I took his pulse, I watched-I watched it Cas. He's gone."

"Partially, yes. His soul is gone, his spirit is gone, but his body is not entirely lifeless."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. As much as I wanted to believe that Sam was alive, that he could come back, I couldn't. I knew he was gone. I knew it. "No. Cas, he's been soulless before, but he was still alive in there. His brain was still goin', his chest was still beatin', it just wasn't him. His body's… he's gone this time Castiel. He's gone."

Castiel's face swam before me as tears began clouding my vision. My lip quivered. Damn it. I was not going to do this. I was not going to sit here and cry while Sam was- while he was gone. I was going to go out there and get answers. Find out what was going on. But Cas-he was making no sense.

I rubbed the back of my hand against my eyes, furious.

"Dean, listen to me. Parts of Gadreel are still in him, they haven't left. When an angel possesses a human, they leave behind traces of themselves. And Gadreel, well he was a very powerful angel indeed. He's left behind enough of himself to keep the body…persevered. Sam's not inside of there and the physical body isn't alive, but with the piece of Gadreel in there- it's like he's holding a spot for Sam, just in case he wants to wander back in."

I didn't understand. My confusion must've been clear on my face, for Castiel took one glance at me and continued.

"The body is currently dead, yes, but if we can find a way to regain Sam's soul, we can put it back in without any… godly help. I've never seen anything like this Dean, so I'm not positive if this is even going to work, but for now, it looks like our best shot. This could be very dangerous though, I'm not sure how much of Gadreel is left inside Sam. If he senses something, he could try to stop us. I'm not sure of how this all works. I'm sorry Dean, I wish I knew more."

"I'm in," I said without hesitation. I didn't care how dangerous it was. I didn't care if I died in the process. How much is my life worth anyways? All the people who ever got close to me died. I hurt more people than I could save, it was simple. I would do whatever I could, give whatever I had, to save Sam, and after that, I would disappear. Sam could go back with Amelia. Everything could be okay, as long as I couldn't hurt Sammy anymore.

I knew what that meant. I would have to cut ties with Cas too. I tried to imagine a life without Cas, without Sam, without everyone. But then I realized that I either imagined a life without them alive, or without them dead. Because no matter what, either way there was going to come a time when they both left me, everyone does. Either they get killed because of me, or they choose to leave me. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that I knew if I was to walked away, they would survive. They would still have each other, and they would survive.

"What do we do first?" I asked Cas.

"I honestly have no idea. Dean, I don't think you understand, nothing like this has ever happened before. I don't even know where to begin looking for his soul. Heaven? Hell? His soul could not even exist anymore. It could've been ripped to oblivion while they were in there. I'm sorry Dean, but this is not going to be easy." Castiel said, avoiding my eyes.

Then bring it on.