PART II
"Your father couldn't get used to travelling by Portkey either," Sirius said fondly, his hands gripping Harry's arms firmly.
Harry blinked away the vertigo as he looked up at Sirius stupidly.
"Here, let me take that," Sirius let go of him and grabbed the ballerina figurine Harry still held.
Harry swayed a little and then gathered his bearings. His eyes followed Sirius as he walked away from him and then away from Sirius as they took in his surroundings. He was standing in Grimmauld Place, in the same bedroom Harry had shared with Ron that summer. Sirius had moved towards the desk to put down the figurine and the sat down on one of the beds.
Before another word could be spoken, the bedroom door opened and Lupin entered, looking particularly haggard. By Harry's rushed calculations, he estimated that the full moon had just ended.
"Ah, Harry," Lupin welcomed, patting Harry on the back.
"Moony, go back to bed," Sirius growled. "You shouldn't be up. I can handle this."
"Nonsense," Lupin waved his hand dismissively, staggering over to the one unoccupied bed and sitting on it. "I'm fine." He settled in and looked over at Harry. "So, Harry. How's school?"
"Fine."
Sirius snorted. "Yes, so fine they send you home in the middle of the semester," he said. "Come now, at least put some effort into the lie.
Harry didn't know what to say. Obviously any objections he made would not convince either of them and there was simply no logical point in putting effort into a useless endeavour.
After some silence, Lupin said, "Okay, Harry, why don't you just tell us what happened then?"
Harry shrugged. "I don't know," he said. It was certainly the truth. All he knew was that one minute Ron and Hermione were pinning him down and the next they were gone, lying unconscious several feet away.
"Dumbledore says you blasted Ron and Hermione at least six feet into the air," Sirius said.
Harry suspected that this information should have been important to him.
"Why did you do it?" Lupin asked when Harry didn't respond. "Were you angry at them?"
"No."
"Were you playing a game or practicing spells?"
"No."
"Were you duelling?"
"No."
"Then why in Merlin's name would you do it?" Lupin looked more frustrated than Harry could ever remember seeing.
"I don't know."
"Why are you talking like that?" Sirius asked suddenly, cutting Lupin off from asking any more questions.
"Like what?"
"You haven't spoken a full sentence since you got here," Sirius pointed out, getting off the bed and instead going to lean against the desk. "You answer in one word sentences."
Harry could no longer see any good reason to keep this going. He thought that maybe it would appease them if he answered their questions honestly, but evidently they were not pleased. He could only think of one thing that might make them leave him alone.
"Sorry," he said, urging his voice to sound even a little sincere. He didn't think it worked.
"I don't want you to say sorry, Harry!" Sirius exploded. "I want to know why!"
"Sirius!" Lupin probably would have jumped to his feet if he had the strength to. "Calm down!"
Harry looked between the two. Strange. Before, it was Lupin who was upset and Sirius who was calm, but in the space of a minute things had changed and now the opposite was true. Harry briefly wondered how these men were still standing – surely such sudden change in emotion would exhaust the men. On the contrary, however, it seemed to Harry that Lupin was as alert as ever and Sirius was simply thrumming with energy.
"I answered all your questions," Harry answered despite Lupin's interjection.
They stared dumbly at him for a while before Sirius blurted, "Are you angry at us?"
"No."
"Then explain to me why you've been ignoring my letters," Sirius demanded. "I haven't heard from you in months!"
"I forgot," Harry said. In truth, he hadn't seen the need. Besides, Hedwig had recently taken to pooping all over his mail before she delivered it to him. Harry suspected she was angry at him for something. When he mentioned it to Hermione, she suggested he spend some time with her as he had seemed to neglect her of late. Harry didn't have any real pressing desire to do so, so his mail remained unopened.
"I don't know what to do," Sirius muttered, looking over at Lupin still on the bed.
There followed a silence in which Harry pondered what he was expected to do now – stay here or go back to Hogwarts? He was interrupted from his such thoughts, however, by a large popping noise. On the bed that Sirius had vacated now sat Harry's trunk. He took it as a sign that he was not expected to return to Hogwarts for some time.
There was moment in which the three men in the room stared at the trunk and then in a sudden dizzying second of movement, Sirius had pounced back onto the bed beside the trunk and flipped over the cover.
"What are you doing?" Harry asked.
Sirius didn't answer, instead he began to fling clothes out of the trunk, hastily shaking them before he let them go.
"Sirius?" Lupin asked, looking a little startled.
"He's not telling us anything," Sirius barked, never stopping from his task. "Maybe there's something in here…"
"You can't just go through my stuff."
"You don't seem to care either way," Lupin commented and he was right – Harry wasn't worried. Even if he could feel worry, he knew that Sirius wouldn't be able to find anything incriminating. The cube was safely tucked in his pocket, his hand clenched around it.
Sirius was now flipping open spell books, flicking through the pages and shaking them from their spines. When he was done, he threw them on the heap of clothes now on the floor.
"Wait!" Lupin was sitting on the edge of his bed but was leaning across the divide of the two beds to inspect Sirius' progress. "What's that?"
Harry stepped forward, peering inside the trunk.
"The Marauders' Map," he answered.
"No, that wooden thing," Lupin said, pointing.
Sirius lifted the Marauders' Map from where it sat and placed it on the bed. Underneath had sat the wooden base that had been used to hold the cube when it was packaged.
"What's this?" Sirius asked, picking it up and showing it to Harry.
Without the alarm he would have undoubtedly have felt at being so careless, Harry was able to come up with a reasonable lie.
"It's a base for a cauldron," he said.
"Wait, there's something stuck to it," Sirius seemed to have ignored Harry entirely and was now trying to pry something from the bottom of the base.
"What is it?" Lupin asked.
"It's a piece of paper," Sirius said, as he got one corner loose. "It looks like it's stuck on with something sticky. Chocolate I think, judging by the colour."
"What's it say?"
"The writing is on the side that's stuck to the base, Moony, otherwise why would I bother – ah ha! Got it!" he dropped the base on the floor and brandished the small piece of paper smeared with chocolate.
Harry knew what it was and clenched the cube tighter. He needed to get that paper. He couldn't allow Sirius or Lupin to read what the paper said.
"What's it say?" repeated Lupin.
"It's got chocolate all over it, but I think I can read it," Sirius squinted his eyes and brought the paper closer to his face.
Harry had to act now. The only thing he could think of was to bluff his way out of the situation.
"Okay, I'm ready to talk," he said.
Thankfully, Sirius looked up at Harry, but he didn't relinquish his hold on the paper.
"Well?" Lupin asked.
Harry knew what he had to do. Over the past few weeks he had observed his fellow peers as they, at one time or another, showed signs of distress. Usually there would be heavy breathing, they would begin to stutter and sometimes, even cry. Harry doubted he would be able to pull off the last display, but he was certain he could play distressed convincingly.
"Harry?"
"It's…" he took a deep breath and started pacing. "It's…Merlin, Sirius. I didn't want to tell you," he took another deep breath and pushed his free hand through his hair for added effect. "I wanted to handle it on my own…"
"Just calm down, Harry," Lupin had that strange look on his face, the one that kept popping up on the faces of those around him. "What is it?"
"Sn-Snape," Harry made sure to pitch the volume of his voice. "I…I can't handle it…"
By the look on their faces, Harry was sure that he had fooled Sirius and Lupin and then Sirius said, "This has got to be it, Moony," he indicated to the paper he still held in his hand.
"It's got to be," Lupin agreed. "Can you read it at all?"
Sirius continued to squint at the paper as though Harry hadn't spoken at all.
"Looks like instructions for something."
"Here, let me see," Lupin grabbed the paper out of Sirius' hand.
"Wait," Harry blurted. "Didn't you hear me?"
"Yep," Sirius said.
"But…" What was that? Was that a...feeling? Impossible! Harry was clutching so hard at the cube he was sure the edges would soon tear into his skin. But his heart rate had just gone up and he suddenly felt hot.
"Two instructions…"
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breath out.
"There's nothing else in here…"
Breathe in. Breathe out.
"Maybe it's still at Hogwarts?"
Breathe in.
"Dumbledore said they would send everything…"
Work, damn it!
"It must be on him."
Harry was frighteningly aware that both set of eyes were on him. Sirius stood from the bed and approached him.
"Give it to me, Harry," he said softly, his palm turned up.
Harry backed away. Why was he feeling? There was blood on his hand now, he was clutching the cube that tightly. Why wasn't it working?!
"I won't ask you again…"
Sirius was sounding so stern, like he had never sounded before. But that was the least of Harry's worries. He was feeling! He knew – just knew – that if Sirius and Lupin would just leave him alone for just a minute, he could get the cube working again.
Harry shook his head, almost violently. He knew what would happen: Sirius would lunge at him and wrestle him to the floor. But Harry also knew that just like Ron and Hermione, Sirius would undoubtedly be unconscious on the floor. It would be worth it if he could keep the cube and get it to work properly.
But it did not turn out that way. Harry felt his arms snap to his side, his back arch and his head propel backwards. He was face first on the floor, paralysed. He felt strong hands turn him over and Sirius knelt over him.
"Was that necessary, Sirius?" Lupin asked.
"He'll forgive me later," Sirius barked.
He began to pat at Harry's body, starting from his chest and moving down. Unfortunately for Harry, the paralysis did not extend beyond Harry's muscles and so his anxiety heightened. He willed Sirius to be blown off him like Ron and Hermione were, but nothing was happening. Had his magic been paralysed too?
Sirius got down to Harry's hips and patted both his pockets.
"His hand is clutching something," he said, dragging, with some difficulty, Harry's hand out of his pocket. "It looks like a black box."
"That's probably it," Lupin said. "Can you get him to let it go?"
"I have to pry his fingers off…" Sirius said, plucking at Harry's stiff fingers. "Merlin, Moony, he's bleeding all over the thing."
Harry felt his panic triple instantly when Sirius finally pried his fingers off the cube and held it up to the light.
"It's not painted black," Sirius muttered, squinting at the cube. "It's like the black is inside the cube."
"Let me see," Lupin asked. Harry couldn't see Lupin's reaction when Sirius held out the cube for Lupin to inspect but only a few seconds passed before he heard Lupin's reaction. "Get him up!" he exclaimed. "Get him up, Sirius!"
Almost instantly Harry could move again. He jumped up from the floor and wildly looked around for Sirius who had retreated to another part of the room. Spotting him still holding the cube, he lunged at his godfather. Sirius easily sidestepped him and sent him crashing against the wall.
"Hold it there, Harry," he said, alarmed. "Or I will smash it."
Harry stood paralysed, except this time not from any spell but from fear.
"Please…" Harry couldn't breathe and this time, he wasn't faking. "Please, Sirius. Don't. I'll do anything."
"I guess we've found it then," Sirius said, looking perplexingly at the cube. "What is it, anyway?"
"It's an emotobox," Lupin answered and surprised both Harry and Sirius when he stood, legs shaking from the bed.
"And what is that?" Sirius asked.
Lupin looked at Harry sadly. "Tell him Harry," he said softly, but Harry could no longer speak even if he wanted to. He had begun to shake so violently that it was about to bring him to his knees. But what was most debilitating was the extreme nausea he felt. The very idea of opening his mouth scared Harry beyond belief. And when Harry failed to do as Lupin had bid him, Lupin spoke again. "It's dark magic. It's a box that saps your emotions out of you and traps it inside itself. All one has to do is touch it."
Sirius looked down at the cube still in his hand. "I'm touching it. I still feel…things…"
"That's because it's tailored to Harry now," Lupin explained. "It will only recognise his touch and only take his emotions."
In all the explaining, Harry finally did drop to his knees, his arms wrapped around his midsection as he gasped desperately for air.
"Sir….Sirius," every syllable was torture. "Pl-please, I need it."
Sirius looked alarmed at Harry's sudden collapse.
"Where did you get it from?" Lupin apparently did not share Sirius' alarm.
"Moony!" Sirius cried, dropping to his knees beside Harry and placing a comforting hand on his back. "For heaven's sake, can't you see?! There's something wrong with him!"
"He's done this to himself," Lupin said, shaking his head slowly. "Now give me the cube, Sirius."
"What?! Why?"
"So I can destroy it."
"NO!"
In a burst of energy Harry did not think he had, he surged to his feet, knocking Sirius backwards in the process.
"No! You can't destroy it!" The panic he had felt only seconds before had lessened considerably under a new, stronger emotion…anger?
Sirius stood as well and was backing away from both Harry and Lupin who each had their hands out, Harry making mad gestures as he groped at the air and Lupin simply holding a palm out waiting patiently.
"I'm not giving to anyone until someone tell me what the hell it is!" Sirius exploded.
"I told you," Lupin replied. "It's an emotobox. It takes one's emotions and traps it inside itself. That's why Harry's been acting so weird – he doesn't feel so long as he has that box."
"NO!" Harry cried, feeling a sudden impulse to rush at Lupin. He knew that if Lupin were not here, Sirius would see the value in the cube and return it to him. "Sirius! I just need it to help me…I just…it helps me…"
Sirius had that look on his face, that look that Harry couldn't quite identify before. Now he knew what that look meant: it meant Sirius was concerned.
"Look at him Moony," Sirius said, sounding desperate as he stared intently at his godson before him. His godson who was dripping in sweat, who was deathly pales, who was shaking and taking deep shallow breaths, who was, it seemed to Sirius, close to tears. And the only thing keeping him on his feet was his desire for the cube. "I'm going to give it back to him."
Harry knew relief and triumph all at once. And then it vanished.
"You give it to him and you make a mockery out of Lily and James' decision to make you godfather," Lupin said hurriedly. "He'll survive without that box, but he won't if you give it back to him."
It was enough for Harry to lose any composure he had left. He could see Sirius falter at Lupin's words – at the very mention of his parents. And Sirius had been so close to handing the cube over to Harry. He could no longer control it, or maybe he never could control it, but in any case, the anger turned into irrational hatred. It was a deep burning desire to hate Lupin with all of his being for getting in the way. The hatred drove him – it drove him straight at Lupin, fists balled and ready to fight.
"Harry!"
"SHUT UP!" he shrieked, his fist making contact with Lupin's cheek. "SHUT UP! YOU DIRTY, LYING WEREWOLF!"
Harry wasn't aware of anything except Lupin who had staggered away, clutching his cheek and looking horrified. It wasn't until there was a strangled scream and the terrible sound of glass breaking did Harry divert his attention away from Lupin.
Sirius was red faced, angrier than Harry had ever seen him. That was terrifying enough, but what really had Harry reeling was the broken glass that now lay on the carpet against the wall. Broken black glass.
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Harry yelled after a brief few seconds of staring shocked at the broken cube on the floor. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!" He began to run at Sirius, now intent on pummelling Sirius as he had done Lupin but was once again distracted from his task by the broken glass fragments on the carpet.
The pieces of black glass suddenly began to vibrate, tremoring to the point that Harry could almost feel the wave vibrations emanating from them. Harry watched anxiously as they suddenly left the floor, floating slightly above the ground. In one hopeful instant, Harry thought that the cube would put itself back together, but as quickly as it had happened, it stopped and the fragments flopped back on the floor motionless.
"Well that was…"
Suddenly, colours of every imagining filled the room. Red, yellow, green, orange, purple. Light varieties of colours and dark varieties. Weird colours that Harry had no name for. But the most prominent was black and dark blue, hanging over the other colours like a dark cloud. Harry was transfixed. So much colours, it was almost dizzying. And then, as if stalking their prey, the colours rushed towards him. He did not have time to react as one by one they entered him. He could feel them. He could feel all the colours.
There was a brief second of absolute ecstasy. He burst out a laugh so loud he was sure his lungs had been sucked of all the air. He was joyful and excited and amazed and relaxed and …happy! He was happy! So happy! He wondered briefly where that came from. How wonderful it felt to feel this. To be happy – such a wonderful feeling, he didn't want it to end. But all that barely lasted a minute before other colours rushed at him. These were emotions that he had no name for, much like the colours. He remembered feeling them once upon a time, but he just couldn't put a name to them. They were not uncomfortable and they were not satisfying. They simply were. These feelings lasted longer than the feelings of happiness and joy. It was a reprieve of sorts, to feel these particularly feelings and he revelled in them before his eyes readjusted to the room and he noticed the large mass of black and blue still lingering above him.
He knew what those colours meant. They were the colours that he had tried to run away from. Those were the colours that had forced him to buy a dark magical object from a shady Slytherin in a dark corner of the school dungeons. Those were the colours that woke him from nightmares, screaming bloody murder, and those were the feelings that tried and tried and tried to push him to the brink, to the edge. To the edge of his limits…to the edge of his sanity.
"No!" Almost in slow motion he could see the black and the blue come at him. But there was no escape. "NO! SIRIUS! HELP ME!"
But Sirius could do nothing and suddenly they were inside him. They were there ripping him in half. Harry had heard of a broken heart, but he had never heard of broken organs, broken muscles, broken bones simply because he felt. It staggered him. He fell to the ground, a broken and heart wrenching scream coming from his mouth. He buried his face in the carpet and banged his hands on the floor beside him.
"Breathe, Harry, breathe!"
But it had all become too much. He had reached his limit. He had reached the edge of his sanity.
Xxx
A/N: Thanks to those who read! Thanks to those who favourited and followed! Thanks especially to Nan7 and Guest who both reviewed! Your kind words mean a lot! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint you and if it did, I apologise!
So I had intended on this being only two chapters, but I'm gonna put an epilogue up and THEN it's finished. I could have put it in this chapter but I got tired of writing and I had wanted to update the story only a day after I released the first chapter so I rushed it out. Sorry if that shows.
