A/N: Hello! I wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who has left me a review, followed or added my story to your favorites! You are all amazing and I have smiled like a complete idiot with every notification. Also, thank you to The Muse of Apollo for being an awesome, and patient beta, your encouragement keeps me going.
I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the first.
Chapter Two
Fall Before You Fly
Harry woke with a start. He rolled over only to find the bed empty and jumped up, panic setting in.
He ran from the room and down the stairs to the kitchen trying not to worry that Hermione may have taken off again.
"Sirius! Have you seen…" he stopped yelling as he burst into the room to see the object of his panicked thought sitting at the table, a cup of tea in her hand.
"Oh, sorry. I just…you weren't there." he looked down, rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head at his hasty reaction to her absence.
"It's alright Harry, I understand. I didn't mean to worry you, you were sleeping so soundly and I didn't want to wake you."
Harry nodded and noticed her looking pointedly at her teacup, her cheeks a bit pink. He was confused for a moment before he realized that he was in fact, in nothing but boxer shorts.
"Oh, shit. Yeah...umm I'll just go and...yeah." He pointed a thumb behind him before turning to leave. He was a little embarrassed but more than anything he was intrigued by the blush staining her cheeks and he smiled on his way back to his room.
After a quick shower and a change of clothes, Harry made his way back to the kitchen. He smelled bacon cooking and his stomach began to growl.
Entering the room for the second time that morning at a much more leisurely pace, he sat down at the table across from Sirius.
"Kitten has decided to make us breakfast. She wouldn't even let me help!" Sirius had his arms crossed, a petulant look on his face.
Harry laughed at his Godfather and shook his head. Sirius was a terrible cook no matter how many times he had tried to learn, and Harry didn't blame Hermione one bit for her decision.
"Padfoot, you know your cooking skills leave a lot to be desired," he said with a raised brow.
Sirius held a hand to his heart. "Pup, I'm wounded! All of this time I thought you took over the cooking because you enjoyed it."
Hermione was over by the stove and Harry could see her shoulders shaking with laughter.
"Insulted in my own home! I can't believe it," Sirius said with feigned indignation.
Hermione couldn't hold in her laughter anymore at their banter. She walked over to the table and wrapped her arms around Sirius.
"Oh hush you. I'm making breakfast as a thank you, so stop pouting and get out the plates."
They all sat down and began to eat when an owl flew in through the open kitchen window. It dropped The Daily Prophet and a letter on to the table and Harry fed it a piece of bacon before sending it on its way.
"Hermione this is addressed to you love." Sirius handed the letter to her and she quickly put it in her lap without reading it.
Harry watched for a moment, a little suspicious as to why she hadn't opened the letter straight away. He would ask her later, right now he had other questions.
"So 'Mione, what have you been up to?" He tried to ask casually.
Hermione put her fork down and wiped her mouth, taking a moment before answering. "Well, as I told you last night, I was in Australia. I found my parents and after a couple of months of going back and forth about it, I decided not to restore their memories. I didn't want to rip the happy life that they had away from them."
She paused to give Sirius a moment to speak if he wished. When he remained silent she went on. "I decided to stay in Australia, I had hoped that I could start over and find healing in the process. So I got a little flat in Port Fairy and found a job at a bookshop in town."
She took a sip of her tea. Looking at Harry, she could tell he wanted to say something. She raised her eyebrows at him in question.
"Did you get my letters?" He looked like he may not want to hear the answer to that question.
She had, in fact, received them and she didn't have an excuse for why she hadn't written back.
"Yes, I got them and I'm sorry I didn't write you back. I guess I was afraid of what you would say...If you knew how badly I was failing. You probably would have come and found me quick as you could and made me come home."
Sirius jumped in then, "Failing at what, Hermione?"
She shrugged. "Life." she sighed and continued. "I went to work, to the grocery store, sometimes the beach and back home. I would lock and ward the flat and then check it over and over again before I finally felt safe enough to go to bed. I slept with the lights on and, as you noticed last night, still woke with nightmares regularly. I tried to tell myself that it would get better, that no one was going to find me in muggle Australia. That I was fine on my own and I didn't need to burden anyone else with my problems. You all had your own things to deal with without having to constantly look after me. The problem was that I wasn't getting better on my own. I'm not alright."
"Why did you come back?" Harry asked.
Her shoulders slumped and she looked down at her plate. "Honestly? I was tired. I am tired...of waking up every morning feeling worn down, of always being afraid that I will be attacked at any moment. There were days when I felt like the world would be better off without me. Your letters told me that I wasn't unwanted as I often felt and they kept me going on the hard days. But I have all of these voices inside of me, telling me I'm not good enough and I just want them to stop...but I can't make them."
Harry nodded. "Alright, I understand how it feels to hit rock bottom. I'm not happy about your choices, I'm actually quite frustrated that you just left with no word. But I get it, and we're going to help you get through this."
Hermione smiled, though it looked forced. "Enough of the heavy. Harry, don't you have work today?"
"Nah, I took the week off. Sirius and I had planned to take a trip to Diagon today, do you want to go?"
Hermione looked down and her hand clutched the letter in her lap. "I don't know…"
Harry was getting worried. He thought it would be good for her to get out of the house for a bit and that if she were with them, she might feel safe.
"Hermione you don't have to come with us. Just let me know if you need me to pick anything up for you. Make a list, we'll get everything and be back in time for lunch."
She nodded her head before getting up to clear her plate and walk out of the kitchen, he assumed, to go up to her room.
"She needs a healer, Pup." Sirius looked troubled. "Being alone for so long with her fears and her anxiety hasn't made it any better. Speaking from experience, I can tell you it has more than likely made it worse. Take her to a mind healer and have her checked out."
Harry sighed, "I know, I'm so frustrated with her but I also understand. I was there, going through the same thing. I know what those thoughts and feelings are doing to her. I also know that without Healer Smith I would probably still be struggling like she is."
While Sirius washed up after breakfast, Harry penned a letter to the healer and sent it off with his owl, Artemis.
Hermione came back down soon after, a small list of items in her hand, "I have most of my belongings in my beaded bag but I forgot to get these." she handed him the list.
"Got it, we'll be back soon." Harry started for the door but stopped and turned back looking uneasy. "If you decide to go anywhere while we're out will you send me a Patronus?"
She rolled her eyes and smiled reassuringly, "Yes Harry, but I can promise you that I'll be in the library when you get home."
Harry and Sirius walked through Diagon Alley with a purpose. It was nice to come out when there weren't crowds of shoppers about.
The two men had already stopped by Madam Primpernelle's to get the items Hermione had requested. Harry had been so confused by all of the different shampoos, conditioners, and soaps on her list, he had quickly handed it to the attendant to take care of.
They were now on their way to speak with Sirius' account manager at Gringotts. They had been talking about selling Grimmauld Place for a while and acquiring land to build a new home. They wanted to start fresh and that was something they could not do while surrounded by horrid memories.
They were led into a private office and sat down across from a severe-looking goblin.
"Hello Gornak, we've come to discuss the selling of my ancestral home. My cousin Narcissa Malfoy has expressed interest in acquiring it and therefore, I would like to get an appraisal of the home and all of its contents. Once that is done, we may begin negotiations with her."
Gornak nodded. "Of course Lord Black, we can have someone out to look over the property by the end of the week." he began to prepare all of the paperwork as well as send notifications to have someone sent to do the appraisal.
Sirius and Gornak discussed the details of the sale along with his and Harry's plan for finding a piece of land to build on. The goblin recommended an agent that would help them in their search as well as a few magical builders that had worked with Gringotts before.
"Thank you Gornak, I'll be looking forward to our next meeting," Sirius said as they exited the office.
When Harry and Sirius arrived home, take away bags in hand, Sirius took the bags to the sitting room while Harry went to find Hermione.
As she promised, he found her curled up on an armchair with a book in her hands. He knocked lightly on the doorframe to get her attention.
"Hey, we brought lunch with us and we have some news to share with you. Want to come now or do you need to finish that chapter?" He asked with a mischievous smirk.
She narrowed her eyes at him and pursed her lips. "Har Har…I am capable of using a bookmark Harry Potter."
He just snickered at her while she marked her spot and placed the book on the table.
They walked down the stairs together and into the sitting room where Sirius was waiting.
"So 'Mione, Sirius and I have been talking for a while now, about selling this place. We want to find a piece of land and build a new home on it."
"Is that what you two were up to today?" Hermione asked.
"Yes, we went to the bank and also to a real estate agency. They are going to put together a list of some properties we might be interested in. We'll be able to go have a look this weekend!"
Harry was looking forward to the entire process, choosing the land and working with builders to create a home that has everything they want. Most of all, he was looking forward to having a home that was his. All of his life he had lived with other people, first with his parents, then the Dursleys, then here at Grimmauld with Sirius.
He wanted to have a place he could raise a family in and, eventually, pass down to his children.
It had always bothered him that Sirius lived in a home filled with painful memories. Yes, he had given use of it to the order, but that time was over.
He looked at Hermione hopefully, "Would you like to go? You could help us when it comes to choosing the best property."
Hermione looked uneasy, "This is all so very exciting, can I have some time to decide about going with you?"
"Of course Kitten, you're welcome to join us but we understand if you choose not to," Sirius said.
Harry hoped she would agree to accompany them, he liked the idea of her making it a place she could call home as well.
Harry heard the door open behind him and scooted over on the step where he sat.
"Harry?"
The man in question turned his head, "Hey 'Mione, everything alright?"
He had come out to sit on the front step and smoke while people watching. He had learned to notice many different things during Auror training and he found himself fascinated by the way people interacted with each other.
Harry had caught himself watching Hermione today, she was hiding something. He hoped it wasn't anything serious but he had a feeling that whatever it was, it wasn't good. He also didn't know how to bring it up with her.
Hermione sat down next to him, drawing her knees up into her chest and laying her head on them.
"I feel like I'm falling apart, Harry. What would my parents think of me if they saw how weak I've become? I feel like a disappointment. I didn't finish school, I haven't done any of the things I thought I would."
"You're not weak and you're certainly not a disappointment 'Mione. You're sick. You have spent your entire childhood being strong. You have been through things that others can't imagine. We'll get you well and then you can be whatever and whoever you choose to be."
She scoffed and he could tell she felt like that would be impossible to accomplish.
"You know, it took me a while to work past my own demons but once I had, I decided I wouldn't let them control me any longer." He told her.
Her eyebrows furrowed "How did you do it though? How did you get past the fear and take away their control…"
"I let someone help. I knew I had to get better in order to become an Auror so I swallowed my pride and did just that."
Harry flicked his cigarette into the coffee can and blew a puff of smoke into the air before taking her hands and pulling her up. "C'mon, help me make supper."
They walked into the house toward the kitchen and Hermione was quietly following behind him. When they reached the kitchen, Harry began pulling out the ingredients needed to cook their dinner.
"Harry…can you be more specific?" Hermione looked at him pleadingly, silently begging him to give her an answer.
The messy haired man pinched the bridge of his nose. He was worried she would be angry at his earlier interference.
"Alright. Before I answer though, I feel like I need to say some things to you and I don't want you to get upset about it ok?" He waited for her to nod before continuing.
"After you left, I was wrecked. I was so worried for you, worried you might get hurt or Merlin forbid, hurt yourself. I felt like I had failed you as a friend. We were both in such a horrible place at that time and it killed me to not be able to help you."
She opened her mouth and he could tell she wanted to argue but he shook his head and pointed at her. "No, you said you wouldn't get upset, let me finish. It's the truth whether you want to hear it or not 'Mione. You have no idea what it was like to wake up and find you missing. I didn't know what to think! Especially after the night you'd had before...God Hermione, I didn't know if you had gone off somewhere and killed yourself or just ran away."
He brought his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes. Memories of countless nights sitting in the shower fully clothed, holding her so tightly he thought she would break were flooding his mind. Nights when he had gotten so drunk he couldn't walk and she had stayed with him while he clung to her and cried into her shoulder. They had been each other's comfort, their safety net.
He sighed and started again. "We were there for each other the best we could be 'Mione, but it wasn't enough."
She sat heavily in a chair and waited for him to continue.
"A few months after you left, Sirius dragged me to a mind healer, he wouldn't take no for an answer. I was so angry because, like you, I thought I could get better on my own with determination. I finally gave in though, and I went for him because I could tell that he was really worried about me."
"What did the healer say?" she quietly asked.
"I was told I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD. Have you heard of it?"
Hermione looked at him and resignation flashed into her eyes. "Yes."
"I saw Healer Smith for months before I felt able to cope with my fear, depression, and anxiety; and I still go twice a year for check-ups." He looked into her eyes, knowing she'd be angry. "I sent him an owl this morning. I think you should go and speak to him."
She sat up, eyes wide and full of fear. "What! Harry, why would you do that? I don't know him! I don't need a healer...You said yourself it's PTSD, I can just find the information I need and get through it myself."
He raised his eyebrows, stern look on his face. "Because that worked so well for you before?" He could see her anger building but he needed to make his point.
"Hermione, I am here for you love, but I can only do so much. You can talk to me, cry on me and scream at me until you're blue in the face. I want to be the one to hold you together when you feel like falling apart, but you also need to talk to someone outside of everything. I promise it'll help, and I can come with you if you want. You won't be alone."
She was looking at her hands now, quietly thinking things through. "Fine." She bit out. "I'll go if you truly think it'll help...I'll go but I'm not happy about this."
After dinner, Sirius left to visit Remus while Harry and Hermione went back up to the library.
He was pleased that, unlike before she left, she hadn't seemed to be withdrawn or depressed. She recognized what her problems were and she was desperate to find a solution.
They sat together on the couch and she leaned over to lay her head on his shoulder.
"Thank you, Harry. For everything, not just last night or today...but for before I left. I was drowning and you kept me from giving up. I know I wasn't easy to live with but you were always there, lifting me up and keeping me safe."
Harry smiled, "Living with me was no walk in the daisies either, love. Maybe we should be apologizing to Sirius, he was here keeping watch over us as well."
She wrapped an arm around his chest and hugged him tightly before hopping up to get the book she had been reading earlier.
After coming back to the couch and laying down, Harry pulled her feet into his lap and leaned his head back.
It wasn't long before he drifted to sleep, lulled by the sound of turning pages.
