RESIDENT EVIL : MENTAL

Twas The Night Before Christmas

Twas The Night Before Christmas

And all through Raccoon City

And the zombies were stirring

To eat everyone

What a pity

All the stockings were hung by the chimney with care

With hopes that St. Nicholas would soon be there

But he was dead

And so were his reindeer

Big bite marks on their limbs

Blood spattered up on the highest piers

The children were nestled

All snug in their beds

While lickers snuck up on them

Drove claws through their heads

And Clarie with her bow gun

And Jill in her Capcom cap

Had just settled their thoughts

When the door went

SNAP!

Outside the RPD building

There grew such a clatter

That they ran outside

To see what was the matter

Raising their guns

They flew like a flash

Saw all the zombies

And felt an earth-shaking crash!

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow

Had Leon Kennedy drooling

Claire: Hentai…*kicks him*

And then had him on the floor

Then what to Mystik Amethyst's wondering eyes should appear

A psycho lookin' sleigh

With eight packing reindeer

The muscled driver

So lively and quick

That had Jill and Claire thinkin'

He probably be pretty slick St. Nick

More rabid than vultures they cames

But when they landed, he called them all by name

On Slasher, on Gasher, on Fasher and Nixon!

On Vomit, on Stupid, on Scanner and Blitzen!

To the top of the roofs

To the top of the wall

Now bomb away!

Bomb away!

Blast away all!

So up to the RPD roof top

Like lightning they flew

With the sleigh full of missiles

And St. Nicholas too

As Chris drew his head

And was turning around

Down the chimney he came

St. Nick came with a pound

They both ran down the stairs

Uzzis in hand

Read to shoot

The virus that should've been banned

Jill saw the old man

Musculer and skinny

She sighed and said

Jill: Stupid, old wussy ninny…

Santa was dressed all in fur to his head to his foot

All tarnished and trashed with ashes and soot

Unknown amounts of ammo

Slung on his back

He looked like a taliban

Except with a larger "toy" sack

His eyes, how they twinkled

His dimples, how sullen

His cheeks were like pansies

His nose looked like it fell in

His mouth was full of broken teeth and such

It seemed that cement was his favored thing to munch

The beard on his chin

Was as white as the snow

The stump up a pipe he held tight in his teeth

I didn't know Santa did drugs underneath

His face was sullen

And he had a round little belly

Which when poked

He laughed like the Boy of Pillsbary

A wink of his eye

And a twist of his head

Soon gave Leon the thought

That everything would be dead

He spoke not a word

But got right to his work

He said her needed two minutes

He sounded like Papa Smurf

He finished and laying a finger

On the side of his nose

And giving a nod

Up to his sleigh they all rose

They grabbed what they need

And thanked Santa kindly

Then went down to the streets

To begin battle

Finally!

Jill blew off ones head

Claire sawed off the other

They both enjoyed their new toys

Then they decided not to bother

With the men that they had

They'd never get this stuff

Because they were women

And because they said they weren't as tough

So they whispered something

In all the zombies deformed ears

And they all agreed

And they were almost in tears

They were scared they would die

So did they girls bidding

The ran at the men

And devoured them

And so that ends our Christmas fun

So Merry Christmas

And Kawanza

And Soltis

And that jewish holiday I can't spell

To all!

See you in hell!

-Mystik Amethyst