Warning: This story may become triggering for anyone with any type of eating disorder/problem.

Sorry for the long wait...I got really busy with school, but thanks for the reviews so far (:

Please R&R (:

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


"You really let yourself go CC…" I can't help but think as I stare in disbelief at myself in the mirror, clad in only my red lacy bra and panties. I'm gross. I'm fat. I inwardly groan as I pinch the fat on my upper thighs.

I turn to the side and examine my backside; it's huge and shapeless. I notice the amount of cellulite on the backs of my thighs. I see back fat and when I turn back to the front I pinch at all the fat my stomach held.

'Why can't it be flat…'

I lift my arms and see the wobbly fat…the armpit fat too. I look at myself as a whole. I hate what I see. All I see is a fat waste. I shake my head, ashamed that I let myself get this way. I head for the bathroom to weigh myself. My thunder thighs jiggle as I walk.

I reach the bathroom and pull out the ball and chain of doom and reluctantly step on. I hate what I see. 187 pounds. As I step off the scale, I sink down to the floor leaning against my bathtub.

I haven't had these feelings of hatred toward my body for a while. It's what that Domestic said earlier that left me with my triggering thoughts.

*Flashback*

I saw Nanny Fine walking around in an ill-fitting sparkly red dress and looked on in disgust at the scene in front of me.

"I wouldn't be caught dead in that!" I exclaimed and of course Lemon Bowl Fresh just had to make a comment.

"You'd have to be dead six months to fit into it!"

*End Flashback*

As I thought about what he said, I painfully realized he was right. I'd never be able to fit into anything like that. I'm a whale. I'd never look like her in that dress.

I secretly envied Nanny Fine because of her slim size two figure. She could just eat everything and still remain so small.

Things had to change. I had to lose weight…one way or another. I'd have to do whatever it took to shed the pounds and fast.

I got up off the floor, put on my robe, and walked into the kitchen; hating the fact that I could feel my thighs rubbing together when I walked.

'I hate my thighs…'

As I reach the counter, I see the leftover Chinese food I put out for dinner when I came home.

I look at it as if it were poison…before throwing it away.

I reach in the refrigerator and grab the salad and a bottle of water. I look at the back of the bag of salad and read the nutritional information.

'Serving size one cup and a half…15 calories…perfect!'

I reach for the measuring cup and a bowl. I pour the salad into the measuring cup until I get the serving size of a cup and a half and I dump it into my bowl.

I don't use dressing.

'It'd go straight to my thighs.'

Dinner.

I walk over to my couch with my salad and bottle of water.

"This is all I'll have…for the rest of the night…"

'I can do this…I will do this…'