Warning: This story may become triggering for anyone with any type of eating disorder/problem.
Sorry for the long wait...I got really busy with school, but thanks for the reviews so far (:
Please R&R (:
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
"You really let yourself go CC…" I can't help but think as I stare in disbelief at myself in the mirror, clad in only my red lacy bra and panties. I'm gross. I'm fat. I inwardly groan as I pinch the fat on my upper thighs.
I turn to the side and examine my backside; it's huge and shapeless. I notice the amount of cellulite on the backs of my thighs. I see back fat and when I turn back to the front I pinch at all the fat my stomach held.
'Why can't it be flat…'
I lift my arms and see the wobbly fat…the armpit fat too. I look at myself as a whole. I hate what I see. All I see is a fat waste. I shake my head, ashamed that I let myself get this way. I head for the bathroom to weigh myself. My thunder thighs jiggle as I walk.
I reach the bathroom and pull out the ball and chain of doom and reluctantly step on. I hate what I see. 187 pounds. As I step off the scale, I sink down to the floor leaning against my bathtub.
I haven't had these feelings of hatred toward my body for a while. It's what that Domestic said earlier that left me with my triggering thoughts.
*Flashback*
I saw Nanny Fine walking around in an ill-fitting sparkly red dress and looked on in disgust at the scene in front of me.
"I wouldn't be caught dead in that!" I exclaimed and of course Lemon Bowl Fresh just had to make a comment.
"You'd have to be dead six months to fit into it!"
*End Flashback*
As I thought about what he said, I painfully realized he was right. I'd never be able to fit into anything like that. I'm a whale. I'd never look like her in that dress.
I secretly envied Nanny Fine because of her slim size two figure. She could just eat everything and still remain so small.
Things had to change. I had to lose weight…one way or another. I'd have to do whatever it took to shed the pounds and fast.
I got up off the floor, put on my robe, and walked into the kitchen; hating the fact that I could feel my thighs rubbing together when I walked.
'I hate my thighs…'
As I reach the counter, I see the leftover Chinese food I put out for dinner when I came home.
I look at it as if it were poison…before throwing it away.
I reach in the refrigerator and grab the salad and a bottle of water. I look at the back of the bag of salad and read the nutritional information.
'Serving size one cup and a half…15 calories…perfect!'
I reach for the measuring cup and a bowl. I pour the salad into the measuring cup until I get the serving size of a cup and a half and I dump it into my bowl.
I don't use dressing.
'It'd go straight to my thighs.'
Dinner.
I walk over to my couch with my salad and bottle of water.
"This is all I'll have…for the rest of the night…"
'I can do this…I will do this…'
