A/N: There are spoilers for King Lear in the last section. Also, thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far. I'm glad you're all enjoying the sequel.
Loki starts going to the orphanage three times a week. It is both an opportunity to get out of the Tower and to do something good. He's not sure, though, if he should count each visit as a separate action or if all of his visits count as one. For now, he counts it as one, because his atonement is not supposed to be easy.
He enjoys spending time with the children. Many of them are withdrawn, several have terrible tempers, but they all flourish under attention. He only wishes he could spend hours with each of them every time he visits. He had considered using clones to do just that, but the energy it would take to run several personalities at the same time would diminish the quality of the time he spent with the children.
To make up for the fact that there is only one of him, he tries to engage them in group activities. One of their favorite things to do is to take small plastic toys, Legos the children call them, and create worlds that are a mix of colored plastic and vivid imaginations.
Loki draws on his memories of home, of sunlit forests, rainbow bridges, and spired palaces, and they take their Lego people on epic adventures. They battle eskel in the Adalstein forest, wrestle sea serpents in the deep waters under the Bifrost, and successfully fend off coups that threaten to take the throne away from their Lego men.
"King Daniel has a proclamation," Daniel says, his Lego man getting up from the throne they've constructed out of yellow Legos. Daniel looks at Loki, Becca, Alexandra, and Justin to make sure they're all paying close attention. "We are going on a hunt."
"To Jotunheim?" Loki asks. The children enjoy adventures and battle and running around the room with their Legos but sometimes their imaginations need prompting. Or in Alexandra's case, reigning in. No matter what game they play, she insists on bringing in unicorns. Princess Alexandra had pet unicorns in the Adalstein forest that Prince Justin kept insisting on slaughtering. Loki had to ban Justin from playing with them until he stopped killing the unicorns because it made Alexandra cry.
"Why would we hunt on Jotunheim?" Daniel asks. "Ooh, do they have woolly mammoths there? Or saber toothed tigers? That could be fun."
Loki instructs his real form to Google woolly mammoths and saber toothed tigers. While he waits for the information to process he answers. "Jotunheim has frost giants. They're the sworn enemy of Asgard, remember?"
"I think the frost giants are nice," Becca says. She drapes herself over Loki's outstretched legs and works on making a spaceship that shield maiden Becca can fly. She wonders if she can put lasers on it.
"Nice?" Loki asks. "They're brutes."
"Probably because no one's ever been nice to them," Becca says. "And because they live on Jotunheim. I would be grumpy too if it was always cold. Maybe if someone gave them a nice house with a warm fire they'd be happier. Besides, you shouldn't judge people until you get to know them, and we haven't been to Jotunheim to visit the frost giants. We only have former-King Thor's word that frost giants are mean."
Becca pushes her hair behind her ears and works on building the wings for her spaceship. Loki shamelessly stares at the girl who has challenged everything he's thought about Jotunheim with an offhand comment. She doesn't even know it's real, he reminds himself. But does that matter? She wants to treat them with compassion, with understanding, like they're civilized people. Loki wonders if anyone in the history of Asgard has every treated the frost giants as anything but a race to be conquered.
"Maybe Thor's wrong," Justin says. "Jotunheim could be fun. If it's covered in ice then we could go sledding."
"And ice skating!" Alexandra adds.
"I change my proclamation," Daniel says. "Let's go to Jotunheim and play."
Loki is stunned, barely registering the facts on woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers that are filling his brain. They want to go to Jotunheim to play? The inhospitable ice realm?
Becca tugs on his sleeve. "Will you tell us more about Jotunheim? And the fun stuff this time."
"O-of course," Loki says. What could be fun about Jotunheim? They said something about sledding. He sets his other self to research sledding while he begins the tale of their journey to Jotunheim.
In five minutes they're sliding across the ice slick terrain of Jotunheim, and they're laughing. Even Loki finds himself cracking a smile, and he's not sure how to feel about that.
There have been no more meal invitations and aside from Thor's occasional attempt to spend time with Loki, Loki is left alone. He is reading in his closet when he hears the door to his room open. He goes very still, slowing his body's functions until they're almost too faint to be detected. He doesn't know who has invaded his privacy, but he can't help but think it to be a threat. He instructs the clone returning from Mr. Gordon's to hurry. The longer someone is in his room, the more likely they are to discover him hiding here.
His clone's steps slow as they approach the door, and he enters calmly as if he has no prior knowledge that someone is lurking in his room. He doesn't completely pull off ignorance, because he doesn't startle when the door slams shut behind him, and he sees Clint leaning against the door, blocking the main exit.
Loki understands the ambush. The man is proving that he can enter Loki's territory as easily as Loki had entered his mind. He wonders what the purpose of this visit is. To harm him? To threaten him? To kill him? He will not succeed if it is the latter, but Loki wouldn't put it past him to try.
"Are you waiting for me to be afraid?" Loki asks. "I do not intend to give you that pleasure."
"You've been afraid since we captured you at Stark Tower," Clint says. "You're not as good at hiding as you think you are."
"Why are you here?"
"You've been quiet for two weeks, but I don't trust you. I don't care what you have to do, what pride you have to suck up, but you aren't going to screw this up."
Loki raises an eyebrow. Of all the things he expected when he found Clint Barton in his personal quarters, this was not it. "You want me to succeed?"
Clint laughs. "Don't be an idiot. I don't want you to fail."
"They're the same thing," Loki points out.
"Look, you're supposed to be rehabilitating. If you were going to be under house arrest they would've kept you on Asgard. You have to start interacting with us and with other people."
Loki wonders how difficult these words are for him to say and why he even bothers. "You do not want me around, and I do not wish to impose."
"A little late for that," Clint says. "And like I said, I don't care about how you feel. You feel excluded? Tough shit. You're still showing up to dinner every night. This isn't about you. The only reason you have a second chance is because it would destroy Thor to lose you."
It always comes back to his brother. Loki knows he should be indebted to Thor for all he's done, but he can't help but be resentful. Thor is always there, willing, desperate to help, to get Loki out of his latest scrape, and how can Loki ever repay that? Every time he turns around, Thor is doing something for him and Loki is plunging deeper and deeper into debt. He knows that his life and mind have been spared for Thor's sake, and he doesn't know how to respond to that.
"You are telling me things I already know."
"I'm telling you again, because you need to hear it. Start spending more time with us. And don't screw up."
"What's it to you if I am killed?" Loki asks. "I thought you would want that." Perhaps this was an elaborate plan to draw Loki out and wind him up until he violates his probation. Loki doesn't think so, though. Clint isn't one for subterfuge when vengeance is involved. If he wanted Loki dead, he would do it himself.
"Don't pretend you don't know," Clint snarls.
Oh, Loki thinks, remembering the time he spent in Clint's mind. He doesn't know how he didn't see this earlier. Clint had killed his errant brother rather than let the authorities get ahold of him knowing the torture and imprisonment that awaited Barney. He's afraid Thor will have to experience the same pain of killing someone so close.
"Dinner's at six every night," Clint says before leaving.
Loki sits down on his bed, head in his hands.
Loki cautiously makes his ways down to the floor that the Avengers live on. He has a history of Asgard clutched in his arms as if that will protect him. He knows from his childhood that it only makes him more of a target, but he has nothing to entertain himself with but books.
Steve is in the living room when Loki gets there, bent over a desk, moving a pencil back and forth. He seems engrossed in whatever he's doing so Loki is quiet as he curls up in an arm chair, his lanky limbs dangling over the edges as he props his book on his stomach. He is searching the text for any hint of good in Jotunheim. He doesn't think he'll find any, but the children have made him curious.
Nothing can be completely devoid of good or why would it exist? If Jotunheim was so awful why hadn't Odin used the Bifrost to destroy it? There had to be something worth saving in that realm to allow its continued existence, and Loki is determined to find out what it is, because even after all the damage Jotunheim has caused, it still exists.
Loki swings his feet as he skims the pages.
He's starting a chapter on the history of kings when the book is plucked from his hands. He frowns up at Thor.
"What are you doing?"
"I wanted to see what you were reading," Thor says as if stealing people's books is completely natural.
For Thor, it is. Loki makes a grab for his book but Thor holds it easily out of reach.
"You could've asked," Loki says.
"Oh," Thor says as if that thought had never entered his mind. "Well, this looks boring. I have a better tome for you."
"I was enjoying that," Loki protests, but as always, he's ignored.
Thor leaves the room and Loki huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Older brothers," Steve says looking up from his sketch. "They always think they know best."
"And they hardly do." Loki pauses as he realizes who he's talking to. He's surprised that one of the Avengers, besides his brother, is actually speaking to him and there's no hint of insult or threat in his voice. "I didn't realize you had a brother."
"I don't, but I had a friend who acted like one." Pain flashes across Steve's face at the thought of Bucky. "Always taking care of me, bailing me out of trouble, lecturing me to wait for him before getting into fights. As if I was going to let him get all the hits in."
"He sounds like he was a good friend."
"He was."
They're sitting in silence when Thor comes back into the room. Steve gives Loki a smile tinged with regret before going back to his drawing. Loki hopes he isn't about to end up with a book of war ballads. He's had enough of those on Asgard to last the rest of his lifetime.
Thor deposits a heavy book in Loki's lap, and Loki doesn't recognize it. He traces his finger over the title. The Complete Works of Shakespeare.
"Is this a Midgardian tome?"
Thor nods, a pleased smile on his face, because he's managed to finally find something that Loki hasn't read first. "It has both plays and poems. I believe you will enjoy it. Especially 12th Night. It is full of mischief and cross-dressing and good-natured fun."
Loki flips through the pages. It is a long text. It will certainly fill his time, but he does not trust his brother's taste in literature. "And my book? What have you done with it?"
Thor is disappointed Loki hasn't already fallen in love with Shakespeare. "What do you care for a book about Asgard? We're on Earth now. You should enjoy what this realm has to offer."
As much as it pains Loki to admit it, Thor has a point. Asgard is no longer home to him, and his exile sounds like it will last many years. He might as well acclimate himself as easily as possible to this world.
Loki opens the book to its Table of Contents. "This is the best Midgard has to offer?"
"Earth," Thor corrects. "I have heard some say that the Bard is the greatest in the English language, but there are those who disagree. Would you like to sample human literature? They have buildings dedicated to books here."
Loki can't help his laugh. "We had them on Asgard as well, brother. They were called libraries."
Thor doesn't let his brother's mockery dampen his joy. "They have those here, but they also have buildings full of books that you can buy. Anyone can possess books here. You can even purchase them and read them on your computer or tablet. It's fascinating."
He can purchase books for his tablet? Loki needs to find a way to acquire Midgardian currency. He wonders who he would ask about that. He supposes he could continue to use Thor's card, but he does not wish to further indebt himself to his brother.
"I can take you to the library and show you how to get a card," Steve offers. He's been trying not to eavesdrop while the brothers talk, but he couldn't help it. They sound so natural together, like they really are two brothers and not two people who had just been on opposite sides of a war. It gives him hope that maybe he'd made the right decision in urging Asgard to spare Loki from torture or death. He needs that hope, because if Loki relapses and hurts people, those injuries or deaths will be Steve's fault.
Loki is suspicious as he eyes the soldier. "You would?"
Steve shrugs. "I like the library. Tony says it's because I'm too old fashioned for ebooks, but there's something about the weight of an actual book in your hands." He shrugs again. "It's just an offer. You don't have to take me up on it."
Loki can feel Thor's eyes burning into the side of his head. It reminds him of the looks Frigga used to give him, silent orders to behave or be polite. "I will, thank you. When would you like to go?"
Loki matches Steve's smile even though he wants to roll his eyes, because he can feel Thor grinning and if he even thinks about patting Loki's head—
Thor pats his head.
In an instant, Loki has launched himself out of his chair and at his brother. "I am not a pet! You cannot train me with touches."
Thor laughs as Loki tackles him to the ground. It is easy to gather up Loki's wrists and hold them tight so Loki can't hit him. "Your hair is so soft and inviting, though. I meant no offense."
Loki doesn't believe him for one second, and he rips an arm free and rams his elbow into Thor's gut. Thor chokes on his laugh and suddenly he's completely serious. He throws Loki off of him, and Loki crashes into a wall, and he's pretty sure he's left a dent. Thor's fist is coming at him so Loki slides down the wall, and Thor punches the wall instead of Loki's face. That definitely left a dent.
Loki rolls out from underneath his brother and springs to his feet. Adrenaline is coursing through his body, and he's grinning even though he shouldn't be because he hates these brotherly tousles Thor is so fond of, but he's missed this.
"Hey!" Tony shouts and the two brothers freeze. "What the hell is going on?"
Tony looks like he's about to call a suit to him so Thor holds up his hands. "We're play fighting. No need to worry."
Tony looks at the hole in his wall and his mouth drops. "Play fighting?"
"It's fine," Steve says, alerting Tony to his presence. "I've been here the whole time. I was actually getting ready to give Thor a hand. I think Loki was going to kick his ass."
Thor looks furious at the mere suggestion. Loki grins.
"Next time you decide to be brotherly, do it somewhere where you won't break my Tower," Tony says. "I've had to do enough renovations because of Loki. And Bruce says dinner is ready."
Tony shakes his head as he heads back into the kitchen. Loki picks up the discarded book and ducks as Thor tries to tousle his hair, again. The man never learns. Loki whacks his shoulder with Shakespeare for good measure. Steve's soft chuckle follows him into the kitchen.
I love you, you love me
We're one happy family
Loki wants to claw his ears out. He doesn't understand the appeal of this large purple costumed human. Apparently it is a dinosaur which he has his real self researching for him. Regardless, this song is horrid.
Justin starts throwing Legos at the TV screen apparently agreeing with Loki's assessment. They bounce harmlessly off but it sparks a fight between him and Caleb and then Alexandra starts crying, and soon the room has degenerated into chaos.
Mr. Gordon and two aides sweep in and in a matter of minutes, Loki finds himself sitting in the corner with Justin. Justin is in a chair facing the corner, and this is referred to as time-out, and it reminds Loki of the many of the public punishments he was forced to endure as a child.
Thor was always sent to his quarters as punishment, because boredom and being cut off from other people were almost more than Thor could stand, but being sent to his room wasn't a punishment for Loki. Instead, he was put high up on a chair where everyone could see him when they passed through the courtyard. They would stare and point and giggle and gossip over what he had done to get in trouble this time.
"I hate Barney," Justin says. He pulls his feet up onto the chair and rests his chin on his knees. "He's stupid. Family's stupid. Love's stupid."
Loki doesn't have an answer for that. How does he explain to these kids, who want a family, who want to belong more than anything, that he threw his away? How does he say that yes, family is important when he's holding Thor at arm's length? Loki has been spending more time with the Avengers, but he doesn't know how to act around Thor. He smiles when they fall into familiar patterns, but a look from Clint or Natasha reminds him that things aren't as they once were. Thor and Loki should be enemies, only Thor doesn't want that. Loki owes his brother so much, he doesn't understand how Thor can stand to look at him let alone smile at him.
"Love's not stupid," Alexandra says coming over. She plops down on the floor next to Loki, and she worms herself under his arm. "You don't think love is stupid do you?"
"I don't know what love is," Loki says because that is true. Thor claims to love him, but Loki doesn't understand how. And Thor wants Loki to love him in return, and Loki doesn't understand that either.
"Pastor Jim says that love is being forgiven when you don't deserve it," Alexandra says. She rests her head against Loki's chest. "One day we'll have families that love us."
Loki already has one. Or at least part of one. He knows Thor loves him, and he likes to think Frigga does. He doesn't know about Odin. He has never understood the Allfather, and he doubts he ever will.
Loki had been devastated when he learned that he was a frost giant, that his parents were not truly his parents, that the god of lies had been deceived by the greatest lie of them all. He had yelled at Odin, accidently put him into the Odin sleep, and Loki didn't want him to die thinking that Loki hated him. So Loki killed Laufey where Odin could see. He killed his biological father, his false father, to prove to Odin that Loki saw Odin as his true father. It was why he aimed the Bifrost at Jotunheim. He needed to prove that he saw himself as Asgardian, and all his life he was taught that Asgardians hated the frost giants.
He will never forget the disappointment on Odin's face when he said, "no Loki". He had expected praise, acknowledgement, for Odin to finally be proud of him. Instead, he was upset, and Loki had been so shocked his hand let go. He doesn't like to think about what happened afterward.
"You're sad," Alexandra says, climbing into his lap. Her small fingers brush aside tears Loki hadn't realized were falling. "Why are you sad?"
"I fought with my brother," Loki says, wrapping his arms around Alexandra, hugging her tight. "and my parents."
"They'll forgive you. That's what family does. But you have to forgive them too."
He has to forgive them? For lying to him? For kidnapping him? For forcing him to grow up in Thor's shadow? How can he? Yet, he had not thought it was possible for Thor to forgive him for trying to kill him—several times—or for trying to take over Midgard, and he's appeared to have done that. So much of Loki's pain could have been avoided if he'd forgiven them straight away. He never would have felt the need to lash out at Midgard, to try and conquer it to prove that while he was not heir to Asgard, he could still rule.
He doesn't want to let go of the pain he's been carrying around. It is his only justification for all that he has done. But holding onto this resentment has only made his situation worse. Perhaps it is best to let it go after all.
"Can I get up yet?" Justin asks breaking into Loki's thoughts.
Loki wants to finish King Lear in the privacy of his room. Unlike the other plays he's been reading, this one affects him the most, and he doesn't wish the Avengers to see him emotionally affected by a piece of literature.
An aging father who is trying to determine how to divide his kingdom up between his children? Loki cannot help but read into it; though, Odin would never be so foolish as to split up his kingdom. For all Thor and Loki dreamed about ruling Asgard together, Loki had always known there could only be one king. Division only caused weakness, and no king would willingly weaken his realm.
King Lear scorns the love offered by Cordelia, his truest daughter, and Loki can't help but feel a small bit of satisfaction at King Lear's guilt as he realizes his mistake.
A knock at his door startles him, but he recognizes the heavy pound of the fist. He doesn't set his book aside. "You may enter."
Thor comes in and he grins when he sees Loki reclining on his bed, book propped up on his knees. "You are enjoying Shakespeare?"
"I am, though I feel for Cordelia. She should not have had to die. All she wanted to was to protect her father."
"She led an invasion into her sisters' territory," Thor says. "Cordelia saw her actions as honorable but others saw them as a threat."
Loki shuts his book. "You are correct as always, brother." Loki motions to the empty space beside him. "Are you going to join me or have you come to deliver news to me?"
Thor's smile is hesitant and he eases onto the bed. "You have been avoiding me these past days. I came to see if I had done wrong. Did I hurt you when we wrestled?"
"No, nothing like that." Loki stretches his limbs out. "I have been struggling to understand our relationship now."
Thor's hand is heavy and warm on Loki's shoulder. "You are my brother. You always have been, and there is nothing you can do to change that."
Loki can feel a familiar ache in his chest. His hand covers Thor's, holding it in place. "I am learning to accept that."
