As I walked home that day, wondering how Mahmud had contracted the illness that quickly, I ran in to a man and stumbled on top of him. I got up and apologized for my poor behavior, and suddenly realized my turban, which was covering my long hair which I hadn't cut since the day I left Baghdad, was nearly off my head, and that my shirt had loosened up, letting my breasts out from hiding. I quickly snatched up my turban, put my hand over my chest, and scampered as quickly as my feet would let me to my home above the shop.
Pushing through the crowd of murmuring customers, I was yelling for my servants to take care of the eager buyers. At this point I didn't care about the shop, about the money, or about Mahmud; I only cared about covering my body up once again. Even though I had to cover up again, I was tired of being a fake- tired of faking my gender, tired of lying to Mahmud, and most importantly, tired of not being true to myself. I just want to go back home and be myself, whatever the costs of it were… but I just couldn't, I had to help my family through this money crisis.
After crying for close to an hour over this problem of mine, I decided to take a quick shower and then presume my daily life back at the shop. As I started taking my clothes off, piece by piece, I would continuously look down, see my breasts, and think to myself, "Ah, yes, I am a girl… I am Buran, not Nasir." After repeatedly thinking this to myself, I started feeling better, because these were the times I could be me, Buran, the female, and I didn't have to fake being Nasir. One step after another, I started walking toward the shower, and slowly let the water down on me.
Marching down the stairs to the shop, I was greeted by two of my many servants. They seemed worried after hearing me sob for an hour. I told them I was fine, like I always do, no matter the circumstance. I went right back to working until sunset, which is longer than usual, but I wanted something to keep my mind off of everything that had happened to me that day. Later, I hopped in my bed after an emotional day, and drifted off quickly, dreaming of going home and seeing my parents react to my sudden arrival.
