Chapter 2
"I can't believe it," Kid shook his head. Hack had just finished telling him about the events that led up to Josiah's death. "He saved her life?"
Hack nodded.
"He really loved her, didn't he?" Kid said softly, not needing to see Hack's nod to know the answer. "Did she love him?"
Hack thought for a moment before answering. "I think that's something you need to talk to her about, Kid."
"I came back here to tell her I still love her, you know," Kid said, still looking at his hands. He had arrived in Sweetwater only an hour ago, but already he was telling Hack things about himself, and about him and Lou, that he would never discuss with the boys, or even Teaspoon or Rachel. Maybe it was because Hack hadn't been there to observe, and tease, when Kid and Lou were together the first time, maybe it was the easy going way the young man had about him, maybe it was just that, after ignoring his feelings for so long, Kid just needed to talk to somebody. Whatever the reason, he had no trouble or embarrassment talking to Hack.
"I figured as much," Hack said. "I could see it in your eyes. She's an amazing woman."
Kid nodded. "That she is. I just can't imagine my life without her anymore. These last few months have been the longest of my entire life, only I didn't realize why until recently."
"I can imagine. Every minute apart from the one you love seems like a lifetime," Hack said wisely.
"You sound like you know what you're talking about," Kid observed.
"Well, I do know something about the subject," Hack agreed.
"Yeah, her name wouldn't happen to be Anne Marie, would it?" Kid asked. "I saw the way you were looking at her when you introduced us."
"It's that obvious, huh?"
"To anyone with eyes," Kid grinned. "Thanks for letting me talk, Hack."
"Anytime, Kid," Hack replied. "Anytime."
I don't know what is wrong with me. Ever since Josiah's death, I've just felt...
Lou scratched out her writing and sighed in frustration. It had long been her habit to write in her journal every day, but all the entries since Josiah s death consisted of nothing but scratched out sentence fragments. A word here and there was all she had been able to get down. It had always been easy for her to express her thoughts in writing; even when she and Kid were struggling to admit their feelings to each other, she had filled page after page of her journal. But since Josiah's death, she had been unable to put her emotions into words.
She had always been strong...independent. Never one to give up easily, she had long ago learned to trust her instincts and stubbornly stick to a challenge. It was what had made her a good Pony Express rider, and it was what made her a good marshal. But lately that hadn't been enough. She was tired. Tired of the charade she had been forced to live for five years; tired of her need to keep others at an arm's distance; tired of the constant struggle to prove herself.
Not that she didn't enjoy her job. She wasn't happy unless she was pushing the limits, challenging herself to do more and to do it better; but lately, she wasn't happy doing that either. For weeks, she had been pushing her unhappiness away, immersing herself in her work to drown out the feeling that she was missing something. As long as she was in Sweetwater, surrounded by people and enough tasks to keep herself and Hack more than busy, she had been able to ignore her increasing unhappiness. But as soon as she was on the trail, surrounded by silence and accompanied only by a sullen prisoner, it was all she could do not to let it overwhelm her. Knowing what kind of man Pete Minter was, she knew she could show no signs of weakness; he would take any advantage he could get. Once she had delivered the prisoner, her weariness had taken precedent over all the emotion she had been pushing back; but once she had finished soaking in the tub and sat down to write in her journal, it all came flooding in at once.
Rising from the desk by the window as the tears threatened, and then finally came, she flung herself onto the bed, and cried into her pillow until she fell asleep.
