I sat dazed in the carriage, all my thoughts still occupied by Kallan and the way he looked at me. His eyes were so transparent but at the same time clouded, hiding a secret behind them. It was impossible to read them, but the intensity of the connection we shared was overwhelming. I could barely notice all the other people sitting around me. Chatting excitedly, ignoring me, but I had no attention for them. I could still feel his eye on me. It only lasted ten seconds, maybe even less but to me it felt like a lifetime.

I tried my hardest not to care, to let it go. Let it go the way I let everything else go. The way I let go of my feelings. My obsessive thoughts. The way I inhibited everything unpleasant and locked it up in a very full box within my mind. But unfortunately I couldn't lock this up. I couldn't put this away. I wanted to be angry but I couldn't even manage that. In some unhealthy way I actually enjoyed this. The realisation made me feel physically sick. The closest encounter I had with this boy made me unwillingly happy. I felt so unbelievably stupid.

A tear ran down my check. It touched my lips and I tasted its saltiness. It stung my mouth. I wanted to sob but I was aware of the people around me. I moved closer to the corner of the carriage where I was sitting, trying to separate myself even further from the group. I was glad that I didn't have to talk to anyone, that no one paid me any attention. I wrapped my arms around myself feeling the September breeze slap me across the face. I just noticed how cold my skin was, because inside I was burning.

We arrived to the castle. It was glowing and as grand and glorious as I could remember. The darkness was blinding but I could still see the shadowed outline of the extensive grounds with sloping lawns. I could hear the water of the Black Lake splashing on itself creating ripples in the far distance like a large silky navy blanket. I could smell the pine and freshness of the dense Forbidden Forest. And the so familiar hooped goal posts rose like giants at the deep end of the Quidditch pitch. I remembered the times I went to fly when everyone was gone. The wind would ruffle my hair as the air washed across my face. How the adrenaline pulsed in my blood with every lope and twist.

The feeling that was eating me up eased a little. This was my third home, and I was elated to be back. But despite that I was still feeling dreadful, whilst everyone else was hyper and riotous. All I wanted was to climb down to my dorm and fall asleep on my cosy bed. My mind was trying to avoid the feast by any means possible. Kallan and his posse would be there and I really didn't want to see them.

The reason for my uneasiness was that this attraction of mine (if you can call this attraction) was driving me insane. I spend a good part of my life trying to hate Kallan Potter and then the other, trying to not notice him. I wanted to ignore his very existence, to not be affected by him. Not to have butterflies in my stomach every time I saw his face. I hated it. I hated the feelings I had for him, but I couldn't hate him. This was the problem. My insane stupid problem. I'm mad. This is why I locked up everything, otherwise they would have already send me to St. Mungo's.

The older student were now making their way to the Great Hall. I followed one of the crowds reluctantly. My mind was battling between going to the feast or to my room. I didn't want to feel defeated by Kallan Potter, so I gathered myself and decided to join the ceremony.

As I walked past the steps I recognised Professor McGonagall. She was guiding the first year students, telling them about the sorting. She stood there strong despite her old age, intimidating perhaps in the young eyes of the newcomers. I couldn't imagine when I was that little, I must have been as scared as they are. I inhaled deeply and despite the fact that I really didn't want to, I entered the Great Hall.

The sealing was high and filled with floating candles. The interior looked new compared to the outside of the castle. Its authenticity was lost after the great battle. The ghosts were gliding around, showing off to the new students and amusing the old ones.

"Good evening Miss Edgar, how was your summer?" asked The Bloody Baron more out of politest then interest.

"It was great thank you" I smiled trying to be cheerful. He bowed and flew to great Sir Nicolas.

I could feel magic wrapped around me like a hot blanket. Student were roaming around trying to find their friends to sit next to. Practising spells and charms. Showing each other the tricks they learned over the summer. I felt my wand trough the pocket of my robes. It was such a comforting feeling to know that I could now use it freely. The teachers sat at their table observing the scene before them. I could see by their faces that this was as much a happy moment for then as for the students. As the headmaster entered everyone began to settle down. I went to my table, the rest of the Slytherin's were seated by the time I reached it.

I remember when I got sorted into Slytherin, my mum cried for a week. She convinced herself that the sorting hat was jinxed. She excepted me to go to Hufflepuff like she did once. Slytherin was considered as the "evil" house, full of Machiavellians. Its always been shown in a negative light, but I never considered myself bad or malicious. And even though some of the students do have attitude problems, I wouldn't exactly say that they are horrible people.

Every house has someone that's not very nice. It makes me angry that people stereotype Slytherin like they do. I never had a problem being in my house. I mean I'm ignored most of the time and some of the pure blood students do show their distaste to me being a muggle born. But I don't feel uncomfortable or intimidated. I am capable of looking after myself.

My dad didn't understand the whole house system anyways. He was just angry that I came to Hogwarts in the first place. He never said it out loud, well we never actually talk about it, but the fact that I was a witch didn't particularly make him happy. The most I ever got from him was "how's school?". All I ever say is "fine" as every time I start talking about magic he gets all stiff and distant like he is about to be hit with a bat and is preparing for the blow. So after a certain time I learned not to say anything at all. Now we both just pretended that I'm a muggle when I go to stay with him.

He is also against me using magic in the house, and hated seeing anything to do with it. So to make this even more easier I always hide my stuff in a trunk under my bed. The only time I get it out is to do some holiday homework at night.

I spotted an empty seat next to Kaytee Hogan, a girl from my dorm. She has thick, wavy, red hair, which she permanently dyed in her third year (she used to be blond). Her eyes are lime and figure curvy. We weren't exactly best of friends but we did chat occasionally. We also sat next to each other in Charms and completed few essays together. She is a nice enough person. We get on ok. She sat next to her boyfriend Landon Sullivan he was a best seeker Slytherin has seen since who knows how long. He has honey coloured hair and dark blue eyes. His family doesn't like muggle borns to put it lightly and I suppose nether does he. But he never said anything directly, I just see it in his eyes. The disgust, the hatred.

I sat quietly waiting for the sorting to start. Desperately wishing for this evening to end as quickly as possible. I wasn't hungry, so the aspect of food didn't appeal to me. I rested my chin on my arms weakly, ignoring the Gryffindor table. That's where he sat. Kallan was of course in Gryffindor so as the rest of his friends. Another factor witch is problematic, he like everyone else didn't like my house. Not that I ever heard him say anything. I only had my assumptions to rely on. A minute later Kaytee turned around. Smiling as she realised I was sitting next to her.

"Hey Amy, how was the summer?"

"It was really good, what about yours?" I asked still laying on my arms. I could see Landon shift towards some boy next to him.

"Mine was such a drag, my relatives came to stay for few weeks it was so boring. I tried sneaking out to Landon's, didn't work though." she explained.

I laughed lightly not knowing what to say. Kaytee shrugged then turned to talk to some of her friends. I liked that she never pressed me for conversation. Yet again I was stuck with my thoughts. My head kept itching to turn around and look at him. I was fighting my willpower in a loosing battle. I was too curious, too impatient. I wanted to see if I could read more from his face this time. Maybe get a glimpse into the reason for their sneering stares. I knew I was going to surrender sooner or later, it was all in the matter of time. I dug my nails into my arms trying to concentrate on the pain. I wanted to stop thinking. It hurt and relief spread over me. All I could feel was the pain pure and simple, just pain. Suddenly, I felt something brush my shoulder. I jumped startled, spinning to see what or who it was. Tristan sat next to me silently, arms folded across his chest.

Tristan Saishan, 6"0, boyish looking with messy black hair and piercing grey eyes. His looks could only be described as hypnotic. He smelled of peppermint, it made my head spin. He was always very withdrawn, very mysterious. He never spoke to anyone and skipped lessons continuously. I remember looking at how he sat in the grounds, leaning against a tree for hours until it was dark, just watching the sky. He looked like a statue, and only his eyes glistened in the light. People were intimidated by him for some reason. But I was intrigued.

He never sat next to me before. I've only seen him from a distance. But now that he was only inches from me I couldn't take my eyes off him. I never realised how beautiful he was, as beautiful as Kallan. This was strange. He always stayed in the background, kind of like me. But my problem was sounding coherent. I could never start a conversation, its not like I didn't want to have friend. I just never had any. But he liked to be alone. He hid from everyone, his company was his own comfort. I don't know how I knew this, I was just good at reading people.

I noticed I was still staring at him and blushed immediately. I wanted to say sorry, but doubted that he even noticed my rudeness. He was staring straight ahead with a hard look on his face. He startled me again as he spoke in a low voice.

"You have an audience" He said stiffly. His voice was velvet but had a rough edge to it.

I watched him confused. Maybe its because I never herd him speak before. Snapping out of my trance I followed his eyes. They lead me back to the people I was trying to avoid. Kallan and his friend were looking at me again. Giggling and whispering like little children. My breathing became heavy, It was hard to inhale. Peppermint was still fresh in the air. The smell irritated me now. I didn't understand why they were looking at me. I tried to hide my face behind my hair. Peter Henley who was sitting opposite me couldn't understand my hesitation. He looked at me as if I was a freak, then turned back to his neighbour.

Why so much interest all of a sudden? I wanted them to stop, all of them. I felt exposed, too self conscious. But their eye were on me. They were smirking. Only Kallan's expression was blank. I found this unnerving. I noticed that Karina wasn't with them. She was further away sitting next to some of her other friends. I knew there was something very wrong. Just then the new headmaster, started his speech. Everyone turned to listen.

I put my head back down, not wanting to hear the encouraging words of Professor Guinderlock. My cheeks were now burning my arms. I was trying to figure out why they were all looking at me. A lot of things came to mind, but nothing that would have kept their attention for this long. And why wasn't Karina sitting next to them? Did they have an argument? Had they stopped being friends? Was I reading too much into this?

Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Tristan still staring at them. He had this look on his face, as if he was angry for some reason. I wanted to ask him why, but it felt awkward. I mean, I don't even know him. But I suppose he was more forward then me, as he asked.

"Why are they looking at you like that"

"I don't know" I choked out nervously.

This was so weird. Kallan was staring at me, Tristan was talking to me. My head was still spinning. I closed my eyes, trying to suppress my feelings and thoughts. The sorting started, I could hear that much.

"Johanna Cesar, Ravenclaw."

"Annabelle Sampson, Gryffindor."

I was feed up and finally decided it didn't matter why they were looking. I was going to ignore them, Kallan including. I sat up straight, trying to compose my face. Showing them that I was stronger then their immature behaviour. I felt relived after I let it go, after I started ignoring them. Tristan however was still staring, this was very peculiar. I didn't want to say anything so I just watched the sorting, peaking at him now and then. But he looked focused not moving an inch.

Twenty eight new students joined Slytherin and the feast began. The tables were covered with lovely, delicious food. It all smelled wonderful. Despite my stomach going through riot in the past half hour, I found my mouth watering. And regardless of my protest of not wanting to eat I was piling up food on my plate. I turned to glance at Tristan again, but he was gone. It felt kind of empty without him there. I brushed the feeling of and enjoyed some of the food. The staring had stopped and some weight was lifted of my shoulders.

After the feast was finished, the prefects and head boy and girl helped all the first years to the dorms. I could hear some singing Hoggy Warty Hogwarts as they went along. It made me smile. Little things like that is what I loved about this place.

"Ames are you coming" asked Kaytee.

"I'll be there in a minute" I smiled reassuringly. She nodded and left holding hands with Landon. Who was visibly glad I didn't join them.

I waited until the hall cleared, before I left. I didn't want to push through the crowds again. The first to leave were Kallan and his friends. They always had to show the rest of the school who was really in charge, who was dominant. I sighed at how pathetic it all looked. But not everyone shared my opinion. I could see young girls drooling over them, and boys admiring them.

Now that the hall was almost empty I took some time to admire it. It felt so good to be back, I was truly privileged. I exhaled from the relief of an empty room. Finally I stood up lazily, full and content. I found myself incredibly sleepy. Today was very stressful, draining and confusing. No I shouldn't think about that. I walked slowly to the entrance looking at my feet as I went. Few people were still lingering around, talking to the professors.

I came out, my legs were barely holding me up. Then abruptly I hit into something solid, my head throbbed a little from the collision.

"O my god, I'm so sorry. I…" I lifted my head to view my victim and went speechless.

He was standing right in front of me, only inches away. He smelled fantastic, sweet, like cinnamon or treacle tart. The fragrance was intoxicating. If my legs couldn't hold me before, now I was convinced that I was going to fall. He stood there like a Greek god, hands tucked behind his pockets. He was smiling at me, the same way he smiled in my dream. I stared dumb folded. Being there in his presence felt like as if before I couldn't breath and now suddenly my lungs started to consume air.

"Hey there Slytherin" he said jokingly.

I just stood there gapping at him not being able to say anything. He lifted his hand and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. The contact felt amazing. I wanted to lean into his touch but my body was frozen on the spot. No this was wrong, this was so wrong. I couldn't understand what was happening. He looked into my eyes searching for something still with a wicked grin on his face. My palms were sweating, I tightened them into fists. He leaned in closer to me as if to kiss me but then suddenly he walked past me to the Gryffindor table. I stood there too scared too turn around. I could hear him running back.

"Just forgot this" He was back I front of me, tossing a small gold snitch in the air and caching it again. I was too shocked, no words would come out. I just stared at him. We stood there uncomfortably. He run a hand through his hair nervously. I've never seen him like this he was usually so overly confident. When he realised I wasn't going to talk he sighed looking at the floor. But within seconds his head popped back up all grinning.

"See you around beautiful" he said and run towards the Gryffindor tower.

I was still numb. I didn't know what to make of this. I couldn't understand what just happened. I stood there for what seemed like forever. All I knew was that something wasn't right, I didn't know what yet though. But nothing good was going to come out of any of this. In that moment my whole life flashed in front of me and I made a decision. I would not let my guard down around Kallan Potter ever again. Its time I got some back bone, because I was being pathetic. I was going to change. I would try my best to change. I kept telling myself over and over again. But deep down I knew I was just lying to myself.