Statistic

Renegade's Rage

"Hey Shepard!" Jack called. "Hey I'm talking to..."

Tali barely pulled the heavily tattooed woman clear of the biotic shock wave sent out by the spectre. Thankfully the hanger deck was clear of all other personnel. Tali winced when she saw the damage the human had done to the hover tanks stabilisers.

"What the yell Shepard!" Jack yelled.

"Just leave her Jack," Tali advised. "She's been like that since Admiral Hackett left two days ago.

"She pissed off about something?"

"She just killed a star system," Tali replied. "That even has to affect someone like her."

They noticed Shepard had stopped pacing and fuming and was looking straight at them.

"Jack tell Miranda I'll be gone for a few days," with that Shepard hopped in the shuttle and prepared for launch.

"But.." Jack tried to say.

"Come on Jack," Tali said. "I know you and Miranda don't get along but Shepard did ask. Lets head up there before we're both accidental spaced."

Xandi Shepard punched the wall ignoring the passing vista of space. She created a biotic field and punched it again. There was a small dent now. She charged her biotics again, turned and then panting, let the power ebb away. She had almost biotically charged straight through the shuttle's door. Her anger was affecting her badly and her only hope was that Liara T'soni could calm her.

Liara found her spectre asleep across the shuttle's seats when it docked on autopilot. As she gently woke the human she was treated to one of Xandi's rare smiles. Then she saw the look, the I really need to talk to you about something one, in the human's eyes.

"What's wrong Xandi Sue?" she asked as she lifted the woman into her blue embrace.

"I failed," Xandi said as she gently pushed the asari away.

"Tell me?" Liara pleaded as she followed Xandi down the corridor to the control room. She was startled when Xandi slammed her fist down on the main console.

"I achieved all my objectives in my last mission," Xandi said. "Any could call it a success for a certain measure of the term. But I...it will always be a failure to me."

"Xandi Sue please explain in more detail so I can help!" Liara raising her voice actually rid Xandi of her hesitation. So she began to explain what was causing her to be ashamed and angry and hesitant.

"Admiral Hackett contacted me a week ago," Shepard said. "Standard mission really, rescue a prisoner from the batarians and then confirm her intel. The kind of thing I could do in my sleep even without back up as the Admiral asked. Then it all went to hell."

"How bad?"

"Worse than Virmire," Xandi explained. "Worse then when I died. The reaper artefact I was asked to confirm the existence of, well it was real and it was counting down. The entire facility was indoctrinated. I should have realised but they were all being reasonable until like good little puppets they sprung their trap. I hate flame throwers by the way."

"I take it the countdown was to something bad the reapers would be doing when it was over?" Liara asked.

"Their arrival in the Bahak system," Xandi stated. "From that beachhead they could launch their galactic extinction event. But they can't use that mass relay any more. The project to weaponize the asteroid they found the artefact on was completed before the reaper's lies took hold. All I had to do was push the button to fire it at the mass relay."

"And you pressed it?"

"It was all I could do," Shepard said. "They took me down in their ambush..."

"But you never ever stay down," Liara completed.

"By the time I woke up there were mere hours left in the count down rather than the two days when I arrived," Xandi explained. "That's when I made my worst ever mistake. All through this time being forced to work with Cerberus I've been basing my decisions on the one thing in this life I'm sure of and that's you Liara. Every time I'm faced with a choice I try to think of the kind of galaxy I want to leave for you when I'm gone for good."

She paused to take a breath before continuing.

"Every time I was faced with something big I always asked myself will Liara be able to still look at me? Would I be able to face you and say I made the right choice?"

Xandi Shepard turned away from Liara,her fist clenched trying to find the courage to tell the asari what she had or rather hadn't done. Liara circled her arms around the human's waist and rested her head on her back.

"Take your time."

"I could try to justify it by saying communications were probably jammed anyway, that most of the victims were slaves who might even welcome death or even a population of such a small size couldn't be evacced in such as limited time frame," Xandi said. "But the truth of the matter is I didn't even try to warn them. I just fired the weapon. How can I even face you when I didn't even try?"

"And this is why you are so angry with yourself?" Liara asked.

"Yes because for you I should strive to be better, to do better," Xandi said. "Instead I might become the reason war breaks out between the batarians and Alliance and I am most definitely the reason every one in the Bahak system is dead. That's not the kind of future I want to leave you were non combatants are sacrificed so easily. I hate myself so much right know."

"Please don't," Liara asked kindly. "Ultimately it's the reapers fault. Without you we would all be in the reaper's thrall right now."

"Delaying them isn't much consolation," Xandi replied. "Neither was shooting that bitch, Doctor Kenson, before she could blow herself up."

They stayed embraced in silence for awhile, Xandi's scars fading a Liara's presence calmed her.

"Hey where's umm?" Xandi said after a time. "What was his name again?"
"Feron?" Xandi nodded at Liara's reply. "I believe I sent him to the citadel to obtain an alliance dress uniform for some reason."

"You already knew?"

"Not about me being your moral and ethical compass," Liara explained. "But I did hear about a an Alliance officer needing a uniform for a inquiry as she lost the her old one in the depths of space some where."

"Damn forgot I only had civilian duds and Cerberus crap," Shepard said. "You're the best you know."

"Of course," Liara said. "And don't you forget it."