The great war raged around the world while another was being waged in my own life. I found myself grateful when the news that Charles was being drafted came. Many women cried out of fear or anger, I was crying from relief. A part of me prayed he wouldn't make it home. A marriage of two months and a then becoming a widow seemed like a fair trade to me for all the pain I'd had in that short time. I felt heartless for even thinking such a thing, but one of us wouldn't make it out of this marriage alive and I knew it. While he was gone, Charles wrote sweet letter, making it seem like life was wonderful while he was here. He was as charming in his letters, as he had been before our marriage. He often told me how proud he was of me, and how things would be great again once he was home. I shuddered at that thought, but a small part of me hoped it would be. I wanted to have a happy life, even if it was with him. Time went on, and my hope diminished as his impending return came near.

The year he was gone seemed too short-lived. I was thankful when he told me it would be another six months before he would make it back to the united states. His letters took another turn, and I was warned to have everything in order when he returned. In my head I was already plotting what I could do, but all my planning came up short. I just didn't have the nerve. He was back by that winter, at first he was quiet and distant. Then he picked up where he left off, with vengeance.

"You insensitive bitch," he yelled at me over rearranging the furniture. He then shoved me over the small ottoman breaking a decorative table that was his mothers. "Look what you did you stupid cow." He yelled while I pulled glass from my hand. The living room was covered in broken glass shards and small beads from my necklace. I got up to bandage myself, and felt him pull my hair.

"Where do you think you're going?" He hissed.

I held up my hand and began to tell him I was going to bandage it. He grabbed where the glass had sliced me, and pulled me down.

"No, you're going to clean this up." He demanded. "Then you can clean yourself up."

I tried not to let any tears escape as I carefully picked up the many shards that littered the wooden floor.

I discovered not long later I was with child. The small being growing inside was already so precious to my heart. I did all I could to protect my swelling belly. One night while he slept I considered ending everything, making it final. I knew that would only cause more problems in the end. I knew he would be leaving for a short trip, that would be my break in the clouds. This was the catalyst I needed to make my move.

As Charles packed I stood by trying to help, and look sad that he was leaving. I found him getting annoyed at my presence, so I disappeared into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner.

"Esme" he called to me

"Yes Charles" I said setting the table. I looked up to see a hesitation in his eyes. I gave my best sad look, and didn't meet his eyes."

"Nothing, no mind." He turned and stalked back out.

We ate dinner in silence that night. He asked if I would miss him, and I assured him I would. He told I should visit my mother spend some time with her and then bid me good night. He had been gone a little over an hour when he returned he'd forgotten something. He pulled me out of bed to help him find some papers he needed. He said nothing as he left again, he was mad. I laid there tracing the scar on my arm, with a fear he'd come back again.