Summary His life had always been perfect, or at least so Roxas had liked to think. But overcoming his own fears for someone else isn't as easy as it seems. When both his own and his lover's past threatens their unstable relationship, Roxas has to face the truth: His life was far from perfect. But at least it was better than Axel's.
Oh, yeah, forgot to mention it's AU. And Roxas and Sora are twins. Highschool setting.
Warnings: It's still all about boylove. That one won't change. If it bothers you... well... then that doesn't bother me very much. Go to your momma and cry your little eyes out.
Swearing. A little. Because Roxas isn't nice.
Baaaaad grammar. And general abuse of the English language.
Pairings: AkuRoku main, RikuxSora, ZexionxDemyx side pairings. Possible LeonxCloud later on. Much, much later though.
Disclaimer: I own the Kingdom Hearts mangas. And the Chain Of Memories mangas. But not the wonderful world of Kingdom Hearts itself. And I especially don't own Roxas and Sora. As much as I would love that. Sadly, Squareenix and Disney won't give them up that easily.
Perfect Match - Chapter 1
He couldn't sleep. He never slept longer than four hours.
It didn't bother him that much. He was used to getting up before dawn and waiting for the sunrise, sitting on the huge, comfortable couch in his room only in his underwear, sipping on a cup of coffee and gazing at the clouds, watching them change their color from black to gray, from gray to a delicate shade of pink, to orange, to gray again, to white...
He was used to being alone in his big, empty room. He liked it. Here he could think about... things. Here he could be... himself. Not this fake, happy person everybody automatically assumed he was.
He heard someone knocking softly on the door of his room. He didn't bother to say anything, just sipped on his coffee and continued to watch the sunrise. He heard the quiet creaking of the door and slow footsteps approaching as this person entered his room.
"Roxas," he heard the soft voice of the only person in his life he really cared about. The only person he allowed to get close to him. The only person he trusted.
Sora, his twin brother, stood beside him and looked down at him fondly. He was already dressed, a simple black and white, short-sleeved hoodie over a red and blue t-shirt and baggy black shorts, red bags strapped to his thighs by yellow belts, his silver chain with this simple, crown-shaped pendant their grandfather had secretly given him for his eleventh birthday resting on his chest, and his trademark fingerless gloves on his hands. His chocolate brown hair was spiky like his twin's, but slightly longer and even messier, sticking out in every direction possible from his head.
He smiled softly and sat next to his brother.
"I made breakfast," he said, hugging his twin and ruffling blond hair affectionately. "Pancakes, just for you. Wanna come down?"
Roxas smiled back. He loved the way his always cheerful twin managed to make him smile every morning.
"Why would you do that?" he asked, chuckling softly. "You love to sleep in, Sora."
"Awww," Sora chuckled and pinched Roxas' cheek lightly. "Because you are my widdle, widdle baby bwother, and I wuv you sooooo much!" He spread his arms wide to demonstrate just how much he loved his 'baby brother', who glared at him half-heartedly for this stupid nickname. Sora just laughed at the almost pouty expression. "That, and because you need to eat, bro. You are waaaay too skinny."
Roxas laughed as Sora poked his ribs once, grinning like a Cheshire cat. He batted his older brother's hand away and stood, grabbing a t-shirt from the ground and pulling it over his head before he followed his brother out of his room and downstairs.
"Okay, number one: Eight minutes! You're just eight fucking minutes older than me, brother dearest!" He ignored Sora chirping "Language, Roxas!" happily. "And number two: You're just as skinny, so shut up!"
"Yeah, well, guess it runs in the family. Aaaaaaanyway..." Roxas sat down and grabbed a fork, watching his brother prepare two plates full of golden, buttery goodness, enjoying his brothers cheerful chattering. "I woke up early today and wanted pancakes, and since you never ever eat real food for breakfast, and don't give me that look, marshmallows are no real food, as tasty as they are... Anyway, I thought, 'Hey, Sora, you have two hours left, why don'tcha try to stuff your poor, skinny, adorable widdle bwother with unhealthy but undeniably delicious Food Of The Gods, aka 'Soras Exquisite, Mouth-watering, Deliciously Fattening Pancakes, Roxas-special'?' And here they are..." He handed Roxas a plate full of incredibly tasty looking pancakes. They even had chocolate chips in them, just how Roxas liked it.
"Dig in!" Sora cheered as he sat down next to his brother and followed his own advice instantly.
They ate in peaceful silence. Roxas loved his brother's cooking. It was simply the best. He knew no better way to start the day.
Yes, it was peaceful. Until they heard someone come down the stairs.
Sora stopped mid-bite. Roxas sighed.
A beautiful, blond girl with big blue eyes stepped into the kitchen, a pretty smile on her even prettier face. Her eyes brightened noticeably when she spotted Roxas.
"Morning," she announced cheerfully.
Way too cheerful. Ugh! Why did he ever bring her home?
Roxas glanced at his brother. His heart clenched almost painfully when he saw the look of pure disgust sweeping over Sora's features. Sora tried to hide it instantly, but Roxas knew. He knew how his brother thought about this. About his… experiments.
"Why are you still here?" he asked without looking up. He took another bite of his delicious breakfast. "I told you I didn't want to see you today."
Her face fell. Her blue eyes widened impossibly, her mouth fell open, her hands were clenched into tight little fists.
And then she started to cry.
"But... but..." she sobbed pitifully, her voice sounding high and shrill and overall unpleasant. "But... I thought..."
"That's the problem," Roxas stated emotionlessly. "You thinking, I mean."
"You... you can't mean that..." she wailed, clutching her shirt right above her heart in a melodramatic gesture. She was already shaking. "I thought we... I thought you loved me..."
"Oh, come on..." Roxas wiped his lips politely with a napkin, never looking up. "We only know each other since yesterday. I don't even remember your name."
She gasped and stepped back until her back hit the door frame.
"I'm in your math and biology class, you asshole!" she screamed, her hands now shaking from rage. "We know each other since ninth grade!"
"So? I still don't know your name." Roxas leaned back and crossed his arms across his chest. "I know you know me. I know you couldn't wait to get into my pants last night. That's all I have to know about you. You're like everybody else."
She was about to protest, but blazing sky blue eyes stopped her.
Roxas watched tears filling her big eyes once more. He watched them emotionlessly, as they were clinging to her long lashes, sliding down her pale cheek, dripping from her perfect little chin.
She ran away crying.
It was like this all the time. They always cried. The boys just as much as the girls.
Silence again. But this time it wasn't peaceful. This time it was a sad, troubled silence which filled the kitchen.
Sora took his plate and placed it near the sink. He never looked at his brother when he left the room.
Roxas was relieved about that, yet felt guilty about it at the same time.
They went to school in silence. They always walked, since their school was only five blocks away.
Roxas had changed into comfortable, faded gray jeans, a tight black vest with the pendant his grandfather had given him, some kind of four-pointed star, attached to the zipper, and his favorite white jacket, the one with black and white checkers around his shoulders and the red collar, his black and white checkered wristband on his left wrist, black and white sneakers on his feet.
It was very unusual for Sora to be so quiet, but Roxas knew why. He knew his brother was disappointed.
He was, too.
"I'm sorry," he said, looking down at his feet. His sneakers made gentle, squeaking noises on the pavement.
Sora sighed.
"That's what you say every time, Roxas." He sighed again. "Why do you do that? Why don't you just stop?"
"Dunno." Roxas kicked at a pebble. It landed on the grass beside the street. "Can't."
"You could." Sora's eyes were on him, again. He hated that look. That disappointed, yet hopeful look. "You hurt them, y'know? It's just... dunno. Not nice."
Not nice. Yes.
Roxas wasn't nice.
He brought people with him, almost every night. Never twice. Just once. He would make out with them, kiss them and test them, see if they wanted him.
They always did. They said they wanted to be with him. To love him. To be his girlfriend (or boyfriend, since he was into guys as well).
They were so eager to please him. It made him sick.
They would try to seduce him, to sleep with him, regardless of the fact they didn't really know him, but he never allowed them to. And he would tell them to leave him alone after that, and they would cry, scream, and sometimes even threaten him.
He didn't care. He had stopped caring a long time ago. He didn't care if he hurt them, because they hurt him even more with their lying and their faked feelings for him. They deserved his cruelty, because they were even crueler in their greedy and lust-filled attempts to seduce him.
He never slept in the same room as his... guests. He left them in some guest room, disgusted by their sweet talking, their lack of pride when they threw themselves at him, when they offered him their bodies like whores, never wanting him, just his fame, his looks, his money. He was nothing more than a prize for them, something to show off to their equally shallow friends.
He couldn't stand people like them in his room. His room was his sanctuary.
The place where he cried until he passed out from exhaustion. The place where he could hate himself for not being able to stop. For not being able to be alone.
The place where he dreamed about things he would never have; things his parents' money or his looks or his fame couldn't provide.
Things like... someone he could share his big, empty room with. Someone who would talk to him, laugh with him, someone to hold him, to tell him everything was okay. Someone who would love him for who he was, not for money or fame. Things like love.
Nobody would ever love him. They all wanted him, but not for who he was. Never for who he was.
And yet he tried. And took somebody home with him. Almost every day.
Because he wanted to care. He had stopped caring about everybody except his brother a long time ago, but he wanted... he wanted to care... he wanted someone to care about him, too...
A warm arm pulled him into a gentle hug, startling him out of his depressing thoughts.
He had Sora. He would always have Sora. He knew that.
But sometimes it just was not enough.
"Would you stop if I asked you to?" his twin's soft, sad voice reached his ears.
Roxas froze, looking down at his feet.
It was the first time Sora asked him that. The first time since he had started bringing strangers to their home when he had been fourteen, more than two years ago.
He heard his brother sigh softly, and the small sound broke his heart. His stomach clenched almost painfully. He didn't dare to look up, because he knew he would simply break if he saw the hurt and disappointment in Sora's clear blue eyes.
"Hey, look, I'm sorry." Sora ruffled his hair and smiled. But it wasn't as cheerful as it used to be. "I know why you do it. I'm sorry."
No. This wasn't right. Sora shouldn't... he couldn't be sorry.
"Don't be," Roxas whispered. He felt the tears burning in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. "You're right. You're always right."
Sometimes he hated himself. Because he disappointed the only important person in his life again and again.
He was scared that Sora would leave him one day.
"Hell, yeah!" Sora gave his shoulders a last, affectionate squeeze before he let him go. "Don't forget it, bro! I'm always right! Heh!" He pulled the strap of his backpack a little higher and grinned again, but this time more cheerful. It was a fake, and Roxas knew it, but it made him feel better. Like he wasn't the horrible person he was.
Sora always knew how to cheer him up. Sora would never leave him. He had Sora. Sometimes this was enough.
"How 'bout some ice cream after school?" Sora crossed his arms behind his head. "My treat. Oh, oh, and we could rent some reeeeally bad movies and watch 'em, and eat popcorn 'n stuff, y'know, like we used to when we were kids..." By now he was bouncing excitedly, waving his hands wildly as if it would help to convince his brother of his plan.
"That would be nice." Roxas smiled. Sometimes Sora was enough. The tears disappeared when they arrived at the school gates. "But we're still kids, silly."
"Tse. Minor detail." Sora laughed and waved Roxas' words aside. He had a beautiful laugh, Roxas noticed. It was a shame he didn't laugh as often as he used to anymore. "But ice cream comes first, ne? Anyway, have to go... Mr. Xehanort doesn't like me anyway, can't be late for his class... See ya!"
He tried to run, but a hand on his arm stopped him.
Roxas kept his gaze on the floor, but his grip around his older brother's arm was firm.
Thoughts were running through his head, too fast for him to grasp fully. He felt ditzy, yet he didn't know why. He had to continue... had to prove they were all the same, cruel, calculating, just using him. He had to!
But... Sora had asked him to stop.
And he felt... he felt he didn't want to continue his 'testing'.
It had been too long. Too many. And he knew it was wrong, so wrong...
It hurt. A lot. They never saw him; they just saw their perfect, rich, sweet prize.
He wanted it to stop. And it would be easy to stop, he told himself. Sora would help him.
"I'll..." His mouth suddenly went dry, and he thought his voice sounded funny, cracking almost. He licked his lips once, twice, before speaking again. More like whispering, really. "Sora, I... I want..." He stopped again. A strange sound escaped his dry throat unintentionally, sounding oddly like a choked sob.
He knew he was holding Sora's arm too tightly. It had to hurt, but Sora didn't complain.
He forced himself to look at his twin. Identically blue eyes met, and Roxas felt his eyes burning again. Sora's face looked slightly blurred, but he could still see the warmth and kindness and pure love in the cerulean depths of Sora's beautiful orbs.
"I want to stop!" he whispered frantically, grasping Sora's other hand in his own and intertwining their fingers automatically, like he had always done when they had been kids. He hadn't done that since... more than two years ago. Since he had started bringing strangers to their home.
But he needed his brother; he needed his support if he really wanted to stop...
He wondered if Sora had read his thoughts, because the next moment he was pulled in a tight, loving embrace by his brother, and he felt a small kiss being pressed against his forehead.
"I'll help you, Roxy, don't worry," he heard Sora say in a comforting, hushed voice. It was strange to hear his old nickname again. Sora had stopped calling him like that two years ago, too.
He pressed his face against Soras shoulder, willing the tears in his eyes not to fall. He felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest, like he could breathe again after nearly drowning.
They stood still like that a while before letting go. Sora squeezed Roxas' hand lightly, smiling happily and nodding without saying a word.
Then he ran away, waving and grinning like an idiot. Roxas waved back and went down a different hallway, to his own class.
Short Notes (edited): Kinda short, I know. Oh, boy, don't I know! I'm tired. I will update tomorrow. Maybe. Since I already wrote the next chapter. Heck, I don't even know if anybody reads this stupid story... Oh well.
Edit: Of course I know by now that quite a few people read this. Hehe. Again: The chapter hasn't been beta'd, I just fixed the quotation marks and stuff.
Thank you guys for reading!
