A/N: Here's chapter 2! Also, I know that the time jump was three weeks, but just pretend that said three months :) This chapter may not be the best, but bear with me & I promise my writing will improve. And please review! It helps a lot.
Stefan's POV:
The past few months have been nothing but fun. I drink so much blood that I enter a haze, and it's a million times better than being drunk. I don't care who I'm killing or how many people I'm killing. I don't care about anything. The best part is, I'm making Elena absolutely miserable. She can't be with Damon without feeling guilty, which is making Damon miserable. It's a win-win!
I stroll into the Mystic Grill, get drunk, have some blood. Then I decide to go to visit my dear old brother.
When I get to my house, the door is open. I walk in and immediately smell blood. Is Damon indulging as well? But the blood smells different; familiar. The scent seems to be coming from my bedroom.
I walk in cautiously.
Elena.
There's blood pooled around her on the floor. Her long, soft hair is splayed out, stained red. Her skin is pale and lifeless.
"Oh my god. Elena!" I rush over to her body and hold it close to me, tears running down my cheeks and dripping onto her body. There's a note on her chest.
Stefan:
I'm sorry for everything. I couldn't handle how much you hated me. I'm sorry.
-E
I feel like someone has ripped out a part of me. I can't cry, I feel numb. Then the guilt floods in harder than I can stop it. I drop Elena on the bed, and I collapse to my knees, shaking and screaming in pain.
I killed all those people.
I'm a ripper.
Elena killed herself because of me.
Everything is my fault.
Bonnie's POV
Caroline and I hear screaming. We run to Stefan's room and see him on the ground in front of Elena's body.
His hands are on his head. This must be where the guilt and sadness floods in. I feel a rush of regret for doing this to him, but I know that if we'd waited longer, the guilt would have been even worse for him to bear.
Elena's POV
My eyes flutter open, and I feel dizzy and disoriented. There's a strange ringing in my ears, and I think I hear crying.
I jolt upright. Stefan.
He lifts his head to look at me, tears in his eyes and shock written on his face.
"Elena," he breathes, lunging forward to envelop me in his arms. I bury my head in his neck, filled with sadness over what I had to do for him to turn on his humanity.
He pulls away and places his hands on my face, smiling through his tears.
"You're okay," He whispers. I nod, gently wiping his tears away with my hands.
"The guilt. I don't know if I can take it," He says, pained. "It's worse than it's ever been."
"You'll be okay," I whisper to him. "I promise."
"Can you really promise that?" He seems lost, defeated.
"No. I can't. I can't tell you that you'll be okay in no time; I can't tell you that you'll make it through this. But I can tell you that I will do everything I can to make sure you do."
Earlier That Day:
I have to get Stefan to turn off his humanity before the guilt accumulates over the edge. The longer I wait, the more people he kills, the more that will weigh down his conscience when he finally does turn his humanity back on.
I have my mission, I just have no idea how to do it.
"Well, a vampire with their emotions turned off still has them. They're just suppressed so the vampire can't feel them, right?" I ask. Bonnie nods.
"So there has to be a key to unlock that door. An emotional trigger that will cause them to open up."
"Or maybe you smash the door down with something so emotionally earth-shattering that his humanity would flood back and he wouldn't be able to stop it." Caroline suggests.
"But what would be something emotionally earth-shattering for Stefan?"
"Losing you, probably." Bonnie points out.
"Maybe once, but not anymore. He hates me for what I've done to him." I sigh.
"He still loves you, Elena. Nothing you can do will change that." Caroline places a hand on my arm.
"I guess it's worth a try. Bonnie, can you do a spell to stop my heart for a little bit or something?" I turn to her.
"Yeah, but are you sure you're up for this?" She asks.
"If it gets Stefan's humanity back on, I'll do anything." I reply.
"Who's gonna be your 'killer'?" Caroline asks.
"Stefan is." I answer.
"He'd never kill you!" Bonnie gasps.
"We can stage a suicide. I'll leave a note for him that tells him I couldn't handle how much he hated me. Then you two will walk in, and once he's turned it back on, Bonnie will lift the spell."
"Elena, this is dark. You really want to go through with this?" Caroline asks, clearly worried.
"I don't see any other way."
xxxx
(Back to the present)
I sit down next to Stefan on the couch of his living room and look into his green eyes. They're filled with so many emotions; guilt, regret, sadness. I can recognize all of them. I know Stefan Salvatore better than I know myself.
"Stefan." I say softly, almost like a plea. I want him to talk to me.
"Three months, Elena. I was a ripper for three months. And why? Because I chose to. I made the choice to turn off my humanity."
"Stefan-"
"No. I brought this upon myself. It's not your responsibility to pick up the pieces of my mess."
"Stefan, I'm the one who hurt you. You have to let me try to fix this."
"We broke up. You had no commitment to me anymore."
"But still, I shouldn't have done that. I don't know why I did. I was just in a moment of weakness, and he was there, and he was the closest thing to you that I could get."
"You don't have to feel bad, Elena."
"How are you like that?" I say, shocked.
"What do you mean?"
"You're so forgiving. You're not mad at me for something I did that was clearly wrong."
"I hate it, Elena!" He shoots up from his seat and I flinch, taken aback by this angry side of him. "I hate that you slept with my brother after we broke up, and I hate that I wasn't good enough for you. I hate myself for not being enough. I hate that my brother didn't care enough about my feelings to not sleep with you. But I don't hate you or him, and I never will. I don't blame either of you for it." He finishes, and collapses back onto the couch, drained and tired.
"It wasn't about you, Stefan. It wasn't about you not being enough. You were more than I ever deserved! It-"
"Stop." He whispers, looking at the ground. "You don't have to explain yourself. I understand."
It hurts so badly to know that I caused him this much pain. I don't know why I slept with Damon. It's like there's something inside of me that would do anything he wants me to do. I hate it.
Stefan finally breaks the silence.
"I love you, Elena. That'll never change. But I understand that you can't promise me the same, and I don't blame you for that. If being with Damon makes you happy, then be with Damon. I will still be your friend. But just know that I'll always love you, unconditionally."
Stefan Salvatore, what did I ever do to deserve you?
"Being a vampire didn't just amplified my feelings for Damon and for you. It scares me, if I'm being honest. But now that I've... been with Damon, I don't know if I still want to be."
"Then you need the time to figure out what you want."
xxx
Light streams in through my curtains, waking me from my deep sleep. I manage to open my eyelids just enough to make out my surroundings.
Wait. This isn't my bed. This isn't a bed at all.
I quickly turn my head to see where I am, and Stefan is fast asleep next to me. We're both huddled together on the Salvatore couch in the living room.
We must have fallen asleep talking last night.
"Rise and shine, sleepyheads!" I hear a familiar sarcastic voice coming from behind me. Damon is standing behind the couch, looking down at both of us with a fake smile.
"Did you have fun with Steffy last night?" Damon asks in a mocking tone.
"We just talked, Damon." I sigh, a bit sick of his childish demeanor.
"Oh yeah. I bet you guys just talked all night, and then he platonically fell asleep with his arm around your waist." Damon smirks sarcastically.
"Your brother has his humanity back, and all you can muster is being jealous of him?" I scoff, getting up from the couch and putting my shoes on. "You care less about him than I thought."
Damon is speechless.
"Stefan, wake up." I gently shake him until his eyes open groggily.
"What's going on?" He asks sleepily, noticing Damon standing above us with his arms crossed.
"Come on, I'm taking you somewhere." I say, holding his hand and leading him out the door, a very confused Damon standing behind us.
"Elena," He vamp-speeds over and grabs my arm pleadingly.
"Goodbye, Damon." I twist my arm free of his grip and continue out the door.
xxx
"Where are you taking me?" Stefan asks, sitting shotgun in his car.
"Somewhere you'll be reminded of something important." I say vaguely.
"Wait, you're taking me to the Falls?" He asks, suddenly recognizing the road we're on. "Why?"
"You'll see." I say, parking the car on the side of the dirt road. "Come on, let's go find out why I brought you here."
After some walking through trees and shrubs, we arrive at the waterfall.
"It's even more beautiful than I remember," Stefan breathes. I nod in agreement, drinking in the sight of the crystal-clear water cascading down from the rocks above. The sunlight makes the pond below glitter, and you can see fish swimming freely in the cool waters.
"Stefan, you brought me here when Damon fed me his blood before the ritual. You got me to admit to you & to myself that I didn't want to be a vampire."
"I just got you to say how you felt," Stefan replies.
"And now it's my turn to say how I feel without you helping me do it." I take a deep breath.
"I-" I begin, but I'm cut off by Stefan's lips on mine. They feel soft and needy, as if my lips are his lifeline. I open my lips to his kiss and slip my hand around his neck, bringing him closer. His hands grip my waist firmly, pulling his hips to mine.
I'd forgotten how much I loved kissing Stefan.
