Hey guys,
I hope that everything has been good.
A couple of people were a bit confused as to Edward's motives, so that is my reasoning for adding a short EPOV section into this chapter.
I hope that you like what I have written for this one, let me know if you have any opinions.
Kat
EPOV
Great I had scared her away; how could I have acted like such a jerk? Bella was only trying to help when she saved me from Lauren and to be perfectly honest I was thankful that she had. But instead of showing her that, I snapped and said horrible things to her; knowing her she would take them all to heart. I had driven away my best friend all because of some random guy she had been with.
I walked over to my sound system and placed a new CD into the player; the room was dark so I had no idea what I had selected, not that it mattered. Upon arriving home I had refused to use and lights and refused to open the curtains in order to keep out any moonlight that may have been present. The carpet under my feet was soft as I shuffled back to my bed; I had finally realised why black and brown worked so well in here, it was for the times that I felt like this. Through the dark I could still see small mementos that reminded me of my Bella, pillows that she had left, because apparently mine were too lumpy. There were photo frames Bella had put on my otherwise empty computer desk and other belongings that were scattered around the room after she had left them here on her many visits.
Shaking my head I made my way to sit on the end of my bed, before falling back and closing my eyes. How had I let it get this far, sure when I had seen her with that guy I was mad; they were joking and laughing like they were old friends, had I missed something? Was Bella dating all of a sudden? I picked up my phone and paced the room dialling Bella's number as I had countless times tonight. Voicemail again.
"Bella? Can you pick up please?" I paused hoping she finally would. Suddenly I heard the sound of the phone picking up. Yes! Maybe she would talk to me after all.
"Bella?" I said excitedly only to here the sound of the phone crashing back down on the hook. Okay so she was still mad; how am I supposed to apologise if she won't even talk to me? Surely she knows I couldn't have meant what I said.
I laid back down on my bed tired, staying up until obscene hours of the morning does that to a guy and I managed to fall asleep within minutes.
The next day was a blur, I spent the day with my CDs and books in my room until someone knocked at the door.
"Edward can I come in?"
"Yes Mum." Even to me the answer sounded forced.
"What's wrong sweetie? You've been up here all morning."
"Nothing."
"Nothing wouldn't happen to be a gorgeous brown eyed brunette would it?" I just rolled my eyes and turned my desk chair around to face her.
"What do you want Mum?"
"Carlisle and Esme just called."
"So?" Shockingly the fact that my parents friends had called was not very interesting right now.
"Something happened in London." London? Hadn't Bella's parents just…No, this can't be happening.
BPOV
An Accident? What kind of accident? To be totally honest with myself I knew. Esme looked like her heart was breaking before my eyes and Carlisle looked as if I would break if he continued. Alice had fallen silent as she slid into the seat next to me rubbing my arm gently.
Finally Carlisle continued with his explanation, but I didn't need to hear it in order to confirm my suspicions. The sympathetic look that graced the faces of the three people that surrounded me was enough.
I wanted so badly to crawl into a hole and never see the light of day again. My heart was literally hurting me, it didn't even feel as if it was beating fast, but it was labouring with the effort to live. The rest of my body tingled and the pain was the only feeling that had broken through.
"I'm sorry Bella, your parents had us down as emergency contacts, earlier the American embassy called. There was a fire at the hotel your parents were staying in went up in flames from the fourth floor onwards… I'm sorry Bella, your parents didn't make it out." I could tell that he was trying to put it nicely, but how can you put the fact that your only family was dead, nicely?
"Bella? Say something sweetie." Esme looked worried and I wished I could say something to ease her emotions, but nothing could escape my lips at the moment.
I heard shuffling coming around me, but after that… nothing. Time had no effect where I was, no sound could penetrate, and no scent could be smelled. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I was done and nothing could hurt me anymore. There was nothing left to hurt me. I felt my body shiver, it was heavy and lethargic but my body ached with both physical and mental emotion.
"Do you think she'll talk to us soon? It's been four days." Esme's voice was frantic.
Four days, how had so much time passed? What had I done these last four days? Had I cried? Have I even moved from the couch? I knew I was still lying down; slowly I opened my eyes to see the cream ceiling of my bedroom staring back at me. How did I get up here? I looked around the room and saw Alice standing outside the door talking to someone on the phone.
Esme was standing over me and Carlisle was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of my room.
"Hello darling, how are you feeling?" Esme's kind voice rang through the room causing Carlisle to look up from his books.
"Fine," I lied; apparently both of the others in the room didn't believe it. "Okay maybe not, what's been going on? Did you say it's been four days since you came here?"
Alice's yell cut the room, "No Edward, I don't think you need to be over here at the moment." The sting that accompanied Edward's name had somewhat dulled over the last few days. The pain had now joined and mixed with the grief I felt over my parent's death.
I saw everyone looking at me, talking about funerals and memorials. The tears that were ever-present now were threatening to overwhelm me. The tears that I held back had become a permanent fixture now, even though I had three loving people that surrounded me there was something missing that could take it all away. Never again would I be comforted by the inappropriate words of support given by Renee or the awkward moments of support I received from Charlie.
Slowly I moved to the bathroom completely ignoring the conversation that had continued without me, I could feel six eyes on the back of my head as I left the room in search of some kind of peace. As soon as I closed the heavy wooden door to the bathroom I sighed in relief. The old granite bench-top and stainless steel sink jutted out from the wall in front of me and I saw a mess of toiletries and towels covering the far end underneath the full-length mirror. I turned to the shower, the same duck covered shower curtain hung there lifeless, no, movement of ripples moved through the material. There really is no escaping reality is there?
Getting into the shower I felt the warm spray hit my back and attempt to ease the tension that had been building up for the last five days. Closing my eyes I began to hum a sad and slow tune that carried me back to my bedroom, changed and ready for bed again.
"Bella?"
"Yeah Esme?"
"Dear I know you would rather not talk about it, but we're having the funeral in two days and after that Carlisle and I were thinking that you could come and live with us for a while?" Her eyes held a hint of fear as she said this; did she think I would reject them? That I would scold them for making such a kind offer when I needed their support?
"I wouldn't want to be an inconvenience." It was the truth, no matter how much I wanted to stay with them I couldn't put them out like that.
"Nonsense Bella, you know perfectly well that we have more than enough space for you." Esme would be a wonderful mother, she had a way of calming you down and connecting with everyone around her so that they feel as close as family could ever be. Plus any child of Esme and Carlisle's would be gorgeous; between the two of them that child would have won the genetic lottery.
"It wouldn't be long, I mean I am going to college min a year anyway."
"However long you need is fine with us Bella, you'll always be welcome."
"Thankyou Esme," I went over and hugged her, "You too Carlisle." I said before doing the same to him.
This had to be part of Alice's doing; Elizabeth would be the first to snatch me up in a situation like this. I looked sadly around the bedroom looking for something that seemed to be missing. Nothing, there wasn't a speck of dust out of place after Esme had come through cleaning.
The next days passed by in a blur, there was no longer a pattern to how I slept and the kway my diet was heading I would be skin and bones before long. Physically I know I needed to eat, but my brain was trying to turn off to such trivial matters. We spent a day packing things I would need to stay with Carlisle and Esme. By the day of the funeral my body was exhausted and my mind had prepared for the worst.
I walked down to the kitchen and the smell of bacon as well as a steady sizzling came off the stove. My stomach growled loudly and I took a cup of orange juice from the fridge and sat at the bench only to find Esme standing in front of me holding a packed plate of food in one hand.
"Eat it," She was speaking kindly but I still heard the command there, "after that we'll head over to the community hall."
I nodded and looked at the plate, I was surprised by how hungry I actually was. She set it down in front of me and I slowly ate the entire thing. Putting off the inevitable I took a long shower and dressed slowly into my black skirt and blouse before treading into the living room to find Alice and Esme in similar, black attire. Alice slid over and put her arm around me silently and an awkward hush fell over the room. Carlisle came in and handed Esme her black gloves before giving me an encouraging smile. It did nothing to ease my emotions for the moment. As I was led outside I felt like I could break down at any minute. I slid quietly into the black Mercedes and fought back tears, they'd fall eventually, but for the moment I had to be strong enough to get there. No amount of comfort would help me once I walked into the hall.
After what felt like only seconds I was being ushered out of the car parked in front of the community hall. People were milling outside waiting to pay their respects and as soon as I stood a mop of bronze hair hugged me tightly. Despite the tone of the day, the weather had brought the sun, why on the one day I hope for rain to match the feelings that have taken me; does the sun come out?
"Oh Bella darling how are you? Every time I have called on you, you've been asleep. Have you eaten? You look terribly pale. Oh come here honey." Her eyes were blood shot and her breath caught every now and then choked by tears. Of course today would be hard on her too. She pulled me in for another hug and it took Carlisle's insistence that we were needed inside to have her let go of me. At that point she took my arm and led me to the front row of seats.
All heads turned in my direction as we made our way down the aisle and I saw a familiar mess of bronze hair sitting in the front row along with Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper; who all stared at me as well. At times like this why don't people try and at least make their gawking discreet?
I sat down next to Edward trying to avoid eye contact as much as possible; this was made hard given the way he was looking at me, an intensity that his gaze had never held before. Edward Snr began the proceeding and people's attention finally turned from me and towards his words.
"Welcome everyone, thankyou for coming to the service that will remember two of our beloved friends, Charlie and Renee Swan. Charlie came to Forks at the age of four and has lied among us since that age, we've seen him grow through the good and bad times and saw him become the chief of police in our small town. He made friends of all of us, and I still remember the day he met Renee. We had walked to the cafeteria and had sat down at our normal table in the farthest corner we could find because of course Charlie hated when people had stared. After five minutes Renee came over to introduce herself… and that was it, he was gone I still remember that it had taken at least twenty minutes for him to even think to introduce me.
"They were a loving couple, that made everyone fall for their love and devotion and when they loved, they loved with their whole heart… no matter what." Ed's eyes were sparkling with the memories of his friends and I couldn't help but feel thankful, that someone else knew how I felt. He went on to tell several stories of my parent's young lives. He told stories of the people that they were before I knew them. I realised how little I actually knew about this part of their life, immediately feeling guilty that I hadn't taken the time to get to know them. I'd never heard the story of their first date or that Ed and Renee had spent a month giving their partners the cold shoulder to win a bet between them.
Instead I had known the people that had raised me, the little quirks that had been displayed in the house, secret dislikes that didn't need to be voiced in order to be heard. My hands started shaking and I felt Edward's hand slide over mine and hold it. I didn't question it; at this moment I needed the support more than I needed to remember what had happened between us.
People in the audience laughed at particularly funny scenarios, the ones that made me have to fight all the harder not to break down and cry yet. I saw the Masens and the Cullens all glance at me when particular memories were brought up and I gave the bravest face I could.
Ed's speech was coming to an end and unfortunately Esme had convinced me to say a few words. "I would now like to invite the wonderful daughter of our dear friends to say a few words. Isabella?"
I stood slowly and walked to the front of the room hoping that the floor would swallow me up on the way. All eyes were on me as I stood before the hall full of mourners.
"Thank you all for coming, it's overwhelming… to know that my parents have touched so many people's lives." My voice was cracking and I needed to take extra pauses in order to compose myself. The hall was filled to the brim with people standing and lining the walls and this made me all the more nervous. " It's hard, knowing that I'll never see them again, to know that I will never walk through the door and have Renee run up to me and babble on about how she burned the salad or hear Charlie exclaim that he really hadn't lied when he said there was no ice-cream left just so he could eat it himself.
"They raised me… and gave me everything I needed for my entire life and I'm selfish enough, that I didn't want it to end." Here I saw Carlisle tilt his head sadly, I cleared my throat of the tears so that I could continue. "They were there for all of my firsts, but I wasn't there for any of theirs and I wasn't there for their lasts either… instead I settled for seeing the people they grew and adapted to become, the good and the bad times are all memories I will treasure for the rest of eternity. Even though most people would only remember the good… the bad times showed the resilience and strength that both of my parents possessed. They were the best people I know and taught me everything I need for this life. We're all better people for having known them and I'm proud of them for everything they did."
Tears were rolling down my cheek at this point and it was all I could do to continue on. "Goodbye Mum and Dad, I'll always love you, in this life and the next." With that I took my seat and began to drown in my sorrow.
The crowd personally paid their condolences as we exited the hall and I stood there forcing thankyous out until only Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Ed, Liz, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper remained.
Edward kept looking at me as if I was breakable and everyone else just sent looks of sympathy my way. Everyone had their opinions on the service and instead of listening I sat down on a brick wall of the garden that surrounded the hall. All I could do was stare at the pavers and will myself not to begin crying again.
A shadow came over the ground and I looked up to see Edward standing in front of me, "Do you want to take a walk?"
I nodded and stood up silently to follow, we walked to a small community park where I sat on the rusted swing and silently moved back and forwards trying to think of something to say.
"Bella I'm so sorry." I wanted nothing more than to talk to Edward, but somehow the words didn't bring me any comfort, they seemed forced by my unfortunate circumstance.
"Edward this really isn't necessary, you made your feelings about me perfectly clear, to tell you the truth I always wondered when you'd wake up and realise that I was just a burden to you. I don't need you to pretend for my sake." With that I forced out a smile and walked back down the path to the hall. Edward had always been popular and charismatic and I knew that one day he would realise he deserved to have someone better there to look out for him. But even having known this didn't stop the pain when he finally did realise.
I arrived back to see the others standing in a tight circle. "We'd better get going if you wanted to leave today." I said to Esme, we had discussed the living arrangements for the past few days. Carlisle and Esme were supposed to be living in New York for four months so that Carlisle could teach the local hospitals a new surgery technique that he had established. They asked if I would prefer to stay here, but I had agreed to go however as the moment arrived I became slightly reluctant to leave.
"Are you sure dear? We can stay another few days, we don't even have to go if you don't want to." Esme said as she stared at me intently. Why did the universe always have to give you difficult decisions?
"We should probably go so that we can set up and settle in before Carlisle has to start his job, don't you think?"
"Good idea Bella." Esme turned around and began saying goodbye to all of the Masens, gesturing for me to do the same.
I turned to look at the Masens and walked straight up to Rosalie who hugged me tightly, "We'll see you soon Bells, call if you need anything girly."
"Thanks Rose, I'll call you soon."
Jasper smiled and came up to me next, "Take me with you? Alice will go crazy without you here."
I laughed and imagined Alice investing in a real Barbie doll to take my place. She bounced up to me next and threw her arms around me, "I'll miss you Bells, but just imagine the shopping we can do when I visit you in New York."
I shuddered at the thought of her having even more shops to drag me into, I escaped from my thoughts to find Emmett pulling me into a bear hug, "Don't forget me Bella." I could hear the tears in his voice; he was always the crier.
"Emmett it's only four months and you could always visit you know?"
"But what if something happens to you? Plus I can't protect you from all those nasty boys in New York can I?"
"Trust me, there's nothing to protect me from."
"You don't see yourself clearly Bella," said Edward from behind me I turned to see him staring at me sadly.
"My eyesight is fine Edward maybe you should wear those glasses of yours more often." His glasses looked really good on him, but he insisted that he didn't need them. I shook his hand and saw a flash of disappointment cross his eyes. I turned quickly to find Ed and Liz looking at us like we had two heads.
I walked over and hugged them both telling myself I would see them in no time.
Liz whispered in my ear, "We'll see you soon baby girl. Call us when you get there, brush your teeth and try to stay out of trouble. Do I sound like a nagging parent yet?" her eyes shone with humour.
"You always do Liz." She pretended to look insulted as Ed ruffled my hair.
"Bye kiddo, look after yourself."
No one really wanted to say goodbye, but it was necessary. I needed to get away for a while, give myself space to breathe and deal with the new life that had been thrown at me.
We drove back to my parent's house; everything that we needed to take had been packed. The house and everything else my parents owned had been left to me but it didn't really feel like any of it was mine. As we arrived I walked quickly up the house and opened the door, pulling down photos from the walls as I walked up to my room.
Walking into my room it was hardly recognisable, the bed was stripped, the shelves were bear and packed into boxes and the curtains had been changed in favour of blinds whilst I was gone.
"Ready to go? We can give you more time if you need it Bella." Said Carlisle walking into the room. He put his hands on my shoulders, they were cold despite the warmth of the house and I turned to see him looking at me concerned.
"Nah, it's okay. We'll do the boxes and head out this afternoon if that's alright with you." It hurt to be leaving, but I needed this. We all did. I could finally give Edward his space and the rest of the Masens wouldn't have to worry about me breaking down every time I walked into a room.
It took only five minutes to get everything into the car, "Just follow us Bella, it's a private jet leaving from the domestic terminal if you lose sight of our car, but we shouldn't be far ahead and we have our phones if you need to call." I nodded and got into my trusty truck. I turned up the radio, for some reason when I drove by myself I always felt safer with the radio a bit louder.
After an hour, the buildings and crossroads of the town had fallen away and there was forest on either side of the road. I had already listened to two of my MP3 playlists before my phone rang. I quickly stuffed the hands-free in and switched it on pressing the little green button.
"Hello?"
"Bella? Please don't hang up the phone. Just listen to what I have to say, can we talk?" Edward was pleading with me and as angry as I was, I couldn't bring myself to hang up the phone. "Bella please?"
"Make it good."
"Thankyou Bella, I know I'm the last person you want to talk to an frankly I deserve that, but I need you to know that I really am sorry… about everything. I was acting like a jerk, as you so eloquently put it. I'm sorry… about the timing and everything. You didn't deserve what happened to your parents."
"Edward, don't."
"It's true, they were good people, but for some reason you're running away from everything they gave you."
"I am not running away." Who was he to be saying all of this? I wasn't running away, I was giving myself space to reflect and cope with everything that had happened. I was giving myself a way to live my new life the best way I knew how. So for the next few months it would be goodbye until I returned to the life I once had.
"Then what are you doing? Why are you leaving?"
"What choice do I have Edward? My parents are dead!" I yelled the sentence I hadn't wanted to admit to myself. Tears were flowing freely by this point and it was becoming hard to see Carlisle's Mercedes ahead.
"You know that Mum and Dad would be happy to have you stay." He was beginning to raise his voice as well.
"And what? Encroach on your life? Burden not only you now, but your family as well?… you hate me remember."
"Bella I'm…" all of a sudden I couldn't hear Edward, instead I heard branches whipping against the side of the truck, I wiped my eyes quickly to look through the haze I had created to see a tree right in front of me. The glass in the windscreen shattered and I was thrown forward.
"Bella? Bella!" From a distance I heard an unfamiliar voice calling me, they sounded as if they were yelling to me from the end of a long hallway.
All of a sudden as if the voice had entered my head, I heard the two words that had been haunting me since I had learnt of my parents death. "I'm sorry."
I was dying, pain that I had never known existed shot through my body. People that had near death experiences lied, this wasn't spiritually healing, but instead it felt like my spirit was being ripped from my body. All the pain I had felt over the last few days had intensified and was physically and emotionally breaking me down, pulling at me like strings and trying to target parts of my body to hit next.
The pain sent a strange sensation through my body, like the burning that came from holding ice for too long. However long I would have to experience this pain would be far too long, whether it be seconds or days.
I felt my connection with the world begin to snap like wires, and every sound my body made reverberated through my head. Was I dead? Surely we wouldn't live our entire lives just to end up in pain and misery for the rest of eternity.
The pain continued to intensify until it climaxed, burning through my heart and every other organ in my body. The pain lasted so long that I felt as if my body would become accustomed to it. Instead of delivering every stab of pain this hell was throwing at me, my body attempted to block it out and instead sent a numb feeling through me.
"Carlisle? When do you think she'll wake?" a voice that sounded slightly familiar came from my right, but it was somewhat sharper than any voice I had heard, as if I could hear every sound wave. I also heard buzzing and humming I had never heard before. Wait Carlisle? Was he dead as well?
"Bella? Can you open your eyes?" I tried but my eyelids felt heavy and it was as if I was in a foreign body. Finally I forced my eyes to snap open. Above me was a wooden roof, but the image seemed odd. It was as if I could see every grain and knot that ran in the timber. I could even see the layer of dist that had been collected.
I sat up and looked around the room. It looked like a large storage closet, shelves lined the wall opposite the door and there were no windows to see through. I wonder what time it is? I was sitting on a small cot in the centre of the room, and there were two chairs next to me seating Esme and Carlisle. Being dead was turning out to be very different from what I had expected.
"Oh Bella, we were so worried are you alright?" of course I'm not, I'm dead.
"Where am I?"
"One of my houses in Canada. We came up here after your accident, it's better if we're further away from humans for now."
Humans? I scrunched up my face thinking of a reasonable explanation. "Am I dead?"
"No, dear you're changed."
"Changed?"
"Bella I need you to be open minded about this." When I nodded he continued. "Do you remember hearing legends from Charlie's friend Billy?"
The memory was vague, but it was there. I nodded again. "They weren't all false Bella."
I tried to think of some of the stories, looking around the room as if something there would trigger my memory. But the aching in my throat was distracting me.
"May I have some water please?" the request seemed off but I didn't question it.
"I don't think you'd like that Bella."
"Why not? My throat is killing me."
They both laughed as if knowing something I didn't. "We'll take care of that in a minute. Bella the legend I was referring to was that of the cold ones, do you remember it?"
"Vampires?"
"Yes Bella, do you remember them telling you that they had made a deal with some vampires that only fed off animals in the area?"
"Vaguely."
Esme cut in at this point, "Bella, we were the vampires they made the treaty with."
"You? But I… But you. No"
"Excuse me?"
"No I mean, how could they have made that treaty with you, you're so young."
"We don't age Bella."
"But you go outside in daylight."
"Yes, shockingly all myths are not true."
"How did you keep the secret?"
"We move a lot Bella as you well know. It's easy when you have built up a decent living from years of work."
"How old are you?" I didn't want to sound rude, but the situation intrigued me.
Carlisle decided to start speaking again, "Do you feel different Bella? Is there anymore pain in your body." That's when it clicked, why they were telling me all of this. I was one of them.
