Disclaimer: I Don't own Casualty or the Characters :(

Fix You

Chapter 2

Toby De Silva nervously opened the door into the Private intensive care unit room where fellow F2 doctor Ruth Winters was lying motionless. The beeping of the machines keeping Ruth alive filled Toby's ears as he shut the door quietly behind himself, he nodded to the nurse who was writing on a clipboard as he sat down at Ruth's bedside. He rubbed his hands awkwardly as he took in the lines and drips attached to her pale skin. He was used to seeing patients with drips and bandages and all sorts of injuries but seeing someone he knew lying in the bed in front of him was a whole different story. His eyes flickered over the red raw skin around her neck and he felt his throat swell up and tears well up in his eyes. He pushed the tears back and coughed a little before started talk to Ruth instead.

"Um.. Sorry its taking me so long to come and see you." Toby started his voice sounded a little choked up still like he was still trying to stop himself from crying. "Um.." He started again trying to think of something to talk to Ruth about, he was saved from having to think of a topic as Maggie entered the room.

"Hey" Maggie said softly as she joined Toby by Ruth's bedside "Harry, Um.. Harry Wanted Ruth to have this back" Maggie told Toby placing a plastic bag containing a thick leather bound book on Ruth's bed. Toby nodded and there was an awkward silence between the two of them before Maggie excused herself.

"Mr Harper thinks we're going to be bloody good doctors." Toby told her suddenly as he tried to think of something he could tell her "He's gone Ruth, Harry's gone" He informed her, his eyes flickered down to the book in the plastic bag, intrigued he picked it up and unwrapped it carefully.

He pulled out the leather bound book form inside the plastic bag and paused as he examined the gold writing on the front debating on whether he should actually read Ruth's Diary or not, he was about to put it down when the thought that it could be his only chance to find out the truth behind the mystery that was Ruth was too tempting for him to pass by. He carefully opened the book and started flipping through slowly, his eyes scanned each page taking in certain phrases piecing together little bits of Ruth's past as he went,

3 Promises I make to myself:

My Past stays in the past

No relationships or friendships

Be the best doctor I can

I hate him so much I thought I'd finally got away from him, I was wrong. I can't believe he tried to hit me again in the middle of the ED, he's not changed a bit no matter what he says though I should know that I learnt to not take his word for anything years again.

I can't believe I agreed to swap the blood sample he deserves to be locked away in prison with Jonathon. It's where they both belong and I could have put him there. I know if I hadn't done it he'd have found away to hurt me now he knows where I am. I hope I never see him again, but knowing him now he knows where I'm working he'll be back soon for something.

It made me think about my own mother, I really needed her and she left me and she really wanted to go there was no way she could have lived after swallowing that many pills But I suppose it meant at least one of us got out of that house.

Maybe I'm a bit of a geek myself.

How am I supposed to explain to them that the only Christmas present I've ever had were whatever my stupid alcoholic father could get for a fiver off the kids off the estate?

First Bambi now Chuckles? I don't want anyone calling me nicknames ever again.

I Killed someone, Why didn't I check for head injuries? Just because my dad is a stupid drunk and I thought that man was too was no reason to not act professionally and give him a full check over, why am I so stupid?

I think mum had the right idea, the only way to make everything stop is to end it.

Toby sighed sadly before flicking through the book some more when he spotted his own name.

"A doughnut" he read aloud "A silver spoon in every orifice" suddenly his sympathy was disappearing as he ready thing things Ruth had written about him "Public school boy staple of the British health care system." he read aloud. "At least they taught us punctuation" he added irritably as he became annoyed by what he was reading "chinless" He stopped reading the diary and looked at her instead.

"I like you, When I first met you I thought you were saucy looking, you had little down-turned mouth and you were so nasty to me" he said shutting the book "But the nastier you were the more I had to find out why but now I know why, you don't like public school boys do you? And the irony is that's not a down-turned mouth is it? You may be beautiful, you may be a wonder, but if any one of us is chinless…"

It only took one look at her looking so pale and fragile to melt his heart again the anger that head just been building up inside him disappeared and it was replaced by sadness again.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Toby asked her still figure "I've made mistakes too, we could have talked…" his eyes flooded with tears "You could have talked to me Ruth" Toby wiped away a stray tear and suddenly noticed Ruth's eye lids were opening.

"Ruth?" Toby asked quickly he paused wondering what to do for a second before he sprung to his feet and headed over to the door "Doctor!" he yelled as he reached the door "Can I have some help here please?"

"Ok, Ruth? Can you hear me?" He asked softly gripping her arm gently "Ruth, Can you hear me?" he asked again searching her face for signs of life. As he watched her motionless face he felt her hand moving under his fingers, he looked down and watched as she pulled her arm from his grasp, her eyes opening again.

"What's the problem?" a voice asked from the door Toby looked up the see the Doctor

"She waking up" Toby told him straightening up from his position leaning over Ruth's bed.

The Doctor immediately joined his side.

"Miss Winter's can you here me?" He asked, Toby watched nervously as she nodded. "My names Doctor Porter, you've been in a comatose state for over a month now so I'd like you to stay as still as possible while we check you over" Doctor Porter said as a nurse joined them in the room.

"I'll go…" Toby said nervously "I better go an tell everyone she's awake" he quickly slipped out of the room glancing through the window as he passed to see the nurse checking Ruth's obs.

A/n I know I said I'd post this tomorrow but I changed my mind, I know some of this chapter was pretty much the same as the episode where Ruth wakes up but I wanted to do my own twist too it and include some more feelings and thoughts.