Chapter Two
Draco:
A virgin.
Draco found it hard to register the fact that the beautiful woman in front of him had yet to be touched. Naturally beautiful, strong, determined, and smart, Hermione was a desirable witch. She had her faults, as did everyone, but still Draco could barely register that Weasley had held her on his arm for months and yet allowed her to get away.
Admittedly he had believed her to be pure in the first few years of Hogwarts, her shy yet stubborn nature coming into play, yet it was impossible for him not to notice her beauty. Even with her frizzy, wild hair she had caught his attention. Her loyalty to her friends had been particularly appealing.
When she had physically struck him…emotionally it had been a rough time, particularly as it forced him to associate the harsh and punishing touch to that of his father. It had not been pleasant, it had in fact taken him weeks before he had managed to put space between them mentally.
Hermione was nothing like his father. That was clear. But the physical amount of abuse Lucius had forced upon him during the entirety of his childhood…the dissociation had taken weeks. His jaw still flinched slightly at the reminder.
No doubt Hermione had been lucky enough to experience a pleasing childhood, one filled with love and nurture instead of harsh punishment and constant demands of perfection. He had frequently heard her refer to her parents with a fondness that he personally couldn't even register. He did not love Lucius, he loved his mother…
Draco paused in his thoughts. His mothers realisation of his betrayal, of his participation in the willing condemning of his father, of his entire life being devoted to supporting the opposite side of the war to his parents, had not gone down well.
It had not been a hard decision. He did not agree with Voldmorts views. He did not want to spend the rest of his life in a world where he frequently saw murder, torture and death, not even if he would be considered one of the most powerful wizards in the world by being so closely associated to the Dark Lord.
He loathed experiencing pain, but what he feared more than the promise of agony was the thought of being responsible for another persons suffering, or god forbid their death. He had killed during the war, it wasn't a secret, but unlike what his fellow students beleived, it had not been easy to take the life from another.
So at the expense of his family, of his mother, heritage, tradition and friends, he had lied, cheated, manipulated and betrayed everyone who was even slightly close to him. Whilst he had no regrets about his decision, he did truly wonder how long he could mentally sustain himself before his thoughts strayed elsewhere.
He was already struggling to come to terms with life following the chaos of the war; during it he had a purpose, a distraction. He did not expect to have survived, he hadn't planned on how to deal with the consequences of living.
"Draco, are you listening to me?"
Staring at the smart witch in front of him the last conversation Draco had expected to encounter was the topic of sex on the way to Hogwarts with Hermione Granger of all people. It was uncomfortable; he did not wish to think of her with other wizards even though he had no claim on her.
"I apologise," he seemed to be saying that a lot lately. "I was…please, do you mind repeating yourself?" His thoughts had been elsewhere but he was relieved for the distraction.
Her huff had his shoulders sagging before he could stop himself. Relieved that she didn't noticed Draco was quick to correct his posture. If Lucius parenting had been good for one thing it was how to appear stoic; though it was hard to say it was worth experiencing his childhood for. "Can you take this a little more seriously please, Malfoy?"
Again he felt his jaw clench, her obvious distaste for him clear. He deserved it, that he was very much aware of, but it was hardly a pleasant experience for your 'crush' - he loathed the term but couldn't think of another which described how he felt - to outwardly display such annoyance. She would never hold a romantic interest in him, not after the years of referring to her blood in such poor distaste, so being in her presence was merely painful.
He deserved the discomfort, the uncomfortable clench of his heart within his chest. Running a hand through his hair he stared at the beautiful witch in front of him, "I am trying."
"Well try harder!" she snapped before seemingly regretting her harsh tone and demanding choice of words. Draco didn't expect anything else. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "I'm just frustrated with the situation i've found myself in."
"It's fine."
"You said before…about finding me somewhat attractive, did you mean that?"
Did she have to ask? Draco thought. He found her to be many things, beautiful was an understatement to his attraction towards the brunette.
"Yes." There was no sense in lying, nothing could, or would, come of it.
The blush that stained her cheeks only further enhanced her natural beauty. From what he saw she wore no makeup, a refreshing change from the girls within Hogwarts, in particularly within his own house. He had frequently walked into his common room or bedding quarters to find naked girls messing around with themselves, or each other at times, expecting him to simply shrug and join in.
Girls who offered sex for freely, so easily, did not appeal to him in the slightest.
"You do?"
Did she really have to ask him twice? With a jerk of his head he nodded sharply. Why did she have to taunt him so? Biting the bottom of her lip Draco forced himself to look away, shutting his eyes in discomfort. In theory discussing the sex life of one Hermione Granger was an arousing one, but in practice it was torture on his emotions.
"Yes."
Was she even aware that he knew exactly what book she was reading, that he had studied Latin in his free time when he disliked the company of others? Whilst the school seemed to be under the impression that he shagged girls in his spare time, they were sorely mistaken. He had never bedded a student, had never felt the need nor desire to, and yet rumours spread which he had felt no need to correct. In theory if they were correct he would have bedded the majority of girls within the higher years of Hogwarts which was a gross overstatement.
He had been correct when he had told Hermione he was no virgin, but he had little experience under his belt in the case of the number of women he had actually bedded.
In his spare time during classes he read; he had found it to be a soothing escape from the reality of real life and the decisions he had forced himself to make.
Hermione didn't childishly giggle, or play with her hair like the stereotypical females within his house. It was clear she was flattered, Draco was a good judge of character and Hermione didn't have the skill necessary to hide the fact that she was pleased with his honest and positive response.
She was beautiful, both inside and out.
Hermione:
He called her beautiful!
Hermione felt her face heat up in both flattery and embarrassment that Draco Malfoy of all wizards had referred to her as something other than a bookworm, or boring, or average looking at best. After referring to her as a mudblood for the better part of her entire attendance at Hogwarts, it was a shock to her system that all of a sudden he was complimenting her appearance.
Was he lying? Trying to manipulate her into a false sense of security?
Despite it fitting the characteristics that she expected of a Malfoy, the war was over and from what she could think of, or the lack of possibilities coming to mind, she couldn't think of a single reason as to why Malfoy would feel the need to get on her good side. He didn't seem to care much for fame, money and status yes, but popularity and the desire to be liked don't seem to appeal to him on the same level that it appealed to Ron.
If anything, Malfoy seemed to want to be left alone.
Biting her lip Hermione stared at the platinum blonde wizard. She knew he was talented, his school record literally a point or two below her own, and it was hard not to hate the fact that he had clearly been gifted both brains and beauty while she was forced to rely on her intellect in order to be taken seriously and not be judged on her blood status.
Now the war had ended Hermione did hope that the judgements concerning 'unclean' blood would no longer be as extreme as during her childhood. She could hope that the students of Hogwarts had learned from the war that everyone was equal when it came down to life or death; nobody was superior, no matter what they believed or had been brought up to judge.
Trying not to let her thoughts carry her off into another direction Hermione braced herself for what she knew was most likely going to be a polite, but ultimately embarrassing rejection. Malfoy had no reason to say yes to allowing her to touch him, to attempt to experiment in order to discover the reasoning as to why she had shied away so much from Ron whenever he tried to be intimate despite finding the redhead attractive. He wasn't in Malfoy's league, but he was good-looking in her eyes.
She had hoped to marry him one day.
Still, she wouldn't know until she asked. At least if he laughed in her face she would be able to at least try to pretend that she had ben joking. Unfortunately her acting skills could use some work.
Staring at the strong jawline of the handsome wizard in front of her Hermione figured what the hell, this was the only opportunity she would have to be with Malfoy alone. She could always deny that she even brought it up, who would believe Malfoy over her?
"Would you….urm….I was wondering…?" Uh, why was this so much more difficult when she had it worded perfectly in her head? Malfoy, would you allow me to explore my sexuality on you, please? Putting her thoughts into practice however was proving difficult. "Urm…"
"Just ask, Hermione."
"Sex!" Hermione felt her face flare with heat, her hand slapping over her mouth as if she could take back her quite frankly humiliating blurting out of the word sex. It was on her mind ok! She was eighteen years old and yet had barely kissed someone! She had tried, but Ron invading her mouth with his tongue was hardly arousing to her.
Perhaps something was wrong with her?
"I mean…"
Despite Malfoy's raised brow he didn't say a word, simply regarding her with scepticism. She didn't blame him, even she didn't fully understand what she was trying to communicate to him.
"Sex, I mean…I haven't…." Bloody hell, what was wrong with her? "Oh for goodness sake, would you have sex with me if I asked!"
Despite feeling the creeping sensation of rejection, humiliation and embarrassment, Hermione refused to take back her words. The look of pure shock on Malfoy's face, however, was a satisfying sight indeed Hermione thought after realising that for once she had caught Malfoy off guard.
Silence.
The more the silence continued, surprisingly the less awkward Hermione felt. Malfoy's usually stoic features were still in a state of shock that Hermione found it hard not to find it amusing to see the Slytherin so out of sorts.
Hermione had anticipated Malfoy to react in a certain number of ways. She had expected him to laugh at her, to outright say no, to look disgusted or amused, what she hadn't expected was for him to look angry, in fact he looked furious.
"Malfoy?"
Nothing. He didn't respond and to be honest he was starting to worry her. She was fully aware that he was extremely talented in both theological and practical magic, he had trained alongside the Dark Lord and no one was quite sure of the true extent of his magical ability, not even the professors at Hogwarts or Ministry.
But for some reason he had not only been spared by the Ministry but had been requested to return on multiple occurrences. She had her sources but she couldn't understand why. He should be in Azkaban along with his father. For the things he had been accused of doing she couldn't for the life of her come to a conclusion as to why he had been spared so easily.
"Malfoy?"
Hermione watched anxiously as Malfoy seemed to be collecting himself, his previous shock and anger whilst now absent from his features still burned brightly in his eyes. Suddenly she didn't feel so amused or confident about her suggestion. She had heard that boys never turned down the opportunity of freely given sex, she had learnt that the hard way thanks to Ron, and considering Malfoy's reputation she hadn't expected such hesitation from him.
"Is that a no?" she finally mumbled weakly.
Finally Hermione saw Malfoy's shoulders sag, "Why me?"
"What?"
"Why me?" he repeated leaving Hermione feeling as if she was on the edge. This wasn't going the way she had anticipated it to. "You are aware that I find you attractive, by why are you approaching me for this? You do not trust me, you do not enjoy my company, you despise my family, and yet you are willing to share something extremely intimate with me. Why?"
Feeling her mouth go dry Hermione didn't know what to say. Everything he had claimed was true, that she couldn't deny considering she didn't trust him, not at all, and yet here she was asking him to take her virginity as if it was nothing! She couldn't help but find herself snapping on the defensive, "You enjoy sex! The whole of Hogwarts is aware of the fact you fuck around! And I know you're not particularly fussy!"
His jaw clenched, "If that is your option of me, Hermione, than you should not be offering yourself to a wizard who you have such a low impression of."
Hermione felt her hackles rise, "you're a death-eater! I don't think you're in a position to be picky!"
Silence.
As soon as the accusation had fallen from her lips Hermione immediately regretted it. They had been surprisingly civil to each other during the majority of the train ride back to Hogwarts, Malfoy being surprisingly open and polite about private matters which honestly Hermione didn't have any business asking about in the first place. To bring up the fact he was a death-eater, however, Hermione knew was crossing the line. If she didn't know better she would have thought Malfoy looked pretty gutted at her accusation before his features resumed their usual stoic appearance.
"Malfoy-"
"I am a bad person, Hermione," Draco murmured, refusing to look at her. For some reason that comment took the wind out of Hermione's sails, it was different hearing it instead of speaking it. "I am aware of this, I do not need you to point it out to me. You are a beautiful, smart and loyal witch and I am also aware that you are completely out of my league. But I cannot be used purely for my body and not my mind Hermione, I honestly think it would destroy me."
Hermione didn't know what to say as a response. She hadn't expected Malfoy to appear as vulnerable as he had. He had referred to her as beautiful, loyal and smart and out of his league! Did he really believe that? She had to admit she was flattered, her cheeks flushing brightly. For some reason Malfoy seemed even more attractive when he allowed himself to be vulnerable, it was just that unfortunately Hermione had clearly hit a sore spot.
She should have felt elevated to finally find something to break the usually stoic Malfoy, yet instead she just felt like she had humiliated him in a way which had severely crossed the line.
"If you need advice, or are worried a wizard is taking advantage than I will be here for you, you know I having nothing to loose so I will be honest with you, but I cannot allow myself to be intimate with you in that way. I apologise."
"What if I want it to be you?" Hermione found herself saying. "You know what you're doing, you apparently find me attractive-"
"You are not listening, Hermione!" Malfoy finally snapped. "I will not be used for sex! You are incorrect in your assumption that sex is the most important factor in a relationship when you consider the entire male population! I do not fall into that category! Not to mention your reference to me being a…you believe me to be a death-eater and that is your right, but you should not allow yourself to be vulnerable to a wizard you believe to be so dark!"
"I can do what I want, Malfoy!" Hermione found herself snapping back, reusing to allow Malfoy of all people to tell her what she should and shouldn't do. He had a point yes, but it was her body and her choice! It wasn't like he could afford to be picky now the war was over! "You don't own my body!"
She watched as Malfoy's anger seemed to loose steam, his body momentarily collapsing against the seat before he made a move to stand. He looked tired, like he had aged throughout their conversation. "But I own mine. The answer is no, Hermione. I apologise but I cannot help you."
Hermione could honestly say that she had never seen Malfoy display such a vast number of emotions. It put her on edge at the thought that she had ruined any kind of civility that they could have had as head boy and head girl. There was no doubt in her mind as she watched him leave, a hand running through his hair in a gesture that screamed discomfort, that her insult had destroyed any foundation of friendship that they may have developed.
