Chapter 2 - Bones
"I have to stop and rest," Asuka said deliriously, "Just for a minute. Let go." Shinji nodded and sank to his knees. They had managed to put the river way out of sight without stopping and the dogs and sirens had ceased sounding almost an hour ago. He lay down shivering in the dirt beside Asuka. Wherever they were, the weather, trees, and even the dirt were completely unfamiliar. He realized they might be anywhere in the whole world and nobody was coming to save them. "Shinji, your legs." Asuka pointed to his scraped skin, bloody and pale.
"Don't worry about it, there's nothing to be done. What about you?"
"I don't know. I'm too cold to feel anything. We need shelter." It's already late afternoon.
"Yeah, and food," He added. He sat up and took in their surroundings. "You know, the fact that a forest of this size still exists is pretty amazing. I bet we're in North America somewhere. Look at all the pine-trees." He flashed a brave smile at her, hoping to lift her mood a bit, but she wasn't looking. "Hey Asuka?"
"Amazing…? You idiot. Don't you realize? Seele wouldn't put their secret base within a hundred miles of civilization. It doesn't matter what continent we're on because even if we are in North America, we are completely alone out here. This forest will be the death of us both." She closed her eyes and let out a long shuddery breath. "Our only hope now is to die before they find us."
"Don't say that!" Shinji shouted angrily. He propped himself up on his elbows. "How can you say things like that? Do you want to die?"
"I don't care anymore, Shinji. Look at me. Everyone is dead, I can't do anything, and I've never felt so weak. If we die, who's going to care? Seele will only care because they need us for power and there's nobody who—"
"Shut up." Asuka opened her eyes in surprise. "I'm sick of this. We escaped and now we're going to make it out of here." He leaned over and looked desperately into her eyes. "I care about us. I want us to live." She grit her teeth and broke eye contact.
"It's about time you stood up for something Shinji; but you're too late. Don't be stupid. We're already as good as gone." She stared back into his eyes with a frightening look. His heart sank and he looked away, at the ground. "If you really want to live, then leave me here and go on your own. I'm too tired and it's hopeless anyway. Just go away." Her words seemed to bubble up un-summoned. She only half-believed them.
"No." He bit his quivering lip and looked up at her once more. His eyes seemed to be questioning his own tenacity. "I'm not leaving you and we are not staying here. You always tell me I'm wrong, and look at us now. You always tell me to take charge and now I will. I don't care if it's too late. Get up." He was dimly aware that he had stood up and was shouting down at her.
"I won't. I'm too tired. Just go." She said defiantly through chattering teeth. He ignored her and leaned down to lift her to her feet. "Get off you pervert, you can't make me go die with you. Leave me here and go die by yourself!"
"No!" Shinji set his face to a completely emotionless mask. It had become one of his ways of dealing with her stubbornness at the apartment when she would tease or torture him about something. Show any weakness and she attacked it, show any joy and she perverted it. He was easily able to push aside her slow hands and lift her to her feet from under her arms. She made a few weak attempts to stop him, but despite the rising level of his weakness and exhaustion, she was much worse. Finally, her growls and shoves stopped and he was able to keep her still.
"You jerk," was her final attack before resigning to become an unwilling backpack. Her mind screamed at him and pounded his face but it was no use. Shinji refused to speak to her or put her down. Eventually she gave up entirely and allowed herself to fall asleep with her thin arms locked uncomfortably around his neck. He did his best to ignore the chokehold and her breath on his shoulder and trudged onward, back towards the river to follow it downstream. They moved slowly, but at least there was definite progress. It was a long time before he could focus on any one thought. Shinji decided that the river was their best bet for a way to civilization even if it did make them easier to find.
I can't believe how light she is… She feels like nothing, even when I'm this tired. I wonder how long it has been since she last ate. Like a catalyst, the thought of food caused the hydrochloric acid in his stomach to bubble up into his throat. Acid reflux. He thought about how little he had eaten since the beginning of this ordeal. Food was quickly becoming a thorn in his mind, jabbing him with every thought. He let it, subconsciously happy for the distraction. After an unbearably long silence interrupted by his whining stomach, the sound of the river filled the void with the promise of a meal. He walked a little closer to the water's edge. I wonder if there are any fish. For close to ten minutes he limped slowly along the bank in search of food before he saw the first small fish. "Asuka wake up! Look!" he whispered urgently.
"What is it now?" she groaned. He let go of one of her legs and pointed to a few trout swimming in place against the current. Asuka sighed and laid her head down on his other shoulder. "Big deal. Don't get back in the river, unless you want to freeze to death even faster." Shinji didn't respond but carefully crouched down and let Asuka slide off of him onto the ground.
I need a stick. Quickly he searched for one nearby. There! He grabbed the long piece of a splintered branch and edged to the bank once again. Still there… Okay I've got one shot. I've read about people surviving on fish. This can be done, right?
Asuka was watching him disapprovingly as he leaned over the surface of the water with his spear. "Yeah right Shinji. You can't take aim like that. Light diffracts against the water, dumkompf; you'll miss. Just leave them," she moaned, propping herself up on her bruised elbows.
Good point…diffraction. He was only halfway listening. Okay I think I've got it. Painstakingly slowly, Shinji lowered the tip of the branch into the water about thirty centimeters above the fish's head. Sure enough the image of the stick under water was a little off to the side; he would have missed. The unsuspecting fish didn't notice his doom above him. Okay just a little more to the right. All right …Now! He stabbed the fish excitedly, scaring himself a little.
"I got it! Holy crap I actually got it Asuka!" He lifted the branch towards her proudly. The fish was already dead, speared perfectly in the back. "We have food."
"Sushi? And I guess you're going to cut it up with rocks?" She said complained sarcastically. Shinji pulled the lighter from his pocket. It was sealed, but the starter was soaked and ruined. He glanced at all of the smooth river stones with a frown.
"Yes. We'll have to eat raw fish, but I can break a rock to cut it with. Maybe we can figure out how to start a fire. We have food and water." He almost smiled, but checked himself.
"Enjoy yourself. I hate raw fish."
"Too bad. This one is all yours." He handed her the stick and picked up a smooth stone from the bank. With as much force as he could muster he flung it at another rock, breaking into three, sharp-edged fragments. I've never killed an animal before… At least I've served whole fish before. He took the trout back from her and proceeded to clean it as best he could, making a pile of the guts and bones to use as bait for more. He handed the finished product to Asuka, freshly rinsed in the river. "We'll have to risk germs. Not that you care." He put the two slabs of pink meat in her hand and threw his bait into the river. "Eat all of it, you need it." Shinji waited patiently for her to begin, but felt himself tremble in fear of her reaction to his orders.
Asuka frowned and glared but ate anyway. Satisfied, Shinji began to pace the river for more fish. It didn't taste as bad as she had guessed, but the texture was sickening. How can Japanese people eat this by choice? Nevertheless, she hadn't eaten solid food since her arrival to wherever they were. Just iv's and liquids. Even a bad texture was better than the burning and acrid liquids poured into an unwilling throat. Shinji returned unsuccessful, but was determined her would find more before nightfall. It's not like him to be confident. He probably taking advantage of my weakness to boss me around some. She watched him rinse his gashed legs without whimpering or wincing. "What did they do to him?" she wondered curiously. Suddenly, another coughing fit was wracking her entire body as she choked on her fish. She doubled over at the pain in her ribs from her fits. He ran to her side and laid a hand on her shoulder; she accepted it and slowly regained her composure. "At least I kept it down." She said, trying to wipe the disgusting concern from his face. Stop staring at me.
"Let's get going, we'll find somewhere to make a shelter." He knelt down and helped her to stand. "Can you walk?"
"I'm fine," She said, shrugging off his arm. "Let me walk a while." He complied and let her lead them along the riverbank, keeping a hawk's eye toward the river and her wobbly stride. They walked slowly, but without a destination speed seemed pointless. They didn't hear the dogs again all day. He missed three more fish before finally spearing one for himself hours later. The victory was a welcome reason for conversation and a break. They sat back-to-back to keep from lying down in the wet sand with weakness. He ate quickly, and loudly; making Asuka envious of his meal. He heard her involuntary gulps and smacks and looked at the last of his meal with a sigh.
"Here, my fish was bigger," Shinji said as he handed her the chunk of trout. She accepted without a fight or thanks and ate it slowly to prevent strangling herself. He shivered a little as a breeze lifted their hair and was reminded him of the urgency of his shelter search. They noticed a lot of dead trees and pine straw and decided it would be best to build a shelter now and resign early. The evening sun shone coldly above and the night was sure to be awful. "I'm going to build something, you get away from the wet sand and take a nap okay? I don't think I can carry you much longer like this. Sorry"
"Don't apologize, I never asked you to carry me." She said venomously.
"Right, Forget it then." He said, suppressing a flinch at her attack. He couldn't show his fear of her now. He couldn't deal with that.
As he stood up; the leathery material of her suit stuck to his back where the undershirt was torn. He realized just how horribly useless their clothes were in this weather, especially hers. "Asuka, while I'm gone, maybe you should dry out your suit, it's airtight, but probably full of river water that could freeze you to death when it gets colder tonight. I-I'll keep my distance."
"I'll freeze to death if I take it off." She whined.
"You'll freeze to death if you don't; so please just do it anyway. You don't care, remember?"
"If I don't care, then I'll just leave it." She squinted her eyes in victory.
"If you don't then I will. So…so there." With a completely fake mask of passiveness he glared straight into her eyes and tried his best to appear serious. God I hope that worked. Asuka was shocked at his brave statement; but merely rolled her eyes and grumbled at him. She shooed him away, letting him win this one. Shinji stomped off quickly and let out the breath he had been holding. I can't believe I said that, and it worked. He smiled a little to himself as he searched for some limbs that weren't damp and rotten on his way deeper into the trees.
.He made a large pile of semi-dry pine straw in between three fallen trees that formed a deep triangle-shaped trough. He guessed that it must be late winter, for lack of foliage, insects and the temperature. After a half-hour of dragging what decent limbs and leaves he could over the top of the trough; he had created a decent shelter that he hoped would be insulated enough for the night ahead. A fire was out of the question. Not only was every piece of timber half soaked and rotten, but there was also his lack of Boy Scout knowledge. Even Kensuke used lighters or matches for his campfires. He frowned at the lean-to's shabby, den-shape but was far too exhausted to scrutinize. With a sigh he tromped heavily back to the shore without considering how little time his handiwork had taken. The tired boy came shuffling up to the river with his head hanging low with exhaustion.
"Hey Asuka, the shelter's finis—"
"You idiot I said I'd call you!" Asuka shrieked hoarsely as she quickly spun around and fumbled with the seal on the back of the suit. Shinji had lifted his face to see her only halfway done redressing a few meters away. He quickly turned his back on her and began tearing at his hair in embarrassment for walking up on her half-dressed. He wanted to apologize, but refused to allow himself. He knew where it would lead. He just focused on wiping the blurred image of her waist-up nakedness from his mind. "You pervert!" she growled angrily while continuing to fumble with the seal. Shinji flinched at a particularly violent sounding stream of German directed at him.
"It was completely accidental." Don't apologize. Don't apologize. "I'm not like that." He stole another look to see if she was finished. The seal on her back was out of her reach, but she was decently covered now. "Let me do that" He said.
"I've got it." She said stubbornly. He ignored her and approached anyway. There was no way she could seal the back by herself.
"I'll do it, move your arm." His fingers shook as he fixed the seal, but his face was stone still. His eyes drifted down her back, the only part of her uncovered by the suit now; and he gasped aloud at the sight. Bones…Her ribs and shoulders, even her spine were protruding with emaciation. The pallor of her skin was alarmingly transparent. He had wondered why she was suddenly so reserved about changing in front of him, considering her usual household attire in Tokyo. Now as she hunched there, shaking and frail before him he understood. She was ashamed and afraid of what she had been reduced to. He gently sealed the suit and put a hand on her shaking shoulder. She was sobbing. "It's okay Asuka…"
"No! They ruined me! They starved me, weakened me, and humiliated me. I was their doll, Shinji! They raped me, used me mind and spirit. They took what they wanted from me without consent or consideration and there was nothing I could do about it!" She was choking on sobs as she screamed. How am I supposed—" Shinji spun her around to face him and hugged her as she shook and cried. She buried her face in his bare shoulder and cried harder and longer than she had since before her mother died. "A doll… they used me…" was all Shinji could decipher as she shouted something over and over.
They crumpled to the ground as he choked up as well. The pressures of their short lives were so concentrated and heavy that this breakdown seemed to shatter something in each of them. Shinji held her head and clutched at her like a child as they both shook. He felt the stones under him grind into his wounds and her nails claw at his shirt but that pain seemed to be happening to another Shinji. "It's not fair. We are not dolls," he sobbed quietly. This caused another wail from her and they hugged tighter to each other.
She cried for her body, for their fate, for their friends, for the whole world and how unfair it had been to her. "Mama." She choked on the word and cried louder despite the pain the sobs caused her. They hugged there until there were no more tears to soak his arm and they could will themselves to let each other go. He pulled her arm around his shoulder and hooked his arm around her waist. Words were worthless and useless at that moment. She simply nodded and leaned into him as he led her to the shelter.
