Tear it down
Break the barricade
I wanna see what sound it makes
I hate this flavor with a passion and I fucking hate the aftertaste

Eli needed to numb the pain. The voice in his head kept reminding him Clare was gone and Eli had been the one to drive her away. He had stood by her after the accident—when everyone told him Clare may have a hard time for awhile, he believed them. Eli understood hard times and feeling like you are your own worst enemy. He had been through it in high school with Love Roulette and trying to getting Clare back. Eli went to a very dark place he never thought he would escape, but therapy and meds helped. He learned to get better for himself and in turn was able to be a better person.

He wanted to fix Clare. Protect her and love her...to do whatever she needed so she would be his Clare again and not some angry, bitter stranger. Their lives had changed after the accident because Clare had become someone he didn't know. But she was going through therapy , and everyone said she would get better.

Now Clare was gone and he had no one. So he did the only thing he knew in this kind of situation, he picked up a pen and started writing.

Clare wasn't going to her mom's house. While she loved Helen and visiting her childhood home, it would feel weird going there when she was having problems with Eli. Her mother would be way too concerned and would hover over Clare. She was not really in the mood to deal with her mother being overbearing, the way she had been since the accident. Everyone treated her like a freak and she was sick of it. She was a woman with scars all over her body and a menagerie of issues to big to even think about at the moment. Clare needed a plan. A good solid plan to inform Eli she was adamant about the decision to leave and nothing would c

hange her mind.

Instead, Clare drove to her step brother's apartment and let herself in with they key he left under the mat. The apartment smelled of chicken and guy, totally reminscent of Jake Martin. Clare smiled at the small fact and put her things in the spare bedroom. Jake lived in a modest two bedroom apartment right outside of downtown Toronto with a decent view and affordable rent. He also told Clare she was always welcome because they were family. He also meant Eli was welcome, but that was not a concern for Clare any longer.

Clare sat down on the double bed in the guest bedroom and ran her hands along the green plaid comforter. She focused on the softness of the material and tried to ignore the small scars on her hand. As long as there was anything else to think about, she would be okay.

Eli wasn't even a fleeting thought. Not one bit. Not his stark green eyes or his lanky hands. Definitely not his hair which he had let grow really long because Clare said she wanted to see what it would look like. It brushed the nape of his neck and curled outwards so softly. Clare would often run her hands along his neck to feel the edges of his hair and kiss him because she could. None of that mattered anymore because she needed to move on with her life.

She had built up this barricade to keep everyone out. There was way too much pity in everyone's eyes and too much pretending to understand what she was going through. Clare was tired of the bullshit and needed some reality. Jake would definitely tell her how it was and give her some much needed perspective.

"You should remember to close the door so I don't assume robbers are trying to steal my stuff," Jake said as a way of greeting, interrupting Clare's thoughts.

Clare looked up and smiled at her step brother. "Maybe I am a robber and you need to stop leaving your door open."

Jake grinned. "I could take you on if you are attempting to rob me. But it looks like you are just crashing her instead."

Clare glanced at her suitcases and nodded. "I couldn't take it anymore. So I told Eli I needed some space. So here I am."

Jake raised an eyebrow and frowned. "What do you mean, Clare?"

Clare sighed. "I am tired of Eli pretending to still love me..."

"How could you even think, let alone say, such a thing?" Jake asked, sounding rather angry. "Eli has been there for you through everything. He does love you. Stop being so selfish and realize the people around you only want what is best for you. We are all worried about you, Clare."

Clare wanted to scream. No one understood what she was going through. She really was alone in dealing with everything.

The sound of shattering glass made Eli realize he was trying to destroy the wall Clare had built around herself this past year. His rationality was if he destroyed all the items which reminded him of Clare, he would forget about her and maybe she would forget about him. He could tear down the huge barricade she placed around herself and shut the world out. Eli was the one she shut out the most, and he tried his damnedest to break through. When he said forever, he meant it. Clare was the one who changed her mind. Why was he the one left suffering then?

The sound of the glass was his way of tearing down her wall and hearing the sound it made. There was so much noise at first, but then he was engulfed by the silence. In reality, the silence was the only sound Clare had provided him with this past year.

I love you, Clare.

You still have the prettiest eyes I have ever seen.

My, my Clare Edwards. You are going to make one man very happy someday. And that someday is today and that lucky bastard is me.

Clare, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Nothing will ever change that.

Clare couldn't stop thinking about Eli. She hated herself for it. Mostly she was thinking about the way he always drank the milk straight from the carton and how much she hated the taste of the dairy product. She hated how Eli would drink from the milk carton and she always told him to use a glass.

He would look into her blue eyes with his own green and reply, "Never." He always did it with a smile, but it made her crazy.

She shouldn't even be thinking about Eli. She had left him and was trying to figure out a greater plan for what to do next. Maybe she would just get on a plane and see where she ended up. Travel the world and pretend she was an anonymous girl, not the freak who survived the terrible car accident.

No, it was not that easy. Eli was still a part of her. Even when she wanted to hate him, she was thinking about all of his stupid habits.

Tears started to freely flow down her face as she thought of her love who knew she hated flavored milk and she swore she could taste the disgusting aftertaste of milk in her mouth. Maybe not. Maybe she was just pretending so she had a way to keep holding onto Eli.