Disclaimer: Story based on Ranma ½ and the Wheel of Time series.

Chapter 2: Choose Your Poison

"Daddy the pervert is awake." Choosing to hold his head together over a witty response Ranma cautiously opened his eyes. A knee-height table set with cheap but appetizing food lay in front of him. Across it stood Soun and his three daughters, lined up by height and age. "Now tell us why you were a leprechaun girl before." Ranma blinked.

"Leprechauns don't have wings dear," said Kasumi. "Maybe she was a pegasus."

"Hey!" said Ranma. "I'm a he not a she."

"Isn't a pegasus half-horse?" said Nabiki.

"I think those are satyrs," responded Kasumi.

"Whatever, he's still a pervert," Akane said firmly.

Genma sweat-dropped. "Ranma, explain to them what happened in China."

"Pops, remember what the monk said? 'What happens in China stays in china' and 'Speak not the name of the purple-haired beast'." A number of puzzled frowns focused on him. Under their collective displeasure he soon buckled. "Alright I guess I can tell you this much." He quickly tossed cups of cold and hot water on Genma in quick succession. "Cold water makes him a panda and hot water turns him back. And for the record the guide told me I turn into a fairy." Ranma froze a moment, turning his head like an owl to look in all directions. "Err, forget I mentioned a guide."

The mild-seeming Kasumi took this moment to attack Ranma with a glass of cool water. After some fumbling with the inner pocket a newly dressed Ranma-chan emerged from the neck of the now deflated Chinese shirt. "So cute!" Kasumi clasped her hands together over her lips. Ranma winced at the eldest daughter's assault on his masculinity.

"Hmm," pondered Soun Tendo aloud. "So you change back with hot water. This doesn't seem so bad." Stifling Ranma's protest with a stream of near-boiling water that Ranma barely dodged Soun began attempt #1 at joining the two schools of Anything Goes martial arts. "This is Kasumi, age 19, Nabiki, age 17, and Akane, my youngest, age 16. Choose who you want to be your fiancee."

This, of course, initiated a string of rage-filled shouts from the blue-haired akane that was starting to hurt Ranma's sensitive elongated ears. "Pops," said Ranma as she landed on her father's shoulder, "the middle one is seriously starting to creep me out. She looks like that boy did with the butterfly net and the sticky-paper."

"What about Kasumi?" whispered Genma.

"She's very..." Ranma considered her words, "tall."

"Ah, I understand son, I was the same way."(1) In a louder voice, "He chooses Akane."

"Wh-what?" spluttered Ranma. "But she looks like she wants to kill me!" she whispered frantically.

"Stop being such a girl, Ranma. It will be great training to dodge her assassination attempts!" Genma flicked the shocked fairy off his shoulder and began a manly dance with Soun in their joy over the uniting the two schools.

Ranma was feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. Feeling understandably wary of the mounting volcano that was Akane, Ranma decided to make a strategic retreat. With what little energy that remained to her at this late point in the day she grew back to her human-sized form. Gathering up her shirt and pants she dragged her backpack into the corner and built a small bed inside it with her two pairs of clothes. Grabbing a lemon drop from another pocket of the pack she released her flow of energy, shrinking back to eight inches. Hopping into the pack with a quick flutter of wings she started to lick the fist-sized piece of candy clutched with both hands. Nestled within the folds of clothing she flipped the lip of the pack closed with one foot and sank back into the darkness. Insulated ever so slightly from the sounds of those outside her nest she soon finished off the lemon drop. The sugar did little to oppose her exhaustion, and a few short minutes sleep claimed her. 'Maybe tomorrow it will all blow over somehow.'

"Ranma, wake up boy!" Light spilled into the now open pack, soon followed by a stream of ice-cold water. Ranma hopped out of her now drenched haven, wrapping her wings around herself like a blanket as she hit the ground.

"Hey, what's the big idea Pops?" She shivered slightly, her unbound hair plastered to her face and neck like small red snakes.

"Don't want to be late for your first day of high school now do you? Quickly now, your fiancee is about to leave, you'd better get changed quick."

Sunlight slowly reinvigorating her, Ranma shot up to human size, and grabbed the drier of her two pairs of clothes from the pack. "What do you mean, school? We still have to go back to China and fix find some way to fix this."

"Nonsense my boy, this is a matter of family honor. The schools must be joined!"

"Baka panda." Her stomach growled. "Can I at least eat something first?"

Kasumi chose this moment to make her entrance, bento in hand. "This is for you, Fairy-chan." Ranma felt the sweetness rolling off of Kasumi slowly killing her, and considering that as a fairy she practically lived off sugar that was saying something. "I'll go put it in your book-bag for you."

"Book-bag?" asked Ranma.

"No more questions, boy, now go get out of that damned dress." Genma tossed her like a torpedo into the upstairs bathroom, her change of clothes whipping through the air as she fought to keep her hold on them. Slipping back into her normal eight-inch form in her distraction they billowed out like a parachute just before she hit the tiles.

"Dammit Pops are you trying to kill me?" Her high pitched shout went unnoticed however as everything in the house went into free-fall. "What's going-" the brief abeyance of gravity ended with a cracking of timbers so loud that Ranma's hands flew to her ears, struggling vainly hold out the chaos of sound. A few stretched seconds later the sounds stopped. The floor lay tilted beneath her at a slight angle, though not an even one. Warped and cracked it rose and fell like a frozen sea. Every wall, every picture hanging was aslant. Growing dizzy just looking at it Ranma lifted herself off the floor with a few beats of her wings, leaving her soggy boy-clothes behind.

"Oh my," commented Kasumi.

"Is everyone alright?" Soun's perfectly level-headed response to the situation was spoiled somewhat by his crying outburst moments later over the state of his house.

"I bet Ranma had something to do with this," said Akane.

Meanwhile, Nabiki, who might very well have agreed with Akane on this particular point, was currently standing in Nerima staring at the empty pit that was formerly her home. Suspecting that somehow her family was still alive somewhere Nabiki's single tear was comforted considerably by thoughts of the life insurance money she'd soon gain from her father's disappearance. It should be mentioned that the tear was over the loss of her blackmail files.

Back at the misplaced Tendo home, Genma proved that he was an adventurer at heart by being the first one to step outside the front door. He promptly fell two stories into a bin of refuse. "Soun," he called, "has your house always been on top of a building?"

"I do not believe so, Genma." No sarcasm was evident in either of their voices. Despite the considerable weirdness that Ranma had been subjected to over his life he was still a bit shocked over their performance. At least, he hoped it was a performance. "Tell me, am I wrong or do I detect the odor of a never before tried brand of alcohol?"

"Indeed you do." Genma effortlessly sprang out of the garbage bin and brushed off his shirt. "It's decided then. Ranma, protect the girls. Your elders are off to explore."

Ranma swung her palm into her face as Soun jumped down to join Genma in the wide alleyway before walking off, merry grins on their faces. "Hey Akane, you can jump that far, right?"

"Of course, I'm not a wimp like you."

Ranma felt her fingernails digging into her palms. She couldn't quite bring herself to open her hands. "What about you, Kasumi, do you need any help getting down?"

"That would be wonderful, Fairy-chan," said Kasumi, taking Ranma's outstretched hand.

"Akane can you go down first to catch her just in case?"

"Hey, I can help my sister better than you!" Akane grabbed Kasumi in a princess carry and promptly proceeded to jump horizontally out the doorway rather than downwards. Kasumi still had a tight grip on Ranma's hand which catapulted her out with them, wings utterly incapable of slowing the three of them at once. Crashing through a cellar door they rolled in an undignified screeching heap through the still open Waygate to land on a very surprised Moraine.

End Chapter 2:

Please forgive me for the tall joke. I promise that rather than practice tolerance for all heights I will make numerous short jokes to counterbalance it.

Authors notes:

Apparently I am indeed incapable of writing a non-crossover. It's just too tempting to mix things. Besides there's so few WoT/Ranma crossovers. Materia-Blade probably has the best one but the pregnant Rand sort of ruined it for me. Now a pregnant Mat, on the other hand, would be funny as hell. Anyways, you can expect to see various other people from the Ranmaverse popping up along the way. Forgive me for my treatment of Akane. I just think she's funnier this way. She won't do anything too terrible.

This chapter felt a bit rushed... I may have to do a rewrite on it but for now I think I'll call it quits and try and do better on the next chapter.