I stood outside my dorm, or what was left of it, wrapped up in a gray blanket that the firefighters brought. It seemed to me that this type of blanket was used for horses. It was scratchy, but I snuggled down into it anyway.

In the dark, the chill cold of the night, the fire soaked and put out, I couldn't help thinking about Alex. I thought about how I treated her in high school. In many ways she was one of the best things in my life. But, I know how I was. I know I tried to make her into something, some version of me, some version of herself that I would have preferred. I pushed her away. I got what I deserved. I never deserved her.

I couldn't seem to think of consequences yet. I burned down my dorm and I was flunking out. I wasn't cut out for this school, maybe, and I wasn't used to giving up. But I wasn't used to really trying, either. This is what you got when things came too easily. But was I really to blame? Was it my fault that I had breezed effortlessly through my first 18 years? Or somewhat easily? I had no basis for this, no ability to put my nose to the grindstone. But then, maybe I could develop that ability. Maybe I was finally learning something.

I didn't really want to think that way. I'd taken the train of my college career and drove it firmly off the track, and now I was in a field somewhere with a smoking and broken train, no way to get anywhere.

I wanted to go and see Alex, just for one night. I wanted to see her dark eyes flashing in dim lit rooms. I wanted to touch her shiny dark hair, her tanned skin, her chiseled features. I wanted to sink into her again and forget myself. Maybe I could reinvent myself. I didn't have to go to this school. Something about it was obviously making me miserable.

Everything was burned down, I just had the nightshirt on my back. I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders and headed for the quad, where I could find someone with a cell phone and I could make a call and be saved. Calling mom was out. I wasn't up for her stern look and her tone, that tone of bitter but disguised disappointment.

Who would be best to come to the rescue? I brushed past Ashley and Hazel like brushing by clothes in a closet. I didn't even know where Hazel was, I didn't know what Ashley was doing. Spin? Spin came into my head and I was comforted by the thought of him. Spinner. He was my honey bee before Alex, when I was still in control of things, somewhat. Or I thought I was. But I passed him by, too, not sure exactly what he was up to and if he'd relish rescuing a damsel in distress. Maybe Marco?

"Hi, Paige," he sounded awake enough as I stood in the shadow of the large screen T.V. that dominated the quad.

"Hi, I'm so glad I caught you. Listen, can you pick me up?"

"Where are you?" he said, and I believe I detected a tad bit of weariness in his voice.

"I'm at college. Actually, there was a little thing that happened, an accident,"

"What? What happened?" He wasn't exactly panicking, but it was getting close.

"My dorm. It kind of…burned down,"

"What? Paige? How did that happen?" he said, and I took a deep breath. I didn't think I really knew.

"Uh, well, I'm not too sure. Listen, I'm kind of miserable here. Can you come and get me?"

"Sure, of course. I'll be there as soon as I can,"

I hung up and gave the phone back to the quad jock with the Leaf's T-shirt and dumb expression, but I thanked him kindly and stared at the hockey on the screen while I waited for Marco to arrive.