Alicia rounded the corner to her office and stopped abruptly, her hand frozen just above the light switch...her eyes frozen on her desk. Sitting there, illuminated by filtered hallway light, was a large flower arrangement. Her stomach rolled instantly...whether from butterflies or nausea Alicia didn't quite know herself. Looking around, she caught Eli's smug expression, making it obvious that he had been watching for her reaction.
"Oh. Of course," Alicia thought, rewarding him with her most plastic smile. "It's another one of Eli's little publicity gimmicks. I should have seen that one coming." she chastised herself.
Setting down her briefcase, Alicia flipped on the light switch. She tried hard to appear nonchalant as she reached for the card. "Happy Anniversary." was all it said. She briefly wondered if she should feel badly because she had not done anything for Peter. "In my defense," she reasoned, "it is only a formality of surname and legal paperwork that proves we are still married at all."
Having convinced herself that it was more campaign pretense masterminded by Eli, rather than a significant gesture on Peter's part, Alicia had the excuse she needed for not dwelling on it any further. That settled, she smiled in spite of herself. "They are beautiful in a very unconventional sort of way," she thought, moving the vase to a corner edge of the desk to free up her workspace for the day. "And such a change from the predictable rose bouquets in the past."
Alicia had barely gotten seated when Kalinda rapped sharply on her door, not waiting for an invitation to enter.
"No need to guess at who sent that" she said, eying the flowers. "Their message comes through loud and clear," she continued, casually holding out a case file for Alicia. "Here's the photo set you requested on the McDunnough case."
"Thanks, Kalinda," Alicia answered. Then with a confused look, she said, "What do you mean? The card just said 'Happy Anniversary.' Peter didn't leave a message." A beat. Then Alicia looked at Kalinda, wistful. "Nineteen years...can you believe it?" she asked, more to herself than her friend.
"No" was Kalinda's matter-of-fact reply. Then she said, "He left a message alright...a pretty blatant one at that." She pointed vaguely at the various stems of the arrangement before looking back at Alicia. "Flowers all have symbolic meanings. You didn't know that?"
"I guess I never really thought about it." Alicia said honestly. "How do you know what they mean?"
Kalinda leaned closer, as if to divulge a secret, and whispered, "I'm an investigator. It's my job to know things."
Alicia rolled her eyes at her friend's smug expression. "So, are you going to share your insight then?"
"Nope." Kalinda said, giving up nothing.
"But..." Alicia began, "What happened to honesty and full disclosure?"
Kalinda didn't take the bait. Staring Alicia squarely in the face, she said, "That conversation was about you and me. This is about you and a certain someone else. Someone who appears to be testing the waters by the looks of things..."
Alicia broke eye contact, staring at the bouquet again, and sighed. "Come on, Kalinda. You really won't just tell me?" she said, clearly getting frustrated.
The investigator repositioned herself in Alicia's field of vision, intent on recapturing her attention, as she moved toward the hallway. "Look, Alicia...I could tell you, but some things are better discovered on your own," she said, not unkindly. Then, tapping her fingers lightly on the door frame as she exited, Kalinda gave Alicia a parting smile of encouragement. "One word—Google."
Irritated, but curious, Alicia flipped her laptop open a little too forcefully...not even sure herself why it was so important. She pounded out the various common names one by one, writing the meanings down as she went. Then, she inhaled a deep, cleansing breath, and sat back in her chair, trying to decipher a meaning other than what was plainly spelled out in front of her.
Snapdragons=graciousness and strength
Iris=faith and gratitude for friendship
Burgundy roses=unconscious beauty
Sunflowers=loyalty
Forget-me-not=true love, memories, and hope
Larkspur=boldness, ardent attachment, and an open heart
White and pink rose mix=I love you still and always will
White tulips=seeking forgiveness
Alicia sat, wide-eyed and shell-shocked, her eyes concentrated on the list and then the flowers in turn. "Okay," she said, taking a deep breath to steady herself. "Wasn't prepared for that..." she thought, now a little uneasy. She shook her head, as if clearing out the cobwebs, and then smoothed out her suit jacket before telling herself to focus instead on the business of the day.
She opened up her email, looking for something to draw her mind towards work. Part way through her list of new messages, Alicia found one from Peter. She stared at the icon on her screen for a moment before willing her hand to click the mouse.
Good morning, Alicia.
You should have some flowers by now. I know roses aren't your favorite, so I thought I'd go with something that had more significance this time. Hope they look okay together and will bring a smile.
I have some campaign details to discuss with you. Any chance you're free this evening? If you could come over when you finish at the office, that would be ideal. Dinner's on me...
I'll be in court most of the day, but leave me a voice mail or text when you can, okay?
Happy Anniversary, Babe. Have a great day, and talk to you soon.
Bye for now – P
Kalinda's commentary, the list of meanings for the flowers Peter had sent her, and now his email suddenly made Alicia nervous. "He called me Babe." she realized, an instantaneous jumble of tenderness and revulsion mixing in her core at the use of the familiar endearment. She put her face in her hands and thought, "Perhaps Grace is right. We do need to talk...and not just about the campaign. We have put it off for so long now...maybe too long. He's opened the door already, so tonight is as good as any I guess." she reasoned with herself, even as a growing sense of panic invited her to flee-to come up with any excuse so she didn't have to face...it. Him. Them.
The last thing she wanted to do was get into politics or their personal issues after a long day at the office, but it seemed that was exactly what she would be doing regardless. "Damn it! I don't want to have to think about it, never mind discuss everything!" Alicia thought, already exhausted by the mere idea. Ever the responsible one, though, she reasoned with herself. "I did promise Grace I would try...and I told Peter I would support the campaign," she thought. Still, she was already dreading the evening.
Decision made, Alicia added an alert to her phone so she wouldn't drive home on auto-pilot at the end of the day. Before her nerve faded, she quickly typed out, "See you tonight." and sent the text message to Peter. Then, hands shaking ever so slightly, she set her phone and personal life aside, turning her attention to her overflowing caseload.
On her way to the parking garage, Alicia dialed her son's cell phone.
"Hey Mom. What's up?" Zach answered casually.
"Zach, I just finished for the day, but I wanted to let you know that I have to go to your dad's tonight to discuss some things about the campaign."
"Okay," he responded. "Is it still okay if I go over to Nisa's to hang out?" Zach asked. "Her parents will probably be there" he added, knowing the question would be coming.
Before she could answer, Alicia heard a muffled Grace saying something in the background.
"Oh, and Grace wants to know if I can take her to that youth group lock-in at Shannon's church," he added.
"Is that tonight?" Alicia said. "Um...sure, I guess. Yes, you may, Zach...as long as there is an adult present. Just be careful. And stay off the expressway."
"Okay. We will."
"Oh, and Zach," Alicia remembered, "there's left over pasta salad and some chicken in the fridge if you guys are hungry. I don't know what time I'll be home, so..."
Zach chuckled. "It's fine, Mom. Don't worry about us."
Alicia sighed. "I can't help it. That's what moms do!" She smiled. "Speaking of which...I know it's a Friday night, but don't forget you have a curfew."
"I know. I'll be home before one." Zach confirmed.
"Um—No! Your curfew is at midnight, young man—unless you'd rather it be earlier, like on a school night?" Alicia suggested with a wry smile. "But nice try!"
"Hey! It was worth a shot!" Zach teased. "Okay. Midnight it is then!"
"Thank you, Zach." Alicia replied. "I love you both."
"Love you too, Mom" Zach said before they hung up.
She shook her head in disbelief. Her kids were getting so big! "Too big too fast!" she thought, remembering her conversation the previous night with Grace.
The drive through her old suburban Chicago neighborhood was surreal—so familiar and yet foreign at the same time. It was a healthy reminder for her as she navigated the meandering residential streets to her old house. "Time stands still for no man," she quoted to herself. She had changed. They all had.
Alicia turned off her engine, hands still firmly frozen in place on the steering wheel. The quiet enveloped her instantly...oppressive and suffocating. Alicia had always loved how quiet Highland Park seemed when she lived there. Now the silence stirred up panic inside of her instead.
The constant background noise and bustle of city life suited her better these days. It was far easier to distract oneself in the city. Out here the silence was deafening—giving all her unnamed and otherwise well-masked thoughts and feelings the room to make themselves heard and noticed. It was a dangerous and unsettling thing for Alicia.
She took a deep, steadying breath. "Okay. This doesn't have to be weird." she coached herself, stepping out of her car. She approached her old front door with more outward appearance of confidence than she felt. Sometimes being a courtroom lawyer had it's advantages...it had given her extra practice in disguising her real nerves. Maybe Peter would again, as he recently had said, not be able to tell how she really felt. Willing her hand not to shake, Alicia rang her old doorbell and braced herself for whatever would unfold on the other side.
