A/N: Okay so I decided how I want this fic to go. There will be one more chapter in the past (Shay's break up with Clarice) and then I will start continuing writing from the Pilot . I will at least follow the story line like it was on television till episode 12 'Under The Knife' but at Shay's (maybe also Dawson's) point of view. I'd like to make clear that the emphasis of these chapters will be on Shay's feelings for Dawson. Oh and I really like the bromance idea between Shay/Severide, so you'll also have lots about their friendship in this story.

I'd like to thank everyone who reads my fic, it really means a lot. I know there aren't much fics out there bout these two yet, so I really hope you like mine. Again English isn't my first language and since I don't have a beta I will take responsibility for all mistakes. Okay I think I talked enough, I hope you enjoy the next chapter of 'I never told you' please don't forget to let me know what you thought about it, once you're done reading.


I never told you

Chapter 2: Leslie Gay

"Leslie." I heard Severide's voice whispering behind me. Making me aware of the fact that I had probably been staring at the new girl for a little too long.

"Right." I said. 'Right? Right? Nothing right. Just say you're god damn name Leslie.' I thought. "Leslie Gay. Shay! Leslie Shay." I corrected myself, as I shook her hand. God, what was happening with me? I was making a complete fool out of myself. I've never felt more embarrassed in my entire life.

"Right." She said laughing. God damn that laugh, could she get even more adorable? I would do anything to hear her laugh more often. And right there I swore to myself I would do anything to make her laugh as much as I could.

Severide was still standing behind me, trying his hardest to not burst out in laughter by the stupid way I had just introduced myself to the new girl.

Really, I couldn't even say my name right anymore? This girl was already messing with me. Wait, with what? My feelings? What was happening, I have a girlfriend! And besides she was probably straight.

I looked at Severide, as I noticed he was still biting his lip. Trying to suppress his laughter. "O shut up Kelly." I said as I rolled my eyes at him, he was enjoying this a little too much.

Her eyes went from Severide back to me and back to Severide. I really had no clue what she was thinking. She was probably just trying to figure out what was going on here. And to be honest, so was I. I really didn't know what was happening with me. Why was I acting so weird all sudden? But when she looked at Severide again, I could tell that she was probably waiting for Severide to introduce himself to her.

And like he noticed she was, he took a step forward towards the new girl, who had just introduced herself to me as Gabriela Dawson, and shook her hand. "Severide."

"Dawson." Was all she said. She was more serious now, I noticed by the look on her face.

I think Kelly noticed it too, because he looked at me, shrugged his shoulders and walked away, towards the rest of the guys who were playing a stupid card game at the table.

"So." I said.

"So." She repeated, a small smile returning back on her face. It was not much, but I noticed it was there. I think she didn't want me to notice, because only seconds later her face hardened again.

"I guess I should introduce you to everyone else, and show you around." I said, a little insecure of what to do.

"Sounds good to me." She said. She definitely was more serious now, than she had been when I had introduced myself to her.

"Well good. Please follo-…" I couldn't finish my sentence as I got cut off by the alarm.

'Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61. Warehouse fire.'

Normally that damn alarm always ruins good moments, but right now it couldn't pick a better moment to go off. It was getting quite awkward between me and Dawson, and I know we were both feeling it. Especially after my introduction to her.

"Guess that has to wait." She said. I was glad her voice sounded friendlier than she had sounded when she had spoken with Severide. But she still sounded very professional. Which made me feel a little awkward and nervous for some weird reason.

"You ready?" I asked as I looked at her. I expected she would at least look a little nervous, since it was her first day on the Station. But she seemed more sure of what to do than I was.

She nodded, as we both jumped into the ambo, ready to save some lives.


It had been six days since I had known Dawson. We had gotten pretty close in the last six days. And I know it sounds weird, and before I met Dawson I really wouldn't have believed you if you had ever told me that we would become this close in only six days, but for some weird reason we did. Maybe it was because we hadn't only spend time during our shifts, but also after work. Anyways, I really liked spending time with her, and I wanted to get to know everything that there was to get to know about her.

She had told me her old partner had gotten knocked up, and that had been the reason why she had left her old station. She really liked her partner, so she had been sad to see her go. But she didn't clicked with the other people at the station, and since they thought she was a hothead, none of them really wanted to spend time with her once her partner had been gone. So she had asked for a transfer.

She had told me I'd better not got myself knocked up anytime soon, or she would kick my ass. I laughed, as I guaranteed her I wouldn't. I mean yeah my girlfriend and I had been thinking about getting a baby, but I knew we wouldn't get a baby anytime soon. Since we still had a long process to go. It's not that easy for lesbians to get a baby. And by the way, Clarice had offered to carry our baby anyway, so she really didn't have to worry about me leaving the station anytime soon.

Thank God, she never came back on the stupid way I had introduced myself to her. Well that was until the day I told her I was a lesbian.

We were at Jensen's which seemed to become my famous 'coming out spot' for some reason. I mean I had told Kelly the exact same thing here only a week ago.

"So you and Kelly huh?" She asked like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I looked up from my beer, a little surprised. Did she really think Kelly and I were an item? I mean yeah, Severide and I spend a lot of time together and we are pretty close, but it never was like that, was it? I mean did everyone else at the station think we were an item too?

"What about him?" I asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"I mean he's pretty handsome, right?"

"Well he is all yours." I joked.

"Why? You're not interested in him?"

"Nah, not really." I said as I shrugged my shoulders.

"The two of you seem pretty close." She said.

"Yeah we're close." I said, as I took a sip from my beer. By the look in her eyes I could tell she was not letting me get away with it that easy.

"But?"

"No buts." I said a little annoyed.

"O." Was all she said. Or well I'm not sure if she really said it, or if her mouth just formed an O. But she seemed pretty sad that I had cut her off like that. I felt guilty. I really liked Dawson, and she was just trying to have a nice conversation with me and I was kinda bitching her off.

A silence fell between us. And by the way she started to circle her finger over the edge of her glass that was standing on the table in front of her, I could tell she didn't knew what to do or say. She looked a little ashamed, like she had just crossed a line she knew she should have stayed far away from.

I hated seeing her like this. So with all the courage I had, I told her. "I'm gay." I said. My voice barely above a whisper.

"I know."

"What?" I asked, my eyes growing in panic. Okay I definitely didn't expected that answer.

"I know." She repeated.

If I hadn't been so taken aback I would probably have snapped at her that I had heard her the first time and that I was waiting for an explanation not for her to repeat what she had just said. But what she said took me so off guard, that the only thing I could manage to say was a soft spoken, not understanding "How?"

"I saw you checking out the nurse the other day." She explained.

If she hadn't surprised me already, she sure did now. I really thought I had been more careful with my leering lately. Turned out I hadn't been doing such a good job as I thought I had.

But really it couldn't be only that could it? I mean I had seen girls looking at girls before, and even though I was pretty sure that it was a good sign they were into girls, it still didn't always mean she actually was a lesbian. So how did Gabriela knew by that one small thing? And like she could read my mind, she started to explain herself a little more.

"When I handed you your phone the other day, after you had left it in the ambo, your screensaver lighted up, and I saw this picture of you and this girl, which I assume is your girlfriend?" She said it more like a question, like she was scared to say something wrong. "And the Leslie Gay thing when we first met. It kinda fits."

I couldn't believe how calm she stayed. Of course, the Leslie Gay thing. Could I have been more obvious?

I nodded, to let her know I got her point. "I-." I wanted to say something but she cut me off.

"You don't need to defend yourself Shay." She said. "You love her right? The girl from your screensaver?" She asked me, her voice was so sweet, I could tell by the way she was talking to me, by the way she was looking at me, that she really wanted to know. She really cared. Most people just ask stuff like that to be polite but she didn't. She really wanted to know.

I nodded. "Yeah. I do."

"Good, than that's all what matters. It is what it is and you just love that person."

I smiled at her, really I didn't knew why I deserved these kind of friends. Both Severide and Dawson had reacted really cool about me being gay. I knew with both of them having my back, telling the other guys wouldn't be that big of an issue anymore.

"At least I don't have to worry about you getting accidently knocked up." Dawson said laughing.

I couldn't help myself as I started to laugh along with her. Really this was only something Dawson could do, make a joke out of something serious. And you know what, I didn't even blame her for it. It really helped to lighten the mood a little.

"Are we still cool?" I asked her once we were done laughing. I mean, we dressed in front of each other, I could imagine her being a little uncomfortable with that now that she knew that I was a lesbian.

"What are you kidding me? Of course! Why wouldn't we be?" She looked at me like I had been crazy for asking.

"I dunno." I said, my voice sounding a little soft. "Just-." I really didn't know what I was going to say, so I was glad she cut me off again.

"Come here." She said, as she stood up from her chair and walked over to me to wrap me in a hug.

And as my nose nuzzled a little closer in her neck, and her strong arms were wrapped around me, I knew I couldn't wish for a better reaction, for a better partner, for a better best friend.


"Yeah I love you too." I said as I hung my phone up and walked into the lounge of Station 51. Which was by my surprise pretty crowded.

I walked over to the kitchen counter to get a banana when Herrmann spoke to me from one of the chairs at the table.

"Was that your boyfriend?" He asked in a teasing voice as he turned the page of the newspaper he was reading.

I started to panic, what should I say? I could just tell them the truth right? I mean I couldn't hide this forever, and Clarice kept begging me if she could see the station one time.

I knew I had taken a little too long to reply as I noticed all eyes were focused on me now. Why was I panicking? I mean this was no big deal right? My eyes searched the room, I had no idea what to do or what I was looking for, but when my eyes finally locked with Dawson's, I calmed down a little as she nodded, letting me know that I should tell them. This was it. I nodded back at her, letting her know I was going to do this. It was a really small nod, and I'm sure none of the boys noticed, but she did and that was all that matters.

I hated the way they were all still staring at me. It made me feel so uncomfortable.

"Well was that your boyfriend?" Herrmann asked for the second time.

"My girlfriend, for what matters." I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. After I said it my eyes immediately looked for Dawson's again. I could see it in her eyes, she was proud of me. And like that was enough for me to know, I calmed down a little, and felt like I could breathe again.

I could see Herrmann only mouthing an "O." As he got back to his newspaper again, probably feeling guilty that he had brought it up.

"Girlfriend? So you are a lesbian?" One of the guys from squad 3 asked me. God why couldn't I remember his name?

I rolled my eyes. Really how many times I had heard that already. I told people I had a girlfriend and I would always get an answer like; 'Oh so you're a lesbian?' Really it's stupid. Why would you ask something that's so obvious? It's like asking a penguin 'Oh so you're a penguin?'

And like Gabriela could read my mind she shouted at him. "She has a girlfriend! Get over yourself Cap." Right Cap that was his name. "Idiot." I heard her say a second later. It was really soft, I don't think other people besides me had heard. It made me smile, I was glad to know that someone still had my back. Thank God for Dawson. Really.

All the boys, except for Herrmann who was too ashamed to look me in the eye, kept staring at me like they needed to hear it from me before they would believe it. "Yeah, I'm a lesbian." I finally said, as I sighted in relief.

"Ah didn't I said that! I so said that!" Darden yelled as he jumped up from his seat.

"You did not say that." I said as I rolled my eyes. He always tried to make a joke out of situations. He was like the class clown or something.

"Well maybe not to you, but I sure said that!" He yelled enthusiastically.

"He said that." Mouch confirmed, as he laughed along with Darden and some of the other guys. Really? Could I please disappear into a huge hole or something?

Severide just walked into the lounge. He looked a little stunned by what was happening in front of him. "What's happening in here?" He asked, as he took another bite from his sandwich.

"You owe me 20 bucks Severide! That's what's happening." I heard Darden say, as he tapped Kelly playful on his shoulder.

He looked from Darden to me, back to Darden as Darden nodded at him. He shrugged his shoulders and got his walled out of his pocket and handed Darden a 20. Wait what was happening in here?

I hadn't realized how nervous I had gotten until I felt a hand on my back, slowly rubbing circles around there. It made me calm down again. When I turned around I found Dawson standing there. Of course who else would it have be? I smiled at her, thankful she knew exactly what I needed.

"You okay?" She asked. Her voice was so gentle so sweet, I swear it made my stomach flip.

I looked around, it looked like everyone had already gotten back to their own business. "Yeah I'm fine." I could feel her hand leaving my back. I immediately missed the warm touch. But I didn't had much time to think about it, as I noticed Kelly walking out of the lounge again.

"Can- Can you give me a second?" I asked Dawson.

She nodded. "Yeah of course."

I started to walk, faster than I would normally do, as I tried to catch up with Severide, who was walking a few feed in front of me. "Kelly!" I yelled once I realized I there was no way I could keep up with him since he was walking way too fast.

He stopped walking as he turned around to face me. I couldn't help but notice how he looked a little upset. I wanted to ask him about it, but then I realized why I had ran after him in the first place and that's where my curiosity and anger decided to take over my concern. "What was that all about?" I asked him. "Why did you handed Darden a 20?" I think I kind of knew the answer, I just wanted to hear it from him.

He murmured something, I couldn't understand.

"What? Talk to me Severide." I said, my voice sounding more serious now. I knew he didn't wanted me to know what was going on, but I wasn't leaving before I exactly knew what had happened.

"He said something bout you being a lesbian and he wanted to bet with me about it." He murmured a little louder this time.

"What a bet?" I yelled. 'Really Severide that's a new low.' I thought. I was getting pissed. I had no idea why I was yelling at him. But something inside me had just snapped.

"I said he should leave it. That it was none of his business. That he was making it up. I tried talking him out of it okay?" He started to yell, I didn't mean to piss him off but I was quiet pissed myself. "I just, I told him to let it go, but he wouldn't so I agreed to do the stupid bet okay?"

I still didn't get it, if he and Darden had had a bet about me being a lesbian than why did he have to pay him? And that's when it started to hit me. That's when I realized he had stood up for me. "Oh Kelly, why didn't you just tell him you knew?" I asked, my voice was so much calmer right now.

"Because it was not my secret to tell okay?" He hissed. "I'd never do that to you."

I looked him right in the eye. I could see that this was clearly bothering him. I never thought someone like Severide would have this big of a heart.

I walked over to him as I wrapped him into a tight hug. He calmed, as he hugged me back.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, thank you for having my back." I hadn't realized I had started crying until I said that. My words came out so unsure, so broken.

He placed a soft kiss on the top of my head. "Anytime Shay. Anytime."