A/N Yay! Update! But no MacDanny still. Here you have... Oh I'll let you read to see. But the rating is still T, and characters belong to those lucky shitheads at CBS. Bastards. Enjoy!
The aroma of coffee and eggs tickled Mac's nose as he peeked his head around his kitchen door to see if his guest was still slumbering.
He was, and Mac smiled warmly when he saw Danny grinning complacently into his pillow, all concerns seemingly forgotten in some mysterious dream. For a brief moment, Mac longed to know what it was about and who was in it, but he hastily shoved the thought away. It wasn't his business.
But, he made it his business to creep out to the family room, a task which was easy to an ex-Marine trained for stealth. The metal in his hand threatened to clink intrusively, but he clamped further down on the necklace and note he attached to it.
Mac's eyes found Danny's jacket resting on the arm of the couch, so he padded over and snuck his gift into the nearest pocket. Fleetingly, he cast his eyes upon Danny and was calmed by the breath flitting in and out, causing his chest to rise and fall gently.
And for a second, Mac was unsure as to why he was giving Danny his dog tags. A sigh erupted from Danny's lips, and Mac was somehow reminded why.
He sure as hell didn't need them anymore. It wasn't as if he was about to be called back to duty any time soon. And Mac definitely didn't need another reminder of everything he had lost in his service. He felt a bit ashamed, knowing full well that his service was an honor to perform, but that didn't keep it from hurting. That hurt, he supposed, was something he was trying to unconsciously remove by passing a symbol of it to Danny. Then Mac wondered if that meant he was trying to transfer his pain to Danny.
He shook his head and walked back to the kitchen. That couldn't be it. Mac would never wish ill upon Danny. He liked the kid too much. So maybe that was why he was giving it to him; a token of gratitude for being such a great employee and… friend. A smile toyed with Mac's lips; the concept of being Danny's friend was alluring and enjoyable and something Mac wished he had discovered sooner.
So is it an apology gift then? A sorry-I-didn't-get-to-know-you-sooner gift? Mac growled at his logic, which he deemed to be unreliable this morning for doing something without a good once over. Too late now…
Mac tended to the eggs and poured two mugs of coffee. To his, he added his usual, a simple two sugars. To Danny's, he gave a frown and tried to remember if he had ever specified what he liked. He set the mug on the counter and groaned softly. Damn headache…
Instinctively, he reached into the cupboard and found aspirin. Taking two out, a noise at his six briefly startled him.
Danny had stumbled into the garbage can. "Mmph… Sorry, boss." He blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision. "Fuck… Be right back…"
Mac smiled and followed him out with his gaze. The sight of Danny in casual clothing, a tank top nonetheless, exhilarated him. He blushed and mentally scolded himself for thinking such a thing when there was breakfast to be served.
The sleepy CSI returned with his glasses, still disheveled. "Smells amazing, boss." He walked over to Mac and took the mug he offered. "Thanks."
"Didn't I tell you not to call me that?" Mac smiled when he said it, which made him realize cynically that he'd been doing more smiling this morning than he'd had in a long time. And he didn't even know why.
Danny was in mid-sip during the question, and he raised his eyebrows in slight confusion. He detached himself from his drink and exhaled complacently. "What, 'boss?'" He couldn't help but return the smile, glad to see Mac was so friendly this morning.
A chuckle met Danny's ears. Mac felt his cheeks burn, and all he could manage was, "Yeah…" What is wrong with me?
But Danny saved him from his self-degrading torment. "Damn! You make some strong coffee!"
"Sorry," Mac mumbled.
Frowning, Danny took another sip, as if to clarify he didn't mean it the way he sounded. But when Mac continued to look upset, he spoke up. "Mac, I like it that way. Don't look so upset, alright? You still drunk or something?" He grinned, meaning the last bit in a joking way, even if his heart didn't want Mac to be upset either way.
Or something. Mac gave him a half-hearted smile. "Must be the alcohol still talking, I guess." There was an awkward silence until Mac was reminded of his objective. "Oh, yeah! Did you want breakfast? I made eggs…"
There was a pleading quality in his voice, much like when he asked Danny to stay. Danny bit his lip and looked at the clock. "Don't we gotta be at work?"
Mac laughed, much to his surprise. "It's our day off, remember? I thought I was the one who got wasted!"
Blue eyes met green in amusement, and they shared their laughter. Danny shivered and thought about it for a second. "Yeah, breakfast sounds great. It'd be nice to have a home cooked meal for once, instead of Chinese takeout…" He chuckled darkly, thinking of how alone he was when he was sitting by himself in the interiors of his own apartment, watching NYPD Blue reruns and wishing he could be at the lab doing what he loved and being with the people who made his life brighter.
Mac detected the bitterness and decided to keep quiet about it, for now. But he ached to know why it was there and if there was a possible way for him to help. Yet, he knew he couldn't voice any of that without coming across as overtly inquisitive.
And Danny was glad Mac didn't say anything, grabbing a plate from the counter and helping Mac to set the table in silence.
That was how it was until both were seated at the table. Mac sighed and looked out his window. "How much you wanna bet the team gets called in?" Danny had asked the question in hopes of stirring Mac into a conversation like they had the night before, the fun one. Mac turned back to him and raised an eyebrow. "Just saying, it's a relatively nice day, and people are out on nice days."
"Danny, your logic confuses me at times." A faint smile tempted Danny into a comeback but Mac continued. "But, yes, it is possible. But as selfish as it sounds, I wouldn't want that." Danny gave him a blank stare as a cue to explain himself. Bashfully, and what he hoped was comically, he stated, "Because that would ruin our breakfast."
Danny laughed and internally felt his insides bubble, as if he had drunk champagne, at the word "our." He took another bite and remembered his manners. "Mac, this is great, just so ya know. Thanks… for everything. Giving me a place to crash, breakfast, showing me a great time yesterday…"
"I thought you were showing me a great time." His smile returned, but inside, Mac was feeling increasingly anxious as to why Danny was having this effect upon him. It was as if last night at the bar had never happened. Well, it was as if the song at the bar had never happened.
His companion's blue eyes twinkled but looked downwards at the table. "Right…" Mac heard Danny inhale, and he waited in bated silence for Danny to say something because he was losing his own nerve in his anticipation. "Hey, Mac."
"Hmm?" Mac pretended to be absorbed in his eggs, but his attention was solely upon Danny, who was now shifting nervously in his seat.
"I… I'm sorry about what happened last night, and if it makes you feel any better, the next time we go to drink, we can go to Sullivan's if you want." He bit his lip nervously and looked back up at Mac, his blue eyes cloudy and concerned.
Mac sighed. "Danny, nothing that happened last night was your fault. I had a nice time, but if it makes you feel any better, we can go to Sullivan's the next time." But Mac knew in his heart that he was relieved not to go back there; the song would be forever connected with the bar. And he knew that if he went there, trying to lose himself with Danny, the memories would taint the moment. He didn't want that.
"Really?" Danny's excitement was evident, even if it was minimal. Mac wondered why Danny was trying to contain it, but the thought fluttered away.
He let the smile come back, for it was too late in the morning to stop now. "Yeah, Danny, it's a… It's a plan." Mac mentally kicked himself for almost repeating the word "date," and he's pretty sure that Danny doesn't want to think of what they do as a date.
Danny gives him a wide smile, and once again, Mac tried to think if he might actually want like that idea. No, no. Stop thinking like that. His employee blinked a few times and looked back to his plate, which he realized was empty. "I guess I was hungrier than I thought." He chuckled and got up to put his plate in the sink.
Mac instantly shot up and stole the plate from him. Danny shot him a look of confusion, which was increased in breadth when Mac pointed him back to his seat. "You're a guest, Danny. You shouldn't have to clean up."
"Yeah, but I want to." Danny looked over at Mac's plate, which had been cleared for a few minutes already, but the person it belonged to was too busy listening to clean it up. Danny quickly nabbed it and walked towards Mac.
The latter tried to snatch it, but Danny danced around him and put it in the sink before he could protest. Mac began to laugh as the water was turned on and the plate he had stolen was taken back and slipped under the stream. "You're really determined, aren't you?"
He stood beside Danny for a second and thought about shoving him out of the way, but Mac started when he realized what he was doing. What they were doing.
They were flirting.
A blush flew to his cheeks, as the smile crept back. Mac knew it wasn't such a bad thing; he hadn't felt this at ease with someone since… Well, he knew when. But it didn't stop him from stepping away because he was still nervous.
"Umm… Well, since you're so adamant about doing the dishes, I'll let you do that while I clean up the living room. Okay?"
A smirk played across Danny's face. "I knew I'd win." He chuckled and continued washing the plates as Mac walked out into the living room.
Mac glanced around and was glad to find his breathing was almost back to its normal beat, rather than the arrhythmic one it had adopted when he came to that startling realization. He hastily picked up the sheets and dumped them near his washing machine. He then grabbed for the pillows and walked towards the closet.
Then, he stopped.
Oh shit… Mac inhaled deeply and tried to gain his bearings, but the sight of the closet was taunting him. He felt faint, but his hand bravely reached for the doorknob and turned it.
The darkness of the closet frightened Mac because he knew what lay hidden in the shadows. He rarely, if ever, used this closet, so that was why he had put the beach ball there. But there it was, winking at him from the top of the closet.
Mac took a step back and scolded himself for the cowardice. He gritted his teeth and was about to just do it when a hand at his shoulder pulled him away.
"Hey, let me put those away, alright?" Danny's blue eyes pierced his, and Mac, in that instant, realized that he knew. Whether it was by intuition or seeing the beach ball itself branded with her initial, Danny understood and was willing to help Mac.
Still, he felt ashamed and let Danny take the pillows from him in silence. Mac didn't turn back until he heard the door click shut, and it was then that he looked back at Danny with sad eyes.
"Mac, it's okay, alright? You don't need to go through this alone, okay? I got your back, remember?" He heard Danny's voice rise with concern, but he tried to shut it out, shut Danny out, shut everything out.
"Right." He walked slowly back to the kitchen and hugged his arms, shivering from the residual panic. Mac didn't even look to see if Danny was following.
And he wasn't. Danny was standing beside the couch, jacket in hand. His eyes were downcast, for he knew his mission was a long one and one that would take a long time. If he wanted Mac to finally be healed and open up, he had to know when to let him alone.
And now was this time, as he watched Mac sit at the table with his back to him, sipping the last remnants of the coffee. "Hey, Mac…"
Mac tilted his head back and saw Danny out of the corner of his eye. He felt bad, but right now, he really wanted to be alone. So when he saw the coat in his hands, he forgot entirely of putting the dog tags in there and was relieved. Mac would always be grateful to Danny for the last few hours, but there was nothing to be done to mend his stubborn heart.
Or so he thought. "I'm gonna bounce, alright? I just remembered I have to get that physical for the department, the one you said we all needed to get within the month?"
"Okay, Danny." Mac didn't mention that he knew Danny had already gotten it, due to the report on his desk. He just sighed and took another sip of his coffee.
Danny gave him one last glance and walked to the door. "See you Monday, Mac. Thanks for everything."
Then he was gone.
The coffee cup was set on the table, and Mac's hands rose to cradle his head as the tears, the ones that had not fallen since the anniversary of that day, fell obstinately into the cold coffee. And Mac felt just as cold.
A/N Yess I did do angst, and I know some of you are gonna kill me for leaving it like that, but the next chapter will be Danny's discovery of the dog tags and maybe another outing. But augh I need to type it up, and these damn plot bunnies for the movie Sahara won't leave me the hell alone! Oh yeah, and I signed up for delgaserasca's ficathon at LJ and got a prompt, so expect that some time soon, as well. Hoo boy. Thanks for reading!
