Happy Birthday to blizzylizzy14! I dedicate this chapter to you and in honor of your birthday there will be ice cream!
Ch. 2 Things I Want to Tell You
(CLARE)
"So you just plan on never telling him? Your best friends with his brother you don't think Drew will eventually find out?" Johnny asks and I bite my lip.
"He doesn't need to know," I reply slowly.
"He doesn't need to know that he has a kid on the way?"
"No, you don't know Drew he has the maturity of a five year old! He can't handle a kid and I don't even know if I'm going to keep it. I'm not I mean I can't be a student at one of the toughest schools and a single mom. Drew is happiest when he's oblivious," I assert.
"Don't give up the baby just because you think you can't handle school and a being a mom. You have Eli and you have me, and if you tell him you might have the dad and his family. You did say you're best friends with his brother," Johnny argues.
"No Drew won't want to be involved and I don't want to ruin his relationship with Bianca," I contend.
"You don't know that he doesn't want to be involved unless you tell him there's something to be involved in. You don't know that telling Drew he has a child will ruin his relationship, Eli forgave you right?"
"Drew doesn't need to know it's just better if he doesn't know," I argue weakly.
"What if your baby gets sick, what if he has some rare genetic thing from Drew's side of the family but it's not diagnosed because Drew doesn't know? I guess if you give the baby away then it won't really matter but if you keep the baby you're going to have to tell Drew. You can't think you can stay friends with Adam and not tell him he's an uncle," Johnny contests and I sigh biting my lip again and looking away.
"I'm going to lie down," I respond getting up.
Johnny doesn't say anything and I walk to the bedroom lying down. I have no idea what to do, I don't even know if I'm keeping the baby. It seemed like such a simple decision when I first found out I was pregnant, I'd tell as few people as possible and give the baby up for adoption. That was of course before I could feel it, the first time I felt movement was such an alien feeling, there was this tiny living thing inside me moving. It was weird beyond words and yet amazing, my body was creating a life. There's a part of me that doesn't want to let go and give the baby up no matter what the practical side of me says. But Drew…I really don't know what to do about Drew. We slept together in a moment of weakness and parted ways barely able to be in the same room. Every time I picture telling him I'm pregnant it goes very badly and he hates me. Okay so maybe he won't hate me but he'll be angry and Bianca could hate me and I'm sure they won't want to be involved. Or worse what if they try to take to the baby, I can't let anyone take my baby! Wait does this mean I am keeping the baby? Ugh I am so confused.
When my stomach growls I stop thinking about what to do about the baby and about Drew and go out to the kitchen. I start looking through the cupboards for a snack and look at the time on the microwave. I have a prenatal with my the OB/GYN that I'll be seeing in New York, they got my records from my previous doctor and I had one a few days before I left back in Toronto. Still they said with the move and everything they wanted me to come in just to meet me and see how the baby is. I start making a snack when my cell rings and I have to run to the bedroom to get it.
"Hi Eli," I answer somewhat breathlessly and start walking back to the living room.
"You okay? You sound a little out of breath," he says.
"Yeah just had to run to get my phone," I explain as I resume making my snack.
"Okay well I just called to say that I can't take you your appointment. I've been offered a job on an independent film that one of my professors and it starts today," Eli informs me.
"So I have to go alone? Eli I don't know how to get around the city, you promised you'd take me," I snap at him suddenly losing my appetite.
"I'm sorry just look up how to walk there or how to get there by subway and I promise I'll make it up to you. I love you," he says and hangs up. I put my phone down angrily and push my plate away.
"Problem?" Johnny questions and I jump because I didn't realize he was standing there until he spoke.
"Eli was supposed to take me to my prenatal but he got a job and can't. Guess I'll go get my laptop and look up the subway routes," I huff starting to walk to my room but Johnny stops me.
"I can take you, where is it and when?"
I tell him where and when and he says that's not far then tells me to eat my snack. I smile and let out a relieved breath. I eat my snack and get my shoes on, Johnny takes me to the subway and it's just a short ride to the doctor's office. Since I already did all the paperwork online and sent over and they have all my files from my Toronto doctor I don't have any to fill out.
"Do you want me to wait here?" Johnny questions when the nurse calls me back.
"No you can come in they're just going to do a scan and ask some questions," I reply and he follows me back.
I sit on the table and lay back, a nurse comes in and takes my blood pressure and vitals then my doctor comes in. A female doctor with the unfortunate married name of Dr. Milk. She's a pleasant woman with short brown hair and dark green eyes.
"Welcome Clare and is this the father?" The doctor asks when she sees Johnny.
"Uh no the father couldn't make it I'm just a friend," Johnny tells her.
"Nice to meet you it's good for Clare to have support for this, so why don't we get a look at the baby. Do you still want to wait to find out about the sex?" She asks while she puts the gel on my belly.
"Yes I want to wait," I nod. Truth is I don't want to know at all because I'm afraid if I know I won't be able to give it away.
"Your baby is healthy and developing well, have you looked into prenatal classes?" She asks turning off the ultrasound.
"No not yet I just moved yesterday," I reply.
"Columbia University Medical Center and St. Luke's offer the classes in this area. I highly recommend them but especially for first time moms," she tells me.
She asks me a few more questions and then tells me to come back in a month for my 3rd trimester checkup. I make an appointment and leave with Johnny.
"Thanks for coming with me," I say kissing his cheek as we leave the medical building, "I could have gone alone, I did with my first appointments. Still I did feel better having you there."
"No problem I was happy to do it," he grins as we begin descending the stairs to the subway. "You know this subway goes right to St. Luke's we could go check out the prenatal classes," he offers.
"Can't they just knock me out and take it out like they used to?" I sigh.
"That was over half a century ago and I don't think that would be good for you or the baby. Are you really that set on giving it up for adoption?" Johnny inquires.
"I don't know, I used to be set on it but now…I just don't know. Oh," I exclaim putting my hand on my belly as my baby kicks.
"Can I feel?" Johnny asks watching the movement in my belly.
"Sure just put your hand here," I tell him taking his hand and placing it on my belly. "Whoa, whatever you're having they're strong," he smiles and I smile watching him smile.
"I guess we can go check out the classes but I'm going to need something to eat afterward," I tell him.
"That's easy we're in New York there's a great place to eat every five feet," Johnny replies taking his hand from my belly but he's still smiling.
We get off at the stop for St. Luke's Hospital instead of the apartment and find out classes start Wednesday. Then we walk down to a deli and get some lunch, while eating I look at the pamphlet for the prenatal classes.
"It says you should go with your birthing partner, I guess that's Eli but I hope he can make it with this new job," I remark.
"If Eli can't make it I can come with you," Johnny offers.
"Thanks, what about your job though?" I question.
"I make my own hours as long as I meet the deadlines," he tells me. He works in the Columbia library as an archivist and as a grader for the English department.
"Okay well great thanks," I smile.
After eating we start walking back to the subway to go home but I stop when I smell fresh waffle cone.
"I smell it too come on they have killer ice cream here," Johnny says stopping at the ice cream shop.
"They have sixty flavors and over half of them have chocolate, it's a pregnant woman's dream!" I grin looking over the options. We both get ice cream, Johnny pays and we sit down.
"There's a bunch great places I can take you that are close to the apartment. Good places that the tourists don't know about," Johnny tells me.
"That would be great there's so many places I still want to see, I only saw a portion of central park and I never even went to Brooklyn. That looks good can I steal a bite?" I ask eyeing his ice cream. Johnny just smiles and putting his spoon in his ice cream holds it out to me. I smile and lick the ice cream from the spoon.
(JOHNNY)
I wake up Wednesday morning and go down to the kitchen, I don't put any clothes on but I never do. Clare doesn't mind and honestly I think I do it on purpose, I like the way she looks at me when I'm bare chested. She always comes out in her pajamas too and I like to think she's flirting with me but I doubt it. She's with Eli, not to mention carrying Drew's child. We do spend a lot of time together though, Eli's been here once since Clare moved in, Clare says his new job is keeping him busy. She also won't talk about Drew or telling him that she's pregnant with his kid.
I start making eggs and Clare comes out of her bedroom in a dark purple robe. She yawns and the robe falls open just a little, she doesn't seem to be wearing anything under the robe. I can see a portion of her breast, her pearly skin rounding into a beautiful mound. Just that little peek has me salivating, I have the urge to grasp it and squeeze tenderly. She fixes her robe, biting her lip with a shy smile and I finally blink.
"Morning, you want some breakfast?" I offer.
"Yeah I'm starved but I should have oatmeal and fruit," she replies and beings making oatmeal.
"I thought we could go to Central Park today since you only got to see part of it and you haven't gone out too much the last few days," I comment.
"I've been unpacking and stuff but going out would be nice. Eli said he'd take me to class today but I'm not sure he'll make it, he was supposed to come over last night and he didn't," she says sounding a little sad.
"Don't worry about it I told you I'd come if you needed me," I assure her.
"Thanks Johnny, I thought I was lucky when you had a room available but you've been amazing," she says kissing my cheek.
I smile back, I've never wanted to kiss someone so badly but I don't, I just go back to making my eggs. We eat and get dressed then take the subway to Central Park. We walk around for a couple of hours and then get lunch. I take her to MOMA and Grand Central Station before we go home and make a quick dinner.
"Thanks for taking me around I don't think I'll ever run out of things to do," she comments while we eat.
"And that's what's so great about New York," I grin.
"I'm just going to change and then we can go," Clare tells me and I nod.
She goes into her bedroom and I clean up the dishes, we take the subway to St. Luke's and go up to maternity where class is held. There's tea, coffee and cookies on a little table, lots of pamphlets and literature on raising children and different types of child birth with or without pain relief and stuff like that. Most of the women here are older than Clare and more pregnant than she is but there's one that looks younger than her and a couple that seem to be at her stage of pregnancy. Clare looks around and then begins walking toward the tea but her arm is grabbed and I look over to see Eli looking at her angrily.
"What's he doing here?" Eli asks with a hard edge to his voice.
"Johnny volunteered to come, I wasn't sure you make it Eli. You were supposed to come over last night and didn't show up," Clare reminds him.
"I told you I'd be here, I made sure I could be here, you're having this baby with me not him," Eli growls in a low voice.
"I'm not even sure I'm keeping this baby and Johnny is here as a friend calm down Eli, at least he doesn't break promises to me. I haven't heard from you all day and I'm supposed to do these classes with someone," Clare tells him.
"I'm just here to support Clare, it's probably better if we're both here anyway. She could go into labor at the apartment, in fact she's likely to," I point out and don't bother hiding the animosity in my tone.
"Johnny has a point you should both be here, you could be away when I go into labor. Let's just sit down," Clare insists pulling Eli by the hand and we sit down, Clare between us.
The class begins; the teacher is a registered maternity nurse and begins class with introductions and a questionnaire. Then she talks about labor and the warning signs, all of which I write down just to be safe. She talks about anatomy and how the pregnant woman's body will change.
"Sorry I snapped I've been stressed with this new job, since you're living with Clare I guess you should know what to do," Eli says when we stop for a break.
"I just want to be sure that Clare is safe when the time comes," I reply but I still don't like the way he snapped to jealousy.
"I'm glad you're both here," Clare says.
The last part of class is exercises for Clare to do, I almost leave for this part but only because it's arousing. The teacher is talking about Clare strengthening her vaginal muscles, something she goes into in great detail and I begin to picture it, which is bad. When the class ends we all go back to the apartment, Eli and Clare go straight to her room and I go into mine. I lie on my bed and gaze at the ceiling, all I can do is think of Clare. I like her so mush but she's dating Eli and I'm just the friend, this situation sucks! I like being her friend, I do and I will be here for her but I wish I didn't feel about her the way that I do. Or that she returned my feelings but she doesn't.
(CLARE)
"Morning I made you tea," Eli tells me coming into my room and waking me up.
"Thanks Eli," I grin taking the cup.
I am exactly 28 weeks pregnant today, I've been living in New York with Johnny for a month and Eli has been far more attentive since the first prenatal class. Honestly I think that it's just that he's jealous of Johnny, I know Eli suspects something. Nothing is going on but I must admit that I'm attracted to Johnny, more than just physically. I've tried denying it to myself but I can't and I think Johnny might feel the same, he hasn't said anything but he's always around when I need him and he smiles when I smile. He's always at work when Eli is here or hiding in his room but when Eli's gone he's with me, taking me around the city or just hanging out at the apartment.
Eli has been over a lot, actually he's nearly moved in. He comes after work and comes into my bedroom to sleep in here even if I'm asleep. He's been very attentive, making me food, tea and rubbing my back and feet. It's been nice and I do love Eli but I worry that he's doing all this out of jealousy and suspicion.
"We should go for a walk after breakfast you need your exercise," Eli says.
"That would be nice, maybe Johnny can join us," I comment.
"No I want time alone with you Clare; I thought we'd talk about the baby. Have you thought anymore about keeping it?" Eli questions.
"It's practically all I ever think about, I just don't know what to do. I'm going to get dressed and finish my tea could you make me some oatmeal please?" I request.
"Of course," Eli grins kissing me softly.
I finish my tea, get dressed and Eli has oatmeal waiting for me. He's eating a bagel and I sit down with him. We're just finishing breakfast when the doorbell rings; I haven't heard Johnny so he must be out. Eli takes our dishes and I get up to answer the door, I look through the peephole and I'm very excited to see the person on the other side so I throw open the door.
"Adam!" I grin hugging my best friend tightly.
"Heyyy…holy crap you're pregnant!" Adam exclaims pulling out of the hug to look at the obvious pregnant bulge I can no longer hide. He looks at it, back at me, and back at my belly. "When did you…how far…why didn't you…" Adam doesn't quite get out a sentence as he's just astonished at my pregnant belly.
"It's a long story, hey Adam," Eli says coming over and hugging Adam.
Adam comes in and I close the door, "Okay why didn't you tell anyone?"
"I didn't want to, I wasn't even sure that I was going to keep it, I'm still not," I confess to Adam as we all sit down on the sofa.
"Because your mom would freak?" Adam questions.
"Yes that too, no one else knows Adam, not Alli or my parents or anyone. I told Columbia so I could still be sure I could attend and I can. I'll be taking online classes for the first semester. Then I had to tell Eli because he and I were talking about getting back together. He was angry at first bu…"
"Eli you were angry after getting her pregnant?!" Adam snaps at Eli cutting me off.
"No I was angry that she was pregnant and the baby wasn't mine, it's Drew's," Eli blurts out.
"WHAT?! YOU AND MY BR…WHEN?!" Adam yells.
"The hoe down dance, I was broken up with Eli at the time," I tell him.
"You were…but he's back with Bianca although that does explain why you seemed to hate him all of a sudden. So you two got back together obviously," Adam says slowly he's obviously in shock.
"Yeah well after yelling at her over the phone I realized I'm in love with her still and went out to see her. We got back together and I helped her escape from Toronto before anyone knew she was pregnant," Eli explains.
"So you ran instead of telling anyone? Wait Drew has no idea; you haven't told Drew he's going to have a kid?"
"I haven't told anyone Adam and I didn't really think Drew needed to know," I confess but with a guilty tone.
"I can understand not telling your mom, or mine but why didn't you tell me and it's Drew's kid you can't just keep this a secret," Adam admonishes.
"We slept together one time, the condom must have broken and Drew's a good guy but can you really see him as a dad and I don't even know if I'm going to keep the baby," I remind him.
"Okay but shouldn't Drew get a say? That's my niece or nephew in there and I know my brother is a screw up and he can be a jerk but he's good with kids," Adam says in defense of Drew.
"That's because he's got the maturity and metal capacity of a kid," Eli grumbles and Adam shoots him a glare.
"By the time I found out I was pregnant he was rekindling with Bianca and I was terrified. I didn't want to tell anyone. At first I was set on giving the baby up for adoption but now I don't know, I'm considering keeping the baby. I'm just not sure of anything right now," I respond.
"Well we're all in New York, that's why I'm here but I didn't get the chance to tell you. My family and Bianca are staying in New York for the next few days. I can't force you to tell Drew and I'll keep the secret but I think you should, I think you know what's right," Adam says and I bite my lip. "So you guys want to show me around?" Adam inquires.
Eli and I get ready and leave with Adam, we spend several hours with him and he leaves to have dinner with his family. He promises not to say a thing about me being pregnant and I know Adam can keep a secret. Eli and I return to the apartment and he makes dinner but Johnny is still out.
"I don't think Drew should know a thing, Adam will still be the kid's uncle no matter what. We could get our own apartment, raise the baby together," Eli says.
"Eli that's a lot to take on and I just moved not to mention I'm only going to become more pregnant," I remind him.
"I know so we should do it soon, we could get married," Eli comments and I spit out the bite I just took.
"Eli I…that's…I need to think about this, all of this," I reply.
"Of course, you want me to sleep over again? I have to be at work early," Eli says.
"I thought you were coming with me to my prenatal?"
"Shit I forgot all about it, sorry I can't get out of work," Eli responds.
"It's fine Johnny can come with me and you should go back to the dorms tonight," I tell him.
After dinner I clean up and Eli goes home and I take shower. When Johnny gets home I ask him if he can take me to my prenatal and he says sure. I don't sleep very well; I wrestle all night with telling Drew and keeping the baby. My appointment is early so I eat a granola bar for breakfast as we walk to the subway station. The appointment starts with the doctor asking questions then she starts the ultrasound to check on the baby.
"What is it? I want to know," I tell her with a deep breath.
"Are you sure?" Johnny questions.
"Yes I'm sure, doctor what am I having?"
"You are carrying a healthy baby boy Clare," she says and my heart rate speeds up. Suddenly this tiny being inside me isn't just a baby it's my son.
I don't even remember the rest of the appointment I'm just thinking about the fact that I have a son! Before we leave Dr. Milk prints out a picture from the ultra sound and Johnny and I start walking to the subway but I stop him.
"There's something I need to do will you come with me?" I ask him.
"Of course what is it that you need to do?" Johnny inquires.
I don't reply but get out my phone pressing the contacts name and with every ring my heart begins to pound.
"Hello Drew can we meet there's something you need to know."
Now aren't you glad the next update isn't next month but in fact Sunday December 14th? We'll pick up from about here with Clare telling Drew he's a daddy and his reaction.
