A/N:

Okay, it's very late right now and I'm SOOOO tired and I can barely keep my eyes open and I have to take a big trip tomorrow, but all of your reviews have been so awesome that I can't help my compulsion to just put off all of my other work and responsibilities, and edit and post the next chapter(s) of this story, so here is Chapter 2! Dilemmas are revealed, the closet shrine is brought up, and something fun happens at the end ;) (though, sadly, it's not Arnold's reaction since that's not until Chapter 3!) So please get to reading and please, as always, review because I love hearing what you guys have to say! And thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far—you guys are great ;)

Learning to be Helga

CHAPTER 2:

The elephant…er, shrine in the room!


Helga Pataki sighed to herself as she continued to gaze at the simple red shoe in her hands, her thoughts beginning to wander over its significance and specifically over what it said about Arnold's feelings about their relationship. 'He's so proud of me for telling him about the mini-shrine that he went through all of this just to make me feel better. And I can't believe he saved this stupid shoe all this time even though he didn't know Cecile was me…. It's almost like he really has loved me all along but just didn't realize it until I told him that I loved him' Helga felt herself smile at the thought.

This response was quickly countered, though, by the small pang of guilt that suddenly sprang up within her. 'But…I don't deserve all of this…I mean, he just risked utter, no holds bar humiliation to do this whole nutty 'First Anniversary' plan and basically got it! All I did was show him a stupid football headed doll in a stupid math book… That wasn't really what I meant when I mentioned building shrines to him during my confession…that was just me starting something but not seeing it through all the way. If I really, really believe that Arnold loves me too…and if I really, really believe that he's the good, kind, sweet, caring, understanding little love god that I've always seen him as…then…then what am I afraid of? I mean…' She swallowed hard as she finally allowed the idea she was toying with to take full shape in her mind. 'Yes, the closet shrine would be…' she almost felt herself shudder, 'It'd be me at my most vulnerable…the biggest, weirdest, most random thing about my love for him, and…and I almost couldn't blame him if it freaked him out so much that he didn't want to try doing this whole relationship thing anymore…at least not for a while, until we're older or something and he can handle it better.' Helga couldn't help but shudder slightly and feel a sensation of fear almost overwhelm her at the idea of having everything she had right now with her beloved suddenly sucked away from her indefinitely. She'd been able to handle life loving Arnold from afar before his confession because it had been all she'd known…but now she knew what it was like to have Arnold care about her too, and to have to go back to how it was before… The idea of it sent a sick lurch through Helga's stomach again. It almost felt impossible.

'But…' she felt that pang of guilt again, 'I want to have an honest relationship with Arnold. There've been so many lies and secrets over the last seven years, and if we're going to be together then…then I don't want that anymore! And he doesn't deserve it anymore! Every time Arnold talks to me he's completely open… Heck, he's even willing to be open about us in public but I'm the one who's still clinging to the reputation and the façade. And he's okay with me lying like that as long as it makes me happy because he's so freaking understanding that he gets that I'm just not ready to take that kind of a chance yet with everyone finding out about my feelings.' Helga felt herself scowl slightly at her own actions as her thoughts continued. 'And even though I'm getting a free pass to lie to everyone else, in a way I'm still kind of lying to him by not letting him in on the full extent of what I meant by shrines…I'm not showing him just how deep my obsession with him had the capacity to be…' Helga couldn't help using the past tense.

Though it still existed up in that small attic space in her ceiling, somehow, after this last week, she couldn't help but internally consider the closet shrine as part of her old life—the life before Arnold's love. Things were different now, though, and they would never be the same…and in a way, it made the last seven years of unrequited love all seem almost like a dream. 'But even if the shrine's getting less important to me, it's still a factor in all of this…and,' she focused on the shoe in her hands again, 'and the fact that he thought I was telling him the truth about the shrines…the biggest thing about my confession…was obviously important to him…' Helga sighed to herself as she finally internally conceded to the only decision she could see as possible and fair and helpful to her and Arnold in this situation. 'He deserves the chance to make the judgment call about me and my feelings all on his own knowing all the facts, not just the ones I decide won't embarrass me too much. Besides, I'm already willing to share my poetry, and my secrets, and heck my whole life with Arnold…but how can I say all that when I won't even share the truth about a stupid closet shrine with him?' And then Helga felt herself become completely, no-turning-back settled about what she had to do now…and she took another deep breath and let out another very deep sigh again in preparation for the task at hand...

Arnold, of course, had been observing Helga as she had been having all of these thoughts (that he was currently totally unaware of)…and he couldn't help but feel slightly concerned about the emotions that kept playing upon her face and the occasional sighs she was letting out. 'Is she okay? Did I say something wrong? Or do something wrong?' As this last question popped into his head Arnold couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. If it was indeed something he had done wrong that was bothering Helga, he had a pretty good idea of what it was…pulling away from her on the bed, not giving her the kiss she'd asked for, staying as far away from her as possible… 'I didn't mean to make her upset, if that's what the problem is…I just…' Arnold swallowed hard, suddenly feeling all of the thoughts he'd been having lately about Helga G. Pataki (and specifically about being near her) start to cross his mind once more that evening....

Arnold, of course, had already admitted to himself that he loved Helga just as much as he could imagine loving anybody in the world. And he'd even finally admitted recently to himself that he didn't just love the part of their relationship that was talking and joking and teasing…he also loved the part that was holding her hand and hugging her and (he swallowed very hard) kissing her. But…this last part was all a little overwhelming to our football headed hero, to say the least. It was like something about accepting the idea of loving Helga had suddenly made Arnold aware of a lot of things about himself that he'd never considered, just like he'd never considered the possibility that Helga might actually have feelings for him until her confession had suddenly made it a reality for him. And he needed time to sort out and deal with and accept these new things about himself… And the kissing thing last weekend during their first 'date' and his feelings about it had been VERY new to him.

Not that Arnold hadn't kissed Helga Pataki on several occasions before that evening, but it had always either been her kissing him (usually with some kind of pretext for it not being a 'real kiss') or that one kiss he'd given her during their argument about her confession because he had been angry and not thinking about what he had been doing until he'd done it. He had never…he gulped as the idea entered his mind…he had never kissed her only because he wanted to until that first kiss last Saturday night, and he had NEVER wanted…or rather needed…to be near someone and to kiss them in that weird way he had found himself being during that second kiss on her couch: when he'd been the one to grab her and pull her in for a kiss, when he'd been the one to throw her down for once and to fall almost on top of her like she'd done to him on the table. Arnold had meant what he'd said on the couch after all of that when Helga had asked him what he'd figured out from kissing her: he had liked it just like he liked it when she kissed him, but in a way he liked it more… When she kissed him in that way that she always did, it was exciting and intense and a little scary and always way too much to take in while it was happening (at least, for him, and at least, right now, considering their ages). But kissing her like that…taking the girl who'd always picked on him and yelled at him and challenged him every chance she got…the girl who secretly loved him with even more of a passion than she had for pretending to hate him (which was saying a lot)…and just feeling her give into him and feeling that way she had almost shuddered as he had done what he had done, and knowing the whole time that he was making her feel all of that insanity and (considering how much longer she'd love him) even more that she made him feel every time she grabbed him and kissed him…like when he had tangoed with her during the April Fools dance but even worse because he wasn't just holding her he was kissing her… It was all just…this whole incredible, indescribable, unimaginable rush! And it felt weird to him even though, he guiltily had to admit to himself once again, he…liked it.

And that was what was worrying Arnold this evening. He recalled that brief kiss he and Helga had shared in his room yesterday afternoon after she had shown him the math book shrine. He'd had the same fears he was having now, of course, but he'd wanted to at least try the kissing again and see how difficult the urge to suddenly give Helga Pataki one of her own passionate types of kisses instead of one of his gentle, shy ones would be. He'd managed but, still, it had taken a lot, and he'd been grateful for the worry and knowledge at the back of his mind that his grandparents and all the boarders were downstairs and could easily barge in and interrupt them if they didn't stop somewhat quickly. And that was part of the problem with getting too close to Helga here and tonight, actually…They were completely alone, it was nighttime, he'd already made their relationship the center of any conversation they could have with his introduction of this whole 'First Anniversary' thing (Arnold had been kind of hoping, in terms of that, that doing something innocently romantic for Helga would make up for what he'd done with her on the couch last Saturday, which he still felt quite guilty about). And, of course, Helga had expressed more than once in the last half hour or so that she really wanted to. Or, more specifically, wanted HIM to...

'When it was just Helga liking it…there was almost no chance it would happen unless something came up and she just went for it…' He briefly recalled times like her confession and in the closet at school two Mondays ago during the fiasco with his poem about her. 'But, if we both like it then…then what's to stop it from happening all the time? And what if, without even realizing it, I start taking advantage of her feelings again just to do it?' Arnold recalled the numerous hand-holds and shoulder-touches he'd initiated in his room during the poetry tutoring weekend all so that he could get Helga to open up a little more. 'And what if I like doing it so much that…that she stops liking me because I'm not the sweet, wonderful, good person she always talks about in her poems? Because I'm not much different from her, when you get right down to it… I'm not that perfect person she thinks I am.' Arnold, with a blush, briefly recalled once more last Saturday evening and how Phoebe's descent to the living room had been the only thing to stop him from continuing to enthusiastically kiss Helga. 'If she hadn't come down then I…' Arnold couldn't even think about it. All he knew was that he probably would have put the lengths of Helga's confession kiss, Romeo and Juliet Kiss, and BabeWatch kiss combined to shame.

And that was why he couldn't kiss her tonight—not here in her room with the element of surprise on his side considering the break-in and with her probably being susceptible enough to him since he'd obviously interrupted her while she was thinking and writing poetry about him (the open pink book with the pen resting in the crease was still laying upon her nightstand). He'd never had a relationship like this one with a girl (and, specifically, with a girl who loved him as completely as Helga Pataki seemed to) but Arnold knew he wanted to be a gentleman about it, and he knew that he cared too much about Helga to use her feelings and the position he'd put her in to get what he wanted. And also, well…he was just a little embarrassed about this strange other side of himself that wanted to kiss a girl this badly, to say the least. But no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't help but feel like doing so wasn't right until he had a better handle on some of these things about himself and Helga and their relationship that had been mulling around in his head …and especially not here and not now, considering the circumstances of the evening...

Basically, despite being within a couple of feet of each other, Arnold and Helga had suddenly become so lost in their own respective thoughts and doubts and personal resolutions that they were barely aware of the physical presence of the other person in front of them.

Arnold, however, was awoken from this mental trance by the sound of Helga's voice addressing him…as well as the sound of Helga's laugh (however slight it might have been) accompanying it.

"You know…" she began, smiling, though there was definitely a touch of worry in her face and voice as she spoke, "I don't think I explained pulling off the whole 'Cecile' thing to you yet, did I, Football Head?"

Arnold blinked, surprised by the question, and glanced from the red shoe still in Helga's hands back to Helga's eyes. "Um, no…not yet." He tried to smile reassuringly at her. "But I'd like to hear the story if you want to share it."

Helga took a breath, gripping the shoe a bit more firmly, and glanced away from him. "I'd share anything with you, Arnold…" she suddenly said very quietly, the slight smile flickering just for second.

He couldn't help but blink once more at the response.

Rather than elaborating on this cryptic statement, though, Helga quickly cleared her throat and continued with what she wanted to say, ready to finally explain that little incident about last Valentine's Day to him…as a point of transition to move on to a much more 'difficult' topic of conversation. She continued looking more at the shoe than at Arnold as she spoke, obviously avoiding eye contact. "Well, actually, there's not too much to tell—I heard you talking about asking Ruth out on Valentine's Day, and I couldn't have that happen (she was a total ditz but there was always a chance she would have figured out what a catch you are)…." she added with an eye roll and a slight laugh to herself. "Anyway, when the bell rang for recess that day I snuck into the class mailbag and added a paragraph to your pen pal letter saying to meet Cecile at Chez Paris that night (and also…I might have been checking up on how 'good' the friendship was between you and that French girl…Sorry, Arnold, I've got a bit of a jealous streak but I'm working on it.)" Helga cleared her throat, ready to move on from the guilty admission of her unfounded suspicions. "Anyway…then I got myself as dressed up as possible so that you wouldn't recognize me and did my best to learn a few words of French (though not enough to not order cow brains and eggs, apparently)…" She chuckled at the memory. "And I just…went for it."

Arnold couldn't help but blush, in light of some of the thoughts he'd just been having, at the final phrase she'd used to conclude her story. "Oh…" He glanced away from her, doing his best to put aside his dilemma about the kissing for now. He smiled, letting the interesting explanation about all of the trouble she'd gone through just to eat dinner with him sink in, and then looked back up at Helga, trying not to chuckle. "I still don't know how you come up with these things, Helga, but I'm glad that you do. Otherwise…otherwise I wouldn't have so many great memories with you." He winked at her, though he wasn't sure why, especially considering his resolve to avoid any kind of awkward romantic moments tonight between them. Arnold swallowed hard and decided to wrap his response up. "Thank you for telling me the truth again..." He did his best not to blush too much as he added his usual phrase of appreciation for Helga's honesty.

Helga just sighed at this response and smiled to herself, still a bit more focused on the shoe in her hand than on Arnold standing before her. Finally, though, she broke eye contact with the red object and glanced back up at him. "Don't…thank me just yet, Football Head…" she replied hesitantly.

Arnold couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the strange statement.

Helga swallowed hard and took a deep breath. 'Here goes nothing…' "Well, I guess since I've already gotten my present and since we've gone over the whole 'crazy Valentine's Day date mission' (that's how you pull off a romantic plan, by the way, Football Head)" she added humorously before continuing. "It looks like there's nothing left but to put the shoe away and for you to…uh…go….if you want to…" Helga knew Arnold probably wasn't going to understand why she'd suddenly sounded so sad and solemn upon saying these last few words, but in truth the way she was using the word 'go' and the way he was probably interpreting it were two very different things.

Arnold just continued to watch Helga with a great deal of confusion more than apparent on his face. He was seriously tempted to step forward and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, and ask her if she was all right… And yet…strangely enough, he found himself hesitating. Arnold considered the motivations behind this unusual paralysis in regards to helping someone else for just a moment: no, it didn't feel like it was his own fears about getting close to Helga that were stopping him. He knew, no matter what, that he would never put his own comfort over helping Helga if she needed it. He took another second or two to mull his feelings over… It was almost like, even though it might be difficult for her, Helga suddenly had something going on inside of her that she had to get through on her own…and it was also almost like he knew, on some level, that he just had to remain waiting here supportively until she was able to work it out and ask him for assistance herself, if she needed it.

Arnold came out of his thoughts once more as Helga suddenly took another deep breath and stepped forward so that she was now directly in front of him. "Arnold," she timidly held out the shoe to him, "Can you…hold this for a second? I just…kind of have to do something…"

Arnold glanced from the small, red object, to Helga's sincere eyes and then back down to the shoe, and slowly reached forward and took it in his own hands once more. Finally, he looked back up at Helga, smiling sincerely. "Sure, Helga. Anything you need. Is there any other way I can help?"

Helga shut her eyes for a second and actually seemed like she was trying to stifle a chuckle, at which he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. Suddenly, she opened her eyes and shook her head back and forth, more than a slight smile on her face. "Just…just be honest with me like you've always been, okay, Football Head? And I know that doesn't make any sense right now, but it's going to in about thirty seconds…" She turned away from him towards something at the wall to his left, and then to Arnold's surprise put a suddenly put a hand on one of his shoulders. "I'll be right back, Arnold," she said with a notable touch of seriousness.

Arnold couldn't help but notice the strength of her grip on his shoulder just before she released him, like she was trying to steady herself for whatever she was going to do next… and like she really didn't want to let him go…

Finally breaking herself from touching her beloved (possibly for the last time, she couldn't help but think to herself with fear, considering the can of worms she was about to open), Helga walked across her room in the direction she had been facing to her closet and slowly opened the door. She felt the automatic compulsion to close it behind her, but stopped herself, leaving it wide open. She stepped into the darkness within.

Arnold just watched her from several feet away across the room, feeling a mixture of curiosity and concern in regards to her actions now. Once more, he glanced down at the shoe in his hand and then back to the closet doorway in which Helga had just disappeared. 'If she wants to put the shoe away and she was planning to go to her closet herself, then why….why leave it with me?' he wondered with genuine curiosity.

Helga, as she had predicted to Arnold, was only gone for about half a minute. As she suddenly exited the closet, Arnold watched as she turned on its interior light, allowing him to see a few of her clothes at the edges but nothing more. She took a breath, standing in the doorway, closed her eyes for a second, and then finally opened them and looked at Arnold, crossing her arms over her chest. "Hey…uh…Football Head…?"

Arnold had to raise an eyebrow at the way she addressed him. Despite everything that had happened between them and all the stuff they had talked out together over the last few weeks (even the embarrassing stuff—and there had been a LOT of that) he had never heard her sound so unsure and nervous in her life. It was like it was taking everything for her to just push out the words. "Yes, Helga?" he tried to say as supportively as possible, though it wasn't easy for him to hide the nervousness in his own voice due to how obviously trouble she seemed about whatever was coming next.

Helga paused and then took a breath. She rubbed her left arm with her right hand nervously. "Uh…well…" she glanced at him, "Now, you're sure you really were okay with the whole 'shrine in the math book' thing on Friday…right? I mean, you weren't just trying to be nice or anything…?" Helga knew, of course, that Arnold hadn't been lying to her about his acceptance of this part of her love for him, but she was a little nervous right now, to say the least, and any further assurance that he wasn't seconds away from running out of her room in fear and panic was more than welcome.

Even though she was obviously a little distressed about something and obviously anxiously awaiting an answer, Arnold suddenly couldn't help the half smile that came to his face at the classic sight of Helga being shy around him. The way her eyes got big and her cheeks pinkened slightly and how she always glanced in alternation away from him and then up at him. 'She just looks so…so nice like that. And so…pretty…' Though she tried to hide it, especially at school with all of the scowling and stomping around and insults, Arnold knew from the bits and pieces of the true Helga that he had seen occasionally throughout his life (and more and more frequently since her confession and almost all the time since his confession), that she was actually a really beautiful person on the inside. And he was becoming more and more certain that with his help Helga was slowly coming to accept that fact about herself too. But she was also quite…quite nice on the outside as well…whether she knew it or not…and this sort of attraction to her was another one of those new things about himself that had recently come to Arnold's attention…and one of the things that had been making him feel strange and embarrassed and a little confused, and that he felt like he really needed more time to sort out. 'There's just something…something special and…and interesting about her…' Arnold had thought Ruth and Lila and Summer were all pretty, of course, but…it was like he could have spent hours just looking at Helga and really noticing her soft blonde hair, or her wide blue eyes like cool, deep water, or that way her mouth could half smile when he was near her and he said something funny and she wanted to laugh but secretly she probably also wanted to kiss him too…

"Arnold…?" The sound of Helga saying his name brought Arnold out of the interesting thoughts he was getting lost in. Her face still had the same shy look as before, though now she had an eyebrow raised at his strange hesitation in answering her back.

Arnold blinked and took a breath, glancing away from her with a touch of embarrassment obvious on his features. He could more than feel a slight blush threatening to creep into his cheeks at the daydream he had been about to get lost in about Helga Pataki's appearance. He cleared his throat, remembering that Helga obviously currently had something big she wanted to discuss and that now wasn't the time to keep trying to work out his own internal dilemmas. "Sorry, Helga…I just…had something on my mind." He glanced back up at her. "What were you saying again?"

He saw a touch of annoyance come to her face as she responded in a slightly more assertive tone, "The math book shrine, Arnold. Were you really okay with that thing or were you just trying to not hurt my feelings? I mean, I know you and I know you're always honest with me, and I don't really think you weren't being honest with me…" She was rubbing the back of her neck nervously now as she continued to ramble. "But just humor me for a second and confirm or deny that you don't think I'm a total loon for carrying that little dedication to you around, would you?"

Arnold took a second to absorb the question, and then just smiled sincerely and looked in her eyes, replying in his usual understanding tone, "You liked talking to me, but I was never around, so you found something like me to talk to." He shrugged, the warm smile only getting stronger. "I really don't see any big problem with it, Helga… Actually…" he glanced away, "I think it's kind of sweet that you'd go through all the trouble." He looked at her again (she was blushing just a bit thanks to his last comment) and tried not to laugh as he added jokingly, "Maybe I should start hollowing out my science textbook or something just to see what doing something like that would be like myself…"

"Arnold…" Helga cut him off in as level a voice as she could muster, though she still seemed quite nervous. However, Arnold could detect just a hint of a smile trying not to come to her lips at his comment. "Please, do not get cute with me right now…" she continued in a sincere voice. She cleared her throat, and looked up at him, a touch of desperation breaking into her tone as she added, "Just…" she shifted her position so that she was directly in front of the closet door, her arms folded over her chest, "Just come here for a second, okay?"

Arnold's smile fell at how serious she suddenly seemed. He approached her, still cupping the shoe in his hands, and finally stood in front of her, awaiting whatever she might need from him to help her with whatever was on her mind or whatever she was about to do.

He watched as she swallowed hard, let out a sigh, and finally looked at him, seeming nervous and yet firmly set about something. She spoke, a slight scowl on her face. "Okay, so, you say it's our one week anniversary, right?"

Arnold couldn't help but look at her curiously, though he nodded affirmatively at the question.

"Okay." Helga took another breath. "So, you gave me a present…" She nodded with her head to the shoe in his hands. "And, on a side note, it's the most perfect present I've ever gotten from someone. Actually, the whole thing's the most wonderful thing anyone's ever done for me. Seriously, you topped yourself from the accepting/encouraging pep talk in the closet back at school two weeks ago, Football head." She half smiled at him. "And I really didn't think that was possible. I'd kiss you again but, I get it—you're not into it tonight." She glanced away again for a second, her small smile instantly disappearing, but then quickly shook her head as thought to clear it of some thoughts and looked back at him again, the seriousness back in her face. "Besides, there's more important stuff to take care of tonight, anyway."

Arnold had felt a slight blush creep into his cheeks at her more than accurate observation about his avoidance of physical contact this evening. At this last sentence of hers, though, he couldn't help that slightly confused look returning to his face once more.

Helga took another breath and he could tell she was feeling more than a bit on edge. She was glancing around and swallowing and that sharpness about her voice that came in whenever she got defensive was definitely there. She finally managed to focus herself, though, and look at him firmly. "Anyway, my point is that it's our 'anniversary' and you gave me the best thing you could come up with as a present…so now I think…I think I should give you the best thing I can come up with for a present..."

Arnold raised an eyebrow again, absolutely clueless about what she was talking about. 'And what do the shoe and her closet have to do with…'

Suddenly, Arnold blinked, and he felt the word closet stick in his mind, eliciting a definite sense of déjà vous. And then, finally, it hit him: her questions about the shrines, bringing him over to the closet, her almost mortified behavior, talking about giving him the best thing she could come up with…something with as much meaning as the shoe he'd given her…

"Arnold…If you wouldn't mind…" He heard Helga's voice start up again. "I'd appreciate it if you could put the shoe back in my closet. And, when you're done, if you'd just be honest with me about whatever you see in there." Helga was NOT looking at him at this point. She swallowed hard, playing with her hands and blushing furiously. "Just…just go inside and—"

"Helga, is this about the closet shrine?"

"HUH?" Helga had been so preoccupied with just thinking up and then delivering her little ambiguous speech about the presents and entering the closet, that the sound of Arnold's voice suddenly interrupting had nearly scared her to death…and the effect had been compounded severely by the subject of the specific question he had chosen to interject. "How…" she looked at him with total disbelief on her face, "How did you…I mean, how could you…?" 'I never told him about this…I mean, I didn't, right? How could he—when could he—I mean, what could I have…'

Helga had figured that if she'd started to go into details about the shrine in advance that somehow it would have affected Arnold's reaction to it when he finally saw it, and she didn't want that. Indeed, she wanted his most honest opinion of the thing, totally unaffected by her sugar coating. So, she'd decided that the best thing to do would be to send him up there (acting as cryptically as possible and at least trying to hint around it so that he was aware that SOMETHING was up and wouldn't just be left in some kind of state of shock), and then wait down here in her room practically cringing about what would happen next until he came down and let her know, once and for all, if he really could handle everything about her…and if she could handle how whether he could or couldn't might change things between them. As for going up there with him herself, again Helga didn't want Arnold's sympathies for her to interfere with how he might process the shrine, and if she was standing there looking pathetic and desperate, she knew Arnold's good nature would put making her happy over saying how he might be really feeling (especially if those feelings were as bad as she was pretty sure they'd be).'Besides…actually having to see him see that thing…' A mental image of the current shrine briefly flashed into Helga's head: she'd spent the entire day last Sunday putting it together after her and Arnold's date the previous evening, a personal task that hadn't been hard considering the fact that Bob and Miriam had been more than willing to ground her for the thing with Olga and the hair dye. It was made of all of the yahoo soda bottles from all of the drinks that her and Olga and Lila and Phoebe had consumed at the slumber party the evening prior. They were soldered at the ends in a distinctively Arnold shape. And in front of the shrine, in the middle of a heart drawn in chalk upon the floor, Helga had placed the two bottles Arnold and her and drunken from that night he had admitted his feelings for her. And, to top it all off, the two of them were decorated as little figures of him and her. Helga pushed the image away and cringed for a second at the idea of him coming upon this large, elaborate thing instead of that little doll in the math book. 'I can take having him see it but I absolutely could NOT take going up there with him.'

The sound of Arnold clearing his throat and replying to her incredulous exclamations about his (obviously correct) guess about the closet shrine brought her out of her thoughts about him seeing it. "When you confessed…" he began quietly, secretly hoping that by guessing correctly he hadn't scared her off from going through with this final revelation about her secret. He took a breath and continued. "Well, when you confessed, I think you specifically mentioned something about 'building shrines to me in a closet'…" He shrugged. "I guess I just…didn't want to say anything yesterday when you brought over the math book because I figured that you'd tell me about it when you were ready… " He looked into her eyes. "So…" he began innocently, trying to smile as encouragingly as possible at the still in shock looking girl before him, "Is that what you wanted to show me, Helga? As my present, I mean."

Helga swallowed hard and turned away from him, closing her eyes and putting a hand to one of her temples. She briefly felt a serious wall of doubt come up inside of her as the fact that the topic of the closet shrine was now out in the open suddenly made her realize the real reality and potential weight of this situation. "I should just leave well enough alone, shouldn't I? I should just shut this closet door right now and quit deliberately trying to scare you off with my insanity. I mean," she opened her eyes and threw her arms up into the air in confusion, "I still don't even understand why you've been putting up with me and complimenting me and kissing me in the first place for the last week… Why am I so bent on ruining it all when it all makes no sense to begin with?"

"Helga…" Arnold, still holding the shoe, took a small step toward her and tried his best not to laugh at yet another one of her classic overly dramatic reactions. "I 'put up with you' and compliment you and…" he couldn't help but hesitate just slightly and blush at the next word, "Kiss you for the same reason you do things like that, and everything else, apparently, when you're around me." He smiled at her, hoping she'd remember the answer from those few weeks ago in the janitor's closet…

Helga paused. She turned her head in his direction with part of her brow raised, unsure of what exactly he meant by this statement but yet getting a strange sense of déjà vous about it…

Arnold had to laugh just a bit as he supplied the reply her mind could only half remember. "Because…I love you."

Helga instantly felt a warmth wash over her that she'd never known before. Certainly, the word 'love' had been thrown around by her beloved a lot over the last few weeks, but always with some kind of slight disclaimer attached. 'Falling in love, loving you, etc…' But he had never just simply said 'I love you.' But now he had. And it gave her more confidence than she'd ever known there was in the world.

A touch of uncertainty came to Helga's eyes for just a second more as she turned her head around to glance back into her lit up closet one last time. But this look was quickly replaced by a small, sincere smile of happiness as she turned her head back around and resumed facing her beloved. Helga crossed her arms over her chest and couldn't help just shaking her head in amazement at him. "How the heck do you always know the right thing to say to me, Football Head?"

Arnold shrugged at the question and chuckled to himself. "I don't know, but…I'm happy I do." He smiled at her. "And I'm happy it didn't take until our 'fifth wedding anniversary'," he added a bit sarcastically, recalling Helga's comment to his grandfather yesterday afternoon back at the boarding house during their date.

Helga just rolled her eyes at the response and tried not to laugh. "You are so corny, Arnoldo…." Her eyes drifted over her shoulder in the direction of the interior of her closet for a brief moment. Arnold could tell, though, from the look on her face and from how minor the action was this time that she was feeling much more relaxed about the situation at hand after their little exchange, and he was happy that he'd finally been able to help her tonight.

Just as quickly as she'd let them drift there, Helga suddenly pulled her eyes away from the area behind herself and focused her attention again upon Arnold standing not too far away from her. And then, with a heavy sigh, she rubbed her eyes and (at last) stepped aside from the open doorway she had been blocking, motioning with her hand for him to enter. "Anyway, just get in there and climb the ladd—uh the chair," she corrected herself. "Sorry, the ladder broke two weeks ago after I…" She felt a warmth come to her cheeks at the memory of trying to drag that small anvil up to the attic for the head of her last Arnold shrine only to have the weight of it cause the ladder to collapse and herself to fall out of the closet and onto her bedroom floor where, to her surprise, Arnold, Gerald and Lila had been waiting to apologize about Gerald's crazy scheme for getting Arnold out of having to be tutored by her two Sundays ago. She cleared her throat, deciding an explanation about one closet shrine was more than enough to deal with at the present moment. "Uh…never mind. I've just been using a chair for now. Anyway, just pull the chord to get into the attic space—I'd show you how to do it but you live in an attic so I'm pretty sure you'll do fine—and put the shoe in the big cardboard box up there where the rest of that outfit from that night is. Then take however long you need to take to process…well…" she swallowed hard, her casual demeanor faltering slightly, "Well…whatever else you see up there…." She didn't look at him.

Arnold raised an eyebrow. "You're not coming up with me?"

"Arnold," Helga sighed, dragging a hand down her face, "I still can't believe I'm even letting you see it, but you were so proud of me for the shrines thing and, meanwhile, I didn't even show you the half of it all or, heck, even a tenth of it all…" She let out a very deep breath. "And then you went and did all this stuff for me tonight with the tree and the rope and the shoe and the note…" She couldn't help but half smile at him. "So congratulations, Arnoldo, you finally made Helga G. Pataki, the girl without a moral conscience, feel guilty."

Arnold blinked. "Helga I didn't want to—"

She cut him off, scowling. "No, no, just let me finish, Football Head, okay?" She took another breath. "But even if it all hadn't made me feel guilty (an emotion which sucks by the way—I don't know how a goodie two shoes like you deals with it all the time), I don't want to go on keeping secrets from you anymore anyway because if you're caring about me but not knowing everything about who I am and how I've felt about you all of these years then…" a distressed look came to her eyes, "Then, what's the point? I don't want you to like me because you think I'm something I'm not, Arnold… Believe me, I've been down that road before…" Helga glanced away, briefly recalling Rhonda's masquerade ball a few months ago when she'd dressed up and acted like Lila to get Arnold's attention. She shook her head, getting back to the moment at hand. "Anyway, I just want you to go up and see it so that all the cards are on the table, even if it is kind of a part of the old Helga…"

Arnold blinked and raised an eyebrow at this phrase. "The old Helga?"

Helga blinked, realizing what she'd just said aloud. She glanced at Arnold. "I mean…the Helga from how things were before. You know, 'stalking you night and day, building shrines to you in a closet, filling volumes of books with poems about you'?" She smiled, now fully recalling the words of her confession. "I mean, obviously the poetry books thing is still true…" Helga glanced to the side of her bed where, Arnold suddenly noticed, there was a wide basket low to the floor half pushed under the bed frame that appeared to be filled with little pink books. "Heck, that's gotten worse!" She added, smiling in Arnold's direction. "But, it's kind of in a good way, you know?" She continued in an explanatory tone. "Like Simmons was saying and like you were saying…the poems aren't just about me hoping for something and wishing for something and wondering if something as perfect as you could ever happen to me anymore." She shrugged. "I mean, after the confession they were still a little like that but at least I was also getting the chance to kind of work out where everything should go from there. But ever since last weekend, now that we're…" she hesitated, blushing, the smile on her face growing just a bit. "Well, ever since then the poems are all about how happy I am and our time together and how wonderful the last week has been, and even though they're all about you, Football Head, they're not just for you—they're for me too." She seemed to consider for a second and then added insightfully, "And I think I've figured out that writing them is a real part of who I am and not just a part of my obsession for you… and I really, really like that."

She smiled at Arnold warmly and noticed he was just watching her speak with interest and a happy smile of his own on his face. She glanced away with a slight blush coming to her face and continued, still grinning. "And as for the stalking thing—we'll why bother when you actually want to spend time with me? And, heck, when would I even have time stalk you, Football Head? When we're on one of our dates in your room or something?" She laughed a bit to herself and looked back up at him again. "I mean, we're spending more time together now than I ever spent following you around, so I guess that takes care of that part of old Helga..."

She took a breath, realizing they'd come back around to the closet shrine again. "And, as for the closet shrine…" she felt herself blush slightly and she glanced down once more, "Well… now I'll admit I at least still keep the locket with your picture with me, though it's more to have your poem and the engraving near my heart than anything else… But…" she swallowed, "But the closet shrine would be something for me to tell everything I've ever wanted to tell you. That's what it was before, anyway…." She dug one of her feet into her soft pink carpet. "But now I have you, Football Head. I can sit down and tell you how much I care about you and about my day and about my problems, and you actually listen and you actually care too." Her smile grew. "And even better…" she glanced up at his still attentive face, "You talk back: you tell me everything that's going on inside of you too and then it's the greatest thing in the world because I actually feel like you trust me and like I'm helping you and being a real part of your life and starting to do for you what the idea of you has done for me all of these years. Because I love you too, Arnold. I mean I've always loved you ever since I met you but…now there's something more real about it, you know?"

Arnold felt a warmth come over him from her entire speech but in particular as she said these closing words. Yes, Helga Pataki had admitted that she loved him some time ago, and, yes, her actions had proved these feelings to be more than true. Yet, she always seemed so shy and hesitant about outright saying those words again. In anger or at an extremely emotional time, over the course of that fateful weekend with the poetry tutoring, she'd thrown the word around but…she hadn't said it to him because she'd wanted to ever since her confession. And she'd never ever said it as tenderly and softly to him as she had just done right now.

In a way, though, Arnold couldn't help his happiness at her words becoming just a bit tainted by a new touch of guilt... In particular, this guilt was in reference to her words about him telling her everything that was going on inside of himself. 'She thinks I share everything with her but instead of talking to her about the kissing thing I'm just avoiding it…' He took a breath and smiled to himself as an idea came to him. 'But…maybe when we're done with the shine thing I can try and explain it all to her. Who knows…it might actually help…'

With this resolution, Arnold smiled at the shy looking girl before him, stepped forward, and moved the red shoe to one of his hands. He used the other to gently take hold of one of hers. He then took a breath and spoke to her as sincerely as possible, which wasn't hard as everything he said was the truth. "Helga…"

She stared wide eyed at his hand holding hers and then looked up at him unsurely, feeling her heart pound a bit at his touch. He continued smiling. "I'm going to take this shoe," he lifted it up slightly, bringing attention to it, "And I'm going to go up into the attic and put it in the box like you said. Then I'm going to look at the shrine. And then I'm going to come back down here, and do you know what I'm going to do?"

She didn't say anything, but just slowly shook her head.

He laughed a little at the response. "I'm going to say 'Thank you, Helga' just like with every other time you've told me the truth about your feelings over the last week, and then I'm going to tell you Happy Anniversary again…and then talk to you about anything else we need to talk about…" Helga raised an eyebrow at this strange last addition to his sentence, but Arnold didn't elaborate, merely clearing his throat and continuing in the same supportive tone. "And then I'm going to go home and spend the rest of tonight and all day tomorrow looking forward to school on Monday when I'll get to see you again, even if it's not like it is when we're alone. Because I care about you Helga, and something that you made because you love me and you were lonely couldn't change that." He gave her a slightly skeptical look. "You know, I respect how you feel about all of this, Helga, but I really think you're making it all out to be a much bigger deal than it's actually going to be. You have to admit, you do have a tendency to get a little dramatic about things sometimes…" He couldn't help but chuckle to himself. "I mean, it's kind of cute…" he saw the blush in her cheeks strengthen at his comment, and he felt the warmth already in his own face reciprocate the action. He glanced away from her, still smiling, "But sometimes I think it makes you worry about things way too much and kind of miss the big picture." He shrugged and took a breath, looking back up at her still wide eyes and still slightly rosy face. "I don't even care that much about seeing the closet shrine, to be honest, Helga—I know about it and I accept it and that's enough for me. But…" he let out a sigh and gently released Helga's hand, "If it'll make you feel better and convince you that this whole thing with us isn't just some balloon waiting to burst, I'll go see it." He winked at her. "Be right back, Helga."

And with that a still smiling Arnold left a very stunned looking Helga standing near her open closet door as he entered said lit-up closet and closed said door behind him, his eyes quickly falling upon the small ladder she had described as he heard the handle click of the door closing firmly behind him…

Helga was okay for about a second.

And then she just couldn't handle being alone in her room under these circumstances anymore without absolutely losing it…


"How long has it been now, Phoebe?"

"Helga, you just asked me that question ten seconds ag—"

"I know, I KNOW, okay? Just…how long has it been now?"

Phoebe Heyerdahl sighed from the other end of the telephone line. "Well, if we're going from the moment you called me which, as you stated, was just after Arnold shut the closet door, then it has now been fifteen minutes and nineteen seconds, Helga."

Phoebe heard her best friend groan from the other end of the line.

Phoebe sighed again, though this time with patience as opposed to exasperation. "Helga, don't worry—I'm sure this situation isn't nearly as insurmountable as you're making it out to be."

"It's going to be a NIGHTMARE!" Helga exclaimed into the phone, turning on her side on her bed upon which she had collapsed in panic the second Arnold had entered her closet and shut her door, saying he'd take a quick peek at the shrine and be right back.

"Helga…" Phoebe was trying to be understanding, but she'd been observing Arnold and Helga's behavior toward one another very closely over the last two weeks and she just couldn't fathom anything horrible enough to suddenly tear them apart. Even if it was a…a 'shrine' or whatever Helga had described her statue dedicated to Arnold as.

"Ugh…" Helga moaned into the receiver again, closing her eyes and placing a hand over them. "He's probably taking so long because he's in the middle of ripping a hole in the ceiling right now to get out of this madhouse so that he doesn't even have to look at me ever again!"

"Helga…"

"Why the HECK am I such a loon?" She opened her eyes and threw the arm not holding the phone up in the air dramatically. "I mean, why am I not like NORMAL girls with crushes—batting their eyelashes and trying to sit next to the guy at lunch and…and…and…I don't know, doodling hearts with their initials in them? But NO, not good enough for Helga G. Pataki—I've got to go stalk and write and build and…UGH…" she groaned again, "Build…BUILD!"

"Um… Helga…" There was a hesitation in Phoebe's voice, "Perhaps you should talk a bit lower. You see…"

"WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME, Phoebe?" Helga continued, the volume of her voice only growing stronger despite her best friend's unusual (and rather meek) suggestion about lowering it for some reason. "I mean, really, let's just lay this out on the table for a second…"

"Helga, if you'll just wait a moment, I—"

"WHO in their right mind BUILDS a LIFE SIZE MODEL of the PERSON THEY LOVE to WORSHIP and TALK TO?" Helga suddenly yelled into the receiver dramatically, too caught up in her own rant to bother with whatever form of comfort Phoebe had been about to suggest that she just wasn't in the mood for right now.

And Helga, in regards to this rhetorical question about her former secret admirer hobbies, had simply expected some kind reassuring (if slowly growing in impatience) response from her best friend in yet another attempt to pacify her concerns about the current Arnold/closet shrine dilemma in which she was involved.

Instead, though, Helga just received a sigh from Phoebe…but not an impatient one…and that was what made Helga raise an eyebrow and swallow nervously… Actually, if anything, the sigh sounded… worried. The large crash that suddenly accompanied it didn't make matters any better, to say the least.

"Phoebe…what was that sound?" Helga asked suspiciously.

There was a silence on the other end of the line. Finally, her best friend's timid voice spoke up hesitantly. "Well…" Helga heard Phoebe gulp, "I…um…I wasn't exactly by myself when you called, Helga, but I knew from what you explained to me when I picked up that you really needed someone to converse with about this new situation. So I told my, um…guest…that I would get us some snacks from the kitchen and to wait in my room so that I could take your call downstairs in private. But, you and I have been talking for a rather long time and I guess he was growing concerned about my absence so he might have come down to see if I needed any assistance, and, um…"

"He?" a scowling Helga asked with a pretty good suspicion of whom Phoebe was talking about...

"Oh, well, um, yes, Helga…" Phoebe began, rather hesitantly. "I was just spending the evening working on some homework with, um…Gerald…" she tried to reply innocently, though there was still an undercurrent of fear in her voice.

"And you're telling me this because…?" Helga was trying to feign anger but inside she felt like her heart had just dropped down into her stomach. She recalled again the distinct and very loud crashing sound she'd heard as Phoebe had sighed after her rant about the closet shrine. 'Just tell me that she doesn't sound so guilty for the reason I think she sounds so guilty…'

"Well," Phoebe began, the fear still obviously in her voice, "I asked you to lower the volume of your voice before because I thought I heard him coming down the stairs…and then he opened the kitchen door and…"

"Phoebe…" Helga cut her off in a level voice, closing her eyes. "Tell me…TELL me…that Gerald did NOT overhear the thing I just said about the closet shrine. Even if it's not true, just tell me that he didn't anyway so that the urge I'm suddenly feeling to hurl myself out of my window go away."

She heard Phoebe swallow and reply in as positive a voice as she could muster. "Well…there's a chance he didn't hear you, Helga…"

Helga's eyes actually opened in surprise at this statement.

"He…um…" Phoebe continued sincerely, doing everything she could to give at least some hope to her obviously already stressed out enough best friend, "He might have passed out before you said anything from something entirely unrelated to finding out about your Arnold shrine, and thus been unable to hear you…" Phoebe knew her logic sounded ridiculous and that it was about as unfounded as it could possibly be, but it was the best she could come up with on the stop to help Helga with this new situation.

There was silence.

"Helga…?" Phoebe spoke up curiously.

Interestingly enough, rather than a barrage of yelling about Phoebe 'letting something like this slip all because she wanted to cozy up to tall hair boy,' or the return of the panicked and near hysterical Helga in even more full force than she'd been upon calling Phoebe…the young Japanese American girl just heard her best friend take a deep breath in and then out on the other end of the line.

"You know what, Phoebe…" Helga spoke in a level, calm voice, "He already knows I love Arnold so this isn't exactly the worst thing he's found out about me lately. And, honestly, I just can't even begin to process dealing with him right now with Arnold up in my attic taking a quick STROLL around my SHRINE to him…" She sighed, and rubbed her temples. "Just…just tell tall hair boy when he comes to that the same gag order applies to this as to the whole 'Helga and Arnold's secret relationship' thing, and that if he has anything to say to me about it he can stop by here as soon as Arnold leaves or after school tomorrow or WHENEVER and just take twenty minutes and get it out of his system, because just…" she let out another deep, frustrated breath, "I just cannot even deal with him right now. Seriously."

Though Phoebe was grateful that Helga seemed to be taking what had just happened with Gerald well, something about this almost numb reaction as opposed to the fiery one Helga would have usually given under such circumstances couldn't help but concern her deeply. "Helga…are you sure you wouldn't like me to come over and help…diffuse the situation...if it comes to that?" Phoebe didn't have the heart to say 'if Arnold actually rejects you and you need somebody to talk to.' Not that Phoebe believed that such an event would happen for an instant, but she knew it was Helga's deepest concern at the moment and that it might help her best friend to know that if her worst fears came true she wouldn't be having to handle them tonight alone.

At the suggestion from her best friend, however, Helga just sighed, placed her free hand behind her head, and stared up at her ceiling once again. She considered for a moment before replying in a much calmer voce "No, don't…don't worry about it just yet, okay, Phoebe. I mean, maybe you and Arnold are right… Maybe I'm just getting myself all worked up over nothing…" Helga was trying to comfort herself with these words and also trying to make her best friend, who she realized must be genuinely concerned for her to have interrupted things with Gerald like that even though they were probably on a 'date' of their own, feel a little less worried.

"Well…" there was hesitation in Phoebe's voice, and then barely some acceptance as she continued. "Okay, Helga…But please promise me you'll call me and let me know how the situation turns out as soon as it terminates, okay?"

"Okay…I promise, Pheebs…" Helga replied with a half smile and a tone that made Phoebe smile as well on the other end of the line, even though Helga couldn't see it.

There was a moment of silence.

"So…tall hair boy wake up from his beauty nap, yet?" Helga tried not to laugh to herself.

Phoebe sighed, though there was more amusement this time around in the gesture than anything else. "No, I'm afraid not, Helga. Still out quite cold. I think you might have actually surprised him more than when he found out about Arnold."

Both girls shared a laugh. Another segment silence.

"Hey…Phoebe?"

"It's been sixteen minutes and three seconds, Helga."

"Thanks, Phoebe."

The sound of a door handle turning to her right made Helga's heart stop. She inhaled sharply.

"Helga?"

"Phoebe, I'll call you back."

And with these quick words, Helga hung up the phone, not even waiting for a reply from her best friend to conclude the call.

The closet door opened….


A/N:

I know, I know, I'm HORRIBLE for leaving you with this kind of a cliffhanger! I promise you though that as soon as chapter three starts, we're not going to be cutting away to Gerald and Phoebe or some random thing—it's going to dive right into Arnold and Helga talking things out. No question. I'll try to get it up sometime next week and I really hope you guys enjoyed this segment and that you really enjoy what's to come! Please keep reviewing, and I'll keep trying to respond to as many of them as possible as quickly as possible :)

Happy Reading!

~Azure129 aka Jenna