Fire Lord Zuko was thrashing violently and groaning as all-too-familiar scenes from his troubled childhood revisited his dreams. The nightmares had subsided after the end of the war and the fall of his father, but in recent months, they had returned with a vengeance. On the nights that he spent with his girlfriend, Katara, her presence gave him the comfort and the respite he needed to sleep peacefully. For several months, he felt like he could actually handle the pressures of his Fire Lord duties since he was getting some of the best sleep of his life. He didn't actually make the connection until Katara went home to the South Pole for the summer.
Tonight she had returned to his side, but in following its pattern of recent weeks, Zuko's nightmare resurfaced with unexpected intensity. Katara awoke when she felt the heat of his body rising. She gathered a little water from a nearby vase before waking him since she knew it would help cool and soothe him. All of the sudden, Zuko sprang up, grabbed her shoulder, and raised a fiery fist above her. With quick reflexes, Katara used the water to create an ice barrier between the two of them before he struck. She made eye contact with him, focusing intently on his slightly glazed golden eyes, trying not to let her fear overtake her. He's not awake. Oh, spirits, he doesn't know what he's doing.
And then she saw it. His expression changed instantly when he came to and realized what was happening. It was a combined look of horror, fear, and shame. He quickly recoiled and turned away from her, swinging his feet over the side of the bed. He pressed his fists into the sheets, and she heard a sizzling sound. She started breathing heavily, yielding to the adrenaline rush she felt. She wasn't sure what to do next. Zuko buried his head in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned over the side of the bed. "I… I'm so sorry, K-Katara," he managed before he slipped away as swiftly and soundlessly as he had come when he sneaked into her room earlier that night.
She intended to call out to him, but her voice was caught her in throat. She knew he needed comfort. She wanted to tell him that it was OK, that she was there for him. She also knew he would insist on being alone, but she was afraid of what dark thoughts he'd drown in if left to his own devices. She got up, quickly dressed, and began yet another search for a sulking Zuko. He often fled and moped when he didn't want to talk about something. This time seemed different, though. Finding him was more pressing, yet the outcome was more uncertain. Was there something seriously wrong that he wasn't telling her?
Zuko had crumpled into a heap beside the turtleduck pond. He knew it was an easy spot for Katara to find him even though he really didn't want to be found. Maybe he'd scared her enough that she wouldn't follow him. She should never want to be with him if he was like this. What if… what if there is something inside me like… a sickness… Zuko feared it was just festering in his subconscious, and one day he would just snap like Azula and become the terrible image of his father that haunted him. He tried to conjure up the details of his dream that would make him react so badly, to better understand it, but all he could see was Katara's face with his flaming fist reflecting in the pools of her brilliant blue eyes. Oh, Agni, what did I almost do?
She did come as he expected. Her hands felt cool and comforting as she rubbed his shoulders, and then she sat next to him, leaning into him. "Zuko, when did the dreams start again?"
"A few months ago," Zuko said. When you left, he thought.
"Is there… anything I can do?" she whispered.
"Do you remember back on Ember Island when you called my father damaged goods?" Zuko let out a long sigh. "I think I must be, too. Some things just can't be fixed."
"Oh, Zuko, you know that's not true! You've already overcome so much. You can't change the past, and maybe it's a part of you, but you can fight it. And… you don't have to fight it alone." She laced her fingers in between his and gave a reassuring squeeze.
"What if it's not really like a battle, but more like a sickness. And what if it can't be cured… I can't be fixed. I can't bring you into this, not when you can get hurt, too. I c-can't risk hurting… you." Zuko felt a burning sensation behind his eyes and lowered his head.
"Hey… I love you, and I'm with you on this, okay?" She wrapped her arms around him as he shuddered. "I'm so, so sorry." His voice broke. "So sorry."
They stayed in each other's embrace for a while until Zuko said, "I think, we, uh, should go back to our own beds. For tonight." Katara started to protest, but then thought better of it. She kissed him softly on his scarred cheek and watched him as he walked back toward the palace. "I'll, uh, have someone come change out the sheets and mattress for you," he called back.
When Katara arrived at work the next day, she encountered a bit of a heated discussion between her supervisor, Dr. Yang, and Azula's therapist, Dr. Jung. She was surprised to hear Zuko's name mentioned, so she held back behind the door just out of sight to listen.
"You're not here to evaluate the Fire Lord, are you? So stick to Azula's treatment and leave Zuko alone," Dr. Yang said.
"Well, the Fire Lord was interested in our sessions and volunteered to take part. I thought he might be helpful, offer some insight, even. I had no idea this family was so… dysfunctional." Dr. Jung shook his head as if trying to rid his brain of some awful notion.
"I've been treating both of those children since they were born! Azula plays mind games with Zuko, she's manipulative at best, and engaging them both in a conversation about their father is a most ill-advised practice! Are you sure you're a doctor, Mr. Jung?" Dr. Yang put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot impatiently.
"A-hem, I am highly trained in the practice of herbal medicine and am currently the leading research therapist in medicinal matters of the mind. And if you question my credibility, I'll have you know that my work and that of my predecessor was commissioned by Fire Nation citizen and Avatar Roku himself!" Dr. Jung drew himself up to his full height and surveyed Dr. Yang from behind his spectacles.
"Hmmmph. Research therapist." Dr. Yang fired back a look of disdain. "So you're just testing your theories on these children, huh? I know you don't have the luxury of knowing their background, but what good could come out of dwelling on some of their darkest moments? We need to move forward with the girl, and certainly not do anything to regress with the boy, err, I mean, the Fire Lord. He has enough pressure on him as it is already."
Dr. Jung's features softened a bit, and his brow furrowed. "Well, I hadn't anticipated where the conversation would lead. I had only hoped that in discussing—and accepting—some of the past, we could see a clearer path to the future… toward healing. You know, after seeing the Fire Lord's outraged reaction, he probably could use some applied therapy, you know, when the time is right," Dr. Jung sighed, "Or at least have someone safe he can talk to…"
Katara's thoughts were buzzing. No wonder Zuko had such a terrible dream last night! And how dare this man try to pull out all those hurts and fears, leaving him so raw and vulnerable especially in front of Azula! Zuko hadn't even confided much in Katara on such matters much less some stranger! Although Zuko did say that this doctor was their best hope for helping Azula. And commissioned by Avatar Roku, wow, Katara wondered what that was all about. She hung on Dr. Jung's last words, "At least have someone safe he can talk to…" That's me, she thought. I can help. Maybe Dr. Jung can tell me what to say or the right questions to ask or…
"Katara! What are you doing!?" Dr. Yang's discovery of her jolted her back to her senses. "I, uhh… was coming to check in after my leave and see where you want me for today's rotation?" Katara's face reddened as Dr. Jung brushed past her, and she noticed Dr. Yang's look of disapproval. "I thought I better not interrupt," she added.
Dr. Yang's eyes narrowed. "Look, Katara. I don't know how much you heard. But I know you fancy the Fire Lord. You should stay out of this. Be his friend… his lover… whatever… but don't play with fire. You'll get burned. Now, follow me."
It was unnerving how Dr. Yang could anticipate Katara's thoughts like that. Dr. Yang had mentored her for nearly a year now, and they had fallen into a fairly predictable working relationship. Dr. Yang was even used to Katara's tendency to get lost in her own thoughts. The burn analogy was a bit over-the-top, Katara thought. Like I've never heard that one before in regard to dating Zuko… well, except that last night, I almost did get burned.
"Ahem, Katara? Hello, Katara, yoo hoo?" Dr. Yang waved a hand in front of her apprentice's face.
"Oh, right, sorry. Yes?" Katara blinked.
"Welcome back, by the way." A rare genuine smile formed on the doctor's face.
Katara worked hard to finish her rotation early hoping that she'd be able to catch Dr. Jung and ask him a few questions. She was still miffed at him for opening up Zuko's old wounds but figured the doctor did have his best interest at heart. He, like her, probably didn't know what they were really getting into. She found him in his office with the door slightly ajar, and he appeared to be deeply engaged in a large leather-bound book. She hadn't seen many books like that before. They were usually only found at universities where large collections of research would be compiled and bound. It made things simpler that way rather than keeping up with a bunch of scrolls like the ones Dr. Yang usually gave her to study.
She knocked timidly and made a slight noise like she was clearing her throat. "Dr. Jung, I, uh… was wondering if I could ask you a question?" Dr. Jung looked up abruptly and squinted at her as if he needed a moment to focus on the source of the sound. Katara sensed he was looking more through her than at her. "I'm quite busy, my dear. Perhaps another time." Then he seemingly came to and actually acknowledged her presence. "Oh, hello. I recall that you are Dr. Yang's apprentice. I really can't entertain an apprenticeship right now. I have lots of work to do."
"Oh, uh… Dr. Yang keeps me plenty busy. And I understand that you are very busy, too, sir. I, uh, just had a question about Zu—Fire Lord Zuko." Katara wasn't sure why she was so nervous talking to this man. Maybe because he was a friggin' brain doctor, and she was afraid her own evaluation might be next. Dr. Jung sighed, took off his spectacles, and rubbed his temples. It was only then that Katara could see the stress—or was it concern?—that he held in his countenance.
"Young lady. I cannot discuss my patients with you. It would be a violation of their trust and the agreement I have with them as their doctor. So, I bid you farewell and a good evening, as I'm sure you are done with your rounds for today. I, however, have several hours of work left to do, so if you wouldn't mind…" Dr. Jung trailed off and redirected his attention to his book once more.
Feeling quite dejected, Katara almost spun around on her heel to leave, but a thought struck her. "Wait, Zuko, I mean, the Fire Lord isn't your patient. Azula is, right? And Dr. Yang made it very clear that you are not to be treating the Fire Lord." Katara watched Dr. Jung carefully for a reaction, but he appeared unmoved. "So, I was just wondering if…"
He suddenly snapped. "Fire Lord Zuko is headed down just as treacherous a path as his sister, and it is only a matter of time before he buckles under the pressure of being Fire Lord with so many burdens to bear. He needs… he needs… SOMETHING!"
Dr. Jung's outburst surprised her. Perhaps he was more invested in this than a doctor should be. Dr Yang was always telling her NOT to get attached to her patients. It was the hardest lesson, and she was still struggling, yet she knew that it was necessary, otherwise she would be consumed by grief for her patients' suffering. Besides, she was emotionally committed to Zuko, as it were.
"You're right! He needs something. Or someone! And… I think I am in the best position to be that someone." Katara left it at that. She didn't want to reveal too much, too soon in front of this doctor whom she barely knew.
Dr. Jung seemed suddenly concerned that he had divulged too much, so he backpedaled. "As I stated already, I am not equipped to take on an apprentice right now. The medicinal approach to matters of the brain… well, it's all very, shall we say, innovative, and I need to give my full focus to the patient in my care. So if you would please…"
Ugh. Enough. This is where overbearing meddlesome girlfriend goes berserk.
"No! You clearly want to help Zuko, and so do I! I don't give a rabbiroo's ass about Azula, so you can do all your innovative research on her. I know that is the medical code word for 'we don't know shit, so we'll just try this and see what happens,' and I don't want Zuko to be your test subject anyway! He tells ME things… terrible things! And I wanted your help, your so-called expertise, so that I can actually journey WITH him toward healing. But I see now that you don't have a fucking clue what is wrong with this family and what to do about their fucked up past. Zuko has these crazy nightmares where he wakes up with someone's death wish… and I don't even know where that's coming from… and… it's so… scary… and I just want to…"
Katara hated that she would break down in front of a professional, a doctor, no less—someone in the field she was trying to pursue—where she was trying to prove herself. She turned toward the door. He had already told her to leave. Clearly he would not help her. Crying was not going to make the situation any better. She felt the hot tears on her cheeks, so she grabbed the doorknob with intent on making a hasty retreat.
"Wait," Dr. Jung said firmly, yet there was a hint of kindness in his tone. "Did you say Zuko had a dream?"
"Um… yes?" Karara sniffed, wiping her tears on her sleeve, yet not turning to face him.
"I…uh… would like to work with you on that premise. The dream thing… and well, also helping Zuko get better, as a consequence," Dr. Jung replied.
Somewhat shocked and still unconvinced, Katara confessed, "But he doesn't tell me about his dreams. I only see his reaction. So if you want to interpret them or whatever…"
"No, actually, that's not it, or well, not entirely. I just think there's more to our dreams than we know. I've studied it before with fascinating finds, and it would be a nice, uh… diversion to resume that study while tackling the complicated case that is Princess Azula." Dr. Jung shuddered slightly, as if the word Azula evoked a certain emotion for him.
Katara wasn't sure how she felt about this. It still sounded like Zuko would be a case study. But it also seemed like he could get some help. And if they could get to the bottom of these crazy nightmares, then they could both finally sleep in peace.
A/N: The "damaged goods" reference from Ember Island is from Not Stalking Zuko, a fic written by Emletish. (Link in my profile.) This story falls in her universe, and I will do my best to fill in any plot holes if needed (but really, you should just go read her stuff because it's way better than mine). Also, Dr. Yang as Katara's mentor at the royal hospital where she works is Em's OC. Dr. Jung is also hers, although he is just briefly mentioned in Not Stalking Firelord Zuko.
I have no idea if Em's Dr. Jung is based on Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, a contemporary of Sigmund Freud, but that is also where I am headed with the dream analysis angle. So there will be some early 20th century psychology references of which I do NOT claim to be an expert. Any and all therapy methods used or mentioned in this fic are purely fictional and have no medical basis or background aside from my own brief experience in behavioral cognitive therapy and some limited research I have done. End of disclaimer.
