Fair Ground.
Disclaimer: Hellsing belongs people who are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Alucard . . . then he'd be mine.
Rating: Teen and up – due to depictions of violence and child death.
Authoress note: this is a very tenacious and an odd little idea. But it won't leave me be.
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Chapter Two
"Is she still the same?" Walter asked as Alucard entered the kitchen via the floor. The ancient monster said nothing, which was a good confirmation. "I'm sure she'll snap herself out of it," he said noting the dour look on Alucard's face.
"I could snap her out of it if you would help me," Alucard said. Walter rolled his eyes and took his tea to the table before sitting down.
"You're idea is not for her, you're doing this to amuse yourself." Walter said.
"She said she liked bumper cars," Alucard said sitting opposite Walter.
"Until you pointed out to her that she was enjoying herself only a few feet away from a slaughter," Walter said.
"You're saying this sulk is my fault?" Alucard said flatly. "In that case it is my duty to remedy it and I know what would work."
"Don't try that nonsense on me," Walter said. "You're not trying to help Miss Victoria after you so splendidly put your foot in it. You're bored."
"It's not nonsense," Alucard said. "It would work, but you're ruining it."
"If it would work so well then why don't you just go to a proper park?" Walter said putting his elbows on the kitchen table and his head into his hands.
"I think you know why," Alucard said. Walter to a moment to consider Alucard surrounded by people screaming and smelling of excitement, adrenaline and fear, the ancient vampires self-control was good but maybe not that good.
"Alton Towers is a marvellous place," Walter said. "I'm sure we could arrange something."
"Bullshit and you know it," Alucard said "Besides no normal park would withstand me or Seras for that matter" Walter raised his eyebrow.
"Yes, I do forget at times that she is so much more than she seems," he leaned back in his chair.
"Besides I'm doing all the heavy lifting and taking the blame should it go wrong," Alucard said.
"When it goes wrong," Walter interrupted
"Ye of no faith," Alucard muttered. "The point is all you have to do is cook something. You cook things every day, why is this so difficult."
"It's not the level of difficulty that's my issue," Walter said.
"When have I ever asked you to cook anything?" Alucard snapped.
"I have heated the blood up for you numerous times," Walter answered
"That's not cooking," Alucard looked triumphant "According to Seras that's making a beverage, not the same thing at all."
"It is more cooking than I should ever have to do for the likes of you." Walter said.
"You are petty, Walter. Petty and cruel," Alucard let out a long huff of air and slumped down in his chair deliberately.
"Aren't you a little old for sulking?" Walter asked.
"I cannot force you, you know this," Alucard shrugged a shoulder. "You know my limitations, what else can I do but sulk and hope you see reason?" Walter flinched, Alucard's words were light but true and it always made the butler uncomfortable when Alucard reminded him of just how powerless the ancient monster actually was. Yes he could tear men apart with little effort but he was tightly bound, restricted to the point where he had to beg for simple things. Thing's Walter could grant on a whim if he so chose. Guilt clenched the old man's gut. To see something as proud and powerful as Alucard reduced to such always made him uncomfortable and the old vampire knew it and used it mercilessly. Bastard.
"But why do you want them, you're not even going to eat the damn things," Walter snapped. Alucard grinned.
"It's not the point," Alucard said sitting up properly.
"Then what is the point?" Walter stood and headed to the freezer.
"Smell," Alucard said, Walter turned and stared at him. "Don't be giving me that look, I know they smell like mud, shoes and boiled entrails, you know they smell like mud, shoes and boiled entrails, but it's not for me or you is it?"
"No, I suppose it isn't," Walter muttered opening the freezer looking for what the vampire wanted.
"Apparently she likes the smell of mud, shoes and boiled entrails," Alucard said.
"You're not going to convince me that you're being nice." Walter said slowly. "No matter how many of these things I heat through for you." Walter took the frozen meat from the freezer and walked to the microwave to defrost them. Alucard blinked slowly at him. "I know deep down that's you're an arsehole."
"I am your almost lifelong friend who has stood by you through wars and puberty and this is how you treat me!" Alucard tried to look crestfallen. "You are cruel to me; you make me bleed on the inside."
"Shut up Alucard," Walter muttered.
"Master what are you doing?" Seras said as she was manhandled in the general direction of the kitchen. She ran her fingers through her hair, trying in vain to tame three-day bed hair.
"Present," Alucard smiled as they reached the door. He stopped for a moment and looked confused. "those daft little car things that crash into each other?" he said.
"Bumper cars," Seras felt her stomach roll at the reminder of her behaviour last week. That she'd been playing in such a place in such a situation left her feeling inhuman. What kind of person did that? Not a normal one, not a human.
"That have paint jobs yes?" Alucard asked. His odd question pulled her out of her funk for a moment and she frowned at him.
"Yes," she said slowly.
"Good," Alucard smiled. "I put go faster stripes on mine." With that he shoved Seras hard through the door to the kitchen and disappeared. The smell hit her instantly, fried onions and hotdog meat.
"Oh god, Walter, I love you," she said walking over to him
"You are very welcome Miss Victoria," Walter handed her a hot dog, "Alucard said something about smelling them, but I doubt eating just one would hurt you to badly." The butler smiled. "I am planning on making him eats the rest."
"What?" Seras said and glanced behind Walter to see forty-two hotdogs piled up on the kitchen table.
"Your master told me of your nostalgia for fun fairs and I have been 'roped in' to helping him cure you of your current upset by reliving this part of your childhood." Walter answered.
"Fair ground?" Seras took a bite of her hotdog and forgot her worry at the current situation and simply enjoyed the flavour. It made her think of when she was tiny, her dad would buy her these every time they went to the fair. Then her brain cut through the wave of nostalgia. "oh god," she said spitting bits of sausage and bun onto the table.
"What?" Walter asked, nibbling at his own sausage in a bun.
"Master was taking about bumper cars a moment ago. He mentioned go faster stripes." Seras looked to Walter who sighed loudly and went back to the cooker, picking up a bun he put a particularly burnt sausage inside and covered it with mustard.
"Oh well lets go see what disaster awaits us," Walter said, Seras frowned at the burnt hotdog. "This one is his, he can eat the rest later."
The two walked together out to the grounds and followed the paint drops over to the quad where the military vehicles were kept. They noticed two were missing and followed the tracks left in the grass until they found Alucard painting go faster stripes on the side of a tank. Both tanks had been made to look like what the vampire might think bumper cars were. They had big painted numbers on them and little strips of rubber glued to them haphazardly, in random places.
"Sir Integra is not going to be amused." Walter said slowly approaching Alucard. "Here, this one is yours." He handed the vampire the hot dog. "Eat it or else."
"I think I'll just hold it for now," Alucard put the hotdog in his pocket. "Stop looking so horrified they're just Bumper Tanks."
"Um Alucard," Walter said.
"I even put rubber on them so they bounce gently off one another." Alucard smiled and then sniffed looking dubiously at his mustard covered pocket.
"That does not look like a lot of rubber, " Seras said. "Is that a pencil eraser."
"Picky, picky," Alucard said suddenly lifting her up and hoisting her into a tank. "In you get then. You to Walter."
"I believe this is Miss Victoria's nostalgia not mine. Walter said and fled the scene with remarkable dignity.
"He used to like tanks," Alucard said mournfully to Seras.
"Not when the other tanks were deliberately trying to crash into me," Walter yelled from a distance.
"Coward!" Alucard yelled back. "Come police girl I will teach you the rules of Bumper Tanks."
"Walter," Integra spoke into the phone. "I am hearing allot of crashing from out in the grounds and it appears that two tanks are periodically trying to smash each other." Her voice was calm and her expression blank. After all Integra had dealt with worse than a small war breaking out in her garden. "We are under attack?"
"No sir." Walter answered
"I did not think so." Integra sipped her tea "preys tell me why Alucard is smashing the two tanks together."
"You assume it is him?" Walter asked although he knew he was simply delaying.
"I do not assume Walter." Integra left the rest unsaid and hung up. "Alucard." She called out knowing he would hear her despite the small war. The war paused before resuming "Alucard come here now, I won't ask again." The war stopped again and there was silence for a few minutes, before Alucard appeared in her room. He was bleeding heavily from his nose which looked to have been broken and one of his hands was oddly shaped.
"My master?" he smiled, healing as she watched.
"Prey tells me what you are doing with my tanks?" She asked expecting a variety of answers but not the one she got. "What the hell are Bumper tanks?" There was a renewed amount of crashing from outside and Alucard moved to the window.
"Police girl pack it in!" he yelled out the window, "I called a time out!"
"Alucard!" Integra snapped, "pay attention! Why are you smashing up my tanks? I will not tolerate such wanton destruction of my property."
"I told you its bumper ... I mean I am educating my fledgling in the way of tank warfare, evasive manovers and such like."
"You're chasing her round the ground in a tank," Integra sighed.
"Pretty much," Alucard looked hopeful. "But it is educational."
"Oh that's alright then," Integra snapped. "I would hate it if you were simply smashing up my property for a lark," she looked out the window. "Why does the education involve painting a large number six on one of the tanks and a nine of the other." The two watched as 'Tank 6' aka Seras continually rammed into empty 'Tank 9' aka Alucard. Alucard growled
"Stop cheating!" he yelled at his fledglings tank. "Or I'm cutting your brake lines and pointing you towards Dover!"
"I do not recall permission being granted or even requested for this 'exercise'," Integra said and gave up on the role-play. "Alucard please stop smashing my property, go tidy up that damn mess and do something quiet and non-destructive or I swear I'm locking you up in the greenhouse at dawn."
"Fine," Alucard sighed watching as 'Tank 6' rolled over 'Tank 9' crushing it completely. A small crowd cheered, Pip was among them. "Seras was cheating anyway."
End chapter Two
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