"Pain Is Good..."

Alfred felt warm. Really warm. As if he were lying in a large heated bed, his head cradled by the softest pillows known to man. His body entangled with the security of safe, thick sheets, keeping him in the depths of sleep.

He breathed in and was suddenly overwhelmed with the strong scent of sunflowers, his mind imagining a field full of the yellow herb blowing gently in the wind. His mind's eye watching the birds glide down gracefully and pull the seeds out, flying off once again. He was relaxed, a feeling he hadn't felt in days.

The feeling of complete bliss was soon ruined when the all too familiar feeling came flooding back down, knocking Alfred back to reality.

His eyes widened as the pang hit his stomach, making him feel nauseous. The American groaned in pain, arms wrapping around his mid-section. His frown deepened when he still couldn't feel his rib-cage even after all this time.

What time was it? He thought as realised that he wasn't in his own bed, let alone his own room. "Where the fuck am I?" He breathed.

Curious eyes glanced up and he noticed that his poster of Captain America wasn't stuck on the ceiling. His room didn't smell of its 'Alfredness' but of the same smells in his dreams; sunflowers and the faintest hint of vodka? Sitting up Alfred could feel that he still had his bomber jacket and trousers on. As the room started to spin Alfred squinted, the room turning fuzzy due to his lack of vision. Finding his glasses on one of the small bed-side tables which were accompanied by a vase of the flower in his dreams, Alfred placed the thin wires back onto his face, restoring his sight.

America's eyes widened at how...quaint the room was. The walls were a pale beige colour, the carpet being a soft shade of brown. A wardrobe and a chest of drawers in the two corners. it reminded Alfred of his own hotel room he was staying at. Wait, what?

As if on cue, the door in the corner of the small room opened, revealing a tall man wearing his usual large, soft brown coloured coat, his pale violet scarf encircled around his neck falling to his knees. He looked up, pale eyebrows rising at the American sitting up in his bed. "You are awake."

"It appears so," Alfred replied dryly, suddenly defensive at being in the same room with the Russian nation. It was bad enough nearly eating with him and he was lucky that he didn't. "What are you doing here?"

The Russian man sneered, "Don't act all smart you capitalist bastard, I am not the one who fainted in the corridor," He smirked at America's suddenly wide eyes, his own violet orbs darkening at the sight, "And I believe I have the right to be standing in my own room don't you agree, Amerikan?" The last word was emphasised with his thick accent, letting his tongue roll off the 'r'.

Alfred tensed, feeling embarrassed all of sudden, "Y-yeah right!" He laughed sarcastically, trying to cover up the nervous feeling that had suddenly washed over his body. He knew he had fainted but in front of Russia, it was just too humiliating.

"Why would I lie over something like that, little Amerikan?" Ivan walked over to the bed, "you know I would never lie to you..."

"Don't patronise me!" America glared, the spinning in his head stopping momentarily, "Hey, don't you dare come any closer!" He moved as far back as he could, until his back was against the wooden headboard.

"Of course," Ivan smiled. Stopping at the foot of the bed he questioned the glaring man, "How long are you going to be staying in my room?"

At the question, Alfred threw back the sheets swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, "Not a moment longer you bas-."

He was cut off when a large hand clasped over his throat. He fell backwards, forgetting how fast Russia could act at times. He was now pinned to the bed with the taller nation on top of him, smiling evilly. How dare that Communist touch him! America glared up at the other, teeth bared. He tried to pull the hand off of his throat by digging his nails into the pale hand.

"Is little Amerika too weak against Mother Russia?" Russia cooed mockingly, wincing ever so slightly as half moons were indented into his skin, drawing rims of blood. He chuckled darkly, showing his teeth as well.

Just like the Cold War. Both superpowers glaring daggers into the each other's faces, neither making a move that could draw pain physically but sure as hell emotionally. "I have missed our fights. It brings back...memories."

Alfred smirked, ruining the moment with one word, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"W-why, why did you let me...s-stay h-here?"

Ivan chuckled, leaning down to Alfred's ear, "I could not let me little Amerika sleep in the hallway now, could I?" He breathed, "Who do you think I am?" Using his free hand, Russia twirled a lock of golden blond hair between his fingers.

"You're a b-bastard,...that's...that's w-who..." Alfred breathed, trying to loosen the grip on his throat, "But...why h-here?"

Ivan sneered, removing his hands. In all honesty he had no idea why he brought the blond haired man back into his room. He just did. Avoiding the question he fired his own, "Why did you faint?"

Rubbing his throat and sitting up Alfred replied, "Tired."

"I am not an idiot." Ivan shot back, "Your stomach was growling all through the conference meeting, everybody heard you. And down the corridor where you collapsed, I heard it louder there to." He glared at the other, noticing again at how smaller the other looked. When he had his hand wrapped around America's throat, that to felt thinner. He had strangled Alfred many times in the past but this time more of his hand could wrap around the air passage. It felt more...breakable.

Alfred stood up, ignoring the eyes watching him from behind, "I'm fine. Just hungry that day. Missed lunch didn't I?"

Ivan stood up and grabbed the other's shoulder, feeling the profound shoulder bone between his fingers, and turned him around, "That is not possible," He saw America's jaw clench, "skipping one meal should not make you faint. You are not speaking truth and-"

"Oh for fucks sake shut up!" Alfred shouted catching the other off guard, shoving his chest backwards, causing Russia to fall back a few paces. "Stop invading my mind! You know nothing and it's gonna stay that way! You are Russia and I am America, you know what that means? Sworn enemies! Since when were you so fucking concerned about my private life, huh? So I'm hungry for once! Has your boss suddenly decided to have a go at being 'friendly' with the fat capitalist pig? Try to find his weak spot then full on blow his fucking brains out with atomic bombs and shit when he's not expecting it? Well fuck no cause-"

Punch!

America heard it before he felt the blow. He had been too busy shouting profanities from out of nowhere when he didn't see the fist raised in aim. He felt his nose colliding with what felt like an iron hammer, sending him backwards. Now lying on the floor, tasting the blood that was streaming down his mouth he clutched his bleeding nose. The blow would have definitely broken the bones.

"You bastard..."

Russia grabbed America's collar hoisting him back to his feet. All concern over the American's health had now vanished. He ignored the lightness of the other as well, that bastard will get what he deserves. "How dare you, Amerika. How fucking dare you." He used the other hand to pull back at the blond locks, nearly tearing them out of his scalp, to look into his furious purple eyes, "You think that just because you are now suddenly more vulnerable you have nerve to talk to me, nation of Russia about what you, a stupid Amerikan, think?"

Alfred continued to glare. The blood flowing freely, dripping down onto Ivan's fist, coating it in a glove of crimson. He refused to show any signs of weakness, mind remembering all of the painful times he had spent with Russia. Wars upon wars, raging through his mind, he could practically hear the screaming in his ears. The spinning in his head had struck once more, especially due to blood loss. Don't you dare faint, Alfred. Don't you dare look weak again!

He just wanted to get out. Get out of the grasp and run to his room. Struggling with the last ounce of his strength he managed to raise a fist and slam it into Russia's jaw. The blow loosening the nation's hands, freeing America.

Falling to the floor for a second time he didn't dare spare a moment. Scrabbling back up and bolting it to the door, running. Running down the hall. Running like a coward. Blood still flowing, he was surprised he hadn't fainted yet. He was thankful that he never bothered to lock his door. Turning the handle he flung himself through the entrance. Tears mixed with blood, cascading down his slowly thinning face, "I'm a fucking idiot! Stupid, lazy, fat, fucking asshole!" He screamed into his pillow, coughing up sobs and blood. He felt horrible, disgusted with himself, "No ones gonna l-love me...are they? I'm weak, pathetic and so fucking fat..." And with the question hanging off his lips, Alfred finally passed out, entering the world of make-believe once more.


He woke up to the taste of iron. Wiping the back of his hand over his mouth, he winced as he touched his badly bruised nose. He may be a country with fast healing but the lack of nutrition meant that he would have to heal slower than usual. Alfred didn't mind, pain was good. "Yeah, pain is good." he told himself.

Standing up, he made his way to the bathroom, having to clutch at random objects from falling over. Just like a normal hotel his bathroom consisted of a shower, toilet and sink. A full length mirror attached to the left wall. Clenching his jaw he stood in front of it, glaring at his reflection he now hated. His face, covered in blood and his bruised nose made him seem uglier than normal. His eyes, dull and lifeless at the endless thoughts of disappointment, saw only fat underneath the clothes.

Alfred hated himself right now but he had to make sure, even if it meant guilt and regret. He had to make sure that he hadn't put on any weight from last time. Locking the door he stood back as he pulled off his jacket and shirt which were stained red at the collars. His lip had healed from the first time he bit it but as he saw his topless body he could not help but bite it again. This time adding to the blood marked around his mouth and nose, trailing down his chin in a crimson line.

His eyes widened in disbelief:

He was massive. Yes, he looked at himself in the mirror everyday but his body looked no where near as huge and disgusting as it did now. His cold hands, sending goosebumps through his skin, trailed over his stomach squeezing at different angles, holding the fat ripples between his fingers. He lifted his arms up and could quite easily see the fat hanging off the end, If only I could cut it off... He thought grimly, But more blood loss would be bad for my people...


Ivan stared in disbelief. Still cradling his jaw he made to sit on the edge of his bed, where America had last been. He knew Alfred had a hard punch but he did feel the tiniest amount of guilt for nearly punching the man's nose off. "I hate you Amerika," he sighed, "for making me feel...guilty," he mumbled the word in disgust. Ivan had never felt guilt towards the other in his life and he had lived a long life.

Thinking for a moment, he remembered the laptop in his suitcase which he sometimes used to contact his boss if anything came up and he couldn't get signal on his phone. Balancing the portable computer on his lap and feeling curious he keyed in the words, 'occasionally feeling dizzy or fainting' in the search bar. The results showed symptoms of Vertigo which Russia was sure America did not have and chuckling over the other symptom which was pregnancy - America was definitely not pregnant.

His hands hovered above the keyboard as he thought of something else that the American was showing. Slowly he keyed in a long sentence; 'fainting, lack of appetite and getting thinner.' Pressing the enter key Russia's eyes widened at the results. A few symptoms of Anemia here and there but he knew a country couldn't get illnesses like that unless there was a high case of it within the population. Scrolling down Russia came across a link that spoke about Anorexia Nervosa. Hesitating slightly, he clicked the link:

'Anorexia nervosa, also called anorexia, is a potentially life-threatening eating disorder that can be seen as a sense of self-starvation and extreme weight loss. When a male or female at any age has anorexia nervosa their weight can become so low that their bones can be visible. Too much weight loss in these people can lead to dangerous health problems and eventual death. People with anorexia are often hungry but refuse food, usually having intense fears of becoming fat and seeing themselves as fat even when they are thin and slender. They may try to get rid of the imaginary fat by limiting food intake and exercising excessively in order to lose weight.'

Symptoms of anorexia nervosa include: fainting and feeling dizzy as well as severe weight loss in appearance which can be heard by the excessive growl and pain in the stomach area.

Re-reading the website's page at least three times, going over the words to make sure he understood them, Russia was worried. If this is what America had then he had no idea what to do. Having suffered starvation through the years of war, Ivan knew what hunger felt like. What he would never have thought was Alfred, the country with one of the best resources for food might have suddenly stopped eating because he thought he was...fat. Russia felt awful. He had never thought someone like Alfred would so that to himself.

Russia then made a mental vow to help America. It felt weird to be helping the man he fought wars against. How moments ago he had punched Alfred in the face, not knowing what was going on. Not even Alfred deserved this much pain. He had to be careful though, America still thought of Russia as the enemy. Even though he technically was, he could at least cure Alfred of this illness; how hard could it be?

First though, he had to sleep. In the morning he will go to Amerika.

And help him.

Another chapter! Hope you enjoyed it and thank you for the reviews on the last chapter, they mean a lot! Please continue to review, thank you!