Joy was seated at her desk, her eyes surveying it, the mounds of paperwork on it taking it over, all of which had built up since she had taken leave. There was only so much that Louise could do in helping to run the prison day by day, therefore causing her what was going to be an administration headache for a few days, This being the only part of her job that she really hated, the paperwork which built up daily in relation to running of the whole prison. Situation reports from the wings, reports about singular prisoners and budget reports, not something which she wished to tie herself down too on her first day back from leave.
That is if you could call it leave; less than two hours after it started, all chaos broke loss and destroyed what it was for her.
She had got the call that Natalie Buxton had escaped; but even the thought of an escaped convict could tear her away from the only thought that had been in her head.
The one person she couldn't stop thinking about.
Stella.
Her 25 year old daughter that had recently turned up, and had changed her life forever.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed a letter sitting on the corner of the desk, standing out so much from the official letters which littered the area around it, the scrawled address on the front and the HMP frank pulling her eye to it. Reaching over she picked it up and stared at it, The frank revealing straight away where the letter had come from and also revealing who the letter must be from.
There was a knock on her door, and she put down the letter in front of herself on her desk. Exasperated at the person behind the door come at that exact moment and disturbing the chance to read that letter in front of her.
"Come" she spoke aloud
In walked Lou Stokes, G wing Governor.
"Welcome Back Joy. I hope you break was restful."
"My leave is something I care not to discuss with" Joy said her voice completely flat, no emotion within it at all. "What can I do for you then?"
"Nothing; I thought I would just welcome you back."
"Is that all? If you could excuse me then I have a lot of work to get on with."
Lou left quietly, rebutted by Joys answer.
She picked up the letter in front of her and tore in to; intrigued about the contents of it after hearing nothing since she posted that letter long ago. Making her think she had lost her for her good. She pulled out the letter and started to read,
I'm not sure how to start this letter. I'm not even sure what I should call you.
Mum, Joy, Miss Masterton or even just Miss.
I didn't expect to receive a letter from you after what happened while I was Larkhall. I did think that the bridge between us had been burnt completely and there was never going to be a chance of it been rebuilt.
Perhaps this should have been the way I introduced myself to you, by letter, not by arriving and breaking the news so suddenly and expecting you to accept it straight away
That's why I never expected to receive a letter of you. Not after what I did to you and not after I thought you wanted nothing to do with me again after I was shipped out and you didn't even try and see me and give me any words of goodbye or even a reassurance that you would contact me and some point to talk about this whole mess
But I can see why know. It takes longer thnt two days to adjust the fact your long lost daughter who you placed for adoption coming back into your life, demanding to be accepted straight away and not understand the reasons why you kept pushing me away.
From what the others said when I was there, I thought you were heartless by the end of my stay there the same way they everyone else thinks about you. The honesty in that letter was not expected and I was unsure about it straight away; this is why it has taken me time to even consider writing this letter but like you I do want to connect again
So I start with an apology myself, jumping you, it should not of happened. I was anger and I lashed out. Lashed out because the way the file had given me a perception of you, which like all fiction fails to live up to the actually reality.
After what you said about the abortion and the rape I had to confront you. I felt like you didn't want me and that hurt. And I wanted you to hurt as well, by telling you how my life had been and especially about my rape.
I think I can understand why you did. A woman in your position; in the army; couldn't really turn up and the Social Services and say you were given me up due to a drunken one stand. So I guess the rape story came about due to you trying to keep some face. But of course; I built my birth into some big fairytale and lashed out at you because it didn't have its happy ending.
Of course I wish I could change is the way I came around to be born. But at least I know I am not the product of some sordid rape, which caused me to be around because man forced himself on it. Being a product of a one night stand may not feel that much better but at least it means I can some good feelings about my father now. Whoever; he may be.
Something struck with me with that letter, especially the section about you saying you wanted to hold me. I wished so much you would during my time. That you would pull me into arms and tell me that I was loved and wanted and everything was going to be okay.
But it seems that we are stubborn as each other in terms of saying things aloud
But I agree with you, we need to talk and soon. Actually connect over this whole thing. As I so want you to be my mum as well.
So perhaps when I am released we can talk away from the prisoners and the screws.
Perhaps we can help each other.
So here's hoping; hoping that we have a future together of some sort
Stella
Joy put the letter back down on the table. Stella wanted her as well.
But she wasn't going to wait until her release. She was going to start to get to know her sooner. Be damned the consequences; if anyone at Larkhall or area found out.
She had a second chance with her daughter, the one thing that she wanted the most at that time.
Picking up the phone she dialed a number, and spoke clearly to the person who answered.
"I am hoping you can arrange this for me. I need to see one of your prisoners."
A/N –It has taken a while but finally an update to this story. Or more on the line of the fact I found this story on a SD card I thought had lost years ago. So enjoy and review. Perhaps I can get my fictions writing juices back!
