No Wijospaz, I am not going to leave.
Fick dich. If you hate this story, why flame. If you don't like it, just fuck off. I hope you are raped by your father for the next 26 years of your sad existence.
I have decided to also include oneshots that relate to the topic and stories that didn't make it into 'Laichzeit'
To anyone who actually likes this story, Please, anything (besides flaming) are allowed. Flamers will be 'Fritzl-ed'.
Splendid shook his head. His town was so weird. Death was different from the outside world. The citizens all had weird habits or obsessions, or something else none the less disturbing. And for whatever reason, God, UFOs, Those damn writers on FF, their situations always turn into a bloodbath. Suddenly he hears screaming coming from the lake. He does his heroic hum and speeds off to the lake.
He arrives, and sees Handy, Russell, and Giggles by a broken dock. He floats down to their level to examine the destruction. "What happened hear, citizens?" he inquires.
"Yar, see, Nutty and Petunia fell of thar pier, and they floated down river." Russell screams at him hysterically.
"Well don't worry citizens, I'll save your beloved nutjob and neat-freak!" He exclaims, in a heroic voice. He shoots off over the water, the wake creating 10 ft waves. He rockets past Nutty and Petunia, naked in the water, and flies to the water fall. He glances around for something to catch them, and sees a plastic fishing net, and smiles, pulling it from the torrent of water. He spreads it out, until it is tense. He smiles at a job well done. Nutty and Petunia fall over the waterfall, and are landing on the net. But, the net was too tense, and both were sliced into tiny peices. He grits his teeth, and glances around. Handy and Giggles appear overlooking the water fall.
"Did you save them?" Handy asks. Splendid shakes his head, head hung in respect for the dead.
"I'm sorry, dear citizen, I failed to save your friends. I'm so sorry." He says solemnly. "They will turn up, I assure you that. They are citizens of this town and if I know one thing about us, we will soldier on." Handy and Giggles's frowns perk up a bit, Splendid's words enlightening them. He salutes them and rockets back to his sanctum.
On his trip, he is hit with a realization; He wasn't the Superhero he thought he was. He knew he wasn't always as good as he could be, but he thought now that he was a villan, a menace to society. His nightmare invaded his fantastical world, turning his optomistic thoughts to tar and oil. Nothing could change that guilt that hit him. But he had to make it up to them. Some how.
Evil was resting on a tree branch, ready to make a makeshift arrow to kill passersby. He was thinking about who he might kill. His green eyes surveyed the street below. As odd as it was, he believed he had already killed most able bodied Happy Tree Friends. He smirks at the thought.
The ultimate survival behavior was what he was. Fight or Flight, but usually fight. He was there for the purpose of now. A little light bulb popped up above his head. What about his children? He needs to spread genes to the future to keep his legacy alive. He may not be around forever (Maybe) so reproducing was now a priority in his mind. Now, he was not only The Right-now survival behavior, he was going to be the Far-future survival behavior. He drops from the tree branch and disappears behind a hedge.
Splendid floats high above the city, searching for Evil Flippy. He spies a green tree friend and immediately fires his laser vision. He looks a second later to see he blasted Shifty and Lifty. They were sitting at a concert in the park, and now their ashes blow away in the wind. He reluctantly smiles. "Well, atleast those two are out of the way!"
Evil Flippy sits at home in the dark, waiting at the door with a Viet-kong foot snare at the ready for his loving wife to enter. Flaky slowly enters the room, and the snare is released, barely missing her thigh. The lights flash on, and Flaky catches a glimpse of Evil, and screams, bringing Flippy's normal self back. He glares at the trap, then at Flaky. He puts his hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright honey? What happened!?"
She wheezes, having the wind knocked out of her from the scare. "I think Evil tried to kill me."
Flippy grits his teeth, glaring at Evil through his mind's eye. Kill didn't carry much weight in Happy Tree Town, but it was still a strong word.
Splendid glances at the town once again. There were OCs, generics, Tree Ninjas, but much to Splendid's dismay, there was no Evil Flippy. "Curses." he mutters to himself. He flies home, to think of a plan to snare the mercinary. As he lands on his porch, the guilt finally sinks in, and his adrenaline rush from the hunt wore off. He sulked into his chair, picked up his sewing kit. He began to knit a sock. Not for any reason, but socks always made him feel better. He sniffled and a satisfied smile crossed his face. A knock on the door rang through the Acorn shaped house. Splendid rushed to the door, and opened it slowly. It was Toothy, recovered from the incident hours ago. He was smiling with a box of cookies and a scout uniform.
"Would I be able to interest you in cookies?" he squeaks. Splendid looks at Toothy suspiciously.
"Don't girl scouts hand out cookies, only?" He asks. "You aren't in Boy scouts, they did a story about the Troop. How did you get that suit?"
Flashes back to a few minutes ago. Toothy climbs through Petunia's bedroom window and sifts through neatly organized clothes and baskets of notebooks and cleaning supplies. He finds her scout uniform, and cookie selling kit in a box in her closet. He scrambles quickly to get the tight suit on. Despite her appearence, Petunia was much slimmer than Toothy would ever be. Beavers were naturally 'plump'. That, and Petunia was probably lighter than Cub. "Hey, Bucktooth! What are you doing in Petunia's house!?' hollered a voice from the window. Toothy turns to see Fritz glaring at him. "On a lighter note, you look very beautiful." He smiles.
"You say that, but you stalk all the girls around here." Toothy snarks.
"I go both ways. Most boys take it as a rape threat. Girls are a bit more accepting. Children are plainly off limits." He chirps.
"So many things to say about the stupidity of bisexuals, but I'll just leave it as being a whore." Toothy smirks.
"Shut up, Faggot." Fritz retorts.
"You can be gay and biphobic, but not bi and homophobic!" Toothy scolds. Fritz cocks his head to the side.
"You are crossdressing for...?" Fritz asks.
"Splendid."
"Why, should I be surprised. Notre garçon de ventilateur a un écrasement sur son héros!" he mocks.
"How many languages do you speak?" Toothy asks solemnly.
"Four, English, French, German, Spanish." He replies.
Toothy pulls out a bottle of pesticde, but keeps it hidden from Fritz. "How do you say 'Faggot just sprayed DDT in my face' in French?" He asks.
"DDT pulvérisé de fago-" Toothy sprays the red fluid into Fritz's face, and runs.
"It doesn't really matter, do you want some cookies?" he entreats. Splendid decides not to give up a chance to give money to his community, or waste good cookies. He jams his hand in his pocket and hands him some money.
"Here you go, Toothy." he smiles.
Toothy hands him cookies, and outstretches his hand. "Thank you, Splendid." Splendid happily grabs his hand and shakes. Due to his superstrength, though, Toothy's arm comes off. He howls in pain and pads his arm over the wound, dropping the money to the ground.
"Damn, that super power!" He mutters under his breath. Splendid cocks his head to the side, a sudden look of discouragement drawn on his face. It turns into a sinister smile. He grabs Toothy by the waist, and carries him into the house. "I imagined being swept off my feet, but this is so sudden!" Toothy exclaims, blushing. He giggles, believing in his sick wet dream fantasies. "Where are we going to do i-" Splendid kicks open the basement door, and drops him down the steps.
"I'll deal with you later!" he yells down at the bruised beaver. Toothy sat in a puddle of blood, bewildered, and shocked. His hero just imprisoned him.
Explaination for Splendid's sudden mood swings - I don't have an explanation. Although I do know sex hormones can affect mood.
Some parts were rushed, don't flame and suggestions are always welcome!
Review.
