My All
SUMMARY: Buffy finds that she is attracted to Spike... very much so. How long will they be able to keep their hands off each other?
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. I only own the storyline.
RATING: PG13 ( swearing and sexual references)
SPOILAGE: All events from 5th season up until "Blood Ties" applies. Stuff from the first fic of the series, I Want You To Need Me, is talked about in here. So, you might want to read it first (link at the bottom of the page)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Spike/Buffy. Lyrics from Mariah Carey's Butterfly cd.


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It had been two days. Two horrible, long days since she had last seen Spike. All she could think about was how good it felt for him to hold her. She just had to go and ask him to dance that night at the Bronze. She had really screwed everything up. She wanted to be able to just go and see him agian, be able to tease with him and act like nothing had happened. *That's it* she realized. Act like nothing had happened. Act like she didn't want him. Act like their dance had been nothing but a sign of their new friendship. *I'm going to have to be a pretty damn good actor*

*****

Spike had not moved from his position since that night. Since the night when he held the Slayer close in his arms, moving to the rythem of the music. He could remember every little detail; the way she smelled, the way her warmth engulfed him making him never wanting to let go, the way her hazel eyes had stared deep into his, the way their bodies had fit together, and the way the rest of the world seemed to fade away. He sighed pulling his blanket higher on his chest. He really wasn't going to get any sleep.

*****

Buffy knocked on the door to Spike's crypt, determined to at least not give up the friendship they had.
"One minute" she heard from inside.
Her heart thudded in her chest. She wasn't so sure anymore. She wasn't sure she could act normal around him. Not when the sound of his voice alone made her knees go weak. *Get a grip on yourself, Buffy* she thought mentally slapping herself.
Once Buffy had calmed down, Spike opened the door. She stepped inside, allowing him to close the door, so he wouldn't get a dangerous sunburn. She was very close to just forgetting everything she had resolved about how to act around him and just fling her arms around him and kiss him until he forgot his own name.
"Hey, whats up?" Spike said, struggling to control his emotions. Here she was, standing there looking completly beautiful, while he was just trying to figure out how he was going to keep himself from grabbing her and telling her how much he loved her.
" I vaguely remember you saying that you'd be my slaying partner. Unless you've changed your mind?" She said, looking everywhere but him, knowing she'd lose the battle with herself if she looked into his ice blue eyes.
" No, I havn't" She was making it pretty obvisious that the dance they had shared had meant nothing to her. He avoided her beautiful hazel eyes, afraid she would learn the truth if she stared into his eyes like she had a couple of nights ago.
"Oh, good. Well, um, do you want to meet me in front of my house around 9:00ish?"
"I'm free" He said trying to sound carefree.
They stood a few moments like that until Buffy broke the silence.
"Spike?" His name slipped out of her lips before she could think. She wanted to ask him what the dance had meant to him. But there was no way she could. She was pretty sure she already knew the answer.
"Yeah?" He replied, barely hanging onto his sensibilty. The sound of his name from her was making it even harder for him. His mind slowly slipped back into the memories of dancing with her.

"I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If its wrong to love you
Than my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side"

"Nothing, nevermind" She said quickly, losing her will to stay calm as he stepped closer to her.
"Is something wrong, Slayer?" He wouldn't dare say her name. He was having enough trouble keeping himself from surrendering into his desires.
*Yes!* Buffy wanted to scream *I want you!* But she couldn't; it would hurt too much to have that kind of rejection from him.

"I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight"

Instead she said, "No, I'm just kind of spacey. I didn't get much sleep last night" That was defently true. She hadn't been able to get any sleep since that night at the Bronze.
"Do you want me to take over patrol by myself so you can get some sleep?"
"No I'm good" Buffy said without thinking. For some crazy reason she wanted to be around him as much as possible, even though she could barely control herself around him.
"Are you sure?" He said, taking a step closer to her. That left him only a few inches away from her and he was going crazy. His body had moved closer on its own accord, and his mind was screaming at him to touch her.
Buffy freaked the second he stepped closer to her. Her every instinct was shouting for her to touch him. She so had to stop this. "Yeah, I have to go, see you later" She said, before practically bolting from the crypt.

"Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight"

*****

Buffy ran to the nearest tree and leaned agianst it, panting. The arousal she had felt from being so close to him was startling. Sure, she had been aroused when they had danced, but this time he hadn't even touched her and she was already panting like a bitch in heat. *Damn* she thought. *Maybe this plan isn't going to work*

*****

"I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight"

Spike really had no idea what had gotten over him. He shouldn't have gotten that close to her. If he hadn't gone and done that, the bulge that was uncomfortably rubbing agianst his jeans wouldn't be there. He hadn't even touched her either. Unlife was just unfair.

"I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Give my all for your love
Tonight"

*****

By the time Buffy had arrived at the magic shop, she was horny as hell. She just had to have naughty thoughts about Spike on the way there. She took a much needed deep breathe and opened the door and walked over to the table where Willow, Tara, Anya, and Xander were sitting.
"Hey Buff, what did Deadboy Junior say?"
"Its a go" She said, her mind not all there. She was mentally fighting naughty Spike sex thoughts.
Willow took in her best friend's apperance. She could tell she was thinking intently about something, she was breathing heavy, and her cheeks were flushed. "Hey, Buffy, can I talk to you in the training room?"
"Sure"

******

"Okay, Buffy, tell me what's going on. Don't lie to me either. I know something is up"
"Oh God, Will, I'm having a big problem"
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I want Spike! I can't stop thinking about him, and its all my fault becuase I asked him to dance, and now I can't stop thinking about it!"
"Buffy, you wanting Spike is not a bad thing."
"No, but he only thinks of me as a friend"
"You know, you could be wrong, unless you talked to him?"
"No, I didn't but I'm pretty sure."
"You should talk to him"
"I'll try. Tonight when we patrol. First I have to go home and take a very cold shower."
Willow held back a giggle. "What exactly happened between you two that made you, well you know.."
"Its all his fault! He got too close to me when we were talking, made me want to touch and kiss him, and then all because of all that I had wrong thoughts on the way here!"
Willow couldn't help but laugh this time.
"Wills!" Buffy whined.
"Sorry. Its just, if you really want him that much, just kind of go with your instincts"
"Are you kidding?!? If I go with my instincts, he'll end up sans clothing within seconds!"
"Okay, maybe not a good idea" Willow said, still amused by how Buffy was talking. "And I think you need to go take that cold shower"
"Right" Buffy started to leave.
"Buffy, what do you want me to tell the others about why you're leaving so soon?"
"Tell them the truth, I don't care.. As long as none of it gets back to Spike"
"Tell them that you..?" Willow gave her a look.
"I don't care. It doesn't really matter does it?"
"Okay, well you go ahead and I'll explain your problem to the others" Willow said, trying to keep a straight face.
"See you later, Will"
"Bye, Buffy"

*****

Willow sat back down in her chair after Buffy left.
"Where's she off to?" Anya asked.
"She has to take a cold shower" Willow said, a smile appearing on her face.
"And I'm asking why?" Xander verbalized.
"Think about it, Xander" Willow said repressing a giggle.
"Way too much information, Wills" Xander said grimacing. "Wait I'm having a thought. Its becuase of Spike, right?" Xander asked suddenly.
"Well, yeah Xander" Willow said, exasperated.
"They're going patroling together!" Xander articulated.
"So?"
"So, what do you think they're going to do?!?" Xander cried.
"Xander, I don't think they will do anything that isn't meant to be"
"Yeah, well, they just might do each other, and I'm not okay with that"
"I don't even know if Buffy will even sum up enough courage tonight to tell him she likes him like that"
"Good"
"Xander..." Willow groaned.

*****

Buffy trailed her eyes around her front yard anxiously. Willow had advised her to tell Spike the truth; that she wanted him in a major way. And she had recommended her to do it that night. Buffy was very, very nervous. She was pacing frantically. *Okay, calm down, you don't want Spike to see you like this do you?* she scolded herself. She finally sat on the front step to keep herself from repeating the frenzied gesture of her worry.
A million thoughts ran through her mind as she sat, wringing her hands together wildly. *What if he laughs at me? What if he leaves for good? What if he tells me that we're nothing more than friends, if that?*
Her mind stopped going into overdrive when she saw Spike walking up the driveway. It was a good thing that she had stopped twisting her hands around in her lap. He would defiently know something was up then. Her thoughts slowly started changing completely. By the time he had came to a stop in front of her, she felt absolutely calm. It was a good thing he wasn't standing too close to her.
Spike looked at the beauty sitting on the steps in front of him. She looked a lot calmer than she had earlier that day when she had came into his crypt asking him to patrol with her. He supposed she was probably tense about something earlier. His thoughts didn't rest on that subject too long. Especially since she was looking absolutely adorable dressed in blue jeans, a white spegetti strap tank top with a zip up pink sweater over it, looking up at him with her bright eyes.
He watched as she grabbed her slaying bag and stood in front of him. Now that she was closer, the calm he had been experiencing was fading away. He absently offered to carry her bag. She handed it to him with a 'thanks'. He nodded, unable to speak. He had almost forgotten how intense his attraction to her was.
Buffy was surprised at how fast her composure had diminished. The second she had stood up she instinatly wanted him with need that she couldn't describe. When he had taken her bag from her, their hands had brushed, driving her wild. She scolded herself silently as she followed Spike down the driveway.

******

It had been an hour and a half and they had slain about 7 nasties, but Buffy still hadn't talked to him about how she felt about him. *Maybe patrol's not the best place for meaninful talks* she decided. *I'll talk to him after we finish*
She kept her distance from him and he kept his. She was thankful for that, because when ever he started getting close to her, she lost all common sense. She just hoped it would stay that way, unless it included him kissing her, or taking off her clothing. *I wouldn't mind that... not at all* She unconsiously slipped into thoughts about what he would look like naked, and it was turning her on. Spike's voice yanked her from her fantasies.
"Slayer, You think maybe we should call it a night?"
She sighed. It looked like the time was nearing for her to fess up. "Yeah, I think we've done enough for tonight."
"Alright."
"Do you want me to walk you home?"
"Sure, luv"
Without a word, they both headed the direction of his crypt.

*****

"Home, sweet home" Spike said jokenly as they aproached the crypt. Buffy forced a small smile. She had been trying to figure out a way to tell him how she felt. She still was clueless to what she was going to say and she didn't have much time. If she was going to tell him that night, it would have to be then.
"'Night, Slayer" He still wouldn't try to let her name slip out of his mouth. "See you tommarow night?"
"Yeah" She replied, not thinking. He turned to enter his crypt.
She shook herself mentally. "Spike?" She blurted.
"Yeah?" He turned to face her. He gazed at her intently. She couldn't do this.
"Don't be late"
He chuckled. "I won't, luv"
"Bye Spike"
"Bye Slayer"

*****

When Buffy arrived home Willow was sitting on the couch with Dawn, watching a movie. Buffy knew exactly why Willow was there; she wanted to know how things went with Spike. Buffy sighed, what was she going to tell her?
Willow got up from the couch when she heard the front door close. She walked over to her best friend. Dawn watched them with interest, eavsdropping. "Hey Buffy, I didn't think you'd get home so early" Willow gave her a knowing smile. "So, come on, sit down and tell me and Dawn what happened."
"You told her?!?"
"No, but she's your sister, shouldn't she know?"
"I guess." Buffy went and sat on the couch next to Dawn.
Willow sat on the floor in front of them. "So tell... what happened?" she asked eagerly.
"I didn't tell him"
"Buffy!"
"I know, I just froze, I guess."
"When are you going to talk to him?" Willow prodded.
"I don't know" Buffy said miserably. "It's just, everytime I'm around him, I can't think straight. I know, its crazy. Also, I'm afraid of what he'll say"
"Its ok, Buffy. You'll know when its the right time to tell him."
"I guess"
Dawn had been patinatly listening for long enough, she wanted to know who her sister was having the hots for. "Whats he like Buffy?" She asked excitly.
Buffy was thankful for the chance to talk about him. "He's incredable" she said dreamily. "He's so sweet, funny, and just.. wow"
"He sounds great" Dawn gushed. "Is he cute?"
"Major hottie"
"Who is he?" Dawn asked with wonder. Who could be so perfect? She thought breifly of Spike.. he was totally crushing on Buffy, she felt bad for him. *Looks like he'll have to watch Buffy go through another boyfriend*
"Well.." Buffy said, hesitant to tell her.
"Do I know him?"
"Yes"
"C'mon, Buffy, tell me!"
"Its Spike" Buffy said queitly, looking at her lap.
"Get out!" Dawn said, way surprised. Now that she thought about it, he did match her description. *Should I tell her he's ,without a doubt, crazy about her?* Buffy looked up at her, blushing slightly. *I'll let her find that out for herself*
"You think I'm crazy don't you?" Buffy asked her.
"Oh please, he SO fine! You'd only be crazy if you didn't think so!" Dawn proclaimed.
Buffy giggled.
"Oh yeah, Buffy, there's this thing at the Bronze, you see, they're gonna let the eigth graders in tomarrow night, and Mom said that if you take me, I can go." There was a questioning tone to her voice.
"Oh, alright. Even though I have to do this thing tomarow night called patrol, and, you see, it saves innocent people from getting sucked dry by these big old meanie vamps" Buffy said jokenly. "And if I don't patrol, I don't get to see my hottie-peroxide-blonde-vampire tomorrow."
"Oooh, Buffy. I could stop by his crypt tomorrow while you train. I'll tell him that we're all going to the Bronze, and patrolling's cancelled. And that he can come if he wants." Willow suggested.
"You'd do that?"
"Yup"
"Thanks Will!" She reached down and squeezed her best friend in a quick hug.
"No prob."
Dawn sat back agianst the couch, smiling. Within 24 hours she was going to play matchmaker to a Slayer and a vampire.

End

Stories in series ~

[I Want You To Need Me] [My All] [Fall For You]