Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer would be the mastermind who created the people…not me

Note: Okay so I changed my mind pretty fast about it only being in EPOV once I realized that I love the romance parts so much because of what he does and says to her. I like to see it through her eyes considering I'm a girl and all. So anyways, this is Bella living her life without the love of her existence and trying to cope with it and decide if she should move on already.

"Thank you for taking me home Jake and I'm really sorry about Harry." That's all I could think to say about the man who had just past away that meant so much to the Quiluete tribe after almost giving myself to him in the truck. I was glad that I had not made that decision yet because I was still not sure if I was ready.

"Sure, sure. Just make sure that Charlie is okay. I know he must be taking this really hard. And I'm sorry that we didn't get to go cliff diving like had promised you. Things have just been pretty crazy with Victoria running around and now this." I could see the exhaustion in my best friends eyes. I wanted to comfort him too because even though he was trying to be strong I knew that he was going through a lot trying to protect me from everything.

" Don't worry about it Jake. That's not what's important right now. You should go home and be with Billy for now. "

"No it's fine. I'll stay with you until Charlie gets home. I don't want to leave you alone with her running around out there."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Charlie will be home soon enough and Billy really needs you right now." In reality I was terrified to be alone but I also needed to be by myself. I needed to figure things out and Jake couldn't be around while I was trying to do that.

" Bells come on. Please don't do this right now. It's no time for your stubbornness. I'm not leaving you unprotected and that's final." I knew he wasn't going to give in. I was about to forfeit but then the sound of the cruiser saved me.

"See…no need to stay. Charlie is already home. You really need to not worry so much about me and worry more about what your tribe is going through. Victoria will still be there when all of this is done." I couldn't completely hold back my cringe when I said her name but I had to try and show Jacob that I wasn't really as scared as I was so he would leave me to think.

"And you need to stop pretending to be so brave. I love you Bella but I know a little coward when I see one." He smiled my favorite smile and I couldn't contain the giggle inside me. He always knew how to make me feel better. He was my sun that made the darkness go away.

"I'm not pretending." I tried my best to lie. "I'll be fine. I'm so tired I bet I'll even sleep dreamless tonight." Yeah right, like that would happen with so much on my mind. In fact I knew I would probably get very little.

" You're a horrible liar. I know your terrified but I love you for trying to make me feel better with your attempts at slyness." He pulled me in for a hug. I couldn't think. The closeness was making me uncomfortable but only because I was completely comfortable in his arms. I felt safe there and I knew I could for the rest of my life if I let it happen. Charlie came walking through the door just then before anything else could be said. I walked straight to him and gave him a hug.

"I'm so sorry dad." That was all I needed to say with Charlie. With those words he knew that I was there for him.

"Yeah me to. Harry was a great man." I wanted to cry at the sight of my dad looking so distraught but I knew that wouldn't help anything.

"Oh…hey Jake. How you holding up?"

"I'm fine thanks. I was just about to head home and check on my dad. I don't think he's doing so good."

"That's probably the best idea. Well I'm going to bed. I'll see you two tomorrow."

"Night dad." Me and Jacob had spent so much time together in the past few months that my dad knew that we would be together the next day.

"Alright now you go home and get some sleep. You look beat."

"Okay but you have to promise me that you'll call me as soon as you wake up."

"I promise." He was staring at me when I looked up in a way that made me uncomfortable. His eyes were telling all that he wanted in me and I was still not ready to face it. Was I really ready to give up on Him. Everything in my body told me no when I thought about it. But was I really prepared to live my life like this. Jacob would eventually give up on me and then what would I have. I couldn't loose him too. I didn't think I could make it through another heart break.

He kept staring at me and I was staring back. He tilted his head down to kiss me and I went on fire. Part of that fire was scorching mad longing for the touch of another and the other part screamed for the heat of his soft lips against mine. I couldn't decide what to do. Should I stop it now. No I didn't want to but I couldn't let it continue until I was certain that it was what I wanted.

"Jake please…" The intensity dropped from his eyes and in its place was sadness. I hated doing this to him but I knew it would be worse if I gave myself to him just to take it back. Instead he settle for a kiss on my forehead.

"I'll see you later Bella. Be safe." And with that he was gone. I could still feel the heat on my head where his lips pressed. It felt so amazing yet horrifying at the same time. I was so utterly torn.

Once in the safety of my room there was no holding back. The sobs ripped from my chest and I had to calm them before I woke Charlie. What was I going to do. I still had a gaping hole in my chest that would never ever heal from my last relationship. I still couldn't think about it.

What was the use though. I should be thinking about Him. He's the reason why it was so hard for me to let go. His eyes, smile, smell, voice. Everything so perfect and sweet. I would never find another and I could never love another the way I loved him. It wasn't fair for me to be with Jacob when I could only partially love him. A little piece of me was all I had to offer because me whole being already belonged to another and always would.

It was too much to think about. My chest was throbbing so much that I couldn't anyways. Why not take advantage. I curled into a ball as I left the word slip out of my mouth that sent my heart into a frenzy. "Edward…" and with that I was done.

I couldn't remember how I had gotten myself into this situation. I must have tripped on something and fallen over the cliff. I know it was not intentional and that I was not trying to hurt myself. So why then did I have the urge for it all to end as I fell to the ground.

I realized that I wasn't whole. It was only part of me that was falling. How can this be, I thought to myself.

All of a sudden I was standing at the edge of the cliff again only I was watching myself fall. I yelled and yelled for someone to catch me but there was no one there I was not ready for this part to die. Even though it hurt me I wanted it to stay. It had to stay cause I could not live without.

Just then I saw a bright light from below. I knew at once who it was.

"Edward! Edward! Catch her please! She'd falling. You have to save her!" There were tears coming down my face but she was happy. She was falling to her death but she was overcome with joy. I couldn't understand it until he caught her.

They looked happier then any two people I had ever seen. I was mad with jealousy as he bent down and kissed her lips and walked off with her into the sun. I knew then I would never see them again.

I woke up screaming.