Dedicated to of course. Oh, and check out her Jasper/Bella fan fiction, The Best Day of our Lives.
BELLA.
The sounds of the branches of trees brushing against each other had the same soothing effect on me as always. I lay back and felt the brightly covered leaves crumble beneath my body. The cool gust of wind against my face added more to the calming affect. From what I could see of the sky, it was a clear day.
I didn't know how long it had been since I had been in touch with my "family". Obviously I couldn't go to Forks or even La Push with Jacob. Everyone thought I was dead. I should be dead after all the pain I caused. Before I met Edward, he wasn't happy, but he wasn't miserable. He didn't miss me because I was never there to miss in the first place. And Jasper was perfectly happy along with Alice. They both had the world in their hands and didn't know there was anything else that could ever satisfy that piece of their hearts, but of course I proved that wrong. For Jasper at least. And I couldn't forget Jacob. I might as well of held a gun to Jacob's head. He fought so hard for me, and as hard as it was to believe he was still fighting and I couldn't help but think how not fair that was.
I closed my eyes and let my mind take over. It was the closest thing I would ever get to dreaming. I pictured a world without Isabella Marie Swan. I could see all the Cullen's, perfectly content in their home. Jasper and Alice. Rosalie and Emmett. Carlisle and Esme. And Edward, but even though he was alone he was happy somehow. And there was Jacob. He was with all his friends and he had the biggest smile on his face. Charlie lived in a big fancy house with a pretty woman whom I didn't recognize but assumed was his wife. And Renee lived in LA. She basically lived in a mansion with her superstar husband. If I hadn't existed, If I had never been conceived. My parents would not have been forced to get married. And now they wouldn't be feeling the pain of the death of their daughter.
I opened my eyes with a halt. The sky had darkened quite a bit and I wondered how long I had been laying there. I sat up slowly and examined my surroundings. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The clearing looked exactly as it had when I got here, except for the change in the lighting. A burst of pain hit me as I recalled the last real moment I spent with Jasper.
We were in the clearing, after Edward and Alice had pulled yet another scam. He loved me, and that was all that had mattered. But now, everything had changed. I couldn't help but feel guilty for what I had done to that family, it was the main reason I left. Wait, who am I kidding? It was the reason I left. I knew it had to have cause massive pain to Jasper of all people. That boy loved me with his entire being, and I left without a single word. Just a stupid song that didn't even completely explain everything. I knew everybody would be upset when I left. But they're immortal. They'll live forever. At some point, at least I hope, they can look back and wonder what they ever thought was so special about that plain and simple little girl.
But I knew in reality that would most likely never happen. Edward had always told me I don't see myself clearly, and Alice genuinely agreed. Alice. Alice had been my best friend since I started dating Edward. She had bought me everything I ever needed and even things I didn't need. She didn't care about what I wanted, but what I would want later on. She was always looking out for what would make me happy in the long run. This girl did everything in her power to make me happy, and what do I do? I took her husband. It didn't matter that she had been sleeping with Edward. It only mattered that in all technicalities, Jasper was hers. She found him and saved him from a life of being a savage. I had done nothing to deserve him. I had made no huge effort as she did to claim him as mine, and I couldn't be more ashamed of myself.
I stood up as the leaves crunched beneath my feet. I knew Jacob would come out looking for me soon, but I didn't care. I had done enough damage for him as well and I didn't need to drag him down with me. Vampires and Werewolves were supposed to be mortal enemies for a reason, and I wasn't about to stick around and wait for that reason to make its appearance.
The things you do in your past affect your future. You think back and wonder, what was I thinking? But at the time, the only thing you were concerned about was being happy. That was what I admired about Alice the most. She always thought things all the way through. She wasn't the kind of person to just jump into something, which was the complete opposite of me. Maybe when I'm older, though you wont see a difference by looking at me, the memories will fade away. Maybe I'll forget what happiness is, what it feels like. Maybe one day, maybe I will be happy.
A/N: Two postings, in one day? Kind of. Its 12:07 am but consider it whatever you want. This chapter just kind of came to me. I sat down and it basically wrote itself, so i'll take that as a sign. I really hope you guys like that. I think i'm gonna like this story even more than the last one.
Disclaimer: I like to think that when i go to sleep sometimes i switch bodies with Stephenie Meyer, meaning i would own Twilight, but i wake up every morning extremely disapointed.
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