Disclaimer: Kubo Tite owns Bleach. I own nothing. This is for entertainment purposes only.
Two
Anger
"Where the hell is my son?" Isshin Kurosaki roared feeling helplessness tightening in his heart, clinging to his very bones. The faces of the people around him promised nothing good though.
"Isshin-"
"Don't fucking Isshin me, Urahara! You told me that you would come and make sure that he is all right. So where is he? Where is my son?" The people around him didn't look him the eyes, too caught up by their own shame and Isshin felt almost to the deepest corners of his soul that his son wasn't among them anymore and yet refused to accept the answer.
"He's gone." Suddenly Rukia whispered as if only then she was starting to realize what has happened before her eyes.
"What do you mean gone?" Isshin took a deep breath because no, it wasn't fair. He had tried to protect so much his son, his family along his life and failed time after time. And now this. Now he had to face the fact that he might have sent to death his own son.
"One minute he was there," Rukia said, her voice almost painful to hear, a huge lump suffocating her, while her tears were falling freely on her cheeks, "and the next he was gone. He disappeared. Ichigo," her eyes widened as if she has just realized what had happened, "Ichigo is gone." And abruptly a primal scream left her lips, leaving her sobbing in Renji's arms who seemed just as devastated as she was.
"It can't be." Isshin whispered completely broken. "My beautiful son. It can't be." Isshin looked at Byakuya who was like a statue still staring at the place where Ichigo had been. "Is it true?" He asked in a unsteady voice and the captain looked at him completely wrecked.
"Yes."
Isshin took a second look at the man and in spite of the fact that there was a stoic expression on his face, his hands were trembling slightly and his eyes were still widened as if a big discovery had just taken place in front of him and then ripped away. Isshin felt his heart constrict even more, because the entire composure of Kuchiki Byakuya meant only one thing.
"He told you." Isshin muttered distraught. Byakuya's eyes snapped at him.
"You knew how he felt for me."
"Yes."
"Why didn't you stop him?" Byakuya's reiatsu suddenly spiked. "How can a father do such a thing? Why didn't you tell him how I am? You know only too well."
"Since when can you command to a loving heart?" Isshin replied, feeling close to tears. He looked back at Urahara ignoring the unexpected pain on Kuchiki's face. "You told me that it won't happen. You told me that this was the best way."
"I am really sorry, old friend." And for once Urahara Kisuke seemed actually honest. "I really didn't think this would happen. He told me-" He stopped a little taking a deep breath. "You should take care of Yuzu and Karin."
"Still thinking about the others." Anger was spiking gradually his blood, running black with rage. Soul Society has taken everything from him: what was his life before coming to earth, Masaki, his son's every day life and now even his life. He glanced at the silvery cross where Aizen's soul had been trapped and more rage crawled within him.
"My son can't be gone." He denied it almost instantly. "He is a strong young man and just because he disappeared, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's gone. So Urahara, you start researching everything again and tell me how to bring back my son."
"Isshin, I really think-"
"If you say another word that hasn't any connection to how to bring back my son, so help me God, I will fucking stab you in the heart!" Isshin snarled at him and Urahara actually took a step back. "This is your own fucking fault, Urahara. Don't think I forgot about it. But right now, I couldn't care less about whatever it's going on in that head of yours. You know very well how much power I can still hold and if you don't lift a finger to find my son, I will end you in any way I can."
"I will start immediately." Urahara spoke softly his voice tainted with guilt and it made Isshin sick to his stomach, because in the end it still didn't solve anything. He still had to go to his daughters and tell them that their older brother was missing, presumably dead. How was he going to do that? He was sure that while Yuzu was going to cry, Karin was going to have his head on a silver platter and she wasn't going to ever forgive him for this. He had his son's blood on his hands for turning a blind eye on his deeds as a shinigami, for not stopping him, for not telling the truth before.
"Stop crying." He snapped at Rukia who startled. "Stop crying as if he is already dead."
"But-"
"Nothing. My son isn't dead and you lot will find him because he has just saved all your sorry asses." He looked around at all those shinigamis, captains and lieutenants alike. "My son shed his blood for your so you'll look everywhere for him. He deserves this. He earned this."
Isshin disappeared in an instant, his words echoing in the mind of those present there.
For once, the supreme commander didn't have any wisdom words for them, for what could be said about the boy that came and swept away Soul Society, saving them all from a horrible fate? He kept a moment of silence interrupted only by Rukia's sobs who continued to cry. He started by organizing the men and moving back to Soul Society. Everything had to be done as quickly as possible for Ichigo's finding was to become to the most important mission Soul Society had.
Byakuya was moving in a kind of a blur. Like a robot unable to prevent himself from still thinking of Ichigo.
Kurosaki Ichigo, how many times do I have to tell you that this is not your place? You should get back home right this instant.
How many times has he said it? Frequently he had been plainly mean to the boy and yet he had taken it all in strides. He hurt a boy so innocent and yet so mature for his age. He has killed that innocence repeatedly, and yet that boy felt nothing but love for him. Now he knew what that soft look meant, what it held.
Anger chewed at Byakuya's soul. Ichigo hadn't been fair when he sprang something like that and then just disappear leaving him with all these baffling feelings and unable to understand what has just happened.
He ignored Renji's looks and Rukia's questions. He organized the entire division very efficiently and kept everyone at work and yet more than once he had snapped at the people that were serving under him or at his fellow captains, his legendary arctic demeanor melting away in front of wave after wave of fury.
He stopped filling the reports, looking out on the window. How was it that the sun continued to shine so brightly when such a tragic battled had just occurred? It has been a week since Aizen has been imprisoned and sent to prison for an eternity. It has been a week since in that devastated area, Ichigo has said goodbye so graciously. It has been a week since Ichigo had told him that he loved him.
You are an unbelievable man and an inspirational leader and I wished I could have known better the real you.
The desk exploded almost instantly in thousands of tiny shards and yet none touched Byakuya. Anger ran wild in his vein, all that ice, and walls around his heart crumbling, melting, being distorted in a sea of pure anger.
Renji barged into his office wildly searching for an enemy and his eyes widened ridiculously as he saw the debris in his captain's office.
"Renji, if you know what's best for you or for the men, you get out right now and don't let any one get it. That's an order." Byakuya growled and instantly his lieutenant complied without another word.
He knew that this wasn't going to settle anything but that Substitute Shinigami, that boy… that man has managed to break everything inside of him in just a few brief sentences. Now Byakuya was left with this. And why was he affected so much?
There was no air in the stifling atmosphere of the room, every wall enclosing around him, keeping him in that cage of mystifying feelings.
He flash-stepped at home ignoring the bewildered faces of his servants and going straight for Hisana's altar, where her picture rested among the other ancestors of the Kuchiki clan. He looked at her picture as if he was watching a stranger. He had loved her because she was the first person to respond with honesty to his feelings and although she had admitted that she had never loved him, she said that she had cared for him. In addition, the rest of her life had proved that to him.
However, that boy had received nothing in return. And he lost him too.
"I refuse to believe it." Byakuya said unable to control his emotions, which were threatening to overwhelm him. "I refuse to believe that he is gone. It can't be. There should have been something left of him, a sign maybe." That orange hair had glowed in the sickly sun so vibrantly, those cinnamon eyes had glittered with such soft amusement before they were gone that Byakuya couldn't believe that such a full of life person like Kurosaki Ichigo could have died that easily.
Control it or it will end up controlling you, his grandfather had said, stifling Byakuya's impulsive nature. Duty and honor. This is the Kuchiki clan's code, by which you will abide. Impulsiveness and recklessness are not part of it. You will master it and control it until your very bones will be carved and molded into respecting our code.
"No more control!" He snapped under Hisana's unmoving eyes.
He now knew what he was supposed to do. Looking back, it should have been his decision from the very beginning. Kurosaki Ichigo wasn't dead. Such a huge amount of spiritual energy couldn't have disappeared from the world so easily. The Visoreds were the prefect example. Something else must have occurred and he was going to find out what. So, when he was going to find where Kurosaki was, he was going to give him the fight of his damn life. Nobody left Kuchiki Byakuya doubting him.
When the supreme commander received him in his offices, it was already late afternoon. The grand hall was empty except for the supreme commander and the huge balcony windows let in the sun that was slowly beginning the fade.
Like him.
Byakuya shook his head. No, Ichigo didn't fade. It was impossible.
"What can I do for you, captain Kuchiki?"
"I want to speak with Aizen Sousuke."
"Why would you ask for such a thing?"
"Because I believe that he is the only one that might have a clue of what has happened to Kurosaki Ichigo."
"You want to find the young Substitute Shinigami?" The older voice didn't betray anything and yet Byakuya couldn't help feeling rather suspicious about the entire calm attitude of his supreme commander. "What do you hope to accomplish by finding him?"
"I believe that it is imperative that we find him. His father had been right: his son has sacrificed so much for the good of Soul Society. I believe we owe him at least that. It is the honorable thing to do."
The wise eyes scrutinized him, as if looking in Byakuya's deepest corners. And when he spoke, it surprised Byakuya even more.
"I believe I need to hear the truth, captain Kuchiki. For once, let us not hide behind fancy words. I am sick and tired of them and frankly I am too damn old to care about this any longer."
"I am afraid I don't understand, sir."
"I need to tell me the truth why you want to seek that boy."
"I think I have already-"
"Why, captain Kuchiki?" The Supreme Commander asked more forcefully and Byakuya grinded his teeth. He couldn't take back control on that anger now that it had pierced his soul.
"Because I want to know if what he told me before he disappeared was true."
There was that oppressive silence again, clinging around, and he was burning rapidly. There was no time.
"Very well then. I shall accompany you. Unfortunately the new members of Chamber 46 are much more cautious than their predecessors when it comes to such affairs." The Supreme Commander made a sign to be followed and Byakuya did so without any hesitation. "As such, I am one of the few people that can go to visit Aizen and unfortunately I will have to stay with you while you discuss with him." Suddenly the old man stopped and Byakuya felt that anger flaring up again. Why everyone was wasting so much time? "Byakuya, make sure those moments count. I don't know if I can get you another meeting, even if it is about finding out Kurosaki Ichigo's whereabouts."
Byakuya only nodded. There were just too many emotions choking him at the moment. But later, when he would find Ichigo, he didn't know if he would be able to control them. However, that was another story entirely. For now thinking about what he was going to say to Aizen was enough.
