Ch.2

I'd never felt so alone before. I was surrounded by other refugees -and there were so damn many- like an ocean of decrepitude. There was of course not enough food to go around and people fought like animals over scraps of bread. I never wanted my mother so badly before. The vision of my father being eaten alive replayed in my mind constantly. There was no dramatics, no villainous monologue. It took all of three seconds and for what? To save the captain. Rage filled my heart, why couldn't he just save himself? How could he leave us like that…?

In an attempt to stop feeling so defeated I picked myself off the corner of a building I'd been resting against and just let my feet take me wherever, hoping my mom would show up somewhere during my wandering. The soldiers were wary of where people went though, scared of a riot. How many days have passed, I wondered. I could no longer tell, no longer cared. Everything had been taken from me-from us- in such a short period of time. It opened my eyes to the cruelty of not only the world but of humanity itself as I watched soldiers beat the elderly for asking for more food, passing over children as if they were nothing more than specks of dirt. All these years I have been blind to real human suffering.

Did I ever even give a second thought about those I knew of living in the underground, never able to see the sunlight with withering limbs and eyes? Did I ever look twice at the orphans on the street, banding together to survive? Now here I was ironically. I went on like this for several days I think, my shoes wearing thin and my pants covered in dust.

At night I still walked (because what else was there for me to do?). Soft crying occurred more often then as refugees tried to sleep on the hard ground. I walked past a woman begging a soldier for a blanket for her child. My throat was parched and my stomach had given up on rumbling and my eyes were sore from lack of sleep. The sun had just set once more, stars twinkling into view.

"Victoria?"

I almost didn't stop, thinking I had imagined the voice in my head. I felt large rough hands grab me by the shoulders and spun me around. It was Derrick. Only not like I'd ever seen him before. His beard had grown longer than usual and scraggly. His eyes looked like they'd sunken in. He was trembling slightly and his breath reeked of alcohol. Seeing him, someone I knew from before amongst all these unfamiliar faces brought tears to my eyes. It gave me hope.

I had been happy to see him until he started pulling me with him and I wasn't sure where we were heading. "Where are we going?" My voice was hoarse with disuse. "Have… have you seen my mother?"

…. "Derrick?"

But he began rambling as far as I could tell, speaking hastily to himself. We went down an empty alleyway and my suspicions hiked their way to the moon. But as I pulled my hand away he roughly pinned me against the wall with his sheer massive size.

"What are you doing!?" I cried out frantically. I was so small against him and when he snatched my wrists above my head using only one hand all my struggling was for nothing. The other hand took hold of my shirt and yanked so hard it ripped almost clean in half, my breasts bursting free. Oh how far humanity had fallen…so far…

His breath was hot and frenzied against my skin, grabbing the flesh of my neck with his teeth. "Stop!" I cried, "Please!" My mind was still reeling from shock.

His eyes were feral, "I won't let you get away this time," He growled. When he leaned down to kiss me I bit down hard on his lower lip and earned myself a solid slap in the face, bringing me to the ground. He was smirking at me as he licked his wound. "I can play rough too sweetie."

"Step away from her," A low voice said calmly in the darkness. I looked up to see the captain, his expression one of apathy as usual. "I said, step away, are you deaf?" There was a knife in his hand, half hidden under the cloak.

Derrick snickered, "Don't get in my way pipsqueak, I could tear you in half!" He lunged at Levi, attempting to wrap his hands around his throat when I heard a sickening squelch. Levi pulled the knife out from under the large man's ribcage. He'd gone ruthlessly straight for the heart and Derrick collapsed before me, eyes lifeless.

"Oh god," I whimpered, "You killed him…"

Levi rolled his eyes, "At a time like this the military wouldn't bother doing anything to reprimand him. Better to snuff out his useless existence." To add on to the cruelty of this world, rain started to pour and I watched it wash the blood from Derrick's body.

My hair was quickly plastered to my face, the rags of my shirt to my skin as I held them up to cover my breasts. "Y-you…How could you?" I asked softly. I wasn't thinking of Derrick now. "I asked you to keep an eye on him," I let the tears I was holding back fall. His eyes widened just a little. "How could you let him die!? He died for you!" Having him standing in front of me had given me a fresh burst of emotions, too many to hold them in.

"You think I asked your father to lay down his life for me?" he barked harshly.

My teary eyes glowed with fury, darkening to a deep violet. "You should have died instead. I'll kill you myself!" I spat.

"You want to kill me so badly brat? Fine!" he tossed his weapon at my knees where it fell with an ominous clatter. "Go ahead, here's your chance at revenge, I don't have another weapon on me."

I glowered at him suspiciously, eyes flicking between him and the knife. A decision had to be made quickly, and what did I have to lose? I gathered up all the strength I could muster and lunged up at him with his own weapon, ready to strike a fatal blow.

Suddenly a searing hot pain spread through my right arm. "Fuck!" I cried out, it was pinned against my back and he was putting a dangerous amount of pressure on it. His other hand was around my head, ready to snap my neck. His lips almost touched my ear as he spoke.

"You'll never have the skill to beat me brat."

"I swear to you," I try not to show the pain but a small whimper escapes me. "I'll join the scouts, and I will kill you," I feel extremely exposed with my chest pushed out, aware of the rain pelting my nipples, making them hard. I can feel him steal a glance. He was nothing if not a man after all. He grips me tighter making me cry out. "St-stop, you'll break my arm." I felt so pitiful being at his mercy.

He tossed me away from him. "Go ahead and join us. Be sure to find me when you think you're able to kill me."

"Pompous ass!" I growled, pulling my rags over me again. Unexpectedly, he threw his cape around my shoulders.

"Come with me, damn brat" He sounded so enthused. But I was a little warmer, damn him. As we walked I knew my anger towards him may be unjustifiable, but hell I needed someone to blame, somewhere to direct my anger and pain.

And dammit if I can't help but notice the way his shirt clings to his skin, his muscles visible through the white fabric. I was embarrassed to find I had stopped breathing for a few moments. I felt much warmer.

He had taken me to the barracks. "You'll stay here with the rest of the recruits. Training begins early tomorrow morning but you will answer to me and I will make your life hell."

Shit. How deep was the hole I had dug myself into? "Tch. Fine, I can take it." I stick my chin up defiantly.

"And you'll refer to me as captain." He added with a sneer.

"Fuck you."

When I stumbled through the darkness and found an empty bunk to lay on, I then noticed just how tired I really was. I was asleep in under a minute, wet clothes or no.


The sound of human movement woke me up. The other girls were getting dressed and ready for formation. I hoped I'd be able to blend in after being unceremoniously thrown in. Luckily, someone had lain a fresh uniform at the end of my bed. I'll have clean clothes at least. I noted everyone tidying up their beds after I dressed and followed suite. An instructor came in to inspect the room and I did my best to copy their stance. I was surprised afterwards to find breakfast waiting for us. My stomach woke up with a loud rumble. It may have been nothing but a couple of eggs and toast but it was better than air.

When I grabbed my tray, I wasn't sure where to sit. I sighed. There was no empty space, I would be forced to sit next to somebody. Most the recruits here were much younger and I felt even more out of place. But I do notice the three I saw at the gate of Shiganshina, so I take a chance. "I see you three survived." I say as I take a seat across from them.

"Sorry, who are you?" The blonde asked.

"You're Mr. Lehman's daughter." Eren said, finally recognizing me.

I smiled at Armin, "Dr. Yeager visited us a couple of times over the years. Eren and Mikasa were so much smaller the last time I saw them." I wouldn't mention I had seen them the day the world changed for us. Lost in thought and nostalgic memories I fiddled with the rim of my cup.

"I'm sorry…about your father," Eren said, breaking my chain of thought. "I saw-," he trailed off, unsure of whether to continue or not.

"It's alright," I say quietly. "Everyone suffered a loss that day. I can only hope to live up to his name, and make sure he didn't die in vain for us." My eyes become sad.

"We'll kill them all," Eren's hands gripped the table tightly. "We'll make them pay." A flame lit inside me. This kid, he was something else, I could tell by his eyes.

"You're damn right we will."

The training was more brutal and intense than I'd ever imagined. I was accustomed to heat, being near the oven but they worked us to the bone. Day by day I could feel my muscles growing taut, and they damn well better as much as I'd been running. All of this made me realize with shame how privileged my life had been. My family's regular meals, not to mention we had a wide variety of food that included meat. What I wouldn't give for a rack of lamb right now. My mouth watered while we were on lap fifty around the compound. I was surprised my body could still produce saliva.

I lost my focus and tripped over a large rock protruding from the ground. It felt nice to lay there. Maybe just a few more moments… However, instructor Shadis had noticed immediately. "Lehman!" he barked, "Get your spoiled ass up now!" Just kill me now. I suppose dying of heat stroke was better than being eaten alive.

Someone's shoe kicked up a small cloud of dust by my head. He would see me like this. "What's wrong brat? Thirsty?" He held out a canteen. I huffed softly, glaring up at him. I rolled over and made a grab for it, desperate to relieve my parched throat. But he pulled it away from me. A pitiful noise escaped my lips.

"….Beg for it."

My eyes widened at his cruel joke. "Fuck…you…Levi." I croaked, getting to my feet.

Just ten more laps.


Almost a whole year had gone by before we finally moved on from body conditioning. We began to learn riding horseback and how to shoot a rifle and man the cannons, navigation and teamwork, and finally, what I was most anxious for, how to use the omnidirectional mobility gear.

I was relieved to find despite being clumsy occasionally I had great balance with the gear. Not perfect like Mikasa, but damn close. I grinned happily, dancing around in the air. I wondered what my dad would think if he could see me progressing and being molded into a soldier. Would he be proud?

Eren was completely disheveled about his failure to balance with it. I felt bad for the kid, and I knew people were snickering about him behind his back. At dinner time I threw my arm around him, evidently knocking him out of a daze.

"Eren snap out of it. We were supposed to kill all the titans together, remember?"

"I- I can't seem to be able to do it… I'll be sent to the fields."

I looked at him for a moment before I slapped him hard across the face. Mikasa glowered at me for my harsh approach and I couldn't care less.

"Eren Jeager, are you a warrior, or a farmer? A soldier, or titan food? I will personally kick your ass if you don't go out there tomorrow and give everything you've got, do I make myself clear!?"

"Yes ma'am," he simpered.

Horse face snickered nearby. "Damn Eren, being told off by a girl," he muttered into his mug.

I stood up seething, "Excuse me, you think I didn't hear that horse face? You got a problem with female soldiers?" I grabbed the collar of his shirt. "If so you can stand up and face me like a man, if you dare." My, my, I was bold tonight.

Jean laughed, "O c'mon, you're like the tiniest woman I've ever see-," his body flew through the air and ended with his face slammed into the floor. His fingers twitched and his face was bright red. "Y-you're a tiny goddess."

The door creaked open and I quickly took a seat, everyone pretending nothing had happened. Instructor Shadis' face peered through the half open door. "Anyone care to explain what that loud noise I heard just now was? I do hope everything's alright."

All was quiet, comrades shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Mikasa finally broke the silence, "Sasha farted." She said with a straight face.

"Ugh, why am I not surprised? Dear God learn some self-control"


Well, the kid didn't let me down. We moved on to the next phase and were led to a huge forest. The gear was strapped around me and suddenly I was extremely nervous. The idea of moving that fast in the air, oh God I was going to be nothing but a blood stain against a tree. Shit, shit, shit. I was trembling like a leaf. We were split up into squads and scattered throughout the forest to maximize the space available. I was with the three I had essentially adopted, Jean, and Sasha. Damn, I couldn't let them see me like this. I hung around in the back of the group as our veteran guide explained how to steer and maneuver through the trees.

"Hey," A low voice spoke from right behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. Fucking ninja!

"W-what do you want, I'm trying to focus here!"

Levi gave an impatient sigh. Suddenly he was extremely close and reached his arms around me as if to embrace me. I squeaked in surprise. His hair brushed against my cheek and my knees went weak. He smelled of woods and the barest hint of lemon. I felt my straps tighten around my waist. I hoped he couldn't hear my hearting pounding against my chest.

"You'll bust your ass before you get more than ten feet off the ground if you don't tighten your straps correctly." He gave one final tug that pushed me into him. My hands alighted on his chest and I looked up realizing just how close he was. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.

"This your way of flirting, captain?" I did my best to pull off a smirk.

"Tch, don't you wish" he flicked my forehead and stalked off, resuming his brooding demeanor.

I turned back to my comrades but nobody had even noticed. I blinked; maybe I had imagined it?

In the end, I was not a blood stain on a tree and I gave a loud whoop as the wind whipped through my hair. I felt like a goddess, adrenaline pumping through my veins. My anchors attached to two trees and I somersaulted over the ground. I pretended I was zipping around titans, outmaneuvering them, laughing like a maniac. When my feet finally hit the ground again, needing to refuel my tanks, our veteran guide landed next to me. I remembered she introduced herself as Petra, in the elite squad with Levi. "Well done, I've honestly never seen someone pick up so quickly on ODM techniques."

I laughed, "Guess I'm not totally worthless after all."

"Believe me I'll be writing this in my report" She beamed at me. It sure felt good to be proud of something besides my pastries.

There was a ton of energy in the air that night after dinner. The next day was our rest day so everyone stayed up late. The mood was so much lighter than usual. I supposed everyone was still high from our ODM lesson.

I was sitting with the usual three when I heard something my ears haven't heard in years. Music. I opened the door the barracks.

Some of our comrades had gotten a hold of some instruments, playing in a group right outside. I hadn't felt so human in ages. Everyone had gather round, faces half visible in the torchlight. I laughed as I let my hips sway almost seductively, blessed with a small frame but curvy in all the right places. Didn't do me much good as a soldier, but right now I was just Victoria Lehman, a baker from Maria whose mother had taught her to dance. My father had rescued her from the underground. She told me music was the only source of hope they had. One of the few places of solace they could find outside of drink and whoring.

I spun around, light on my feet and grabbed a surprised Kirchstein. He was clumsy and unsure, but a good sport as he tried to keep up with me. It was good to see everyone smiling, only those with more reserved personalities hung back, red with shyness.

I reached up and kissed Jean on the cheek, leaping away and roping my arm through Eren's arm and letting him spin me around. It was the best memory I'd have for quite a while.