Don't Wake Me Up
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and no copyright infringement intended. I'm just borrowing the characters from the show, if anything, these characters own me.
CHAPTER 2
Buffy's POV
I wake up stiff as a board rubbing at my neck. I'm still chained to the wall, but there's a plate of food and a bottle of water in front of me. How sweet. I get up with a groan and grab the plate. At least she didn't forget about me. I wonder where she is.
I eat quickly and get up to put the plate on the cabinet. There are metal handles on this bad boy. Hm. I could get out of this, but that's not going to make Faith/me very comfortable. I can't gain her trust that way, but as I think about it the urge to pee becomes overwhelming.
"What would Faith do?" I ask myself out loud.
"She probably would have gotten free and killed you already," a voice says behind me. "Hey, B. Or should I say 'Faith'?"
I turn to face her and hold up my hands.
"How long have you been standing there?" I ask hearing Faith's raspy voice.
"A while," she admits. "Just coming back from a night on the town until I realized I had to feed you."
"Hm." I reply taking a bite of the McDonald's biscuit. "Thank you."
She walks over to a small day bed and sits down hard.
"You're not making the hostage situation very fun," she comments crossing her legs.
"I'm sorry." I reply while chewing.
"I expected you to be screaming for help," she continues running her hands up and down my body. "Try to get to your friends— but you act like you don't even care about them. I'm not stupid Buffy, I know you can get out of those—"
"I trust you." I respond quietly.
"Yeah, well you shouldn't," she says getting to her feet. "I could have snapped Riley's neck last night in his sleep."
My heart slams into my throat.
"Y—You were with Riley?" I ask softly.
"Don't worry," she messes with something on the table. "I didn't take him for a test drive. He was— nice to me, but— a serious downgrade, B. What happened to the guy you almost killed me over? I mean— at least Angel would've been able to tell—"
"You mean Riley didn't notice?" I ask not too surprised. "Well, he's not exactly observant."
"I think I might ditch the boyfriend," she smirks at me. "He's cute, but really not my style."
"Are you even trying to be me anymore?" I ask arching an eyebrow.
"I have to," she whispers. "I can't just—be me."
"Why not?" I push gently.
"If you hadn't noticed, Buffy—" she says walking closer to me. "I'm a killer. No body trusts me. They trust you. I helped this girl at the bar last night—and she— she thanked me. She looked in my eyes and thanked me. Me. She didn't know me. Just— grateful I saved her life. Do you think if I were in my body—with the face of a wanted murderer that she still would have thanked me?!"
"Yes." I reply quietly. "Because it's not who you were that matters. It's who you are now—"
"I am a killer." she says interrupting me. "Made a career of it for a little bit."
"Yeah, and if I'd have handled it better you wouldn't have." I tell her.
She shakes her/my head and gets in my face.
"What is this?" She asks slamming her fist into the wall beside my head. "Do you think appealing to my inner savior is going to make me change? I've got news for you, Buffy. That ship sailed the second you put a knife in my gut!"
"I'm not giving up on you, Faith." I reply meeting her angry eyes. "What I did to you— it was wrong and what we're doing is even worse. We can fix this. We'll make it right, somehow."
"Do you think I'm going to be like Angel? All sad and brooding over the things I've done. The deputy mayor was an accident, but everyone else was just a trophy."
"I don't believe that." I reply. "I believe that the deputy mayor was an accident. I was there, but I know you. We were friends once, maybe even—"
I shake my head to steer away those thoughts.
"We can have that again." I say changing course. "I know there's someone good in you. I believe it."
"Prepare to be disappointed." She sneers. "I'm not you, Buffy. I can't be 'little miss perfect'."
"Good." I reply. "I don't want you to be. I liked the Faith, I knew. A little brash and reckless, but you were real and honest. I know that if some things were different, I could very easily be you and I don't think it's a bad thing."
"You don't think being a killer is a bad thing?" She asks in surprise and I weigh out my next words.
"Well, no." I reply. "I am a killer. Just like you. Even at your darkest there was honor in you, Faith. You told me how to defeat the mayor—"
"I what?!" She exclaims looking at me as if I'm crazy. "I would never have done that!"
"Damn, slayer dreams." I say shaking my head.
"What do you mean?" she asks giving me a knowing look.
"Just—" I begin trying to figure out how to start. "We were making a bed and you told me the mayor's weakness was human emotion. That's how we defeated him."
"How?" she asks.
"I don't think you should—" I try to say, but she interrupts me.
"How?!" she screams.
"You." I reply in defeat. "You were his weakness. He loved you, Faith. I'm sorry."
She sits down on the couch with a hard thump. She's quiet for a while and I can tell she's hurting. I've seen the look on my face enough to know and she's trying to keep it hidden.
"Slayer dreams." She whispers looking down at the floor. "I had them too—while I was—"
"You did?" I ask when she doesn't finish her sentence.
"Yeah." She replies crossing her arms in a huff. "It was always the same. You killing me— over and over again. You'd stab the mayor with my knife and ask me if I remembered. We'd fall into an open grave and you'd win, but right before I woke up—I crawled out. I won— and I'm going to again."
She gets to her feet and slams me against the wall by my throat.
"You should die." She whispers. "No one would miss you."
"Faith." I try to say as tears begin to roll down my face.
"Stop it!" She demands. "Stop crying! You have no right to cry."
"Faith." I whisper as my vision begins to darken.
"No!" She screams. "Stop saying that name!"
Her grip falters and she drops her hand.
"I can't do it!" She cries backing away from me. "Why can't I do it?!"
"Because you're not evil, Faith." I reply gasping for air. "I'm going to make you see it."
She sobs on the floor in front of me and I kneel down to meet her eyes.
"I'm never giving up on you again." I continue. "You can kill me if you want to, but I'm not going to hurt you ever again."
"Why would you say that?" She asks clutching herself.
"Because regardless of what you believe, I care about you, Faith." I reply gently touching her arm. "If it takes me dying to make you see it then so be it. These hands are never going to hit you again."
She flinches a bit at my touch, but she doesn't shove or hit me. I'd call that progress.
"You would—" she says looking at me with a mixture of hope and doubt. "You would die for me?"
"Yes." I reply without hesitation.
"Why?" She asks tearfully. "I've done so much—"
"You have, but so have I." I reply lifting her chin to meet my eyes.
She looks into my eyes for a long moment as if trying to find deception somewhere, but I know my heart his honest. I've never seen her so fragile, so broken. If there's any hope left it's here and this is the moment.
"I know saying I'm sorry doesn't fix things. I may never be able to undo the damage I've done... but I want so much to try—"
"I can't—" she says shaking her head. "I can't fix what I've done. I can't bring back the lives I taken— there's no forgiveness for that."
"There is." I say taking her hands. "You've just got to forgive yourself first."
"I can't—" she says breaking into tears.
"You can." I insist. "It will take time, but you can— we can. Together. Please, Faith, let me in. Let me help you."
She cries openly and I can do nothing but hold her close. I'm surprised that she's letting me, but I'm not going to comment on it. I run my fingers through her hair. It's strange— comforting myself, yet it feels like Faith. I wish I could have done this in my own body, still— it's not her body that needs comforting. It's her soul.
After several long moments she stops crying. I can tell she's tense. Maybe she's finally realized I'm holding her and is about to lay me out for it but the violence I expect from her doesn't come.
"Since when do you comfort me?" She asks leaning into my arms.
I chuckle slightly so she doesn't think I'm mocking her.
"Since when do you let me?" I ask softly.
She looks up at me with a slight smile. Not quite my smile, but the sweet smile only Faith has.
"Pretty much now." She says wiping at her eyes. "Sorry, I cried all over you— well, me."
"Trust me." I say playfully. "You're not the only one struggling with pronouns."
She nods her head in reply and I'm quickly reminded of something.
"Um—" I say awkwardly. "I don't mean to ruin the moment, but— I've really got to pee."
Faith laughs and gets to her feet. She looks down at me for a moment with indecision clouding her eyes. She shrugs and reaches into her back pocket.
"Why didn't you say so, B?" She asks tossing me the keys. "It's not like you couldn't have gotten out of those yourself."
"Because— I mean it— this time— no funny business. No tricks. No plots. I have your back and I know you'll have mine."
I throw the keys back to her and hold out my wrists.
"I trust you." I say sincerely.
She looks down at my wrists and to the keys in her hand.
"We—" she says with uncertainty. "We can really start over?"
"I wish we could have that clean slate. It may not be a start over but it's a new beginning. For both of us."
"What if I screw up?" She asks on the edge of tears. "I don't want to hurt anyone."
"You won't." I say wiping tears from her eyes. "You didn't hurt my friends today."
"H— how did you—" she starts to ask but I roll my eyes.
"Faith, come on." I reply. "There's no way you could resist that temptation. I know I wouldn't."
She nods and stares at the keys.
"You really think we can do this?" She asks squeezing the keys tightly.
"I know we can." I reply taking her hand in mine.
She closes her eyes and shakes her head.
"Summers." She sighs as she forcefully flips my wrist over. "You make it really hard to be your enemy."
She quickly unclasps the chains and drops them to the ground.
"You were never really my enemy." I reply honestly.
"Tell that to my guts." She playfully winces. "Sorry. I should probably stop throwing that in your face now."
I shrug.
"Well the shoe fits." I smile at her. "I did knife you."
"I shot your boyfriend with a poisoned arrow and plotted to take over Sunnydale." She chimes in.
"I never said we didn't have problems. But— I think we're off to a better start this time around."
She gives me a shy smile. I didn't think she was capable of one but that also reminds me.
"So—" I say awkwardly. "Are we going to switch back or are you cool with me going to the bathroom as you?"
"I don't mind if you don't." She teases with her trademark smirk. "Besides— I kind of— um— broke the little— gadget thing— accidentally— on purpose."
I shrug and put my arm around her shoulders.
"Oh well." I say as we walk upstairs. "Good thing we have a Will— I'm sure she'll find a way."
We make our way into the dimly lit living room and I go in search of the bathroom. It's got to be around here somewhere. Do vampires even use the restroom?
I walk into Angel's bedroom. It's all the same as I remember it. I'd bet if I looked in the drawers I would find his clothes still neatly folded inside. Part of me still aches when I think of Angel, but that part of my life has passed.
I find the bathroom and finally relieve myself. When I walk out Faith is curled up on the bed. She looks exhausted. I sit down beside her and brush the hair out of her face. She rolls over onto her back and looks up at me.
"You should get some sleep." I say softly. "Coming out of a coma can't be an easy thing."
"You tell me." She replies.
"Oh, right." I nod. "Body swap."
She smiles sheepishly and sighs.
"I'm sorry. I've spent eight months in a coma thinking you wanted me dead. Instead I wake up and find you wanting to save me. Then you make me believe I can be saved. I think that's a stranger feeling than waking up from a coma."
"Then I should be the one to apologize." I lay down across from her. "You were always redeemable. I jus— I was an idiot."
"Slow down, B." She replies playfully. "Don't shock me too much, my heart may not be able to take it."
"It's the truth. The way I handled everything when it came to you was just—wrong."
Her eyes are downcast and she shakes her head.
"Not everything." She admits hesitantly resting her hand on mine. "Th—Thank you."
"For what?" I ask quietly.
"For saying that." She bites her lip. "For believing in me."
I give her words some thought and I lace our fingers together.
"You know what's funny?" I ask and she shakes her head. "I never actually stopped."
Her eyes light up and I'm rewarded with her special smile. I've missed that smile, I realize, and the way she used to look at me— almost like she is now, but with my face. I can't wait to see it on hers.
"We should head to Giles' place." She sits up. "Get Red on the body swapping case."
I put my hand on her shoulder and push her back down.
"It can wait." I say softly. "I don't mind being Faith for another night."
"Buffy," she replies with a giggle. "It's just two in the afternoon."
"Oh." I reply with a big yawn. "God, Angel could use some windows."
"Well, severe allergy to the sun and all—" she shrugs.
"Oh, yeah." I giggle. "Sleepy brain talking."
"Mine or yours?" She asks as I scoot just a little closer.
"Probably mine." I reply as I notice her inching.
"If you're sure—" she's being oddly shy. "We could get some sleep. I don't mind going now if you're—"
"Faith." I interupt wrapping my arm around her protectively. "I'm fine."
She swallows hard at our closeness. I don't think I've ever been this close to Faith or intimate, but it seems so easy, so invariably correct that it doesn't even occur to me that she might be uncomfortable.
"I should probably sleep on the couch." I say pointing my thumb toward the living room.
I squeeze her arm reassuringly and get to my feet. I hope she doesn't think—
"Wait!" She grabs my arm. "Y—You don't have to. If—if you don't feel comfortable— I'll take the couch. Your ex's place after all."
"I'm not uncomfortable." I say softly. "I was thinking more about your comfort actually."
She tugs on my arm gently pulling me back onto the bed.
"I haven't— slept— since I woke up." She responds anxiously. "I'm— scared."
"Dreams?" I ask and she nods.
I quickly get myself comfortable and pat the bed.
"No bad dreams tonight." I pull her close to me "I'm on guard."
Faith chuckles when I wrap her protectively in my arms.
"You're going to save me from bad dreams?" She asks sarcastically. "You've always been full of yourself, Summers. Not even you can stop bad dreams."
"You don't think so?" I reply playing with her hair. "Challenge accepted."
She's quiet for a few moments. I almost think she's asleep, but her breathing indicates otherwise. Her head is rested on my shoulder. I can feel our souls connecting like they used to. I've missed our connection so much it's been painful.
"Am I dreaming?" Faith asks sleepily. "Are you really here with me?"
"Yes." I reply threading our fingers together. "I'm here, it's not a dream."
She goes quiet again but she curls in closer to me. Her breath tickles my neck sending strangely pleasant tingles down my spine and her hand caresses mine.
"Good." She whispers. "If it is— please, don't let me wake up."
