A/N: Whoa, I am sorry... This took terribly long, I know. I've been a little busy, so sorry.
Anyway, as usual I'm following a path with this, so I hope it's not too confusing.
The last part is highly inspired by the song "Best worst mistake" from the musical If/Then.
„And he really wants to invest in our show?"
Leo stood in their kitchen thunderstruck. He stroked through his ruffled hair and didn't believe what he'd just heard.
"Well, that's awesome," he said. "It's the solution we've been searching for."
He seemed to cheer up on the good news Max had been telling him more and more. Or maybe it was because he really woke up just now. After all, it was early yet.
"Yeah," Max answered without looking at Leo but staring out of the window. He should tell him. Keeping the conditions a secret appeared to be rather unfair. The old Max would have done something like that but he wasn't who he had been anymore. He simply told Leo everything. Then why was this so hard to do? And after all, it was Leo.
How long he'd been staring out of the window without really focusing anything, he didn't know. But he winced for a second as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around again and looked into Leo's face, who snuggled a little closer to him.
"Alright...," Leo said. "What is it?"
Max tried to avoid his look and looked down smiling. "What do you..."
"No! Don't!" Leo interrupted him, shaking his head and smiling. "I know you long enough. I can see something is disrupting you. And I see only two possibilities why... So, either you don't want to tell me or you are somehow not able to. Whatever it is, it's okay. But don't think I didn't notice!"
Max shook his head. "I don't..."
He had to laugh at the absurdity of this situation. Leo knew. Of course. How could he expect anything else. It felt so pretentious to assume he'd be the only one being able to read Leo's mind. After all this time he must have learned to do it, too. And even though it was a little strange to figure out he'd completely lost his self-defense to Leo, it made him smile as well for just being too scared to tell him. "I'm beginning to act just like he normally would," Max thought, before looking up to Leo again, who still held on to him tightly.
"Well, it doesn't matter," he heard Leo's voice. Looking a little bewildered, Max turned his head a little only to find his partner smiling and even though he held his eyes closed, looking quite pleased.
"If you agreed I'm pretty sure everything's just fine. And," he opened his eyes again. "You did what we couldn't accomplish together. I knew you would be able to find a way out of this."
Max sighed. This was even worse.
"Leo...," he began but hesitated, looking into the trusting eyes of the younger man. Again he gasped slightly. "He... he wants me to...to get rid of our 'usual team' as he put it."
He spoke very fast and didn't dare to look at Leo after admitting this. And the stunned silence coming from his direction didn't really encourage Max to do so either. He could sense Leo's eyes on him. And, as funny as it might seemed, he wished Leo would say something. Anything. Yet, he feared the accusations which were certain to follow all the same.
"Our team?" Leo asked after what seemed like hours. Still he wouldn't let go of Max or step back. He remained where he was, leaning his head against his partner, and spoke surprisingly soft.
"Means Roger?"
"And Carmen," Max nodded. "And the rest of the DeBris-house. All of them."
"Does he want us to recast actors as well?" Leo asked.
Max shook his head. "No. It's just them."
"I see," Leo said and let go of Max, who didn't dare to turn at first. But something about that unfamiliar silence coming from Leo made him feel more uneasy than ever. He'd expected everything from screams to panics, yet Leo chose to continue his almost deafening reticence.
He shook his head as if to shake away his own thoughts and finally looked up. Leo had moved to the door-frame and had his back turned on him. He still didn't say anything.
"Leo?"
But the younger man only shook his head.
"No, please!" Leo answered. It gave Max goosebumps when he turned around and smiled at him as if nothing had happened. "I understand. Just... Let me think about this for a moment."
Not waiting for an answer Leo moved out of the kitchen and vanished from Max's sight, leaving him feeling even more guilty.
….
"You want me to...what?" Roger asked outraged.
"Would you please keep it down?" Max asked, looking around a little nervous. He'd been afraid Roger would make a scene. But what did he expect? He had thought about how to tell him best, but hadn't been able to think of anything else but go like a bull at a gate. And now Roger was screaming. He couldn't even blame him.
"Keep it down?" he asked. "Why should I? What do you mean anyway? You want to get a new director? We're in the middle of production!"
"I know that," Max replied silently.
"What is this nonsense about then?" Roger screamed and Max knew perfectly well all of the people on and off stage were staring by now. He tried his very best to avoid any of them, but felt unable to look at Roger as well.
"I ..well, I think... We should try something else. Just for once," he answered quietly. What a lie. Roger would never believe it. And just as predicted he started a tirade of accusations and disgust, loud enough for everyone on Broadway to hear. Max frowned. He was only half listening. He was convinced not to tell Roger the real reason for his decision but only to safe him from the very obvious homophobic attack coming from his newest backer. He blamed himself for doing this to Roger. After all he was his friend. Friends don't do something like that to one another, right?
But then again, he did it for all of them. The money Mr. Pembroke had agreed to give him was enough to finish the production and Max was determined to pay them off anyway. But he couldn't tell them. Not yet.
Max sighed. He wished Leo was by his side. He somehow felt much more comfortable with the younger man standing next to him, yet Leo hadn't come out of his room ever since he told him that morning. Max had asked him whether he would accompany him to Pembroke's office but he hadn't answered.
So, Max kept the appointment himself and even back with the old guy he'd felt horrible agreeing on something like that.
Maybe it had been a good thing that Leo hadn't been there with him though. If Mr. Pembroke had seen them together, they'd have revealed themselves for sure. Max was aware of the little ways and gestures; even touches they exchanged from time to time. Most people didn't notice but someone who was that much against two guys being together was bound to notice.
But Leo hadn't shown up in theater until now. He surely was mad at him. And Max couldn't blame him either. Yet, he wished for him to be here right now more than ever. Leo just had a ways to let himself stay calm.
"...Irresponsible and cowardly... Betrayal..."
Max looked up again. Roger was still beyond upset. And he noticed Carmen had joined him and as always seemed to know pretty well what this was about.
"Max, do you even know what you are doing?" he asked between Roger's bellow.
"I...er...," Max couldn't answer.
"Oh for heaven's sake," Roger said. "Stop that god damn stuttering and answer for once. Why do you want to get rid of us all of a sudden?"
"Well,..."
"And please, the real reason!"
Roger and Carmen simultaneously folded their arms and stared at him reproachfully.
Max took a deep breath, skipping through a thousand excuses at once but none of them seemed to fit.
"It was my idea!"
The three of them whirled around.
Leo was walking up to them, avoiding Max's eyes but staring directly into Roger's.
"Mr Bloom?"
Leo nodded. "I found it was time to try something new. We seem pretty stuck with this production, so I figured a new approach would be helpful!"
Carmen and Roger stared at him wide-eyed. They didn't seem to know what to say.
Then Carmen approached him slowly.
"Leo... You?" he asked as if not believing his own words.
"Yes, me!" Leo answered. He spoke very clear and determined and didn't take his gaze down.
"So...," Roger spoke again and cleared his throat. "Why didn't Max tell us in the first place?"
"Can't you imagine?" Leo asked. "He tried to protect me. He wanted to start a hare and to avoid your anger on me. But it's absolutely not okay to scream at him for this. It was my idea! And before you start again, please accept it. Just this once. I guarantee you...," he cast a short look to Max who didn't dare to say anything, then returned to Roger and Carmen. "It won't happen again. We'll continue the way we always have...AFTER this show."
Max wanted to say something. He wanted to jump into that self-sacrifice and set things right, but before he could even open his mouth Roger took Carmen's arm and nodded towards Leo.
"I see," he said. "We'll go!"
Thus did he move past Leo, pulling Carmen along. The slender man stopped next to Leo for a short moment, looking furious as well.
"I hope you are proud!" he said quietly; then continued his way out of the theater. Kevin, Scott and all the others followed them immediately.
Max closed his eyes and simply turned his head to the ground as they passed him while Leo was staring straight ahead, looking more than serious and giving the impression of not blinking anymore.
The theater was quiet after all of them vanished. Too quiet. Max felt his own heartbeat. It sounded like thunder echoing from the walls back to him. He turned after what seemed like hours to find Leo still staring into space.
"Thank you," he whispered but wasn't sure if Leo got it. The younger man shook his head, turned as well and headed for the door as well. Max looked after him and held his breath. He wanted to scream and shout. He wanted to run after him. He wanted to break his godforsaken silence and show him he was sorry and grateful and everything in between. But he simply remained where he was.
Until Leo stopped and turned around.
"Are you coming?" he asked.
Apparently, Max must have looked pretty stupefied for Leo simply shrugged.
"Since no one is here anymore, we should try to find a new crew as quick as possible," he said.
Max nodded and silently followed Leo out of the theater.
…..
The ride home wasn't better either. Leo sat with his legs crossed and his arms folded and stared out of the cab's window. He neither said anything nor did he move one muscle. Max looked at him from time to time and thought about speaking up but always lost heart. He didn't know what to say anyway. So, after casting one more look at Leo from the corner of his eyes he sighed once and leaned his head against the window as well. He was sure he did ruin everything. He never should have taken that offer. But they hadn't been able to find a way out of the financial crisis that had come upon them. And for once he didn't do it for the money. He remembered it clearly. He did it for Leo. He didn't want him to work endless nights and didn't sleep anymore while worrying about their future all the same. He simply couldn't endure to see him like that. He wanted him to be safe and carefree.
And somehow, Leo managed to confirm Max's thoughts of him being the most astounding person he had ever met by reversing everything Max wanted to be for him in just four words.
'It was my idea.'
He shouldn't have done that. The longer he thought about it, the more he was convinced this was true.
"How long will this go on?"
Max looked around once more. Leo was still sitting motionless, staring out of the window, yet he'd just broken that silence.
"What?"
Finally, Leo turned his head.
"Will you stop feeling guilty now and talk to me?" He asked.
"I...," Max took a breath. "I wish you hadn't done that."
Leo now stared directly at him but Max couldn't read what he was thinking in his face as he usually was able to.
"It was my mistake," Max continued. "So I think you shouldn't have jumped in for me. The last thing I wanted to achieve is Roger and Carmen being mad at you for something I did."
"Never mind," Leo said but didn't put any emotions into his voice.
When the cab stopped and he payed the driver and minutes later they found themselves on the stairs up to the office again.
Max started to wonder a bit. He had never seen Leo so cold. If only he spoke about what was on his mind. He didn't seem to be satisfied with their little cab-ride conversation at all.
"Leo?" he asked while opening the door. Leo walked past him inside but stopped after hanging up his coat looking at him with burning eyes.
"Are you angry?" Max asked, yet knew at the very same moment his question was stupid.
Leo on the other hand sighed and shook his head. "No, not angry... It's just... You know what this decision means, right?"
"What?"
Leo's face turned blankly. Again, he just shook his head and started to laugh. A shudder run down Max's body hearing this.
"What's so funny?"
"It's just...," Leo still laughed. "You...!"
"Me?"
"Yeah...," He suddenly stopped his frantic laughter and turned completely serious again, looking almost furious. "You just don't get it!"
He turned his back on Max and reached for the kitchen in wide steps. Max however, jumped after him. He felt foolish. Why would he let that boy treat him like that?
"Wait," he said. "What do you mean?... Leo! Will you please stop? What do I not get?"
"Max?" He stopped so suddenly, Max almost bumped into him. "This man. He is the most homophobic guy around as you can easily find out by just doing a bit of research. He is the co-founder of that anti-gay movement we heard so much about lately. He is bound to cause a lot of trouble and if you think kicking Roger and Carmen out was hard... Believe me, this is only the beginning."
"What?"
So that's why Leo hadn't been around all day. He must have researched on the whole Pembroke-industry.
"What were you thinking?" Leo continued. His voice was shaking although he spoke very calmly. "Saying yes to this condition? What about Roger? Or Carmen? Or the rest of them? Is this fair?"
"No, but..."
"But? But what?" Leo interrupted him. "They won't find out? Do you really think you can hide his name? Even though he is just an investor. God, this guy owns half of Broadway. They will find out! And don't you think they don't know that little fact about him. They are not stupid, Max! They will be able to count that together!"
Leo was about to leave him again but Max blocked his way quickly.
"So what?" he said. "Don't you think I thought about that before? You said it yourself. This is the solution we needed. How could I possibly have turned that offer down?"
"And what about them, Max? They are friends. Almost family. Is this how we treat people all of a sudden?"
"Why are they so damn important to you all of a sudden? It's not like we got rid of them forever. It's just one production. Nothing that serious! And if that Pembroke feels uncomfortable having some gays around, so what? Friendship never influenced the professional aspects of a job!"
"Some gays?" Leo looked at him with a lack of comprehension. "What do you think are we then?"
"Oh, come on... I didn't mean... It's not...It's not the same and you know it," Max answered.
"It's not?" Leo folded his arms once more. "What is it then? Be so kind and explain this to me!"
Max stared at him for a moment. God damn it! First of all they were not... And they didn't...
He hesitated. The more he thought about it he couldn't find any plausible reason why their relationship was any different. After all, they were two guys. And yes, they lived together and yes, they were a couple. He even had to admit most of the people they usually worked with knew. It seemed Leo was right. There was no difference. He never thought about it before but he had to admit they were part of that party as well. Why the hell did he say it then?
"I ...er...," Looking into Leo's angry face didn't make it better. That stare... He managed to look right through him and he knew it. He hated when Leo did that. It felt like not being able to have his thoughts for himself anymore.
"Max?"
He looked into Leo's eyes again.
"Touch me!"
Max didn't think he got that right. "What?"
"You heard me," he answered and didn't take his eyes off of Max.
Max on the other hand held his breath. What was that about? Did he lose his mind? This had nothing to do with the argument they just had. Yet he thought about just doing it to end this nonsense but just as that thought crossed his mind he was determined he wouldn't do it. This proved nothing.
Unfortunately, Leo noticed his hesitation and shook his head again.
"You can't... I knew it," he grinned knowingly.
"I can't?"
"Let me ask you something," Leo said quite calm again. "Are you ashamed of admitting me in your life?"
"What are you talking about? What makes you think...," Max started, but was interrupted once more.
"You let someone like that Pembroke into our lives and have no recognizable guilt stabbing very close friends of us in the back just because of the fact they are gay, although you just noticed you are yourself. And it's been weeks since you last thought about sharing a little intimacy let alone leaving just one nice word for me," Leo said. "To be quite honest, it leaves me wondering. If you changed your mind concerning this relationship it's okay. Just...let me know... Or at least give me a little clue."
Max let out a short laugh. "You're being ridiculous!"
This time he turned and tried to get away. Leo was definitely out of his mind. How could he think something like that?
"Just tell me," Leo said, following him.
"I did this for you, for God's sake!" Max whirled around. "I couldn't see you working yourself to death, being without sleep for weeks and worrying all the time about us although this shouldn't be your concern. I just wanted you to be okay. And yes, I noticed this guy meant trouble but what do you suggest me to do? Do you honestly expect me to witness you getting at the end of your tether and not doing anything about it? If you really think this is abandoning a relationship, fine! I just thought it's what people do. Taking care of each other!"
"Why don't you ever say it then?" Leo asked.
"Say what?"
"Say that you love me. Just for once," Leo looked at him with big eyes. He seemed to be surprised at Max's confession; up to a certain amount at least.
"I thought I did," Max answered much quieter now.
"You never do. And I just wanna know why."
"I'm not..."
"Then say it!"
Max laughed again but more out of uncertainty. This was stupid.
"I knew it," Leo grinned. "You can't. Why? What are you so damn afraid of? Of someone might noticing?"
"No!"
"I thought we agreed on not giving a shit about what people think?"
"Yes, we did!"
"Then dare it. It won't hurt you. Just man up for once," Leo just wouldn't let go.
"Why is this so important?" Max asked, looking at his partner who was so close now. It made him feel trapped somehow. "I said it before...And I never said I don't love you. And I definitely don't act like I don't care. I think of you most of the time anyway."
"Oh no, that doesn't count," Leo grinned. This time he meant it. Max could tell. Somehow this silly argument seemed to amuse a lot. "Don't be afraid. If I am not why are you? It doesn't suit you at all."
"What about this man finding out then?" Darn. Only after the question left his mouth Max noticed he indirectly admitted Leo's suggestion to be true.
"Who cares? You never know what happens. You could lose a backer, lose that one show. Hell, you could even lose your reputation. But does that matter? Everything can happen. Maybe he won't even notice. And even if... You still got all you need. Please, dare it for once. Do not guard your feelings forever. Just dive in."
Max sighed. "I know..."
He stared into the big eyes of the one person that meant so much to him and felt the wall around himself break more and more.
"It feels so cliché," he responded after a moment and felt his face getting hot. "Why do I have to speak about everything I feel? Some things just need no words."
"Others do!"
"And what would that be? You are awesome? Sweet? The only person to light up this gray life?" Max asked and knew he sounded very sarcastic. "Do you want me to beg on my knees? Crying to never leave me? We both know things like that can happen. So it's better to make the best out of the time we're given."
Leo still grinned.
"Go on!"
"Still not enough?" Max couldn't help it. That grin was infecting and he felt his mouth lifting into a smile again. He closed his eyes and lowered his head a little. "Want me to get more pathetic? You're the best decision I ever made. You're the one. Please, be mine!"
"I knew it," Leo laughed.
"You're confusing me today," Max answered, opening his eyes again. "You knew what?"
"You're still in love," Leo smiled at him and Max felt himself blushing a little more. Then he started to laugh as well.
"You believed that?" he asked tenderly.
"I know you," Leo answered delightedly. "I mean every word. And I know you do too."
"You do?"
"I love you!"
"I love you!"
A second later Max stared at Leo with wide eyes, while Leo started to giggle. Max felt caught somehow but couldn't find a reason to be angry with Leo anymore.
"You tricked me into saying that," he said quietly and sat down on the leather couch in the middle of the office. Leo sat down next to him, still grinning.
"You can't take it back," he said kissing him on the cheek. "It's okay. But please, don't forget it."
Thus did he snuggle a little closer to Max, resting his head on his chest and closed his eyes. They sat there for a while, neither of them saying a word. Leo just listened to Max's breathing while Max stoked through Leo's hair with his hand. He was relieved somehow. This was more the Leo he knew and, yes he had to admit it, loved.
He put his head softly onto Leo's and enjoyed the peace of the moment. Leo had been right. Again. He had worked and worried too much lately as well. He had almost forgotten how good it felt just to have him close to himself.
"Leo?" he said softly. "Let's make sure he doesn't find out. He cannot destroy this here."
~To be continued~
