Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

Steve's POV:

I heard the girls giggling while I was still under the hood of the car, but I knew exactly what was going on before I even looked up. Soda was at it again, and the funniest part is… he never even knows it. I finished tinkering with the motor, wiped my hands on the rag I'd slung over the side of the car and stood up. Not one of them even glanced my way. Damn that kid is good. He wasn't even doing anything. He was just grinning at them the way he always does. With Soda, though, that usually seems to be enough.

I waited for the girls to move off before I started another conversation with him. There was a question I'd been meaning to ask him all morning, but it wasn't anything anyone else needed to hear. I don't know… even when it's something stupid, I don't ever want anyone else to know what I'm thinking. Soda's one of two people I've ever known who doesn't judge anyone, though. He's safe. I couldn't bring myself to think of the other.

"Hey Soda?" I called when we were finally alone.

"Hmmm?" He was working on the other side of the car, and he glanced up at me. "What's goin' on?"

"Not much… what are you doin' after we leave here today?"

He shrugged. "Goin' home, I guess. Me and Darry don't want to leave Pony alone these days anymore than we have to. Just keepin' an eye on him, ya know?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Makes sense." Inwardly, though, I sighed with something like relief. For the first time I could think of, I was glad Soda was so focused on Pony. It meant I'd have the time I'd need to do something else that didn't require an audience…

When I walked through the gates into the cemetery that night, I glanced around quickly to make sure I really was alone. This wasn't something I wanted to do in the first place, and even though Soda'd said he was staying with Pony, I was still a little worried he'd show up. It's not like I'd mind him knowing I came or anything, but I just… I needed to do this by myself.

When I got to the place where I thought the grave was, I stopped in confusion. It wasn't there. I turned around slowly, trying to get my bearings. I walked in three different directions before I actually found it, and then I stopped again… but this time I felt like I'd been slugged. I knew Johnny was dead. We all knew that. But this… seeing his name on this stone… this made it real.

After a few minutes of just standing there, I shifted uncomfortably. I couldn't believe I was thinking this… but I kind of wanted to talk to Johnny. I glanced around for the fifth time in as many minutes, and then I crouched down in front of the headstone.

"Hey Johnnycake," I said quietly. I stopped for a minute. This felt kind of stupid, but I took a deep breath and just kept going. "It's Steve… I … I guess I came by to tell you that we… that I miss you. Things ain't the same without you around. No one understands some things the same way you did. I mean Soda… he tries and all, but when I saw your folks at the funeral last week? Well, I knew how you felt about them and you knew how I feel about my dad. No one else gets it, ya know?"

I shook my head and quit talking. This wasn't working because Johnny wasn't answering. And then I knew in a way I had never really acknowledged before that he never would again. I stood up quickly and walked away. I needed to get out of here. If anyone got here and saw me bawling, I'd never live it down.