Pals – Chapter Two
By Lily in a Pond
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from "Friends" or Harry Potter because unfortunately, I did not write HP or the script of "Friends."
A/N – Thanks to everybody who reviewed this story – Love Hope Joy, Greekchic, KandyKat98, cool-people-suck, PunkPygmiePuff, gnomesbeatfaeries, RonandMione4Ever, and tinavel!
Also, thanks to Love Hope Joy for being my first reviewer! Now I have to chase you when you start a new story and be your first reviewer………….wait, was I your first reviewer for your current story?
OoOoOoO
Draco Apparated into Ron's new flat. His jaw dropped. "This is it?"
Ron looked deeply affronted. "Well, excuse me for not buying a huge apartment like you and Harry did!"
Harry tripped over a box. "Ron, I thought you made a lot of money in the Ministry of Magic," he grumbled, rubbing his head.
"I do," Ron replied. "I just prefer to put it in Gringotts so I can collect the interest."
Harry and Draco looked at each other, and then burst out laughing.
"Ron, spend it now, mate, spend it now," Draco choked out. "In a few years, inflation will happen, and you'll be left with regret."
"Actually, I heard from Data and Statistics over on the third floor that inflation was going to happen – "
Harry cut Ron off rudely. "Just spend it," he advised. "Spend it while you can, who knows when you're going to get another girlfriend and blow all your savings on her," he added in an undertone.
Draco surveyed the mess around him. "Well, there are no words to describe this. . .cubicle. . .cubicle-thing."
"It'll look bigger once we clear this mess up," Ron said, emphasizing the words, gesturing to the boxes surrounding him.
"Got any scissors or knives anywhere?" Harry asked, looking around.
"Uh. . . .I think the knives are in a box labeled, 'Kitchen Equipment'," Ron said.
"Which might be hard to open since the actual knives are in the box," Draco finished, rolling his eyes.
"Never mind," Harry said, conjuring up a large chainsaw. "I'll just use this instead," he grinned as the machine whirled to life.
"Hey, is that one of those weird Muggle machines that can cut your hand off?" Draco exclaimed, reaching to touch the chainsaw. "Wow!"
"Don't touch it!" Ron yelled. "Dad once brought one of those home and it chopped off my hair!"
Harry raised his eyebrows. "So that's how you got that abysmal haircut two years ago."
Ron rolled his eyes. "That haircut was intentional," he grumbled. "The chainsaw-hair incident was in my last year at Hogwarts."
Draco gave up on trying to open a box and conjured up his own chainsaw. "Ha! This'll show you who has the power!" he cackled maniacally as he chopped through the box rather violently.
Ron sighed. "That's not for playing, Draco."
"Oh, I know. It's for DESTROYING!" Draco screamed, with a disturbed look in his eyes, all the while still cackling like a madman.
"I give up," Harry said, looking resigned. "Draco is still a child inside, and there's nothing we can do to affect that. Well, except for, you know, dosages of tea," he added thoughtfully.
"Why tea?" Ron asked.
"Tea makes you sleepy. I once tried it on Ginny; she fell asleep in fifteen minutes after drinking seven cups of tea," Harry explained. "Then I put her hand in a bowl of warm water and made her pee her pants!" he exclaimed, giggling madly.
"Draco's not the only one who's a embracing his inner child," Ron commented. "Looks like I'm the only adult here." He shrugged and conjured up a chainsaw of his own and ferociously ripped a box open. "But at least I'm a childish adult!"
OoOoOoO
The morning, Luna and Ron dropped in Ginny's flat for breakfast, like they always did, every single day of the week.
"You're out of marmalade," Harry informed Ginny as he took his head out of the refrigerator.
"You're also out of anything that's low-fat," Draco added.
Luna rolled her eyes. "When are you going to stop those ridiculous diets that you go on, Draco? It's an unhealthy obsession!"
"You go on diets?" Hermione asked.
Draco nodded. "I try at least three different ones every year and I've been doing it ever since I left Hogwarts. I'm too fat!" he snarled grouchily.
"You're the skinniest out of all of us!" Ginny scoffed.
"Yeah, out of all of you guys," Draco spat. "On the runway, no way."
"Oh, so, you're a model now?" Hermione asked, looking pleasantly surprised. "I always thought you'd follow in Daddy Malfoy's footsteps and be one of those evil, bad guys who are almost always hired assassins."
Draco chose to ignore the latter. "I'm trying to be a model. The modeling world is a rough, harsh, and physically fit one. In the modeling world, he who is tall and muscular but skinny is he who lives."
"I still think being a male model is a little weird," Ron remarked. "I mean, the general consensus of the public view about models is that they're supposed to be tall, willowy, and female."
"Ginny, you don't have any of the necessary materials to put on toast," Harry interrupted. "You only have butter."
"What's wrong with butter?" Ginny asked, peering inside the refrigerator. "Hey, there's jam and marmalade in here!"
Harry quickly took his head out, and started snickering.
"What's so funny?"
Harry was too busy laughing his head off to answer, so they all peered inside the kitchen.
"Ah."
Labeled on every jar and bottle in the refrigerator was Ginny's grinning face, her red hair clashing horribly with the hot pink background. The words, 'Want a honey pot to dip your stick in? Owl Ginny Weasley!' were glowing brightly below each picture.
Ginny took her head out of the refrigerator, blushing furiously. "Harry," she started. Then she exploded. "HARRY JAMES POTTER! WHY IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN AND HELL WOULD YOU THINK THAT IS A FUNNY THING TO DO! DO YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ME AT ALL? IS YOUR OWN SELF-CONFIDENCE SO LOW YOU HAVE TO PRANK OTHERS TO HAVE YOUR LITTLE YA-YAS?" Ginny's face was fire engine red by now. "YOU ARE AN INSUFFERABLE, HORRIBLE, AND BITCHY BASTARD WHO HAS A PRIVACY PROBLEM AND A HORRIBLE PERSONALITY!"
"Story of me and Granger's conversations for life," Draco muttered. Hermione swatted him.
"Sorry, Gin, but you know that it is my goal to laugh at my friends every day," Harry choked out.
"It was pretty funny in an obscene way," Ron admitted, patting Ginny on the back. "You have to admit this, but Harry has a talent for making mature jokes."
Luna poured milk over her cereal. "I thought you had used that before, you know, at Carrie's Halloween party? I remember something like this with the paper cups."
"Come to think of it, you pulled it something like that at the birthday party you guys threw for me last year at Malfoy Manor," Draco said. "You were definitely lucky my mother tolerates jokes."
Harry stared at them in shock. "I've used this before? Oh, dear god!" Harry quickly Disapparated with a loud crack.
Ginny burst out laughing. "Now, that, was funny."
Hermione looked up. "So, I was thinking of getting a job today. D'you think I'm qualified for a job in a bookstore?"
"You know, off the top of my head, I'd say yes," Ron said. "But if I did some thinking about it, I'd say no."
"Why?"
"They won't hire you because you're too good, Hermione," Luna explained. "They think you're tying to steal the company or something. That's how I got fired from my latest job."
"Oho!"
Everyone turned to look at Draco.
"Trust me," he continued, ignoring the murderous looks Luna was sending him, "That is so not the reason she got fired. She got fired because she violated employee code of conduct, section four, paragraph five. In other words, she slept with –!"
"Silencio!" Luna yelled. As Draco scowled and crossed his arms, she laughed nervously. "He wasn't going to say anything."
Ginny, Hermione, and Ron smirked in unison. "Sure. . ."
"Anyways," Luna said, clearing her throat nervously. "People won't hire you at the low ends because they think that you're here to scoop up their jobs as you're so good with books, they won't hire you!"
"So, what you're saying is that I should aim extremely high for my very first job?" Hermione asked skeptically.
"Yeah, definitely!" Luna exclaimed. "Good thing you know exactly what I'm saying!"
As Luna walked over to the sink, Ginny leaned over and whispered to Hermione, "Good thing you have common sense."
OoOoOoO
"Why did they call this the Leaky Cauldron?" Harry wondered, peering at the others over his cup of coffee. "I mean, why not the –" Harry paused dramatically and pretended to think. "- Why not the 'Diabolical Firearm'?"
Ginny stared at him. "Because…the owners were sane!"
"No, seriously, I mean, imagine that you walk into the 'Diabolical Firearm.' You order a drink, and a girl wearing this short skirt and see-through blouse hands it to you."
Draco looked up from the Daily Prophet. "I'm listening."
Harry grinned. "Wouldn't that be such a great idea for this place? You know, spice it up a little? Add a little, shall we say, class?"
"Ah, yes, the class of the sleazy strip clubs," Ron retorted, rolling his eyes. "How refined!"
"You're just upset because you still haven't gotten over Danielle," Draco accused, jabbing a pale finger rather painfully into Ron's chest. "So now, you can't bear to see anyone happy."
Ron slammed his fist on the table. "For the last time, I am completely over Danielle! She was a lesbian! I'm straight! She's blonde! I'm red-haired! She wanted a huge apartment! I wanted comfy and small! She was a vegetarian! I consume large amounts of red meat! As you can see, we have absolutely nothing in common!"
"Other than the fact that you both like women," Harry smirked.
"Well, there was that little fact I was planning to ignore for the REST OF MY LIFE!" Ron roared. A few people sitting nearby quickly moved away.
"Calm down, Ron," Luna whispered. 'People are staring at you like you're a mouse in the Magical Menagerie that can pee on command and just did it in someone's face."
Ron raised his eyebrows. "What?"
"Hey," Hermione called, popping in (literally) behind them.
Harry jumped and spilled his coffee, which was now, thankfully, not hot anymore, all over Ginny.
"You know, somewhere in the back of my head, I'm thinking that you and Hermione staged this just so my shirt would get wet," Ginny said, elbowing Harry before pulling out her wand.
Harry smirked. "Well, some things happen for unexplained reasons."
Ginny chucked a cup at him. Luna giggled.
"Lame, Harry, the word is lame."
"Well, I tried getting a job today," Hermione said, carefully balancing a cup of coffee in one hand and a plate with gingersnaps on it in the other.
"Well?" Luna asked. "Did you get it?"
Hermione scoffed. "Of course not! Aim high, aim low, pfft, no difference," she added in an undertone.
"No!" Draco exclaimed sarcastically. "And here I was, waiting with clenched teeth and crossed fingers, for your triumphal return!"
"Yes, well, these things happen," Hermione replied, stirring her coffee. "But even that can't bring me down, because I just walked in on a huge sale at a closing bookstore and got the complete set of the World War II biographies!"
They all stared at her blankly.
"What?" Hermione protested. "I love World War II!"
Ron cleared his throat. "Okay……anyways……."
"Oh, hey, did anyone read about the scandal about the Weird Sisters?" Luna asked.
"I'm haven't heard 'bout that in national news, so I'm guessing it was featured in the Quibbler," said Draco, rolling his eyes.
"Oh, I read that!" Ginny exclaimed. "It was semi-true."
Draco stared at her in shock. "Well, hit me over the head with a rubber ducky, and cremate me! The Quibbler actually printed something in existence!"
Luna hit him. "Just because Daddy has gone into his old years now doesn't mean that he has lost the journalistic mind that allows him to see what true articles are."
"So, when did he get old?" asked Hermione, thinking of all the articles that had used his journalistic mind.
"About four years ago," Luna said offhandedly. "But that's all old. What I really want to know are all the gory details about Draco's new job."
"Yeah, tell us about this new job," Harry smirked, leaning back into his chair.
"Uh-oh, Harry's smirking. This job must really be humiliating!" Ginny squealed.
Draco shook his head. "I get to be around real models all the time, plus I get modeling expertise."
"So, what exactly is your job title?" Harry pressed, grinning.
Draco blushed and mumbled something incoherent.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Hermione asked.
Draco scowled and mumbled very quietly, "Runner."
They all burst out laughing.
"I never thought I'd see the day when Draco Malfoy would be running errands all over London for models!" Hermione choked out.
"You, Draco Malfoy, being reduced to that pitiful little job!" Ginny wheezed.
Luna shrugged. "I don't know, I think it's kind of noble that Draco's doing this. I mean, he obviously isn't used to doing things for other people and taking orders from them, it's actually quite a fresh start on humanity."
Draco smiled. "Thank you, Luna! You're the only who sees the true beauty in this situation!"
"But," Luna continued. "I can't help but snigger at your smallness on the modeling scale."
Ron shook his head wryly and stood. "Hey, I'm going to get more coffee. Anyone want anything? Oh, wait." He pretended to think. "I think I'll let you to get the drinks, Draco. After all, you'll need practice following commands."
Hermione playfully punched Ron. "Come on, Ron, don't tease Draco like that. You know he's really touchy about this. Aren't you, Draco?" When Draco opened his mouth to reply, Hermione quickly added, "Oh, but that's right. I shouldn't need to hear you agreeing, by now, you should've already learned the automatic 'yes'."
Draco scowled deeper as the group laughed harder. "Heck, one day, when I'll be on every clothes poster in the country, you're going to be sorry you've ever joked about Draco Malfoy!"
"Ooh, like I'm taking orders from you," Ginny quipped. "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"
The rest of the group started laughing even harder as Draco rolled his eyes, flipped them off, and stalked out of the Leaky Cauldron.
OoOoOoO
"Hey, you guys!" Ginny called as she popped into her apartment.
"Hey!" Hermione cried, turning around on the sofa. "How was your date with Simon?"
"Ginny went on another date with Simon, as in Simon, the Paper Guy?" Ron asked, also turning around.
"It went pretty good," Ginny replied, smiling. "We had dinner at this fancy restaurant, we talked, laughed, basically had a good time."
Ron looked suspicious. "Okay, what's wrong with Simon?"
Hermione looked confused. "Why do you think something's wrong with Simon?"
"Because every single guy Ginny dates has something weird!" Ron exclaimed, like this was the most obvious thing in the world. "There are no guys who would willingly date Gin and be normal!"
Ginny looked up. "Thanks, Ron, that makes me feel so good."
Ron scoffed. "No really, every guy Ginny goes out with has a weird thing," he clarified for Hermione. "Take Chris Wilder, a guy she dated about a year ago. Obsessive flapping of hands. Next, Thomas Yardley. The spitter. Of course, we can't exclude the Hogwarts boyfriends. Michael Corner, boring as hell and always ranting about the Goblin Wars. Dean Thomas – abysmally a soccer prat. Colin Creevey. Well, we all know his habits." Ginny glared at Ron and opened her mouth. "Robert Jackson," Ron quickly added before Ginny could say anything. "The guy who is freakishly double-jointed in every bone of his body –" Hermione winced, picturing the image. "- Dave Gennison, the 24/7 tap-dancing, and the worst, we have Dashiel Waters." Ron looked over at Hermione. "The unperfectly perfect man," he whispered.
"Why, what'd he do?" Hermione asked curiously.
"No! Don't tell her, Ronald, or – or- or – I'll write to Mum!" Ginny screamed in desperation.
"He died, Hermione, he died," Ron said solemnly. Then he cracked up. "No, actually, Dash and Ginny were together for the longest time – I think two and a half years or so – and anyways, Ginny was seriously considering marrying him at the time. But then something happened." Ron paused dramatically and looked at Ginny, who was burying her face into her hands. "Ginny visited Dash at his apartment one time to surprise him, and she found out………….she found out……………she found out that Dash was a major slob!"
Hermione gasped loudly. "Oh, my god!"
Ron nodded solemnly. "Yes, yes, so sad, isn't it? Well, then, their relationship just went completely downhill from there, and that is why Gin is still single. I mean, if she just gritted her teeth and went with Dash's messiness, she could've had the family she always wanted by now. But, no. Gin just had to make a big deal of cleanliness and break it off with Dash, who, by the way, was beloved by us all."
"I hate you!" Ginny's muffled voice came from the refrigerator.
Ron smirked in her direction. "Well, somebody had to tell Hermione the gory details of your failed relationships."
"And you're judging, Mr. My-two-exes-got-together-and-are-now-a-lesbian-couple!" Ginny shrieked, her face now a violent shade of red. Ron jumped to his feet and bellowed,
"I knew you were going to use that against me!"
As Ron and Ginny continued bickering, Hermione quietly slipped out of the apartment and entered Harry and Draco's.
"Hey," she said, popping her head. "Ron and Ginny are having a fight, wanna come and – ARGH!"
Draco quickly jumped to his feet. "Hermione! Didn't your mum teach you to knock before coming in?"
"Draco, it's nine in the evening! If you want to have sex at this hour, then you should do it in the bedroom!" Hermione shrieked.
"Well, I kind of thought it would be cool to do it on the floor," Draco mumbled.
"What?"
"Oh, never mind," Draco sighed. "Here, I'm sorry that our date got cut off. I'll call you!" he added to a brunette girl. As the girl nodded and quickly scampered out of the apartment, Draco rolled his eyes and muttered, "Or not."
"Uh….there's a fight going on at Ginny's….wanna come watch?" Hermione said weakly, her mind rapidly flowing with the scenes she had just observed.
"Uh….oh, yeah, that should be fun," Draco mumbled. "I'll just…..put some clothes on."
Hermione nodded and walked back into Ron and Ginny's apartment. To her disappointment, they had stopped arguing, but Ron was showing evident signs of bruises on his arms and Ginny's hair was tousled. Badly.
Ginny looked up. "What's with the sex face, Hermione?"
Hermione ran out of the room screaming.
