A/n: I am a horrible person. My sincerest apologies for making you wait over a month for the chapter 2 update. I promise that will not happen again. Life has been crazy here, my son has not been sleeping, and then we both got sick, and then I got writer's block. Enough excuses, to make it up to all of you this chapter is longer. I hope you all like it.

Again I must give a shoutout to the girls over at twilight20somethings for their never ending support and encouragement.

HUGE hugs and thank yous to PRNCESS and BITTENBYJACKSPER for their creativeness and beta techniques. This chapter would not have been finished without you. I heart you girls endlessly.

now on with the show!!

Chapter 2 – The One with Goodbye & Hello Again.

I could feel the wind in my hair as my bike raced along the highway. I missed riding, and it had been a while since I was out on the open road, miles stretched out before me. I couldn't remember the last time very well. I was still getting used to this bike. It was new, a gift from Carlisle when my last one finally crapped out on me. I couldn't help but revel in the smell of new leather, the feel of shiny cold metal between my legs, the rumble of a brand new engine as I rode on.

As much as I had loved my old bike, I had to let it go. After a few hundred tune-ups and fix-ups on mine and Bella's part, it finally died, beyond repair. I smiled to myself remembering those days. They were still the only stolen moments I could manage with my best friend. You wouldn't believe how impossible it was to find privacy with someone in a house full of vampires, especially with someone like Edward around. He never left Bella alone, it was kind of annoying.

The only thing I had a hard time getting accustomed to was the fact that Bella was actually good at fixing bikes now, and also really interested in learning anything I could teach her about them. Her fingers worked with speed and precision, and sometimes I might even go as far as to say she was better than me. Bella had come a long way from the broken girl that sat in my garage all those years ago.

I passed a fallen tree just then and my mind drifted to Renesmee and the last time I had seen her. It was only yesterday, but felt so much longer to me now, and my chest hurt thinking about it. Every mile that I got further away from her it seemed to intensify, like magnets pulling toward each other, it was almost as if gravity just wouldn't let me leave her side.

***

After I had met with Edward and Carlisle, I went to find Nessie. I didn't care if Rosalie wouldn't let me near her; I had to know she was going to be ok. I had to tell her what I needed to do. I didn't want to go; I couldn't bear to leave her. The thought alone made me sick and I could feel the bile rising up in my throat as I descended the stairs. I had no choice now. If I ever expected to be around her and keep her safe, I had to find out why that had happened.

Sam was the only one who could explain it to me. Even though he and the rest of his pack understood why I had to leave and go with the Cullens, it had been years since we talked, and since I never really needed to phase anymore we sort of just lost touch. I had no idea what Seth and Leah were up to, and I did kind of feel bad about that part. I had been their leader. Seth knew why I needed to go, and wanted to come with me, but at the time I had told him he needed to stay with his mom, and he agreed. Leah was another story altogether. She refused to stay there, and I refused to let her follow me. I had never wanted to be their alpha, but I wasn't given any choice when they followed me. Maybe things had worked out. I wanted to check on them so many times, but wasn't sure what to say or do, so I just didn't. I had no idea what would be waiting for me when I returned.

I heard Edward come down the stairs after me, and felt his cold granite hand clamp down on my shoulder keeping me in place. I shuddered away from him.

"Maybe I should be the one to tell her." I felt his cold breath on the back of my neck as he spoke. My hands automatically clenched into fists as I spun to face him. I wasn't sure exactly what my face looked like, but he retracted his hand and flinched away. It was odd for me now seeing him react this way, when only years ago he would have stared me down.

"Sorry Edward but that's not a risk I'm willing to take. We both know how she's going to take this. We haven't been apart from each other a day in her life, and now I'm going away not knowing how long I'll be gone. Do you really think the news would be better coming from you?"

"No, I do not, but considering the circumstances…"

"I can handle it." My voice was low in my throat, almost a growl. We both heard her then, my mood altering dramatically.

"Jaaacob! Where are you?" Renesmee bounded around the corner and crashed into me like a bowling ball being thrown down an alley. Just in time I captured her and kept her from knocking me and Edward over by the sheer force of her impact. My arms caught her roughly and held her there while I regained my balance. I breathed her in. The scent of shampoo and hair and fabric softener overshadowed the vampire stink. I let her go after that, and without me to distract her, she noticed the intensity lingering around us. Dropping my hands immediately and moving so fast, she had pushed me out of the way and before I knew what was happening, was standing before Edward shoving her pointed finger into his chest.

"Daddy, were you and Jake fighting again?" Edward grimaced.

"Not fighting, Renesmee…"

"Is that why you had aunt Rose take me away just now? Just what the hell is going on here? I told Aunt Rose and I'll tell you too. I. AM. FINE." Her voice was raised and she was almost yelling at him now. "I don't understand what everyone is making such a big fuss over. Jacob didn't hurt me. He would never even dream of it. You know this better than I do. He's phased in front of me before and use to all the time when I was a little girl. So I don't see why now all of the sudden everyone decides that I'm suddenly in danger. It's because I kissed him isn't it? Because the thought of us actually being together upsets everyone so much that you'd fight to keep us apart? Well it's not going to happen. Jacob isn't going anywhere. I am his and he is mine. MY Jacob. So deal with it."

I almost had to stifle a laugh. As much as Renesmee was just like her father: talented, thoughtful, mysterious at times, and very smart, there were also parts of her that were just like her mother: stubborn, loud, and always so sure of herself and her decisions. Sometimes it was as if Bella was standing in front of me and not my Nessie. It kind of freaked me out in a way. Edward stood quietly for a few moments. It was a good thing he had enough years of practice with Bella that nothing should really surprise him about these two women anymore. He shot a knowing glance at me and smiled in spite of himself.

"What exactly are you smiling at? I find none of this very funny" Renesmee demanded.

"Nothing. It seems 'your Jacob' notices a lot of similarities between you and your mother."

"Out with it dad!" she knew he was trying to stall.

"It's not that I don't want you two together, I just want to make sure you are safe. You can understand that can't you? We just met with your grandfather to try and figure out why something like that could have happened."

"First of all, no, I can't understand that. How much safer could I be than when I am with Jacob? He couldn't hurt me, could you Jake?" She turned then to look at me over her shoulder. I hung my head.

"Ness, I..." I tried to being, but she cut me off.

"Never mind! Of course you wouldn't. Second..." She turned back to face Edward. "Just what did you find out?"

I looked up to see if I could figure out if he was going to tell her or not, and maybe try and stop him, but the look on her face made my breath hitch in my throat. So hopeful and innocent, yet only a moment ago she had been almost screaming at her father, hands thrown up in the air in frustration. Yes, she was just like Bella. It was her hope that broke me. Hope that grandpa Carlisle could fix everything, that he knew what was wrong and could give us our solution. How could I stand there and tell her that he had come up with nothing, and to top it all off, that I had to leave for an undetermined amount of time? I couldn't. Maybe Edward had been right. Perhaps it really would be better for her to hear the news from him and not me. At least then I would stand a chance of her forgiving me. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, out of habit I guessed.

"Renesmee, we didn't really find out all that much. All of Carlisle's information about shape shifters is based on what he's learned by watching Jacob and the rest of the wolves. We've tried to get more information but couldn't find any on this particular situation. I am sorry."

"So what now?" she was still looking up at him, eyes wide with concern.

"Jacob believes he knows how to find out exactly what triggered that response from him, but there is just one thing standing in the way."

"what?"

"You" he answered. It was the truth. She was the only thing keeping me here.

"How could I possibly be the thing standing in the way? If it's really a choice he has to make then you have the answer from me already." She whirled to face me. "I can't be without my best friend. Whatever it is Jacob, you have to do it."

Edward interrupted before I could get anything out "It's not all that simple. We figure the only person who can help him is Sam."

"Well that's easy then, just phase and talk to him!"

I shook my head. It was my turn. Only I could be the one to break this to her. "It's not like that, Nessie. I'm not part of his pack; he can't hear my thoughts anymore. Only Seth and Leah can. Even if it would work, it's been too long, too much time has passed, and this has to be done face to face. I have to go find him."

Renesmee's shoulders slumped and her head tilted forward as she looked down at the floor. Her soft curls fell forward, which prevented me from seeing the expression on her face -- though I wasn't all that sure I wanted to see it even if I could. The next time she spoke her voice was so low I was almost positive that no regular human would have been able to hear her. Her bottom lip jetted out.

"But we've never been apart before." My chest heaved at her words. My stomach lurched. I felt like I was going to be sick. "How long, Jacob?" She looked up at me through her eyelashes.

I reached for her hand and pulled her into me, not wanting to have to face her when I hurt her. I didn't care that Edward was still there, watching us both. I cared about Nessie, and about protecting what it was that we shared, that no one else would ever understand. No one except Sam would ever understand. I mumbled into her hair, speaking gently the words I knew would crush her.

"I don't know. I'm not even sure if he's still in La Push. If he isn't, that means I have to track him down." I felt the quiet sobs start, and squeezed her tighter. I never thought I would ever have another reason to hate what I had become.

Being what I was, it was exactly the thing that brought me to Nessie. If it weren't for me being a wolf I would have never stayed so long around the Cullens. It was exactly the thing that kept me there, and the thing that tied me to Renesmee now. But as I stood there, holding the one person I thought I could never hurt, I found myself in that place once again. Hating myself and hating the world. It made me so mad I could spit.

"How long, Jacob?" She asked again. I sighed.

"A day or two maybe, I'm not sure; at very worst, a month. There's no way to know..." I shut my eyes tight as I felt them start to burn and water. I don't know when Edward had left but suddenly I was aware that we were alone.

"Promise me Jake, that you'll come back to me when you're done?" she whispered. I couldn't help but laugh. As much as she was vampire, she was also very human. I pulled back and looked down into her eyes.

"Don't you remember what you just said? You are mine, and I am yours, and always will be. I have followed a family of vampires all over this world your entire life because I cannot bear to be without you. You know I would never leave you for good. I can't. It's impossible." My thumb grazed her cheek and wiped away the tears that were falling.

She sniffed. "Good." It was all she said.

I sat down on the stairs and pulled her into my lap, wrapping my arms around her as she laid her head on my chest and started to draw circles over my arm with her finger. We sat there like that for an indefinite amount of time. It seemed to pass so quickly. The house was still silent; though I was sure everyone was home by now. No one came to check on us, or see if we were okay. It was as if we were the only two people around. Finally, she sat up.

"You going to be ok?" she asked.

"Sure, sure" I answered her as I waved my hand nonchalantly.

We got up and walked into the kitchen where everyone was gathered, even Emmett and Bella who had apparently returned while I was talking to Renesmee. Carlisle was the first one to speak.

"I trust you wanted to get as early a start as was possible. I took the liberty of getting a few things ready for you, hope you don't mind. Your bike is out front. Esme packed some food for you to take along as well."

"And I," Alice interjected, throwing a big black motorcycle bag at me. "Packed you some clothes." Figures she would have been prepared for a road trip on a motorcycle. "I know, I know. You probably won't need them what with being all wolfy and everything, but humor me will you please?" She smiled wide and bright, then danced over to me and threw her arms around my neck. I huffed and exhaled trying not to breathe in her vampire stink. "Try to hurry home Jake. We'll miss you around here. Without you to take all the blows Emmett will be forced to pick on all the rest of us. I can't see that going very well for him or Bella." She winked.

Emmett laughed. "No worries Jake man I'll save some for when you get home." I chuckled at that. No doubt he would.

Rosalie was next. "It will be nice not having dog stink around for a little bit," Renesmee shot her a sideways look "but the house is rather boring without a pet to entertain us so yes, please hurry back."

"Will do, Rose" That was about as heartfelt anything as I could have expected from her.

Jasper waved and nodded once in my direction which I took as his own form of goodbye. I still had a hard time figuring him out. With that, I turned and headed for the door, followed closely by Renesmee, Bella, Edward, Carlisle, and Esme. Carlisle patted me on the back, and then stepped to put his arm around Esme, who I am sure would have cried then if she was able to. I didn't get what was so sad, it's not like I was dying or anything. It sure as hell sucked having to leave Nessie behind. I guess it shouldn't have surprised me that the Cullens were prone to over-reaction.

"Not over-reaction." Edward said. Standing there calm with Bella tucked into his side, mirroring the way Carlisle held Esme so close. "We just know how hard this is going to be on you and Renesmee. You have to understand Esme thinks of you as a son now." I risked a glance her way and saw her head slightly nod forward, indicating what he was saying was in fact, true. I hadn't thought they might consider me family up till now. I always figured myself kind of an outsider, not being a vampire and all that. "Not at all Jacob." Edward continued. "You are family now."

Bella stepped forward then. "This does not mean I am not mad at you Jacob Black." Was she scolding me? "But this is obviously more important, so do us a favor and try not to get hurt or anything ok?" I guess not. She hugged me gently then stepped back into Edward's side. Everyone except Renesmee turned around then and they left us alone.

I leaned down to her till my forehead was resting against hers, which wasn't very easy considering the height difference. We had just said our goodbyes, but it didn't feel like nearly enough.

"I'll miss you." She whispered.

"Yeah, me too." I bent my head to press my lips against hers very slightly, as a flash of our previous kiss flickered behind my eyelids. I smiled at the memory, and at my Nessie. No one on this earth could ever do what she did. I opened the door and walked out to my bike, glancing back at her for only a split second. I felt like she had ripped my heart out just now and tucked it in her dainty hand as she stood there, arms wrapped around herself trying to hold it together.

***

I came back to reality, out of the daydream and all my thoughts of her. I did not want to relive our goodbye any longer than I already had. I wanted to shove it away in a box where it could never be felt ever again. I started to notice familiar landmarks that warned me I was getting closer. I silently prayed that he was still in La Push and that I wouldn't have to go off on some wild goose chase. That would have been super annoying. I just wanted to find out what the hell was wrong with me and get home.

I still wasn't sure I could grasp it sometimes that I thought of the Cullens' as home. Finally I arrived. I pulled my bike over and loped into the forest off the highway to phase. I didn't want to ride all the way into La Push and face everyone if Sam wasn't even around anymore. I was glad not much had changed around here as I gulped in cool, moist air all around me. The lush green smell of the forest was still the same sweet pine scent. I could feel the crunch of rotted fallen tree trunks underfoot as I padded my way out of sight.

I realized just then I didn't know how I was going to do this. Howl? Call for Seth? What if Seth was mad at me? I knew Sam and Quil or Embry wouldn't be able to hear my thoughts. This was something I hadn't anticipated. I found myself running towards the house we had always met at before, Emily's place. Perhaps it was out of habit, maybe it was out of hope that I would just find them there and the decision would be made for me, but when I got there, nothing. It was run down now. Boards here and there were rotting out, smelling of mold and termites. Cobwebs hung in low places clinging as if to say the place had been long forgotten. The small house looked sad. It was a whole world away from where my life was now. Of course they wouldn't be here anymore. Sam and Emily would have gotten married, had a place of their own. Did they have kids now? I wondered. Emily would have been an amazing mom. Part of me wished I could have been here for it all. But there was no time for remorse now, I had made my decision, I needed to face this and get back to my life, my family, my Nessie. I sat there, contemplating my next move, when I heard a familiar voice enter my thoughts.

Haha! Caught you. See I told you I was getting faster. You're getting a lot slower than you used to be, Leah.

Oh shut it. Can you just maybe leave me alone for once in your life? You don't have to follow me everywhere. We're not a pack anymore, haven't been for a really long time. Not since Jacob left us, so bug off will you?

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Not a pack anymore? Had I done that to him? Guilt started to set in. Great, just what I needed right now. I wondered if they knew I was here, if maybe they could hear my right now, or if they had disowned me completely. I took a deep breath, here went nothing.

Uhh, Seth? Leah? It's me, Jacob. This made me feel stupid for some reason.

I sat there waiting for a response, anything at all.

Jake? Really? Jacob your back! Man it's been so long. How are you? How's Edward and Carlisle? Is everyone ok?

Yeah Seth. It's all ok. I'm not back for good. The Cullens are all good. I came back because I actually needed to see Sam about something. Know where I could find him?

Jake? Seriously? So you've come back to claim your lost pack now or what? Really, we're doing fine without you thanks.

Leah shut it. Yeah Jake Sam's around. He's probably with Emily up at their house. They have a baby girl now. You should see her Jacob she's amazing. Looks just like her mom. They named her Neena. It means 'Mighty". It suits her. Man, Sam and Emily are going to freak when they see you.

Sure sure Seth. It's good to talk to you too, and Leah, no I'm not claiming my pack, but doesn't look like there's much of a pack to claim now is there? If you don't mind I have some things to take care of.

Jacob meet me by the old spot, up near the cliffs. I'll bring you to them if you want.

Sounds good Seth, I'm on my way.

I phased back to my human form when I got there, feeling more uncomfortable than I thought I would as a wolf. It didn't take Seth long to get there. He phased then too and I was thankful I had remembered to bring my clothes with me. I brought both a shirt and shorts this time.

"Hiya Jake. Leah didn't want to come, she's having another fit"

"Sure sure, I understand, it's Leah."

He turned and walked off then. "It's not far from here actually; Sam had the house built after they got married. They lived alone for a few years till they decided to have a baby. They wanted to make sure Sam could be around and all that instead of running around with the others you know. She's 3 now, the cutest baby you'll ever see, aside from Nessie of course. You know Jake, Sam's still done a good job watching over everything since you left. He even offered to take me back but it didn't feel right to me. You're my leader now. I don't want you to feel bad about going away. You didn't have much of a choice. I get it, even if Leah doesn't."

I patted him on the back. It was good to know things hadn't changed too much. I felt better knowing that some things got to remain the same, and that he still had people looking out for him.

"That's good to know Seth, thanks." He kept talking, rambling on about the rest of the guys, what everyone was up to, and how things were now that Sam was more family man and less leader of the pack. He was still Alpha but spent more time at home and left the running to the rest of the guys. I enjoyed his company a lot more than I had remembered. Back then I had thought of him as annoying, but that could have been more or less because of the state I had been in. Now I was happy, in a good place in my life and I found the company of an old friend comforting and not at all as uneasy and awkward as I thought it would have been.

He stopped in front of a large white house, not really like anything I had seen before here in La Push. The first thing I noticed was the big tree on the front lawn, a tire swing hanging from one of the thicker branches, still swaying as if someone had just been using it. There were large blue shutters over every window, glimmering in the sun as if the paint had just received a fresh coat. The door to the front entrance was painted a bright red, high in contrast to the blue and white.

It was all so typically Emily, she had always wanted to be 'The girl behind the red door'. Stairs led up to a great big wrap around porch, with a small banister closing it in. Off to the side sat a rocking chair, and right in the middle under the door was one of those bristle welcome mats. Everything looked like it could come straight out of a house and home magazine. I wondered if the inside of the house looked as clean-cut and all-American as the outside had. I smiled inwardly as relief washed over me. I hadn't even known I had been so worried all this time, but standing here now, I knew they were happy, and that everything was ok.

Seth walked up on the porch, knocked once loudly on the door, and opened it to step inside. "Sam, Em, you home? It's me Seth, you have a, uh, visitor"

I heard Emily's voice call from down the hall that stretched out in front of us. "In the kitchen" Of course she was in the kitchen, where else would she be?

"Shoes." Seth pointed to my feet. I removed my shoes and tucked them against the wall by the door. Then followed Seth down the hallway to the kitchen where Emily and Sam were seated around a table, a high chair between the two of them where a little girl sat eating out of a fruit cup. The kitchen was very bright, windows all around the room letting the sun in and casting light against the pale yellow painted walls. Sam looked up then and saw me standing behind Seth, and almost choked on the piece of toast he was eating.

"Jacob. What a surprise this is. Come in, have a seat. You remember Emily, and this is Neena, our daughter, she's 3 now"

I looked across and Emily was looking at me in a strange way. That was to be expected I guess. Then I saw Neena. She had shoulder length, very black, very thick straight hair, deep brown eyes the size of saucers, and a small dimple in the corner of her left cheek as she smiled timidly at me.

"Neena, honey, this is Jacob, he's a very good friend of ours"

"Hi Jacob." The small voice said. It took me aback; she spoke so well for someone of her age. I guess I couldn't be that surprised though, Nessie had been speaking since she was only weeks old.

"Thanks Sam, it's nice to meet you Neena. Emily, you look well, congratulations on the baby, and the house, it really is beautiful. Sam…" I turned towards him, a nervous sensation creeping up inside, not really understanding why I was feeling so awkward all of the sudden. "I'd rather not sit actually, there's something I kind of needed to talk to you about, I was wondering if maybe we could speak in private?"

He shot a glance toward Emily and she nodded enthusiastically, then turned to me and smiled. "It really is nice to see you Jake" her voice was as warm and comforting as always.

"Sure Jake, we can talk in the living room?" he stood to lead me out of the kitchen and into another picture perfect room. How on earth did they keep everything so neat and tidy with a baby in the house? When Nessie was running around like that it looked like a tornado had hit every hour she was awake. Even if Alice kept running behind her scooping everything up and constantly cleaning up after her messes, it was still difficult to keep it under control. I guess it didn't help that Edward gave her everything she ever asked for. How she grew up as well rounded as she was and not bratty was beyond me.

We both sat on the couch, and he faced me expectantly. There was no use in really dragging this out any longer. The awkwardness wasn't going to go away. So I started at the beginning and told him everything. From how my feeling for Nessie changed, right up to the kiss, and how I almost phased, and even about how we tried to get Carlisle to help us to no avail. When I finished, he sat there a moment, which felt like forever, before he spoke.

"I know you were probably pretty confused about all that, but it's perfectly normal for us."

"Normal? Sam, how is that normal, she could have been hurt!"

"Remember when you first found out what you were Jacob. How hard it was to control your emotions. When you got angry, or hurt, you had to focus all your energy on not phasing. It's different when you are with someone you've imprinted upon. Emotions play a really big role, and just as we have to learn to control ourselves when we are angry, we have to learn to control ourselves in these instances as well."

"Ohhh" I got it. I hadn't even thought of it that way before, but it made perfect sense. Of course I had never faced this challenge with Bella before; I hadn't ever felt this way with her. "So, when you and Emily first…"

"Yes Jacob. You have to learn to control yourself all over again. Something you have to train yourself to anticipate, and react to. Slow steps are best, perhaps trying little bits at a time."

"I see what you mean now. So Nessie's not in any danger?"

"No Jacob, she's not in danger, not unless you are careless about your actions. You can control yourself, you've learned to control everything else, now just learn to control this as well."

We sat there talking for a bit more. I had to admit that I felt a whole lot better about the whole thing, and also kind of stupid that it wasn't something I had even considered up until now. I had found the answers I came for though, and was anxious to get back to my girl. The pulling feeling had not inched one little bit, I could feel it trying to drag me out of the house by sheer force. I said goodbye to both Sam and Emily, and thanked him for talking to me. He made me promise not to stay away for so long next time, and I nodded my head in response. Maybe Nessie and I could come back here for a visit soon, if Bella and Edward would let me take her that is. Seth wrapped me up in a big hug almost squishing the air right out of me.

"I'll miss you brother, tell the Cullens I said hi."

"Yeah Seth, look us up if you ever want to, I'm sure they wouldn't mind having you around if you wanted to visit"

"Will do Jake. You take care"

With that, I was off again. I phased and raced toward my bike, hoping it was still in the place I had left it. I had forgotten all about it in my haste to get to Sam. It was still there, thankfully Before I knew what was happening I was back on the highway racing toward home, back to the place where I belonged. The road seemed to go on forever, and I groaned out loud at the length of time it was actually taking me to get there. It hadn't felt like it had taken this long when I was leaving. Why now did it suddenly feel like each mile of road crawled by, when I was pushing past nearly 20 over the speed limit.

Finally, I saw the lights of the Cullen house out in front of me as I turned off the highway and onto their private road. I gunned the engine willing the bike to go faster, not caring how safe it was or if anything was in my way. The tugging feeling was starting to subside, the ache felt deep in my chest fading as I got closer and closer. I parked the bike out front, and walked into the house; racing up the steps not caring to say hi to anyone I may have passed on my way to see her. They knew I was back; I didn't care for formalities right now.

"Nessie?" I called to her outside her door before walking in. She had been sitting on her bed, book open in her lap when she heard me and jumped up and into my arms. God did it ever feel good holding her again. With that, all the pain went away completely.

"Jacob you're home." She whispered softy into my chest, as I refused to let her go just yet. I rested my chin on top of her head, breathing in her scent and knowing there was never anywhere else I ever wanted to be. I would never have to leave her again, ever.

"Yeah, I'm Home, and don't worry. Everything is going to be ok now."

******

lots of fluff and sweetness to come. Perhaps teeny tiny lemons. :)

until next time :)

Joy